People ask me all the time, “How am I coping”…As Heather’s Mom, and Maddie’s Gramma I can only ask where do I start…
Do I start at the very beginning when I heard about Heather and Mike becoming pregnant…one of the happiest days of my life.
Do I start when the OB said the pregnancy wouldn’t probably last…one of the worst days of my life, or so I thought at the time.
Do I start when she was confined to bed rest, first at home and then at the hospital where I dreaded every phone call or email that said it was so hard to keep going, but encouraged her, cajoled her, laughed and cried with her, tried to keep her motivated towards a happy ending.
Do I start the day Maddie was born and everyone of us, all of her dear friends and relatives were overjoyed that she came out crying and over 3 pounds. That euphoria only lasted a brief 20 minutes, until we found out how she needed immediate attention at another hospital.
Do I start with the 68 days of seeing Maddie in the NICU, seeing Heather stay strong through it all.
Do I start with her 3 trips to the hospital where she, Mike and I would take turns sleeping and being there 24/7 for however long her stay.
Do I start with the absolute joy I felt when she celebrated her milestone First Birthday Thanksgiving and Christmas at HOME with our wonderful friends and family including her NICU nurses.
Do I start when Heather asked me, like so many ordinary times before, if I could come down and spend the day because Maddie had a cough.
Do I start at the hospital when everything seemed similar as before and I couldn’t imagine what was to come.
Do I start with seeing that horrible day unfold in front of your eyes, feeling so helpless, see your daughter lose the most important thing in her life and then see her have such an inner strength, poise and courage that still to this day amazes and inspires me.
Do I start with the heartache I feel to my very core over losing Maddie and then watching my daughter’s pain and knowing that there is little I can do to ease it, but cry with her.
So How am I coping? The worse thing about grief is it is so solitary, a path that is incredibly lonely at times. It’s hard not to get caught in a web of utter depression and guilt. Fortunately, I‘m so blessed with family and special friends who I know are walking along the sides of the path with me and will and have helped me out whenever I ask…
I just have to start to ask more often….
{ 137 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, I can see where Heather gets her gift for the written word from.
*sniff* this is beautiful. Thank you, Gramma, for sharing your words & time with us, & Heather, for your continuing inspiration.
I wish I could offer more than a virtual hug.
.-= Adriennevh´s last blog ..CookiesKids.com Laptop Giveaway Sweepstakes =-.
Like Mother, Like Daughter. You two are amazing. Wonder where Maddie got it? Don’t know you guys but i am sending my love and prayers to you daily. Multiple times.
Oh….Heather’s Mom, Maddie’s Grandma! My heart aches for you, too! It’s just so sad, so awful. So unfair!!
I can understand how hard it must be to watch your daughter’s pain and feeling like there’s so little you can do to ease it. Crying with her might seem like a small thing, but it’s not.
There are times when we all just need our mama. Glad Heather has you.
((hugs to you))
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Summer 2008 Portraits =-.
BEAUTIFUL photo, by the way
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Summer 2008 Portraits =-.
So beautiful and heartfelt.
Oh, Gramma. You are so beautiful, inside and out. I can see where Maddie got her delectable eyelashes from. Thank you for sharing.
xo
.-= eden´s last blog ..Vlog: What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor Early in the Morning =-.
A raw tale… One of my sons told me a couple of days ago that the pregnancy of my other son’s wife is not about me, it’s about the pregnant couple. I felt gutted… How could he even suggest to me that I thought it was not about them. Yet I recognize even before the baby is born the pull it has on me. Just like you I thought that the day they called me to tell about it was definitely one of the highlights in my life… Relating to that I can’t even imagine though how much pain the grandma’s and grandpa’s go through, as they loved the kid too. It’s is all one big mess up, a baby should not die, a baby should live, long and happy… Why does life have to be so unfair?
Never of my life will I forget the photograph of the small handprint in grandma’s house, when grandpa carried her around to look through the window… It’s good (if I may say so) that you – Heathers Mom – tell us your side. Thanks to you too, just as I thank Heather on so many occasions for telling us her raw tale.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..The Masham Burne Valley Run was a blast =-.
What a beautiful post and such a beautiful photo. It is good to hear from you, Heather’s Mom and Maddie’s Gramma. My heart goes out to your family. (((Hugs))) to you all.
You and your daughter and your precious granddaughter are all amazing ladies. Your spirit, your strength, your smiles. Such gifts you share with all of us.
I keep you and your family in my prayers and close to my heart everyday.
<3
Beautiful post Gramma. Maddie will never be forgotten. She makes me hug my daughter a little bit tighter each night. Her spirit has reached out all the way to us here in India
I am so sorry you all are going through this. I don’t really have words to express that adequately. And haven’t…not in a single comment here. But your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
.-= Elaina´s last blog ..My writing =-.
You go Gramma! What a lovely piece, thank you.
This family is so strong, so strong. Off to light my candle now, every night since Maddie’s funeral and since I started reading the blog, I light it to all of you. Much love xx
.-= Maddie´s last blog ..Looking for a unit in Malvern East, 3145? =-.
That is just too beautiful Gramma! Heather is so very lucky to have such a close and caring family! Maddie is so lucky too! Great to hear from you!
wow what a great post…can see where Heather gets her courage, her strength and her beauty from
My heart goes out to you, and thoughts are sent your way.
Stay strong, and yep ask for help when you need it…that’s what great friends are for.
Thanks for sharing
Lisa
.-= Lisa Wood´s last blog ..Kids.. =-.
Well written. It must be horrible to watch your daughter deal with such far reaching pains and not have the answers for her, not to mention losing such a beautiful grandbaby.
.-= Joe @ Irrational Dad´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday v. Beauty Rest =-.
Heather looks so much like her mama! I’m so sorry for what your family is going through, but grateful that you have each other.
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up, Late Edition =-.
Maddie was blessed to have been born into such a close family. Even for just a little while…
I agree with “m” above.
Thinking of you all.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Birds and bees give me hives =-.
You are so wonderful to Heather and Mike; it’s so obvious through everything she writes. It feels good for us, as strangers who so want to help, to know she has such an amazing family. You are the definition of a great mom – standing strong even when times couldn’t be harder. Heather inherited that from you, I can see!
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..birthday. missed. =-.
As the only grandchild of one of my grandmas, I know how close that relationship can be. I ache for you, just as I ache for Heather and Mike. I wish peace for your family so, so much … and also wish I had any idea how to give it to you.
Beautiful post. That picture of the two of you radiates love.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..It Could Have Been Worse: he could’ve said this to me. =-.
Heather is so lucky to have you. You sound like a wonderful gramma, I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
Having my own daughter I all of a sudden realized what my Mother feels for me, when I cry, or hurt, or am in trouble. I just now understood how she wants to protect me and fix me and help me. I always comment to Heather about how heavy this grief must be for her and Mike, but you reminded me that the grief is distributed and not hers alone. I cannot image how badly you want to help her and how hard it is for you to know that you cannot. I am sorry for your loss too!
.-= Charlane´s last blog ..Back to every other day. =-.
When I look at the relationship you and Heather have, I see a lot of similarities to the one between me and my mom.
And, while I’ve been praying for all of you, my mom and I talked about it and decided that I would say extra prayers for Mike and Heather everyday, and she would focus her prayers on you and Bampa.
You are a wonderful grandmother.
And a wonderful mother.
I’m so glad that you and Heather have each other.
.-= Bridget´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: My Girl Edition =-.
I’m crying. But, I’m also so happy to have “met” Maddie’s gramma, the woman who gave birth to Heather. Heather, who has become such an inspiration to me. You must be a fabulous mom to have created such a fabulous mom!
I’m crying for you, and for my mom as well. The pain. I am so sorry, so very sorry.
I’ve never posted before – but read every morning. I have to share that seeing Maddie’s exceptionally beautiful face makes my heart smile. Your daily posts reflect her exceptionally beautiful personality. It goes without saying that your loss is unimaginable – but thank you for sharing all that Maddie is.
Thanks for sharing, Gramma. You are an inspiration and, obviously, a fantastic mother and grandmother.
Thank you. That was beautiful. Also, wow Heather looks just like you.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Titles =-.
What a beautiful family. Why did this have to happen? I wish I had the answer.
Continued prayers for you and your family.
Dear Gramma,
The tears started rolling down my face as soon as I saw the gorgeous photo of you and your precious Maddie and they conitnued to fall as I read your words. As others have already said, you and your amazing daughter Heather have such a way with words, you both have the ability to bring the reader into your world. What a beautifully written post and o so very, very sad.
Please, please know that not only your family and friends are walking this path with you but also so many ‘stranger friends’ all over the world, just like this sranger friend in Luxembourg. I have been so touched by Maddie’s story. Its so difficult to find the right words to express just how much. Please know that this stranger friend is thinking of Maddie’s amazing Gramma.
Maddie was so blessed to have such wonderful people in her life.
Thinking of you Gramma.
With love to you all
a stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
How lucky Maddie was to have 2 incredible woman in her life, as her role models, caregivers and friends. Like Heather, you are never alone Grandma. If you are feeling very sad or low please come here and just like Heather, we will wrap our virtual arms around you both, desperately trying to shelter you from the profound sorrow you and Heather are feeling.
I think most of us in here struggle with the fact, our words are merely words and all the love, admiration and respect we feel towards Heather and especially our special, beautiful Maddie; will never bring her back to were she belongs.
Heather speaks of you fondly….it’s easy to see why. You are stronger than you think Grandma and Heather is lucky to have you in her life.
I’m so sorry Maddie had to leave. It was so easy to see the bond she shared with you in all the pictures. She adored and loved you so very much….all one had to do is look on her face to know that to be true!
Much like Heather, Mike and Maddie, I will now pray for you every day too. I know nothing will heal you, take your profond hurt and sorrow away or make you forget those dreadful, heart wrenching last few hours (Heather has shared just a little with us what that day was like, and I honestly believe there was not one tearless soul in our group. How we hurt for her).
Please take solace in whatever it is worth, we care deeply for this family and although many of us, like myself are stranger friends, we come here every day to remind Heather she is not alone, and to let her know…we REMEMBER and we will ALWAYS remember and CELEBRATE and DESPAIR over that beautiful little girl with the curly hair and big blue eyes. The little girl we never had the honour of meeting but b/c of Heather’s strength, gift of words & breathe taking pictures and video’s….we feel like we have not only met her but, now we love her. How lucky are we.
God Bless You Grandma and Thank You so for sharing with us!
With love,
Your Stranger Friend from Canada,
Jenn
(Can I just say ‘what Jenn said’? I so want to leave you words that say “I’m glad you wrote, thank you” but Jenn says it better.)
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Because I need a new hobby =-.
What a beautifully poignant post from a loving and hurting Gramma. Thanks for letting us into your sorrow.
.-= Kelley Land´s last blog ..Why (part 1) =-.
So beautiful, yet so sad. I see where Heather gets her strength from. She is lucky to have such an amazing mother standing by her side with her.
I love that picture of you and Maddie. I remember seeing it before and thinking you both looked so beautiful.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Laumeier Sculpture Park =-.
I have chills from reading this. In some ways, you have it harder. Please don’t take that the wrong way, but you lost your precious granddaughter which is heartache in itself. But you also have to see the immense heartache your daughter is going through. You have double-duty in grief and heartache. I ache for you and wish too that me, a stranger to you all, can do something to ease your pain. Thoughts and prayers for all of you.
Beautiful picture of you two!
~Hugs from TX
Just as the others have said…like Mother, like daughter!
I am so glad you did this post “Gramma.”
I too am one of those wondering about you and your husband. I’ve grown to care for your entire family through this blog.
As Heather said in her previous post….it really is so “cruel.” That’s the exact word…it IS cruel what you are all having to go through. I’m so sorry but I am glad you all have one another during this time. You are an amazing family.
I so agree with Amy! My own beautiful daughter had a daughter of her own just a little over a year ago. I can’t imagine watching her endure what you’ve had to watch your daughter suffer since losing Maddie. It was MY daughter who tearfully turned me into a follower of Heather’s blog, just days after Maddie’s passing. I do not know where Heather gets her strength, but your post gives me some insight. Please know that I send you my love and my deepest caring, from one Grammy to Gramma & Heather.
What a beautiful picture of you and maddie.
You and Heather are blessed to have each other.
It is so un fair that maddie was taken so soon. She is missed by so many people that got to watch her threw this blog. My heart aches for all of you.
Hugs,
Thank you for writing Gramma B! Heather is an amazingly lucky girl to have such a wonderful and supportive family to help her along. You’re truly a blessing.
xoxoxox
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The day I spewed my heirarchy of suffering* all over the internet =-.
Generation after generation of amazing women. How proud you must be. Strong and true. It is truly sad and sick what you are all struggling through. IF I had a magical wand, I would instantly bring that little princess back again. She belongs here with her family more so than anything in this whole world! God really made a mistake this time picking angels. He should have left this one behind. She was much needed here. God bless you all and heal you all. Much love to each of you .
Poignant! You are grieving for your granddaughter and also with your daugther! It is impossible to know the pain you’re going through, but your writing gives us a glimpse.
Thank you for sharing, Gramma. It is easy to see where Heather gets her wonderful qualities, and I am so happy that she has a mom as supportive and wonderful as you to comfort her when she needs you.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Red-Eyed Tree Frog =-.
Very beautiful, I am tearing up again over the pain and beautiful memories you have of Maddie. You all are in my prayers.
Courtney in New York.
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..Long Weekend Wrap-Up! =-.
Beautiful, thank you for sharing. You both are amazing examples of strength, courage and beauty. I’m so sorry that all of you are living this horrible nightmare.
Like mother like daughter couldn’t be more true. Your both incredible, articulate, amazingly brave women. I’m so honored to read your words.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..A Better Mommy =-.
I’d be lost without my Mum right now, as I go through what your Heahter is going through. By the sounds of it, Heather would be lost without you, too. We love our Mums more than ever at times like this. Thanks for being there for us, and thanks for this gorgeous but of course heart-breaking post.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Please vote =-.
I don’t know Heather or Mike, but I am sure glad that they have you! I am also glad that Maddie is blessed with such a loving gramma, family and friends.
jy in ct
You are an amazing mom, yourself. Heather and Mike are lucky to have had you to share all of the great moments and to see them through the terrible ones. I have thought of you often in reading Heather’s journey, thinking what you must be feeling watching her go through this, as you go through it yourself. There is a lot of love out here in the webosphere for all of you…I hope it is coming through.
.-= Casey´s last blog ..Split level brownie =-.
Thank you so much making me see my mum’s side. I, now realise, she is hurting more when I am hurt and in pain…
.-= Childwoman´s last blog ..Random post =-.
Hugs to you Gramma!
I am so sorry you are all going through this–but I’m glad you have each other to support and cry with.
That is such a beautiful picture!!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Decorating… =-.
I’ve often thought of your mom and dad,Heather. The look of love and bliss when they looked at Maddie.
I think of all the layers of their pain: their loss of Maddie, the child of their child, them seeing the depth of their daughter’s pain, the pain of losing a grandchild (when it’s almost always the other way around first.)
Who, what grandparent ever EVER thinks they’ll have to survive the loss of their grandchild?
Then, knowing how you are in the latter half of your life, and your grandchild isn’t there. It’s like you run to win the race, and do everything right, and you worked your whole life for it…and the prize is taken away.
You are blessed to have them, to see someone grieve Maddie with the degree you do. It helps, to share the pain, at that same deep level, and not just on the surface.
God watch over you all, and cling to each other.
It must’ve felt so good for your mom to have the chance to write about it.
How is your Maddie’s grampa?
First, your daughter looks so like you, and I believe Maddy would have looked like you too.
Thank you for this post. Sometimes people forget that grandmas and grampas suffer as well.
.-= Randi´s last blog ..Free Days =-.
Thank you for sharing your story, I can’t imagine the grief your entire family is going through right now.
I can definitely tell where Heather gets her strength and her powerful use of words.
Your ability to talk about this so openly is inspiring. My thoughts are with your family.
.-= marit´s last blog ..Be ready for 2010! =-.
Thank you, for sharing your heart with us.
Big hugs to you, Maddie’s Gramma! You have an amazing daughter, and the most beautiful amazing granddaughter.
I’m so very sorry for the pain and loss your family has endured. I wish, as we all do, that I could take some of it away.
Please know that there are hundreds if not thousands of people who keep your whole family in their thoughts and prayers every single day.
xoxo
You are all so strong. I wish there was more that I could do.
I send good thoughts daily and lots of (((hugs))) always!
XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Summer Fun… =-.
I think your whole family has an inner strenght that comes from the love you all have for one another. I now see why Maddie was always smiling and happy. What a wonderful family you all are.
Thank you for posting this… it is beautiful. That picture is sweet beyond words! Hugs to all of you today…
What a beautiful, beautiful photo. I love the light and your amazing smiles. The family resemblance is so clear. Thank you for sharing. I think about you all often, though we’ve never met and I’ve never posted before. If only some of our sorrow for your loss could ease yours.
Every time I visit this blog, I look at Maddie’s smiling face and I think of the thousands of lives she has touched. Maddie was, and continues to be, a miracle and an inspiration.
I am going to forward this link to my own mother who is not as eloquent as Gramma. It may help her identify how she is feeling. And it has helped me realize that my loss goes further, daily, than I think it does.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..I was wrong. =-.
What a beautiful photo. Maddie sure looked a lot like her Gramma. My thoughts and prayers are always with your family.
Heather, Mike and Maddie are lucky to have you. So are the rest of us that know you.
I love you, Linda. xoxoxo
beautifully painful… i echo meghan… they are lucky to have you.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..sweet indulgences =-.
I can see where Heather gets her poise and grace. So much love to you all.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..identity =-.
Thanks for sharing. Maddie will live on here with your memories.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..Happy 5th Birthday, Anna! *said from my fetal position =-.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
Your love is evident and leaps off the page.
My thoughts continue to be with you all… ((hugs))
.-= Nickie´s last blog ..Long weekends are love! =-.
I’m in work and it took me going back and I had to toggle back and forth a few time in hopes to control my tears, so I can’t imagine what it took out of you to write this.
Thank you for sharing. You are all very lucky to have the bond that you do.
So very beautiful.
.-= Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..He came to me for a reason =-.
Beautiful Gramma=Beautiful Mommy= Beautiful Maddie.
The apple never falls far.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and for sharing your daughter and granddaughter with the world. They bring us such joy and inspiration.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Gramma – so wonderful to hear from you, wish it were different terms. I do not “know” any of you, but I do “know” you all. I pray for you all daily and I will be sure to add the request for you to stay strong and have courage to help yourself, Heather and Mike!
.-= MBkimmy´s last blog ..Family Night Out =-.
God could not have weaved together a more perfect family. Such amazingly supportive and strong individuals – and you all have each other.
I’m in awe!
.-= Miss Behavin´s last blog ..Wordless on Wednesday: The View From My Front Porch =-.
thank you for posting. beautiful.
What a special Gramma. I hope all of you know that there is no end to the number of people that are walking with you (near and far) and sharing your pain everyday. <3
.-= Kellee´s last blog ..Black and White =-.
I can see where Heather gets her grace and way with words. I am so sorry for your loss. I dont think it occurs to most people how much grandparents lose as well.
.-= jenni williams´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Sparklers =-.
Absolutely beautiful words. LIke mother, like daughter. I can see where Heather gets her writing skills! Love & Hugs for all of your family today!
xoxo,
Marian
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you always.
I see where Heather gets her beauty and her talent to write. My heart continues to ache for you all and I pray peace will come some day.
You are amazing. I just had to say it. Sending tons of hugs your way.
That is one of the most beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Hi, I’m Issa. Wanna know how weird I am? =-.
I know how much I miss my grandma, who has been gone 2 years…I can only imagine what you must be feeling on the other end. I am glad your family is so supportive of each other!
Thank you for weaving such a beautiful cloth of words out of the raw, painful silk of your grief.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Wonderings =-.
*sigh*
so beautifully written.
Hugs to all.
.-= rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Sometimes =-.
I just had to comment today. When I read this:
” and then see her have such an inner strength, poise and courage that still to this day amazes and inspires me.”
I just felt the need to let you know that you expressed what “we” all see in Heather. Not just since the loss of beautiful little Maddie, but from the day she started the blog. You raised her well! I have never met Heather ‘in real life’, but I feel very honored to to have met her through this blog. Her ‘inner strength, poise and courage’ also amazes and inspires me every day and I truly believe I am becoming a better person because of it.
Much love to you all.
Maddie, Mike and Heather are all lucky to have you in their lives. Grief moves in different ways for different people. Please ask for help when you need, please take the space when you need and never forget that laughing is something that is needed to heal.
.-= Spacemom´s last blog ..Slowing down =-.
Your post brought tears to my eyes.
I remember when I lost my son almost being as distraught for my mother as I was for myself. I hadn’t thought of that in a long time.
I think of all of you guys though all the time and wish that there was something, anything, that I could do to make it better.
I so hope that all are able to find peace by sharing your grief. What a gift to be able to write so eloquently about something so painful, to make us readers feel so much that we want to take this journey with you, to root for you like I know I do. You all will remain in my thoughts.
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..I need a penis colada, and a fine case of beer. =-.
All my love to you, Gramma and to Heather and Mike. Thinking of you today and every day.
Truly, you and Heather are amazing women. You both have shown such strength and grace. And, I can see where she gets her gift of writing from. So beautifully written.
The tears flow as I write this. I am so, so incredibly sorry that Maddie is gone. She was such an incredible spirit. So full of life and wonder. She is missed sooo much everyday by me and hundreds of others.
As a mother of 3 small ones, I cannot even fathom what y’all are going through.
Please know that we think about you, Bampa, Mike, Heather and, of course, Maddie Moo everyday. Even though I do not know any of you, except through this blog, I truly wish I could give you all a hug and tell you in person how deeply sorry I am.
Much love, Jenn in CA
What a wonderful Grandma and Mother you are…stay strong. My thoughts are with your family everyday….
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Happy 4th Of July =-.
Beautiful words….I’m so thankful that you all have each other to lean on during this terrible time. I can see great writing must run in the family. I will continue to pray…
Thank you for sharing…so touching.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..1st 4th =-.
My heart aches for all of you. I can’t even fathom what you are all going through but you are so brave for sharing with us.
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..Boys Boys Boys =-.
I started crying as soon as I saw the picture–it is a beautiful picture.
I’m so glad Heather has you in her life. I wish my own mother was close by.
Gave me chills. I’m so so sorry.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..wordless wednesday: my four loves, eightish weeks =-.
What a beautiful, joyful photo! Beautifully written– and what double pain for you–losing your grandchild and watching your own child have to endure such pain. Unspeakable. You are grand and eloquent and thank goodness Heather has such a loving, strong mom to get her through this. I know how much my own parents worsip their grandchildren. Not fair.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Gramma. I hope the writing was cathartic, and those who know you in real life will respond in whatever way that you need.
.-= Jacquie´s last blog ..one of those moms =-.
I’m so glad you have eachother; truly…wish I had wiser words to say, but thank you for sharing, Maddie….so precious, so very very specil.
.-= jana´s last blog ..Graceful freedom =-.
special, sorry hit submit too quickly precious and special
.-= jana´s last blog ..Graceful freedom =-.
Dear Heather’s Mom,
Thank you for taking the time to share your heart with us. My prayers for you have been the same as they are for Mike & Heather… healing, hope.
One of the greatest and most heart wrenching things about becoming a mom is that I suddenly ‘get it’ all – the things my mom experienced and feels. I love watching her love my babies, and of course, through the mourning of you and others, I ache knowing the potential that comes with that kind of love. I doubt I am making sense.. I just so ‘feel’ what you are saying here. You lost a precious gift, and have such a paradox to wade through in it all. I am so glad you have each other. May you blessed and blessed.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Top 12 Things I Will Do A.B.* =-.
My prayers are with you and I pray for your strength as you walk this journey with Mike & Heather. May comfort someday find you.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..SKYE IS SIX MONTHS OLD TODAY =-.
Oh lord, here I am crying again! Thanks Gramma! Glad to know that Heather has such strength around her.
.-= Bonnie´s last blog ..Just a spoonful of sugar… =-.
Maddie has an amazing Gramma as well as an awesome Mom and Dad. Thinking of all of you today.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..[Placeholder] =-.
Heather wrote that living life without your child is unfathomably cruel.
I can only imagine that watching your child live without their child is equally cruel. To lose Maddie, your granddaughter, and see your child suffer… I’m so sorry.
I think of Maddie, Mike and Heather every day. But I also think of all of the people close to them that are struggling as well. Maddie touched so many people so profoundly. I am one.
Always thinking about all of you.
# generations of inspirational women. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
.-= Christiana´s last blog ..Book (series) review =-.
I have never commented before, although I check your blog everyday to see how you are doing and coping, what new photos and videos of Maddie you have posted, and your overall well-being.
It’s amazing how little Maddie touched so many people that never met her, and how you and Mike remain on the minds of many supporters all over the country. It’s like a collective community of love, support, and kind words all hoping, praying and wishing that you are alright, and one day the fog of grief will lift and you will continue living your beautiful life with Maddie’s spirit shining over everything you do.
This post made me realize that your entire “real” family is going through similar emotions of grief, and for that I/we (your collective support group) welcome them in with a big hug of love.
You are all an inspiration!
This breaks my heart. Hugs to you and to your beautiful daughter.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Married, With Child =-.
wishing i had a mom like you….
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Slow Learner =-.
Much love to you, Linda. I am so glad Heather and Mike have you and Bampa, so you can all lean on one another when needed.
.-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..Tired and Naked =-.
you’re my favorite.
.-= moosh in indy.´s last blog ..four drama, angst and heartache. =-.
What a beautiful post. I continue to be inspired and touched everytime I stop by – which is pretty much every day.
I am so sorry you are all going through such pain–it’s so unfair–but I am so glad that you have each other to lean on during this most difficult journey.
You are all so amazing!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..There but for the grace of God… =-.
My heart aches… for you and your family….for Heather and Mike… I am a mother… I have a daughter…and I can’t imagine the pain you and Heather share together. Thank God you have each other…because a daughter / mother bond is so unbreakable! Sending you and yours hugs! Stay strong for each other. Lean on each other and don’t forget to ask for help when you need it! XXXX
such a beautiful post in memory of a beautiful girl. I am so thankful that Heather has such a close & caring mother. So much love in this family just makes my heart ache with all the whys. I am sure you have asked them all before.
Wearing my purple for you all today.
xoxo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Works for Me Wednesday-The Frugal Room Re-do =-.
I love Maddie’s Gramma!
.-= Danny´s last blog ..A Shadow Passed =-.
hugs!
That was beautiful. I am so very sorry that you had to write that. I wish with all my heart that Maddie was still with you.
I have often thought about how you have it doubly bad. You lost your precious grandbaby, and your own dear baby is suffering horrific pain. My thoughts are with your entire family. And I remember Maddie. Will always remember Maddie.
Hello Heather,
My sister in law sent me an email last night. She quoted something from a book she is reading.
“Grief is a curious thing, when it happens unexpectedly. It is a Band-Aid being ripped away, taking the top layer off a family.”
This after a year and a half for us… MAKES SENCE!
I wonder if the pain of that band-aid will ever heal… I hope so..
Hugs to you… think of you often.
Sharon
So nice to see your words today. I have wondered how you are “doing”, although I don’t know if that is the word I want to use. You must be an amazing mother, for Heather is and had to have learned how to love and express herself and her love from you.
.-= Patty´s last blog ..A brighter day =-.
I read this blog religiously. Heather makes my heart ache everytime she posts-both because of her pain, but mostly because of her poise. I can’t imagine the pain you all must feel or the anger or the questions-why? But I do see you had a beautiful 17 months with that SO, SO beautiful little girl. She was taken from you decades too early, and for that I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing with us. I feel blessed to read along.
Linda – I’ve been thinking about you, your husband and Kyle quite a bit, too. I’ve wondered how hard it must be for you to balance grieving for yourselves and providing the wonderful support that you do. You are an amazingly strong woman, and the world is blessed to have you.
.-= Nanette´s last blog ..9 months in, 9 months out =-.
I know that Heather has gained her inner strength from you. Continue to be strong for one another. Hugs to you both.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Fears =-.
When my cousin lost her son my aunt was given a book called “Grandparents cry twice” or something along those lines. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to not only lose a beautiful granddaughter and then go through your own hell, but to also have to watch your own daughter go through hers.
I’m so very sorry for your loss and wish there was something more than words that I could offer, or even words that would make it better.
it’s good to hear from you. i know it’s bee a different exprience of grief for my mother, father, mother-in-law when one of my twin boys was still born, lovely perspective you have.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..expecting the worst =-.
To Heather’s Mom and Maddie’s Gramma,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Continued prayers go out to you all. Your family is truly a brave bunch.
Kristen
Wow-
Forgive my ignorance. Until I read this, I didnt realize/consider that grandparents suffer too (I always seemed to focus on the parents when reading this blog). Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry your loss….
Seems like your family has an incredible support system! What a beautiful phtograph.
My heart grieves for your Linda. Thank you so much for sharing with us, it was a tremendously touching and beautiful post. My love to you always,
Tina
So glad to hear from you! Like mother, like daughter – your words are so beautifully written. I hope you found some sense of “comfort” in sharing.
I think of Heather, Mike and Maddie everyday and have commented before about wondering how “grandma’s and grandpa’s” are. I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain of watching Heather live through this tragedy.
Hugs to you ~
Michelle – Herculaneum, MO
Maddie would have turned out to be such an amazing woman, how could she not have. She has the most amazing grammy and mom. Such a blessing you have each other and how I wish you still had Maddie.
Hugs to you all.
Connie
.-= Connie´s last blog ..Annie’s Homegrown P’sghetti Loops with Soy Meatballs – Hello Childhood! =-.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it? Beautiful mothers, beautiful daughters.
.-= Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..Make Me Laugh =-.
Clearly, I’m a little behind on commenting, but I just wanted to show my love.
This was such a beautiful post and a beautiful picture. What a lucky grandma you were to have her in your life and vice versa. You all were blessed to share in the joy and heart ache.
Praying for continued strength…
It is easy to see why you would be proud of Heather as your daughter. But it’s equally easy to see where her strength and grace come from. Reading what you wrote here, listening to your husband and son at Maddie’s memorial…I am awed, inspired, and heartbroken.
If only your family didn’t have to display its courage and beauty under these circumstances.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition =-.
OH, I have no words. There are no words to say. What a special post to share. I’m so sorry for your loss in Maddie, too.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..My Own Private Perfection =-.
My heart breaks for you all. This must be so hard for you, to have to deal with your own grief while also watching your daughters grief. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing. Your daughter and son-in-law are in my prayers.
.-= J from Ireland´s last blog .. =-.
I have thought of you often and of those who were also so close to Maddie, Heather, and Mike.
You too are in our prayers and thoughts.
You are not alone.
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