I love Saturday and Sunday mornings. Not only do I get to sleep in, but Mike usually brings Maddie in to snuggle with me in bed. I love opening my eyes in the morning to see Maddie’s giant peepers looking back at me (assuming that she didn’t wake me up by pinching my lip and yanking on it), her mouth opening into her toothless grin. But, lest you think we are co-sleepers, we aren’t. Co-sleeping terrifies me. Not because I’m afraid one of us will roll onto Maddie and crush her, or she’ll manage to suffocate on our comforter, though. I always prop up a ton of pillows around her, and finally Mike asked me what I was doing.

Me: I’m making sure she doesn’t slip between the bed and the wall.
Mike: The space between the bed and the wall is about an inch wide. Maddie won’t get stuck there.
Me: I’m not worried about her getting stuck between the wall and the bed, Mike. Sheesh.
Mike: Um…ok. Then what ARE you worried about, strange lady?
Me: I am terrified that Maddie will roll off the bed…and fall into the fourth dimension. Duh.

Maddie and I had dinner with my parents and brother tonight, and I mentioned this fear to them. They all immediately understood the reference. See, my parents made the rather questionable parenting decision to allow my brother and I to watch The Twilight Zone. When we were growing up, the local LA TV station always showed marathons on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. First it was I Love Lucy, then The Twilight Zone came on. And don’t get me wrong, Kyle and I begged them to let us watch TTZ – we weren’t forced. We could have played in the backyard. Kyle and I had strong imaginations, and TTZ ‘s strong storytelling was perfect for our active minds.

There are many, MANY episodes of that show that completely traumatized us. Like the episode where the ventriloquist dummy comes to life, or the one where the doll says, “My name is Talky Tina, and I’m going to kill you,” and then SHE DOES, or of course, “There’s…..Something on the wing. Some…… Thing!.” Holy cow, I should not be thinking about these scary episodes right before I go to bed.

The creepy thing about the scariest episodes of The Twilight Zone is that even though most episodes contained supernatural elements, there were many other elements that were sooooo real. Isolation, confusion, vanity, miscommunication, those are all things that happen in everyday life. Rod Serling was a genius. And that’s why I’ll have nightmares about Pig-Faced people and aliens that have cookbooks on how to serve humans.

Anyway, the episode that has left the biggest scar on my mind is the one I am afraid will happen to Maddie. In that edition of TTZ, a portal to the fourth dimension opens up on the wall behind a little girl’s bed. This little girl, Tina, falls off her bed and rolls into the fourth dimension. She is calling for her parents to help her and, of course, they’re totally wigging out. Her faithful dog runs in after her, and then Tina’s dad has to lean into the other dimension to pull them both out. SECONDS after the dad pulls them all back through the wall, the portal closes – the dad barely missed being trapped in two dimensions.

FREAKING TERRIFYING! You know, because it could totally happen. What. Can you prove to me that it can NOT happen? If you can prove that to me, I will write you a check for a million dollars*. I can see all of this happening in our house…except, Rigby would be too busy eating Maddie’s baby food to run into the other dimension after her. But the rest? I have chills.

Actually…propping up the pillows is not only preventing Maddie from rolling into another dimension, it’s also saving Mike from being trapped between two dimensions. Think about it. Who’s strange now, eh? You’re welcome, Mike.

*that check will bounce