It’s no secret that Los Angeles has really crappy traffic. I usually take advantage of my commute time to make my phone calls, but now that California’s Hands-Free cell phone law is in effect I’ve tried to cut back on my talking (and I always forget my headset). This evening I was at work until about 6:15, and figured I’d missed most of the traffic. I was very wrong. While I sat in heavier-than-usual traffic (caused by this!), I had my iPod playing on shuffle. A great song by Loudon Wainwright came on (and if you have a daughter or ARE a daughter, you must go to iTunes RIGHT! NOW! and download another song of his, “Daughter.” You’ll love it. I promise), “Grey In LA.” I sang along to the words mindlessly until I got to the last few lines.
There’s no place that’s better I know,
For a wannabe star stuck in a car
On a freeway with nowhere to go.
The song is pretty bitter at LA, but those last words struck a chord with me. There I was, stuck in crap traffic, barely inching towards home. Wannabe star? Oh yeah. Oh, how I wanted to be famous when I was growing up. I wanted to be a singer more than anything. And to be honest, I still wouldn’t mind if I woke up and that dream was true.
I spent many years (and lots of my parents’ money) on singing lessons and piano lessons, but I never did anything with it. Now that I’m 29, I know that dream is pretty out of reach, unless I go on American Idol, and uh, no way (sorry Noel). And I’m a little sad that I didn’t at least try – go on auditions, that sort of thing. It’s probably the only thing in my life that I didn’t go after full-force. I think it’s because I wanted it SO badly that maybe I was subconsciously protecting myself from certain rejection (to quote Loudon again, this town’s so cruel). Or maybe I was just lazy. Point being, it’s nobody’s fault buy my own.
My life is coming up on a crossroads. I know there are potential changes coming my way, and I don’t know how things are going to wind up. Unfortunately, I have to sit back and let the chips fall where they may, and it’s making the control freak in me completely stress out. I can’t help but think about how all the choices I’ve made in my life have lead me to a point where I no longer have any. That makes me a bit melancholy.
I don’t want Madeline to be 29, sitting in a crummy traffic jam, thinking about what she should have done with her life. I want to make sure she goes for her dreams, no matter how scared she is or how unattainable it might seem. I need to set a good example for her. No, I am still NOT going to try out for American Idol (sorry Noel). I have to figure out some new dreams for myself. And of course, I must acknowledge that one of my dreams came true eight months ago. Being Maddie’s mother is great, but I want more – need more. It might be selfish, but I have to make myself happy, too, right? I want to be her role model. I want to make my dreams come true, so that she knows it’s possible.
Now I have to get out of that traffic jam and figure out where I’m going.
Anna Marie says:
You’ll always have choices Heather. Don’t give up. Plus, Maddie already thinks you are a superstar!
Anna Maries last blog post..Ow!
Jenny, Bloggess says:
You’re already a star to me.
Ps. Be selfish. No one else is going to be selfish for you.
mrs. chicken says:
I had an epiphany like this when my daughter was 8 months old. Only for me, it was a writing career. Guess what? I revived my writing career. Granted, it looks a lot different than I’d hoped it would when I was 26, but I still have steady work doing what I love. And my daughter is better for it.
She sees me working toward a dream, no matter that it is a dream altered.
You can still do it. You can.
mrs. chickens last blog post..First There Were Three
Cheryl says:
Trust me, even at 41 I have very similar moments in LA traffic & with regard to my daughter (who just turned two last month) & the whole, “What the hell am I doing?” stuff… I think that it’s normal as a new mom for sure, and the good news is you’re asking this question at 29 — not at 50!!
Hugs!
Cheryl ~
@Jasperblu
Cheryls last blog post..One Year
rockandrollmama.com says:
Having a daughter had a similar effect on me. I suddenly realized that there were all these things that I wanted to do, that I hadn’t done because they seemed unattainable or overwhelming, or…Reason Number 1- Cause I was scared.
So I’m trying, and often it still seems unattainable and scary, but most days I feel a sense of joy that I’m trying. I have no doubt that when you turn your full force onto whatever you choose, the universe will back you up. Not to get all woowoo- ok, little woowoo.
All mothers have to be a little selfish or GO INSANE.
moosh in indy. says:
Be selfish, because you don’t want Maddie to leave at 18 and realize that you have nothing left because Maddie was your life. Because then you’ll become THAT mom. I have a hard time remembering that 26 (or freshly 29) is still so young, I give up on that alone, like, by the time I go back to school I’ll beee soooo ooollldddd.
We can do a little karaoke and hope someone will sign you on spot
moosh in indy.s last blog post..You still have time for a Whoorlie do.
Mary Beth says:
I wonder at the people who sign themselves as “so and so’s mommy”. When you have children, do you lose your own sense of identity and become so involved in them that you fade to the point of being their accessory? That’s not right! Yes, being a parent is the most important job in the world. But just as you don’t completely define yourself as a lawyer or teacher or whatever, you should not be restricted to being just a mommy. What kind of life are you showing your daughter then? Look, you get to grow up and be tied to someone much smaller than you for the rest of your natural born life. No thank you! Be yourself. Part of you is Maddie’s mom but not all of you!
Mary Beths last blog post..Some Quick Correspondence
Black Hockey Jesus says:
I don’t know what you’re crying about when we’re all just round the corner from being bajillionaires. You can sing your ass off in the jet’s hot tub.
Baby B says:
Showing your daughter what can be achieved with hard work and dedication is never selfish. It’s just the right thing to do.
Baby Bs last blog post..Define: Twin
Backpacking Dad says:
If you start a singing career I’ll come to your shows.
If you start a writing career I’ll buy your books.
If you start a babysitting career I’ll dump my daughter with you and run.
I’ll be supportive, you know?
:}
Backpacking Dads last blog post..Suburbanity and the Future
Maria says:
Just being aware that you want things for yourself is such an awesome start.
Right now, between kids (like literally between them I guess, since boy #2 is arriving in November) I am tackling tiny goals for myself. Finish knitting something. Finish this f’n short story or throw laptop out the window. Etc. Even that feels good. I spent too long just spinning my wheels being miserable for a paycheck and too tired to do anything that felt good.
No matter what you do, I can’t wait to read about it. PS Why do all you cool kids live on the West Coast. Sigh.
Marias last blog post..I don’t like BK Coffee, but I do like this stuff.
ali says:
in the words of Juno: “Woah dream big!”
hahaha.
seriously, though, BE SELFISH. you are not JUST a mom. she will appreciate that you followed your dreams. now what is it you want to do?????????
alis last blog post..please come and sell me chocolate. i will buy a dozen.
Jen says:
You have no idea how appropriate this post is for me right now. I, too, am at a crossroads and am very conflicted with which road to take: the easy convenient one (that I’ve been on for a while now and it’s quite boring), or the more challenging, farther away but possibly much more satisfying one. I don’t want my daughter to suffer but maybe, like you said, she’ll be better off if I do something that makes me happy. Something to think about….thanks for that post!
Jessie says:
Taking time for yourself…wanting things for yourself does not make you selfish. It makes you sane. You can’t wrap your entire identity up in being a mother. Losing yourself means that Maddie loses.
If you want to become a rock star, I’ll be your backup singer.
Jessies last blog post..And it’s a wrap. Well…wrap-ish…
stefanie says:
Hey, I didn’t find my true calling until I was 38. Believe me you have time. Obviously you’ll want to be doing things you find fulfilling now but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’re dealing with a lot with Maddie and you need some time to deal with all of it before you tackle the bigger picture!
stefanies last blog post..Response From My Ass
Aunt Becky says:
You and me both, lover. You and me both.
CaraBee says:
That was a really great post! And like some of the other comments, trust me that 29 is not the end of the road. A LOT of people didn’t find their dreams until after 30 or even 40 or 50. Look at me, I’m 34 and I only just found my calling as a gnome collector! Just keep dreaming!
CaraBees last blog post..A Gnome For All Seasons
Christy says:
I think as moms (and dads too?) we’ve all been at that crossroads–many times over even. You do sacrifice some things when you’re a parent, but I think you have to figure out a balance b/c I think the most important thing is for your kids to see you happy & fulfilled. You can do anything, go anywhere you want (I truly believe that.) I guess the hard part is figuring it out, right?
Christys last blog post..My First Writing Gig
Amy says:
I had this same epiphany when my oldest was about 1. I went back to school, full time at first and then realized this was counterproductive and switched to part-time. It took me ten years (and another child thrown in the mix) in total to receive my Bachelor’s Degree. I was DETERMINED to show my girls the importance of education! With all the obstacles in my way I pushed through them all and accomplished what I sought!
You can do ANYTHING Heather and at ANYTIME!!