I get asked that question all the time. I do my best to answer, even though it would be like me asking you, “what’s it like to have a nose?” My brother Kyle is my only sibling, so I only know what it’s like to have a brother who’s the same age.
That being said, it’s cool. We are really close. Growing up, we were each other’s favorite playmate. It helped to have someone learning the same things in school. We understand each other on a level that no one else does. Which also means we can push each other’s buttons like no one else can (not even Mike). We used to have epic fights. Luckily, we forgave each other quickly.
Just like ANY siblings, though, we were very unique and had our own interests and talents. My parents were awesome because they encouraged our individuality. Even though we are boy/girl twins, everyone still bundles you into a set and expects you to act accordingly. Luckily for us, my parents never did.
Except they clearly couldn’t resist dressing us similarly sometimes.
Everyone always thinks twins are the coolest things, and I suppose we are. It’s just something I’ve never given much thought to because it’s just a part of who I am.
I’m sure my brother will think exactly the opposite about everything, because that’s how he rolls. We’ll see if he even comments.
Also, Kyle and I need a more recent picture together. Hmmm.
My friend Rebecca just found out a couple weeks ago that she’s expecting twins, and she was (understandably) stunned. I’m not going to lie, if I found out I was going to have twins I would not react well at first. Mostly because I’d be imagining this:
Two. Annies. Oh the humanity.
However, I didn’t mention that part to Bec when we filmed this Momversation about twins. I spoke about being a twin, while Jen Levinson spoke about being the parent to TWO sets of IDENTICAL twins. I can’t even comment on that, although my facial expressions when Jen talks pretty much give away what I was thinking (hint: terror).
So here is where I open it up to all of you. Do you have twins, and have advice for Rebecca? Are you a twin with advice? Or are you twin-curious and just have questions for me and my brother? All are welcome!
Bec says:
I read your friend’s post about finding out she was having twins, and it made me smile. A little over three years ago, the ultrasound tech took her first pass over my stomach and said, “oh! Did you know about this?”
“About what, exactly?” All I could see on the screen was a blur of black and white fuzz.
“There are two!” But it was still just fuzz.
I nervously joked that she had better be talking about ovaries when she stopped moving the ultrasound wand and I found myself looking at two little people floating around in me. I promptly FREAKED OUT. After the scan, I called my husband and he laughed so hard, he dropped the phone, I called my parents and they served me a healthy dose of “we told you so!” I called my best friend, with whom I’d been reading those “your baby is now the size of a key lime” emails, and told her that I was a freaking fruit bowl.
That day, any romantic and idealistic notions I had about pregnancy went out the window. Suddenly in a high-risk pregnancy, there were so many new things to watch for and worry about. For the rest of my pregnancy, my only goal was delivering healthy babies. In hindsight, I realize that I became so focused on the goal that I didn’t give myself a chance to savor the experience. My friend’s sister is currently pregnant and after her baby shower, the mom-to-be took off her shoes to reveal horribly swollen legs. For me, that had been the beginning of the end of my pregnancy– the massive swelling happened, things started going downhill, and the babies were born in a rush c-section at 36 weeks. I gently asked if her doctor had talked to her about the pre-e warning signs and was answered with a giant eye roll. I felt a flash of fury that she could be so casual about something so important, then realized that maybe it was envy that she gets what never allowed myself– the idea that it was all normal and happy and fine.
Raising twins is hard work, but it’s all I know. My daughters turn three in a couple of months and it’s equal parts joy and total frustration at the fighting and struggles that come with having a pair of toddlers. Just yesterday, someone peed in my running shoes. I wouldn’t have it any other way– like all parenting, it is one huge adventure.
Sherri says:
I grew up next door to a family with two sets of identical twins (plus four more kids). I was an only child at the time, and I SOOOO wanted to be a part of their family!! There was always something going on over there! (It never dawned on me that the house had 3 bedrooms and there were 10 people living in it!) Oh the fun I could have had being a part of that huge group!
The twins were awesome. The only way I could tell them apart is if they wore different clothes…so we just called all four of them “twin.” They cracked me up, as they had a total love/hate relationship, so most of the time you could find the girls yelling at each other: Dawn: Oh My Gawd! I HATE you!” Lisa: YOU hate ME? I HATE YOU! You are SOOOO ugly! Look at your face! UGLY!
Of course, she looked just like her…I never could figure that out.
Now they are in their later 40s/early 50s and have never lived more than a couple of blocks away from each other and though they still fight, can’t live without each other. I still find them the coolest family around!
Ge says:
I’m not sure you’re aware Heather- but I have a set of twins myself.
It’s hard yo.
I would rather have a singleton next time so that I could enjoy the pregnancy and birth (as well as the first few months). Having one would be a piece of cake.
Much Mazal to Rebecca!
Gemini-Girl says:
Ge is me. of course.
Kim says:
I have a set of fraternal twin girls. My best advice is to take any help you can get. Get a double Snap n Go for the first year. It was the easiest way to take them anywhere. Also, do your best to sync their schedules. Otherwise, you won’t sleep. My girls are 2 now and even though they often run in opposite directions, it has gotten much better! Twins are a lot of work but also a lot of fun! Good luck to your friend!
Jo says:
I love both your and Rebecca’s blogs and couldn’t help but post a comment. I’m so excited to watch the journey unfold for her! Twins are amazing. I was a nanny to twins for a few different families from the newborn stage onwards. The early days are hard, of course, but in the long run, it gets so much easier. They play together and entertain each other so much, so you don’t have to work as hard. Practically speaking, try to get as much help as possible in the early days and most importantly, not be hard on yourself when things all go up sh@t creek, which they do at times. There are going to be good days and bad days–I suppose the advice you’d give anyone having a new baby applies, it is just extra important to follow. A good sense of humor is important, as poop will be everywhere. But watching the bond between them is incredible. I would say of course to treat them as individuals, but don’t try too hard to make them separate, being a twin is part of who they are and it’s okay to embrace that. Sometimes twins choose to dress alike at times or sleep in the same room, play around with their identities, etc… I think parents can get too obsessive at times about making so sure not to group them together, which can be good, but they need each other, too. I guess it’s just a case by case basis. I’m sure Rebecca will be awesome though.
Anna says:
I’m a twin, also a fraternal sister to a brother. Growing up, we were always a bit of a novelty, and the question more difficult to answer than “what’s it like” is “are you identical?” But that’s because the identical question leaves me rolling my eyes too much to answer :). That said, my advice would be to be very very careful about comparing them. My parents were laughably bad at this — their strict eastern European tendencies were only amplified by the existence of someone to compare the other to living right there in the house. It was a constant refrain of “oh, brother got an A on that test, why didn’t you?” I do believe that there were some epic fights in high school with me screaming “you know if you read a parenting book, you would learn that what you are doing is wrooooooong!” (so clearly it didn’t scar me into being docile or anything) anyway, we really weren’t close until college, and now we are, and, hilariously, my friends have often commented on exactly how NOT competitive we are. Which I guess is to say that, you don’t have to be a perfect parent, or a perfect parent of twins, kids are pretty darn resilient— and twins have the added bonus of always having someone there. My mom always told me that we were lucky because we would always have someone who would remember all of our childhood memories fromthe same perspective. Also, it was really nice (we moved a lot growing up) to have someone to team up with those nervous “firsts” first day of school, SAT studying, etc. It really wasn’t until college where I did a major life event without my brother —- but by then I was definitely ready to apread my wings. I really, really want twins myself — and I know I have a slightly higher chance as a female fraternal multiple.
Melissa says:
Ugh, the are you identical question. I have twin niece and nephew (my boos) and whenever that question gets asked I am actually quite rude about it. I am ALWAYS sarcastic. You see this one? He is a boy. This one is a girl. And the funny thing is that the people that ask the question look at me like I just avoided the answer. Well ARE they?
And I agree with above, if someone offers to help, say YES! When they are itty bitty its HARD. I practically lived with my sister for the first year because she was sick and in and out of the hospital. Its much easier when they get a little bit older and you can see them playing (and fighting of course).
Now they are 9 and REALLY competitive. I dont know if the competitive thing is normal but WOW! We play games and as soon as one of them is winning the other one will stomp off. I think that may be my sister not teaching them the good sport thing though.
Heather says:
I don’t have twins, but my soon to be mother in law is a twin. I know they are close but not close all at the same time.
Her brother struggles with alcohol addiction, it makes their relationship harder.
I have friends that are/were twins… one of them passed away 4 years ago after delaying treatment for lung cancer because she was 5 months pregnant. I know that her sister struggled more than anyone I’ve seen during the loss of her sibling. They were always close though.
A friend of mine has identical triplets and fraternal twin boys. She had suffered from a number of miscarriages before the girls were born. She was expected twins up until the delivery room when they rushed her for an emergency C because the third (incredibly unexpected) baby was well hidden and now breach. She had her tubes tides during that surgery, so you can imagine her surprise when learning about the boys 5 months before her girls turned 2. Five under 3… can you imagine? After that her husband had HIS tubes tied too.
Mommy says:
O to the M to the G. Five under three??? Holy crap. I have heard of some crazy stories, but this one takes the cake- a hidden third baby, two sets of multiples, getting preggers after tubes are tied?! God bless that mama!!!!
jeannine says:
I imagine that with any twin pregnancy there are a lot of ultrasounds. How do you (repeatedly) miss a third baby! A third head in there! “o to the m to the g” – FOR SURE!
Michelle says:
I also have fraternal twin girls. They just turned 3 last week. Like many have said – get help, and lots of it in the beginning. Get them on the same schedule and for sure the double snap-n-go. And don’t forget about yourself. Between the sleep deprivation, my husband traveling and caring for 3 girls 2 and under I totally lost myself and spent nearly two years digging myself out of PPD. I think if I would have accepted more help and tried to prioritize myself a bit I might not have struggled so much.
On a happier note – it is SO AMAZING to have twins. It’s a lot of work, but the reward is also higher when you watch them play together and love on each other. She’s a lucky girl!
Laura says:
I have 10-month old identical twin boys, and they are awesome! Sure, some days are freaken hard but knowing that it’s highly likely that tomorrow will be better makes it easier to deal with. That, and their gorgeous smiles, and twice the sloppy kisses, and two of the sweet voices calling out “Mama”.
Advice…I totally agree with what Kim said – try to sync their schedules as much as you possibly can. And, whatever works for you is the best way to go
All the best to your friend!
Donna says:
I have 8 year old boy/girl twins (Andrew and Saige) as well as a 13 year old daughter (Danielle). To say we were shocked when we found out was an understatement. The first 3 months were the absolute hardest, but as they got older it was still hard but in a much more manageable way. My best advice for the infant stage. 1. Keep them on the same schedule. If one wakes up to eat wake up the other, that way they adjust and you’re not up for double the time.(I breast fed one while my husband bottle fed the other. Next feeding I switched and there was never any “confusion”!) 2. Be a slave to a napping schedule and stick to it! I did not bend on either of those and it made life sooo much easier!
They are definitely individual kids but they are each others best friends. When they are separated for a long time or times are tough Saige often misses “her boy”. They love being together, but the fact that they are boy/girl twins makes it easier for them to identify with their same sex and not compete for the same friends. At birthday time we send invites to the boys for Drew and to the girls for Saige even though the party will be for both. That way guests don’t feel obligated to buy gifts for both. That can get expensive. Although it hasn’t stopped my in-laws for buying them a gift to share every year and that ticks me off!
We treat them as individuals We split up the activities and try to make it to as much as we can (although we are out numbered). They enjoy the time they get to spend alone with mom and dad! We also spend a tremendous amount of time with our older daughter as having twins can often overshadow any other siblings.
All I can say is hang on and enjoy the ride, it going to be a great journey!
Julie says:
I have boy/girl twins and it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you may hear moms say its so hard and people are always going to stop you and ask you how diffcult it is. It’s not!! Being a parent to one or two its how you parent that will make a difference. One twin mom gave me great advice before I had my twins. Don’t sweat the small stuff, babies cry don’t freak about it, schedule, schedule, schedule. Yeah I maybe was not able to hold my kids all day long like other mothers do, or breastfeed for that long but when you have twins you have to learn to not do everything by the book. Just get down pat the feeding both of them at one time and you will be golden. (car seats/ back against the couch) Seeing my nine month old twins play now is amazing. I feel so blessed! enjoy it’s awesome ride….And getting attention while your out with them is pretty fun too hahahahahaha
amy says:
Great advice I have identical twin girls now 13. Love having a singleton and twins. And you know what? The twins were EASIER than the singleton as I knew what I was doing!
Natalie says:
I follow Heather and Rebecca’s blogs.
I am a fraternal triplet… 2 eggs (I was one, my 2 sisters were the other egg). My experience was a little different.
I was a triplet on the one hand, but still different from the other 2, which left me confused. We attracted attention as kids because we were the ‘same’ but the next topic was to pick apart our differences, like how to tell us apart.
I would say it was tough for me because I felt ‘left out’ even though I was a triplet. The upside was we always had company, our best friends as sisters.
On a side note, our older sister (5yrs older) held onto alot of resentment because of the attention we got as triplets. We were born and boom! She felt forgotten. I hope Archer and Fable hang in there… it gets better.
God bless you Rebecca. You’re in for the ride of your life!
Jen says:
LOVE this post… I have an identical twin sister (well, we don’t know 100% for sure, but that’s what we’ve always thought) and I can SO relate– the questions can be ridiculous sometimes (but are usually fun). Best friends does not even begin to describe our relationship- thankfully my husband has known us both since we were in high school so he gets us pretty well.
And now– I just found out I am expecting twins (find out the sex in 2 weeks!!!) After 3 years of infertility and multiple ivf’s to conceive my son (who will be 19 months old when they are born– AHHHH!!!) – we are thrilled (no treatment this time!!), but overwhelmed would be an understatement. Trying not to let the pre-term labor fears (as well as the 3 babies under the age of 2 fears) override the fun and excitement.
Interestingly enough- my mom says she’s excited for me to be on ‘the other side’ — she always felt slightly left out of my sister and I’s relationship (even as very young girls) b/c there was a bond that was just different b/w us. Love to hear that as boy/girl twins you are just as close as my sister and I!
Patti B. says:
I have identical twin girls, 27 months younger than my oldest daughter…there was a lot of pink in my house. Now they are all in high school and each others’ BFF’s. Mostly. Anyway, no real advice, other than sit back and enjoy the ride! It’s worth every minute of the twin gestation, which is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Props to St. Grama!
Katie Mae says:
Oh, let me tell my favorite twin story!
My dad is a twin, he has a twin sister. They were born in the 50’s, and when they were born it was a SURPRISE that they were twins! Can you even imagine giving birth, and then the doctor saying “Here comes another one!”?
Also, given the fact that my dad is a twin and my fiance has triplet sisters…I am thinking twins may be in my future. Eek!
Erin says:
My twin sister is my best friend. We’ll be 25 next week and we live 900 miles apart right now, but I talk to her most every day. She knows me better than anybody and we have the same sense of humor. I can always text her things like “what animal does Chris Bosh look like” and know she’ll say a raptor just like I said. Growing up, we always had a built in best friend and somebody to go through scary new things with, and I know it was easier on my parents to drop us off at camp or send us to a new school or off to college knowing we had each other. We look out for each other better than just about anybody.
It’s a ways out, and so small and nitpicky, but my advice would be NOT to let school administrators or anyone else decide whether to split your twins up in school. YOU decide and ask for whichever way you prefer. We were split up by a principal who “just wanted to see” and I was bumped down to a class I shouldn’t have been in, which led to lots of frustration and problems.
And it might seem cute to dress same-sex twins alike, but boy is it expensive. Buy 2 of the same outfit, or buy 2 different ones that each baby can wear. Since I’m a twin I feel like I’m allowed to have a strong opinion. Some moms say “it’s easier; no fighting over who gets to wear the green one,” but y’all. Come on. Teach them to get what they get and not pitch a fit. It’s crazy to drop twice the money for half the wardrobe. (Or maybe they’ll be different sizes and it’ll never matter.)
Samantha says:
i’ve been going back and forth with whether or not to comment…actually, as i write this i still don’t know if i’m going to hit “submit”. but….you said that all were welcome, so i might take the plunge.
i’m a mom of twins that didn’t make it. one of my twins died in utero, and the other died shortly after being born way too early — too early to even try to save. because it happened earlier in the pregnancy (18 weeks), a lot of people seem to dismiss it as “just a miscarriage”….yes, i’ve actually gotten that comment before. but i don’t consider a baby being born alive and then dying within an hour or so to be “just a miscarriage”.
your post touched me so much. i’ve been feeling a little down in the dumps lately, and your post just got me thinking and questioning what it would have been like to be the mom of living twins. i do have a living son now, and it’s been so hard!!! so many times i feel like losing my Twins was fate’s way of telling me that i wouldn’t have been capable of doing the job. if i’m this exhausted with just one, what would it have been like having two?
i belong to a support group for parents that have lost babies, and there are several couples in there that have twins, but only one surviving. i can’t even imagine their pain. when it is their child’s birthday they have to try to carry on and be happy and throw a party, even though it is also the birthday of their deceased child. i can’t imagine trying to put on that kind of an act. they have said so many times that they’ve had to put their grief on hold because they are trying so hard to be strong for and raise their living twin. they have also all said that their surviving twin seems to instinctively know that something is wrong…something is missing.
i’m sorry this comment is such a downer…i really hope that people don’t see it and think, “geez, there’s that bitch blogger who rains on everyone’s parade”. i guess what i’m just trying to say is that there are all sorts of “twin” situations, and i hope people are cautiously optimistic. i hope they don’t make the same mistakes i did with being in denial about the reality of a twin pregnancy…or any pregnancy for that matter. geez, now i REALLY sound like a bitch. i won’t be offended at all if you take this comment down!
Tandy says:
Samantha,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. My twins were in the NICU for 2 weeks and I knew we were fortunate at the time. I didn’t have a full understanding or appreciation of it until I started working in a NICU a few years later. I am now a NICU nurse and I’ve seen so many families with similar experiences to those you’ve mentioned.
Something you said stuck out at me that reminded me what a friend told me during my pregnancy. She said “Your OB is going to want to treat you like this is a normal pregnancy with an extra baby. It’s not a normal pregnancy. It’s high risk because it’s a multiples pregnancy. ” Like you said, it’s important to keep that in mind. There is so much that is out of our control.
Samantha says:
thank you so much for your reply and not judging me…i was really scared to comment, because like i said…who likes the person who throws cold water on everyone? twin pregnancies are definitely different. when we were in the NICU with our first son, there were so many twins in there….24 weeks, 26, 29….one nurse told us that they got really excited if they got 30-weekers in there.
you’re a NICU nurse? i think that is one of the most meaningful and worthy of respect jobs there is. my first son (before my Twins) was in the NICU for almost 8 weeks before he passed away. the nurses there changed my life. i had never been the recipient of such kindness and caring. the nurses that i became close with are my favorite people in this world and they will NEVER know just how much they touched me. they took care of my son when i couldn’t. they had such a profound affect on me that i’ve quit my job and will be heading back to school for nursing in the fall. i would love to be a NICU nurse, but i don’t think i could handle it…too close to home.
anyway, i just wanted to say thanks and tell you how much i admire you for being a NICU nurse. i think it’s one of the most important jobs in the world.
nicol says:
((((HUGS)))). As a mother of twins, your story was my biggest fear during my pregnancy. I’m so incredibly sorry. My only advice to the expecting mom – please take it easy during your pregnancy. Please don’t ignore anything that seems “odd”. You’ll do great, they are a blessing indeed.
And thank you to Samantha for sharing her story.
Leanne says:
My 3.5 year old boy/girl twins were born at just over 24 weeks. I am aware every day at how blessed I am that they not only survived but are healthy and able-bodied. Like Tandy said above, some doctors try to treat twin pregnancies like singleton pregnancies…THEY ARE NOT THE SAME! I discovered I was carrying twins at 16 weeks, and my obgyn encouraged me to carry on with work and exercise as usual, which was a big mistake. Heather, my first piece of advice to your friend is: slow down, ease up, and be cautious.
Secondly, don’t underestimate the impact twins will have on your marriage. Take time to connect with each other, even if you just get your mom to watch the babies for an hour so the two of you can go out for a quick cup of coffee.
Thirdly, take TONS of pictures! You won’t remember alot about the first year because you’re in survival mode. Looking back at the photos of the first year will make you very proud of how far you’ve come
Vicky says:
Samantha, I am so very sorry for your loss.
Mommy says:
Samantha, I am so sorry for your loss- and thank you for sharing your story.
(Hugs)
allyson says:
I love your blog and read it first thing in the morning. Like I mean I open my eyes, grab my phone, and go to your blog. I love it. I’ve never commented, but I just had to tell you this. I also have a twin brother and 2 daughters named Annie (Ansley) and Maddy (Maddyson)!
Tandy says:
I have identical twin girls, they will be 5 in May. I was completely unprepared for the chaos and lack of control I would have over pretty much every aspect of my life once they came. First of all, for the pregnancy I highly recommend the book “When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads.”
I *love* being a mom to twins. Exhausting, overwhelming, busy? Definitely! But watching them learn and grow and develop – together and separately – is such a unique experience and very different from having a “singleton.”
My twins share a room and have recently discovered that every night is like a slumber party. I frequently eavesdrop (with a cheesy grin on my face, I’m sure) – it’s a source of great joy to see them love and cherish their relationship.
nicol says:
Agree 100% with this book rec!
andrea says:
I had no idea you were a twin! (am totally not observant, clearly). I have a twin sister – love being a twin. But it’s not as if I know any different – we have the BIGGEST fights and make up quickly. I am lucky to have a built in best friend. I know not everyone has that kind of relationship with their twin/sibling – so I feel lucky that I do!
I actualy would LOVE to have twins. At least, in my head I would love it. I would surely melt down at first, but I think it’s pretty awesome.
And I would know not to call them “the twins”!
Keri says:
ever since I saw parent trap when I was a youngster, I wanted to be/have an identical twin.
Jessica says:
My answer whenever someone asks me “What’s it like to be an identical twin?” is usually…well I don’t know what it’s like NOT to be a twin!
I’m lucky we have always been extremely close…i always had a playmate.
My mom says having 2 was easier…because we entertained each other. Although…I think I’d beg to differ!
My best friend is now expecting identical twin girls! Oy!
Diane says:
I have 5 month old twin boys. I told the dr he was wrong when he said there are 2. I was so stunned, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would have twins. After a rough pregnancy and a NICU stay I am getting the hang of it. Yes it is hard,but they are amazing! My only advice is keep them on the same schedule. makes a world of difference for me. And accept help! I am excited to watch them grow together and be friends.
Jackie Keesee says:
I am the proud mother of 2-year-old boy/girl twins. My twins were born at 36 weeks due to pre-e. I didn’t want to be a hypochondriac so I ignored some pretty important signs and ended up with fluid on my lungs, barely functioning kidneys and blood pressure so high the nurse kept asking me if I was seeing auras! The babies spent 24/36 hours on CPAP and 5 days in NICU. My advice is be OVERLY cautious. If you think something might be slightly wrong call your doctor…he’ll love you for it or at least he’ll always remember you
Infant twins are exhausting. But remember it gets easier. If nothing else it makes you truly appreciate each milestone, holding their own bottle – score!, eating solid food – sweet!, walking into daycare – halliliuh!
Like Heather said, being boy/girl twins helps split their identity but we also try to encourage each child separately. We have their birthday parties together, but each child gets a theme. We TRY to take pictures of each child individually, not just as “the twins.” And at bedtime we always point out three things that makes each child special (caring, smart & beautiful; funny, compasionate & cute).
The very best part…double hugs, double sloppy kisses, double “I wuvs you”!
Samantha says:
i just want to second this motion! don’t ignore your own symptoms and feelings, and just as importantly, DON’T LET YOUR DOCTOR IGNORE YOU EITHER!!! these were two lessons i had to learn the extremely hard way.
Lex (@laprimera) says:
Definitely! Trust your instincts. Tell the doctor if you feel anything is weird or “wrong.” Go in to L & D if any doubt. I was a frequent customer! You also get to know all the nurses that way too.
Jeannine says:
I love Rebecca’s blog and am SO excited for her. Her two kids are the cutest (along with Maddie & Annie, of course!), so you KNOW her twins are going to be totally adorable.
Although I’m not a twin, I have various sets of twins all through my family. My aunt and uncle are fraternal twins, my great grandma was an identical twin, and my Mom had identical twins.
To someone that’s not a twin, I think it would be the coolest thing ever to have someone that completely gets you and that could be (as a previous commenter said) a “built-in best friend”.
I would be SO excited to have twins!
Tracey says:
I grew up with twin brothers. Sadly, they have both passed away due to cancer.
My parents always insisted that they were individuals. They did not have rhyming names nor were they ever dressed alike. I cannot freakin stand it when people dress their kids alike.
Laura says:
I agree with the rhyming names- or even names that start with the same letter. SOOO cheesy!! I would have been so annoyed if my parents did that to me!!
Laura says:
And I am so sorry for the loss of your brothers.
Carrie says:
I love reading about adult boy/girl twins. It seems like so many of the books/articles/etc are about same sex twins. I have 2.5 year old girl/boy twins and they are a joy.
People ask “How do you do it?” all the time. I usually answer “Well, I just do it. It’s not like I could send one back!”
My biggest pieces of advice are:
– Try breastfeeding (if only to save money!) but if you try and get help but it still doesn’t work out, don’t beat yourself up! If you have to formula feed or supplement with formula, it’s fine!
– Make a master list of chores/ things that need done around your house. When people come visit and they ask what they can do to help, they really do want to help. And it is a hell of a lot easier to say “Sure, if you want to do anything on the list hanging on the fridge, that would be awesome!” as opposed to asking your MIL to scoop the cat litter.
– Get coordinating but not matching stuff (like car seats, etc) They will invariably be slightly different sizes and if it easier to have things adjusted for each twin instead of having to readjust every time you go anywhere.
– Find and join your local Mothers of Twins Club. It is an amazing resource for questions, buying/selling stuff, and other women who get it.
Sorry for the dissertation!
Jayme says:
When I found out I was pregnant with my twins, I was so cocky- I figured I had 5 kids already and my oldest three were born within three years, so I could totally handle twins.
Yeah. It’s been 21 months and let me just say they are hard work! Totally amazing, and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat, but I was really not anticipating that they’d be any different than singletons close together LOL
Therese says:
What a great post. I am also the girl half of boy/girl twins (we have 3 other siblings as well). Like you described, I don’t really know how to answer “what’s it like to be a twin?”. I always want to say, “what’s it like to be a singleton?”. Other than being born at the same time, my brother and I are complete opposites. We don’t even look related! we are very clowe but all of our siblings are close, so I don’t think that’s a twin thing necessarily. My parents worked hard to allow us to be our own people and have our own interests. I think that helped us to have s healthy relationship.
Jennifer says:
I am a mother to Fraternal twin boys. The pregnancy was hard, but only about as hard as my singleton pregnancies. The problems with… umm.. bathroom troubles, were worse. The tired was worse, but that about covers it. My biggest piece of advice: If there is a partner, assign one baby to each person and alternate the next night. So if I have A on night one, then hubby has B. We each wake up to THAT babies needs. We both get a little more sleep that way while maintaining a normal feed on demand schedule.
As for raising twins… It is twice the work and twice the fun. One of my boys in on the Spectrum, so our situation isn’t typical. they don’t have a normal sibling relationship, let alone twin special powers I suppose Moose tries to take care of Mad on occasion.
Leiah says:
I’m not a twin but was 15 months old when my mom had my twin brothers. Three children in 15 months. By the age of 19. I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I’m so independent since I was kicked out of the nest at such an early age so to speak…lol! My brothers were born 11 minutes apart, one is fair and blue-eyed and the other has dark olive skin with brown eyes. They were only dressed alike if the outfit was a gift that had been received, or mom bought the same thing in different colors. I cannot imagine having three children under the age of 2 much less 18 months. No wonder my family’s all a little cukoo.
Kara says:
I have been reading your blog for awhile but have never commented before. I am a fraternal twin (I have a twin sister) and I also have identical twin boys who just turned 1. Just wanted to say, I loved this post, I agree that the question “what is it like to be a twin” is so hard to answer when it’s all you know. Now I also get the question ‘what’s it like to have twins” and beside saying “um, it’s freaking hard!”, I don’t know what to say because again, it’s all I know. Anyway, I definitely will check out your friend’s blog. My best advice for her is to definitely keep them both on the same schedule no matter what, this will make life sooo much easier. Also, I could not have survived without 2 boppy pillows, we still use them to this day. Good luck to her, I am sure she will be fine! The first few months are of course rough but it does get easier!
Madi. A says:
I’m an identical twin, and I have a VERY strong love-hate relationship with my twin…one thing I can say is, we both HATED to be called twin (still do), and the one thing that caused most of our fights was when people lumped us together and we took our frustration out on each other.
But from everything I remember, and from videos of us as babies, it was amazing having an extra playmate…Now I’m expecting twins. The one thing I know other twin moms have said again and again to me is that you have to be careful especially with same-sex twins, because they tend to take that extra playmate for granted, and then get stuck in school not quite knowing how to approach and make friends.
Yeah, so that’s all I can think of =D
Mandy B. says:
I have a twn brother and I must say that he is my very best friend. He is my only sibling so I have never known any different. The amazing thing to me is how LITTLE people actually know about twins. Usually the first question a person will ask me when they find out I have a twin brother is “Are you identical?” Ummm.. NO!
He is a boy and Im a girl. geezz..
andrea says:
I have a fraternal twin sister, and our bond is unbreakable. My other siblings get jealous because of our unique relationship…and they all wish they had a twin sister! You will forever have a friend, a companion, a confidant, and a shoulder to cry on. She treats my kids like her own, and my husband like a brother. I don’t ever want to face a day on earth without her. She really is my better half!
p.s. i think the reason why our relationship is so good because my mother never interferred in our fights or struggles….we always worked it out ourselves!!!
Shannie says:
Hi. I have 6 year old twin daughters… and I would never have wanted it any other way! I can’ t say it is any harder than having just one.. because the ways it is easier more or less balances it out. Like they always have someone to fight/play with… they can share clothes and memories, and my girls LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to watch people squirm when they can’t tell them apart! It is probably their favorite thing to do.
We have ALWAYS encouraged our girls to be themselves and it absolutely surprises me whenever someone refers to them as “the twins”
My advice… enjoy them! The first year is a little crazy, but after that, it’s amazing! Good Luck!
Joy says:
I have no idea what it is like to parent twins, the only insight I have is that my son is great friends with a set of identical twins. I have known these boys for almost 4yrs and if one of them wasn’t currently wearing his hair longer than the other I still wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. which brings me to my biggest fear I would have with being the parent of identical twins-MIXING them up!! OMG. I know parents say oh I can tell them apart but really who are they kidding? they are squishy newborns and you are extremely sleep deprived with questionable judgement due to lack of sleep, it’s ok to admit that you aren’t sure if you mixed them up:)
I did ask their father what they did and he said they had little bracelets they kept on them but once his mom took them both off and bathed them! She said she didn’t mix them up and their mom said she was sure they had the right one but he laughed and said “who knows” haha
I asked her about finding out recently and she told me they didn’t take any meds and didn’t find out it was twins til her 20wk ultrasound!
andrea says:
i forgot…my mom dressed us alike until we were 5. we told her that we didn’t want to look the same, and she respected our individuality. we had different tastes at 5, and still do! i have to give my mother credit for always treating us like individuals, but never forgetting that we were a pair!
Chris says:
I’m an identical twin. My mom didn’t know she was having twins until my sister came out. (we were 6 wks early), 59 years ago, didn’t have ultra sound!!!! We are very close, my mom dressed us a like, and we had the same class in school until the 3rd grade. The teachers asked to have us split up cuz they couldn’t tell us apart. We are always asked how does it feel to be a twin, just like you, its all we know. The other question is, when you look in the mirror do you see your sister, no, I see her differently then myself. Our voices are so a like though, on the phone its hard to tell. We stopped wearing the same clothes in the 8th grade by our own choice. Mom and Dad didn’t push it one way or the other. Being in difficult classes we developed our own identities and friends, but always stayed close. Coincidentally, both our husbands have the same name, birthdays in the same month, we got married in the same month, 2 years apart. Both had a boy first, then a girl. The coincidences are mind blowing. Obviously not planned. We’ve had a lot of fun being twins, we were also just called twin by a lot of my brothers friends. We switched classes for one day in the 11th grade, teachers had no idea, but the kids knew. We enjoy some vacations together and the husbands get along which is great.
Chris says:
oops, I meant “different” classes…sorry, typing too fast.
half twin says:
My mother also had twins 59 years ago with the doctor insisting there was only one baby and her being sure there was two — she said it was because when she lay on her back there would be one big lump on one side and one on the other. Unfortunately besides no ultrasound, we were rural with no hospital, hospital equipment, etc. and I was breach — after over 24 hours of labor, I was finally just pulled out by the leg, but my sister died. Assuming that two girls meant “identical” the doctor also only delivered one of the two placentas and my mother nearly died, too — of what they used to call “childbed fever” in PREVIOUS CENTURIES.
BTW, I now have b/g twins which are nothing alike and have never gotten along.
Alison says:
I have 8 y/o identical twin boys. And yes, when we first found out, biggest shock of our lives (I nearly fell off of the table). But I’m glad people aren’t up in our faces with the, “Oh, twins? Aren’t they great? Oh my gosh, they’re identical? WOW!” thing so much anymore!
Stephanie says:
Hi Heather,
I am a 48 year old identical twin. My sister and I are are best friends and talk everday at least twice a day on the phone. She lives 700 miles away from me. People used to ask us all the time the same thing about what it was like being a twin, It was normal for us. We do have a brother who is two years younger than us. And we love him but growing up we were never really close to him because she and I banded together, as adults he tells us that he did feel left out.
I know there are situations that cause twins or siblings to not have a relationship, that makes me sad.
Nikki D says:
I have 7 year old surviving triplets (2 boys). I usually refer to them as twins so that I don’t have to go into the big discussion. They were born after 22 years of infertility treatments! They are the biggest blessing to me. They were born at 32 weeks, but because I was hospitalized to try to stabilize the pregnancy for a week prior to their birth, we were able to get some steroid shots in and they were born fairly healthy. It is bittersweet for me to celebrate events in their lives though because I know they were three, not two. Although I have to say they are so close I don’t know if there would have been room in their clique for three. I have a particularly hard time when I do see living triplets. Anyway, for me the most important thing was to get them on a schedule as soon as possible. One of the boys had a lot of stomach issues due to prematurity, so that was harder to control as far as getting on a schedule. I regret not enjoying my pregnancy in full now because as it turned out, I cannot have any more biological children and that pregnancy was so high risk that I did not spend a lot of time just relaxing and enjoying the experience of it all. I did breastfeed both boys until they were one and that was quite an experience for me. For Rebecca, blessings to you and your twins ~
Sadye says:
I have a twin sister….and I agree with everything you wrote. My parents did an amazing job of encouraging us to be our own person (they never ever dressed us alike) and they made sure that everything was equal yet separate. I would get my own time with my dad and mom and so would my sister. My sister and I used to fight like demons but we were and are the best of friends and she is the one person in the world I don’t know what I would do without. I’ve never had to go at life alone and she is part of me. My advice? Being a twin is hard as hell (oh, the comparisons never.ever.end) but I think being parents of twins is even harder. Just be honest about that and be your own family! You are not having twins…you are having two children.
Annie from Oregon says:
Sadye, I think your last line is the heart of the matter! Two children. Thanks for saying that.
Allison says:
Rebecca’s post about finding out she was having twins brought back some anxiety from my own experience! I had an 18 month old daughter, and my husband was in law school. I went to the doctor for my 15 week appointment and she did a quick ultrasound just to check things out. I was all alone, and finding out I was having twins rocked my world! There were absolutely no twins anywhere in my family, so it was the biggest surprise I’ve ever had.
Advice: Save money for a nighttime nanny. Ha, seriously, when my twins were babies all I could think about was how much I wished I could afford nighttime help. Waking up every hour and getting like 4 hours total every night was horrible.
Ok, real advice: Looks like you’ve already figured out you don’t need to eat an extra thousand calories a day (I read those books too), but I do believe a few extra calories is good once the morning sickness is gone. TAKE IT EASY towards the end. I had no pregnancy complications, no signs of labor, yet I was painting the nursery at 35 weeks pregnant and my water broke. If I could go back, I would have been resting in a chair, because one of my babies was in the NICU for 3 weeks and that was AWFUL. Seriously, take it easy and do not end up having them early if it is at all within your power.
Good luck, and it all gets better after the first year. That first year however, is a complete blur for me.
Andrea says:
Like Samantha I am the mother of twins that did not make it. My fraternal twin boys were premature and both died shortly after birth. I held them in my arms and cried as they died and it was the worst time of my life. To be honest, I really don’t like to read or hear about twins because society makes it so glamorous when the truth is a good percentage of twin pregnancies end badly. I never got to be the blissfully happy (and ignorant) pregnant woman who thinks everything always turns out fine. Yes, I am a bit bitter about that! I now have two beautiful children, but my pregnancies with them both were full of fear, worry and stress.
Shortly after I lost my boys my sister found out she was having twins and even 5 years later it is hard to accept the injustice of it all despite my love for my niece and nephew. So, while I don’t know what it is like to be a twin, or parent twins, I do feel that no pregnancy should be taken for granted, especially one with multiples and many people do just that.
Samantha says:
i’m very sorry for your loss, and i fully understand everything you just said.
shoot me an email or pop over to my blog if you ever want to talk!
Lynnette says:
My sister has mirror identical twin girls. They are now 11 years old with a 7 year old sister. I was able to help out a lot when the older were babies and I would like to second the suggestion above of having a list of chores hanging on your fridge that could be worked on. Our Grandma used to spend one day every week over at my sister’s house just doing chores for her. It was such a blessing to her.
GirlsGoneChild says:
These pictures SLAYED me dead. Could you two be any cuter? I mean… whoa. Look forward to reading all your reader’s comments! I love you hard.
Adrianne says:
I love it when two of my favorite bloggers are friends! It somehow confirms that I have good taste in my reading preferences:)
You have so much to look forward to, Rebecca! I think yours are a girl and boy too….as if that means anything!
Tina says:
I am the mom of (former preemie) fraternal twin boys, now almost 5 1/2…
What can I say? It’s wonderful!! The first few years were a little tiring. You had to do everything twice… just as you had finished bathing a little one, you had to do it AGAIN, for instance…
However I compare my boys to singletons and here are some pluses: They are not jealous of each other. They can share just fine, as they have learned to share from the very first moment. They have always waited their turn. They are very sociable and outgoing with other kids because they were with each other from the first moment. They are each other’s best friend!!
Some advise that worked for me:
Breastfeed both at the same time, saved me a BUNCH of time. Having them from day 1 on the same schedule was what saved me!
Also, an early bed time… they still go to bed at 19.30 pm each day.
Schedule, schedule, schedule and routine, routine, routine… very strict routine! Yes we have missed out on a few late(r) night playdates but I followed the SAME routing each and EVERY night for the last 5 1/2 years… I became…ehm… anal about it but they are like little robots now. They turn off a switch at 19.30 and it leaves me plenty of time to catch up to work or house work or even catch a movie on DVD and still go to bed at a decent hour. Plus of course they get plenty of sleep since they are SO active (one of them has ADHD) during the day and at school, they get no nap-time. I feel confident they are well rested as they get 12hrs of sleep per night.
Now they are five, they are each other’s company and entertain each other for hours!! Ok it’s taken THIS long but I can finally say I can have a cup of coffee in ANOTHER ROOM without a child following me around begging for attention 24/7 lol
If you’d like to see more of what life is like with twins, visit my blog here:
http://smilepleasephotography.blogspot.com/2010/06/blog-post.html
TWINS ROCK!!
Alison says:
Hi Heather! I’m always happy to talk twins.
I already congratulated Rebecca on her blog and I think on twitter, but I’ll say it again here. Congrats, Rebecca! Don’t let anyone scare you. Twins are awesome. I’m, of course, biased, since I’m a twin.
The good:
Built-in buddy. Twins fight with each other, some pairs more than others, but there is no one else in the world who shares a more similar history with you. That’s a good bit of solidarity right there.
Twins tend to help each other out. Amanda and I used to help each other with boo boos and band aids when we were little. One can get water or food or whatever for the other one when they are sick (except when they both come down with the same bug). I had strep throat over spring break, and Amanda was so great helping me out.
Cute outfits. OK, I know dressing twins in matching outfits really riles some people up. And we got really sick of it by the preteen years. But every once in awhile, it’s still fun to dress up similarly!! It’s not going to make them co-dependent or anything to have twins dress alike occasionally. If twins hate it, don’t force the issue. If twins love it, don’t force the issue. Now sometimes we’ll meet up at school wearing the same shirt, completely by accident. Oops.
The bad:
Other people will probably feel left out. I have never known twins that did this on purpose (the two person clique thing appears to be a myth, but that’s just my experience). My mom was in a similar situation as Jen’s (commenter 14) mom. It can be a little lonely for people outside of the twinship. We’ve had friends be way jealous of the twin thing (particularly middle school and early high school, which are rough times, so I think there was more going on then said friends were letting on). We haven’t seemed to scare off any boys yet, but I have heard of SOs being threatened by their partner’s twin. Rebecca, I really believe your kids will take things in stride. (Your Nine Weeks post and that particular Archerism made me teary.) Archer seems so wise and Fable so sweet.
People will tell you how to parent your twins (or, in my case, be a twin) ALL THE FREAKING TIME. EVEN WHEN THEY DON’T HAVE TWINS. There’s a huge difference between some good advice, such as what Heather has solicited here, and the unsolicited assvice from a random know-it-all in the grocery store whose neighbor’s cousin’s daughter had twins and OH GOD DON’T PUT THEM IN THE SAME CLASS AND DON’T LET THEM DRESS ALIKE or YOU GUYS SHOULD DRESS ALIKE AND WHY DON’T YOU HAVE THE SAME HAIR CUT AND COLOR, YOU’RE TWINS, RIGHT?! Whoa. I was more bitter about it than I thought. Anyway, just like singletons, each pair of twins is different and the twins themselves are different. What works for some parents and twins isn’t going to work for all parents and twins.
It can also garner a lot of unwanted attention, particularly when the twins are identical. Lots of staring and such, especially when we were little and looked even more alike. It’s usually fun to answer people’s questions, but sometimes we just want to buy our groceries and get going. No, we’re not interested in being the Doublemint Twins or the Coors Light Girls or Hugh’s girlfriends, we just want some cinnamon toast crunch.
The weird:
Finishing each other’s sentences, reading each other really well (it’s not telepathy, pinky promise!), random coincidences, etc. Having twins, being a twin, being around twins… it can be weirdly awesome and fun. Or fun-ly and awesomely weird.
I put my poor little defunct blog’s URL up there, where more of my musings on twin stuff can be found, if one for some strange reason desired to read the ramblings of a college kid.
xoxo
Glenda says:
I follow Rebecca’s blog too. I’m so happy for her. Archer and Fable are gorgeous and I’m sure these 2 will be as well.
On my husbands side, his brother has twin girls. Fraternal not identical they are 14. They were in the same classroom until about 4th grade. The one that’s the most outgoing would always talk for the shy one when they were little. One is light w/ light eyes and the other is olive w/ dark eyes. Totally opposite.
On my side, my nephews wife has twin boy/girl. They are 6 mos.
I always wanted twins. Didn’t happen. I have a son and a daughter.
I don’t like when the twins get referred to the “twins” and I dislike when they are dressed alike. They are individuals and should be treated as such.
Kathy says:
I have boy/girl twins who are 20 mos younger than their brother. They are 13 and he’s 14 now. I was thrilled to be having twins. I puked my guts up for 3 months, but then had the easiest twin pregnancy ever.
My main advice…wake one when the other wakes to eat. Don’t stress. Or, try not to anyway. My first 3 mos with them is a blur. I don’t remember it. We all survived, my eldest watched a LOT of videos during that time, I probably felt like a bad mother…but we’re all fine now and they don’t remember it anyway! ha!
Best wishes to your friend. It’s a heck of a lot of fun to watch them now, as it has been thru the years. They are all 3 close and my twins are certainly each other’s best friend, even being boy/girl. If given the choice, they still ask to NOT be seperated in school, etc., which blows my mind, since they are teens.
Megan says:
I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant with boy/girl twins! I LOVED your post – I think all the time about their relationship, and really like hearing from adult twins and how it’s been for them.
I start my third trimester on Friday, and here’s my advice for the pregnancy:
*Be prepared for the awkward questions. “How did you get pregnant?” “Did you do anything special to get twins?” “How much weight have you gained?” People don’t observe personal space for a regular old pregnant woman, but the especially don’t observe space or boundaries if you’re having twins. I imagine it only gets better (worse?) once they are out into the world.
*Listen to yourself – slow down when your body tells you to. I don’t have another pregnancy to compare this one too, but I feel like I’m tired a lot sooner than other friends in the same stage of pregnancy and I’m bigger sooner.
*Like another commenter said, this isn’t a regular pregnancy +1 baby. I second/third the comments above suggesting Dr. Luke’s book.
*Even though you get crazy comments, your stomach is abnormally large (you look 40 weeks pregnant around 30 – bless our hearts), and you get overwhelmed thinking about raising two at the same time – this is still a really cool experience, and my husband and I celebrate it every week.
Congratulations!
Kyle says:
Nothing about the three questions we’ve been asked most as twins? Those would be:
1) “Are you identical?” (This is a confusing thing to ask a six foot tall man about his sister.)
2) “Can you read each others’ minds?” (I can, but Heather mostly thinks about ‘Glee’ and random ‘Friends’ episodes, so it’s like reading a DVR’s mind.)
3) “If I hit you, will she feel it?” (I would typically suggest trying it on Heather first.)
RzDrms says:
Kyle’s humor reminds me of Mike’s, especially the TV thoughts comment. Love that. And identical twins FASCINATE me. They have the same DNA and fingerprints! Crime spree, anyone? Seriously, though: the same DNA and fingerprints? I want to know more.
es says:
I have a twin brother too, and we got asked those same three questions all the time, too. I would get so annoyed about the identical question, and people would try to justify it by saying they really meant, “do we look alike?”. And every now and then we would pretend to be able to read each other’s minds “What number am I thinking of?”, “3”, “Wow how did you guess?” just to mess with people.
Now, I have 3 year old boy-girl twins- and I get the same questions all over again! And it’s even more annoying the second time around!
robyn L says:
My dad has a twin sister. He had one instance of twin telepathy. He started crying the same moment someone started picking on his sister (who was in a different classroom) because she wore a back brace. My dad later beat up that kid.
Daisy says:
My college roommate (and best friend for a long time) was an identical twin. They were VERY close -but went to separate colleges and visited each other a lot. It was awesome to know one of them so well that I was the only one at school that could tell them apart . They were both wonderful people, similar…yet not. Just as you describe!
andifoo says:
I don’t have any personal twin experience, but coincidentally saw this youtube video on a friend’s FB page this morning, then saw this post. It’s of twin toddler boys having a “conversation” with each other and it is just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if linking to a youtube video is proper blog-commenting etiquette so I’ll just tell you the title is ‘twin baby boys have a conversation’ (there are two parts). I just find it fascinating watching them babble so animatedly and totally seem to get what the other is saying. I imagine that witnessing a moment like this between your babies would give you the strength to get through the strain of the rest of the day! Best of luck to GGC!
Bianca S says:
Hi Heather
My mum’s a twin and there are also twins on her dad’s side of the family so think it may be written in my stars :p
I just wanted to stop by not to talk about twins but just to mention how much you look like Maddie in some of these younger pics of you. You’d probably already noticed that – but I thought you’d like to hear it
All best to Rebecca
Alexandra :) says:
LOVE the Annie photo! I’ll take two of her!
Kellie says:
I didn’t know you were a twin! I am as well. I have a fraternal twin sister but we look really alike. I was so afraid of having twins. Being one is one thing but having them is another. I just remember the fights my sister and I would have growing up and I did not want to have to deal with that! Although now we are best friends so it all works out in the end.
On a totally different note, your wedding dress looks almost exactly like mine! Good taste! Is it Maggie Sottero? Gorgeous pic!
andifoo says:
Aaahh, the youtube video I mentioned in my previous comment is being featured on ABC World News Tonight in a story called ‘The Secret Life of Twins’!
Lex (@laprimera) says:
Thanks for posting this! I’m in for quite a ride! xo
Amanda says:
I don’t comment all the time but since it’s about TWINS and since I was called out (Thanks Heather!) I’ll add my 2 cents to what Alison, my lovely twin, said above.
WOW. Now that I read it through she said a lot. She’s really smart.
A few extra things:
Don’t try to tell twins they are equally good at everything. Because it’s not true and it’s annoying. Alison is a better crafter. Which reminds me we have a quilt for someone who may or may not write this blog to finish… Anyway, I am more athletic. Science we’re pretty equal in, but I’m better at math and she is a better writer. I know this. It’s OK. She did better on the pSATs and SATs than me and I was so happy for her. I lettered in Track, she was proud of me.
Don’t be scared of the occasional matching outfit! I love those pictures. Alison and I have twin tattoos that match but are on different wrists (see her defunct blog link if you wanna see). We just bought matching dresses for the 1st time in ages. Celebrate the twinness, don’t purposefully play it down but don’t make them play it up either.
Those questions Kyle wrote are exaaactllly the questions we get too. Seriously. Question-mania for the mama and the babies. Be prepared for the questions. Are you ready for the questions? Questions anyone? QUESTIONS. Fun sometimes, but hinders shopping, going out in public, etc.
eliza says:
Awww sweet post. I have 4 yoa b/g twins and a 10 yoa boy. There are so many things to say but I’m going to whittle it down. Join the Twins Magazine message board and start talking to other moms pregnant with twins and due when you are. Best thing I ever did. I still talk to those girls and we’re facebook friends now. They helped me so much through through the pregnancy. And secondly, it’s just all different for everyone. You will hit your stride when they get here and figure it out. It’s very, very different from a singleton newborn. As they’re getting older it is so, so fun. It’s a lucky thing. But it’s also tough. (Heather hug your mom
sandy says:
Well, I am a twin, my husband is a twin, and we have twin boys who are six-years-old.
I would say that although the first year is rough, having twins is easier than having a singleton (I also have a nine-year-old daughter) for the simple fact that the babies have a built-in playmate.
I totally agree with Heather that having a twin is like having a best friend. I am still quite close to my twin brother, and I feel like we share a special bond.
Dee Dee says:
Well, I will give no other advice other than one piece of advice given to me by a mother of twins while I was pg with my twins…”The first year will be hard, don’t wish away the milestones trying to get to the next stage.” I had the first twinge of reality when my girls seemed so upset over “tummy time” and I said “I can’t wait until they turn over so they will quit being so frustrated” it was then that I realized I never made that statement with my singletons and that it would be very easy wishing for the next milestone to arrive so that it would be an easier stage I appreciate that advice more than any advice I received while I was pregnant!
Megan@TrueDaughter says:
I have no knowledge of twins, though my husband has brothers who are twins. But, I just had to stop in and say the the first pic heather, of you and your brother – You look JUST LIKE Maddie. so beautiful, and I stopped and looked at it for a minute, confused. I guess it would be more accurate the other way around, but the resemblance is amazing.
Shelly says:
My third pregnancy was a surprise twin pregnancy. We found out the day they were born at 33 wks and pretty sure they were identical. Samuel was stillborn and Daniel is the surviving twin. He turns 11 this year.
I get asked a lot if Daniel and his younger/older brothers are triplets.(3 in 3 years) They were the same size/weight for a long time. This year is the first year they are are different weights/heights. They are very protective of each other , so don’t mess with any of the brothers because there are 2 more to deal with.
I loved it when they were younger, they did not call each other by their names, but referred to each other as, ‘Brother’. They also had their own language with the oldest of the 3 speaking for all of them.
So while I did not have the privilege of raising my twins together, I did have my 3 boys who were very close with each other. It is hard work and so thankful they are older now, though they get pretty loud with their discussions.
michele wallace says:
WOW – News to me, I had no clue you were a twin Heather! Reading this post today made me smile. I have B/G Twins who just turned 3 last week – I enjoy them much but your so right (2 seperate personalities/2 seperate people). My son who is now 6 was a twin as well, my daughter passed away when she was 3 1/2 months old at UCLA – That’s what led me to reading your blog this past year (the connection we had of losing a child and at UCLA). I live in Santa Barbara, CA.
Congrats to your friend Rebeccah – I won’t lie to her the first year was the hardest. I wouldnt change my kids/life for the world now but I will say sometimes I wish I had a singleton pregnancy and birth so that I could enjoy what it is but I love them so very much. My advice to her: Take one day at a time and she will get through this.
Lots of hugs to you Heather!
Love,
Michele
patty says:
I am an identical twin.
From my perspective- don’t give your twins cute matching names, dress them differently, try and give them their own bedrooms and try to consciously support that they are individuals, not just TWINS. We were 2 out of 5 children, but at times it felt like we were 1 out of4. I literally thought my name was “twins” as in “this is Patty,one of the twins”. I am 53 and still get questioned about what it is like being a twin- and that got old, er,ah,about 30 years ago.
Dawn @ What's Around the Next Bend? says:
I have NO twin advice… I did well to have 2 separately
but I did see this video of these 2 little twin boys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY&NR=1
and OBVIOUSLY they have a language all their own. Did you have that with your brother, Heather?
Kate says:
My cousin and three other friends are all having twins in June, July, August, and September. I am sending them all here for this great advice. My other cousin told me they were having a baby and I was all “twins?” She is the only one out of the last 5 friends/family that is having a singleton. Craziness. I can’t wait to photograph all these babies. I love my job.
Mommy says:
No twin experience here, but you and your brother are freaking adorable!!!
Shel says:
I am an identical twin, my dad/uncle are identical twins, we have twin cousins nine days older than us, and 6 other sets of twins in four generations of family. Being a twin in my family is no big deal, lol.
However, my advice is dress them differently, especially if they are identical. Let each one have their own style and individuality. My sister and I had to dress a like until third grade, when I refused to go to school if I had to wear what she was wearing!!
My other advice is let them each pick an activity they want to do. We had to do the same thing, whether both of us wanted to or not, and of course we never agreed, as we have different personalities. We would both wind up quitting or getting pulled out by mom, it just created too much drama and wasn’t worth it. I mean, other families with multiple kids let the kids do different things!!
I also don’t care for “twin names” but that’s my preference. My sister and I do not have twin names, however, our uncles shortened our names and they are “twin names” which is funny to me. Uncles can get away with more, lol.
Know that I am not complaining, just very much an individual!!
Good luck to you!!!
Candice says:
Like someone above said, I can talk twins all day long!
I’m a mirror identical, too! Growing up, it did get annoying when people compared us and thought us novel, but now that we’re 39 and live far apart, it’s fun to be noticed as twins when we’re together.
We’ve gotten all of the questions listed above (and I love that Kyle made a guest appearance in the comments — yay, Kyle!). When people ask me & my sister if we’re identical, we like to say that one of us is adopted, and it’s just an amazing coincidence. ha!
Love to you all, Heather, Kyle, Mike, Maddie, Annie & Rigby. Thanks for sharing your lives with us.
TracyKM says:
I have read both that it’s best to get them on the exact same schedule…but also that it’s better to just go with their own natural schedule.
My biggest suggestion—babywear! You can wear two babies in a wrap sling on your front! Then, around 4-5 months, you can start wearing one on each hip in ring slings or one on your front and one on your back in mei tais. You can wear two at a time until their combined weight is about 40lb, and you can wear one until they are about 35lb. Even wearing one babe while pushing a single stroller is going to be way easier than pushing a double stroller…and a MUCH better workout
Kaitlin says:
I’m so glad to hear you and your brother are close. I have boy/girl twins and am always worried that they will not be as close as they would be if they were the same gender.
And I did not have a good reaction when I found out we were expecting two babies, but now I can’t imagine it any other way.
I have a twin question for you. Do people constantly ask you if your identical? People ask us this all the time and they totally don’t get it that boy/girl twins CAN’T be identical.
Mommy says:
You look so much like Maddie in the first picture. Wow! I love these pictures!!
Sarah says:
I would be interested to hear about Mike’s experience being married to a twin. What’s it like having another person who knows and relates to their spouse on such a level? Does he ever feel left out or like he’s missing out on something? Were he and Kyle instant friends when they met, because they both had such a close relationship with you? Etc. etc.
Lisa says:
Gah….I wasn’t going to respond but I am going to.
We have twins, one has special needs (I still can’t say that word without my teeth grinding) one does not. It took me a long time to let go of what should be and embrace what is although I am not there 100% yet, I am better than I ever was.
I find it bittersweet, one talks, one does not, there are days that I grieve and ache over his unspoken words.
She walks, he does not…yet, and I ache over this too. I had so many unspoken dreams, conjured up images in my head over things they would do together. They no know different, but I do and sometimes there are these moments that I can feel like I just got punched in the stomach over all of this unknown.
She is my reminder, my gage to where he should be, twins for me has been beautiful yet difficult all at the same time.
It has just been recently that the waves of grief don’t wash over me as much as they used to, I am reaching an inner peace and finding the acceptance of what is.
Lindsey says:
I don’t have twins but wanted to say that my first two kids are 18 months apart so we had a double stroller. I was astonished when we would take them to the mall and we would literally have people rushing at us from halfway down the mall, so excited that we had “twins” and then they would walk away so disappointed, acting as if we had duped them!!! Never realized til then how excited people get over twins…. can only guess what parents of triplets get! We have no twins in the family but found out recently that my grandmother was pregnant with a set of triplets ( back in the 20’s) but she lost them after a bad fall off a porch. Can just imagine how people reacted to the prospect of triplets back then!!
jen says:
Congratulations to Rebecca.
I’m a mother to 2.5 year old BG twins. I think previous commenters made some really great points. Since I didn’t see too many comments about breast-feeding, I thought I’d weigh in on that issue. If that is important to you, then go for it. I breast-fed exclusively (once we could drop the supplementing bottles in their first month.) Feeding both at once and on the same schedule was essential. Also, a standard boppy pillow just won’t cut it. But they do make big twin breast-feeding cushions. Not as cute as boppys, but so much more useful to a twin mom. The lactation consultant with my Dr’s office was not very knowledgeable, but La Leche League published a book specifically for multiples that I found helpful.
I love being a twin mom, and even at this young age, it’s clear to me that my two love being twins!
Priya says:
Check out this adorable video of twins communicating! If we only knew what they are discussing…
Louis Carabini says:
I have girls Baby A Ashlee and baby B Brandie they just turned a year they are my youngest of four. I have tried about all I can think of without biting her back like my aunt says she did to us ….haha I have caught her four different occasions and yesterday she bit her eight times really close to breaking the skin. I have boy girl twins and my boy will get really mad and bite my girl.
Jenny says:
I’m the oldest in my family, and I have twin brothers who are 14 months younger than me. Growing up, I don’t remember my mom losing her mind. Now that I’m a parent, I think she probably just hid it very well!
The three of us were the very best of friends, and still are. We had moments, of course, especially the high school years, where we weren’t as close, but now that we are all adults, we are still best friends. But there’s something even more to the relationship my brothers have together. They are even MORE than best friends, I guess you could say. It’s hard to put a word to their connection! They had their moments of hating each other, and pushing each other’s buttons like no one else could, but they’ve always come back to each other. One of the twins is overseas fighting in the war, and the other one here I think feels that whole just a bit differently than the rest of us. They just have this amazing connection.
I’ve asked my mom how she handled it. She said she had moments where she wanted to just cry! But she was always able to remember that those crazy, I-don’t-think-I-can-take-it-anymore moments will pass, and the kids WILL grow up, and you won’t be stuck in that particular phase forever (even when it feels like you will at the time!).
Good luck to Rebecca, it’ll be a crazy, but absolutely wonderful experience to be the mom of twins.
Christina says:
Lots of good advice already, so I really only have one thing to add. I don’t know if your friend is having identical twins or not, but if she is – or anybody else reading this is – educate yourself about Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Like, now. I have identical twin boys who just turned 2; they were born 12 weeks premature and, literally and in all seriousness, almost lost their lives because of TTTS. My older son struggles with delays caused by restricted growth in the womb, malnutrition and the rammifications of being a micro-preemie. Early diagnosis is so crucial when it comes to TTTS, and it’s extremely important to be monitored by a high-risk OB. Extremely.important.
I’m sorry that my very first comment on your blog after almost 2 years of reading is me climbing up on my soapbox, but there it is. http://www.tttsfoundation.org And there’s that.
mommymae says:
i wrote a post. not much advice, just what i know from my girls.
http://mommymae.com/?p=1566
Liss says:
I’m not a twin, don’t have twins but one of my favorite authors just had twin girls (Shannon Hale, http://oinks.squeetus.com/ ). I love to read her blog and her experiences. (The best was when she announced she was pregnant with twins http://oinks.squeetus.com/2010/04/fall-2010-new-from-shannon-hale.html )
To add to a comment above about not comparing (or letting themselves compare to each other) twins, one of my favorite pictures books is “I Love you the Purplest”–it’s about twins and how the mom loves each one differently.
Kimberly says:
I enjoyed reading your post. I have the unique situation where I have 2 sets of twins within one multiple birth. In other words, I had quadruplets where 2 girls are identical and 2 fraternal.
It is very interesting to see some of the difference between the two identical girls and the other two girls. They are all close, but I would say the identical ones have an extra special bond. Almost like they can read each others minds.
I am always interested in connecting with other mothers of multiples, so feel free to reply.
Thanks and have a great day.
liz says:
I’m a quadruplet and much like being a twin…it’s just part of who you are. Being a multiple is the only normal you know. But I can say, it. is. a. blast. Teenage years were a little oh. so. dramatic. But now that we’re adults, it’s just as much fun as when we were kids. The bonds, relationships, and fun can’t be replicated with friends! I love my siblings so, so much.
MultiMommy says:
I often wonder how my quadruplets will feel about having been part of a multiple births. I hope they think it is special.