I was at Target yesterday looking for some fun outdoor summer toys for Annabel. I figure that even if we don’t get the house (which, yeah, we still don’t know omg), she’ll use outdoor stuff at the park, the beach, in backyards we break into, etc. I came across a whole summertime bundle full of sand toys and balls and such, so I bought it. When I got home, I opened up the bundle and discovered there was a squirt gun. It had been tucked into a sand pail.
Here’s the thing – I wasn’t allowed to play with guns growing up. Guns of ANY kind. That meant no squirt guns, cap guns, or Nintendo Zapper (a real shame, because I had a natural ability at Duck Hunt). My father was a police officer and we were always taught guns aren’t toys. I think we heard that expression at least 187,000 times. It was an important lesson since there were guns in our house (although they were always locked away). The message was so ingrained that when I pulled the squirt gun out of the bundle I thought, “omigosh a gun, I hope my dad doesn’t find out.”
This is funny to me because when I was a kid I swore up and down that I would let my kids play with toy guns. I wasn’t gonna be a mean old mommy! But now I have mixed feelings. Obviously, the lesson that guns aren’t toys is imperative, but some toys just happen to be shaped like guns. So where do I draw the line? Do I say only toy guns when I’m there to supervise? Or what if I say no toy guns at all, and then she plays with them at a friends’ house anyway (not to say *I* ever did that, no sir). I don’t want to make the forbidden attractive.
In addition to worrying about safety, there’s also the issue of whether playing with guns makes children desensitized to violence, and more prone to being violent. I’ve never been fond of the kid who points a toy gun in my face and then laughs when I ask them not to. That’s just…creepy.
Annie is still too young to grasp any of this, and definitely too young for me to let her play with a squirt gun, mostly because I know she’ll just squirt me all day and ruin my hair. But it’s summer and she’s going to be around water toys, including squirt guns, so I guess I have to come to some sort of conclusion on this soon just so I am consistent. But I have no idea what that conclusion should be.
Also, I don’t want Annie to be almost 32 and bitter about stifled Duck Hunt talent.
Jenny says:
I think this is a choice for each family to make. I also grew up with guns in the house. We had toy guns but there was a strong emphasis on gun safety. My parents made sure we knew where they were and they were not to be touched. I think they knew we were curious monkeys who were likely to find them on our own. My husband’s family was deeply impacted by gun violence. He will likely never request a conceal/ carry permit. He doesn’t disagree with my family (largely NRA members) he just follows a different path.
We also emphasize gun safety. My son is likely to be in houses with guns (hunting is popular here), whether with family or friends. He needs to
know they are not toys. After watching him and his friends from all walks of life fight bad guys and defend the universe I am convinced they’d pretend a spatula was a toy gun if they didn’t have one. Then I’d be looking for kitchen utensils in the yard.
Heather says:
That is exactly what I would have said, the same situation, and how my three boys are.
Barefeet In The Kitchen says:
This is almost exactly what I would have said as well. I think it is extremely important to teach gun safety to children, whether there are real guns or toy guns or no guns in your home.
Kids will create a gun out of absolutely anything. Legos, tinkertoys, lincoln logs, paper, pencils, you name it and I’ve seen it. It’s much more important to teach them how very dangerous guns can be and make sure that they understand the difference. Even with toy guns, we still use that opportunity to teach gun safety and not aiming them at things we are unwilling to destroy. The only exception to that is Nerf Guns and Water guns, given the situation. Does that make sense?
michelle says:
I agree, it’s a choice for each family to make. I thought we were going to be a “NO playing with toy guns” family. We had two girls, first, and it was no problem. Then we had two boys, and I had to eat my words. They were little toddlers and they would use the “L” from the alphabet magnets on the fridge to “shoot” each other. And spoons, and really ANYTHING. It didn’t matter if I bought them an actual toy gun or not, they were playing “guns.” I marveled at how this seemed to just be a nature over nurture thing.
My two boys are now in kindergarten and first grade and we do have squirt guns and nerf guns. Both of my sisters are married to police officers (LAPD and LA Sheriff) and my kids understand that GUNS are not toys.
We even tried calling squirt guns “water squirters” for as long as we could because I just didn’t like the word gun, but I finally sort of gave up.
Good luck!
Marci says:
“After watching him and his friends from all walks of life fight bad guys and defend the universe I am convinced they’d pretend a spatula was a toy gun if they didn’t have one.”
This exactly. I did not allow my then 3 year old son any guns when I met my husband. He humored me, but always reminded me that even if I did not allow guns at all he would always find a way to pretend guns or use his fingers pointed as guns. Same with swords. I now draw the line at very realistic looking weapons, but at least nerf guns and squirt guns are allowed ;).
Expat Mom says:
I have two little boys and we were determined NOT to let them have toy guns. They chewed their toast into gun shapes and shot each other. They found sort of gun shaped sticks. They use memory sticks with the flip out cover as guns. My youngest even taped together a bunch of PVC pipe fittings to create a machine gun. I finally gave up and we had a talk and they know that guns are serious business and that they are never to pretend to shoot people, only monsters.
Iowamom says:
Jenny took the words right out of my mouth! We’re all about safety and information. Knowledge is power and I don’t want my kids being curious about a real gun. If something is forbidden it’s more tempting, isn’t it? It’s also important to teach about gun safety so that if your children are at a friend’s house and happen to find a stashed gun. It’s a real possibility. My kids know exactly what to do. Also, water guns are fun!
Gertie says:
Sigh. I don’t allow guns. However, my boys make guns… out of anything… blocks… forks….sticks….a stuffed animal….a banana….you name it.
Tracey says:
I think that is a decision that needs to be made by each family as to what feels right and what feels wrong. My kids have grown up with the understanding that different homes have different rules. Each family has to make decisions about appropriate toys, meal choices, bedtimes, acceptable clothing etc. You and Mike will need to decide what feels right for you. Mine were allowed to play with super soakers in the pool and the backyard, but we didn’t have the little plastic water guns. Super soakers in my opinion don’t look like guns, can’t be hidden in a pocket and are obviously not weapons.
heather says:
Bill grew up with a hunter, so he had similar gun rules growing up. His father (who will shoot a living creature for food) refuses to recognize paintball as a game because you don’t shoot any gun at any human. No negotiations.
So growing up, they had very similar rules.
My girls have never owned a water gun but an awesome summer alternative is filling up a rubbermaidbin with water and providing a whole bunch of sponges. No one gets ‘shot’, and there is less risk if the water gets them in the face. Soon to be father in law approves, my parents don’t complain about not being able to buy water pistols. Everyone is happy, including every neighbour hood kid that’s digging what we have for fun in the summer.
Sherry says:
Ugh…I don’t know exactly where I stand on this issue either! I have 2 small boys (3 and 1) and my husband is very much a man’s man, if you know what I mean. So while we don’t rush out and buy him anything gun related, we also don’t make a huge fuss when our older one pretends the empty paper towel roll is a gun (he calls them “gums”). We have told him that you never point them towards anyone but he doesn’t always listen to that rule (he has a slightly older cousin that definitely points them!, and of course, it’s monkey see monkey do).
I grew up with a very avid hunter of a step dad and we ALWAYS had guns in the house, locked up in my parent’s room. I never once remember being the least tempted to get my hands on one, but maybe that was just a girl thing.
On a side note, I’m positive everyone has been affected in SOME way to a gun accident or violence or knows of someone who has been affected so it goes without saying that educating our kids is priority. My husband’s cousin killed himself on accident when he was 16 by playing the ignorant game of roulette. Sad, sad story. Definitely makes me wonder if we’re doing the right thing by our sons.
I’ll be interested to read your other follower comments on this issue, might give me some ideas too!
Margaret says:
Wow, I never once thought of squirt guns as falling into the “gun” category. We ever really played with guns – my brother never had toy guns. Maybe that was a conscious decision on my parents’ part, but I’m not sure. We never played violent video games, either. But we did have squirt guns. The big, neon super soakers. And to me the idea of it being a gun never registered (it didn’t for my brother, either), maybe because our squirt guns were comically neon, and probably also because the main point is to get water on someone else, not to fake “shoot” them. We never played dead with squirt guns, it was just a soaking mechanism.
So, I guess while I’m not a fan of guns at all (should be noted that my brother’s now a Marine with several guns at home) I’m not anti-squirt-gun… as long as they don’t look too realistic?
Heather says:
I grew up in a real gun-less house but was surprisingly allowed to play with toy guns despite EXTREMELY strict parents. My three brothers all had squirt guns, super soakers, duck hunt (until our Nintendo broke in the early 90s) rubber band guns, pop guns, and my eight year old brother’s personal favorite, a marshmallow gun. I am significantly older than my littlest brother so I questioned my mom on her opinion on letting him play with guns. Her response was that even if you banned toy guns of any kind in the house, kids, especially little boys, will end up finding a way to play with guns (such as what Gertie described above, or playing duck hunt at friends’ houses) I now find the toy ones to be no issue, especially if they don’t look like real guns (ridiculous colors, etc) I feel like they’re ok, however I don’t know how my opinion will change when I become a parent. My older brother turned out fine playing with guns and my younger brother is now in the National guard so he knows how to handle and respect guns now.
It’s entirely your opinion on how you treat the gun issue in your house. My suggestion is if someday you want Annie to get into the water squirting action maybe get those spray bottles that are used for hair or to punish dogs or if she really gets gun crazy, when she’s old enough, take her to a shooting range or see if your local high school has a rifle team (my high school did) that way she could learn how to respect guns and use them safely but still get involved with them in an entertaining way.
Elizabeth @ Table for Five says:
I had a “no toy guns” rule when my boys were little, and yet picked them up at MOPS one day and found a bunch of boys pretending to shoot each other with “guns” they had fashioned out of Duplos.
I still don’t like those little squirt guns though. And I refuse to buy the super soakers that are camouflage colored and look like little hunting rifles. However, I do let my boys who are now 14 and 12 play lazer tag. We don’t have guns or shoot guns in our family, and we’ve had the “what would you do if a friend showed you a gun” conversation a bunch of times.
Better safe than sorry, go with your gut on this one. I like the previous comment about letting them throw water soaked sponges at each other, that sounds fun!
MS says:
Ugh, this one…I was actually just thinking about on my way to work this morning as Ohio is going to review and likely pass legislation expanding our conceal carry law to sporting events as long as the gun owner isn’t drinking. INSANECRAZYPANTSNUTSO! (And the stadium owners say they will still forbid, but CONCEALED, DUH).
So ya, maybe no squirt guns is extreme. Although my mom didn’t allow us to have any guns of any kind, period. And the more I think about it, the more I’d lean towards NO across the board. If you’re not going to hunt (for food, please), then why would anyone encourage the use of guns, play or otherwise.
Kate says:
I’ve always thought the whole “no toy guns of any kind” rule to be extreme. Being as I grew up in the 80s and 90s when my brother had four or five “cap” guns (two of which looked like real guns except for the orange tips), I’ve always thought that as long as there’s instruction on the resspect of guns and how real guns are not actually toys, then letting your kids play with them isn’t necessarily bad. I mean, I dated a gun owner for a while (first and last time) and he – son of a cop and 24 at the time – was more irresponsible and “Look how awesome I am, I own a gun!” than anyone I knew – including the legions of us who grew up playing with toy guns.
Plus, guns are sort of ubiquitous enough in our society that kids make them out of everything. Including their fingers. So if Annie is someday fascinated with guns, a toy guy is not going to make the situation any worse than her fingers can.
I almost think that outright banning guns creates the potential for a fascination with them, instead of a discussion about real guns versus toy guns, gun safety, all those things. But maybe I’m in the minority.
Still, squirt guns are awesome. No one should be denied a squirt gun.
Ina says:
totally agree
Tamela says:
Ditto. Like many others have said, kids will make guns out of ANYTHING. We talk about gun safety and have a strict “no pointing guns at anyone” policy. I think that banning altogether romanticizes guns as forbidden fruit.
Some of our best family fun times are spent skeet shooting on the Wii, or having Super Soaker or Nerf wars. With Nerf, the boys MUST wear protective eye gear and have to aim low.
Susan says:
I grew up with guns, too. My dad was in law enforcement and related careers for most of my life, so there were always guns in the house. But let me tell you – I knew better than to go anywhere near any of them or there would be HELL to pay. My dad was adamant about gun safety, whether the weapons were real or cap/pelletguns – “You never point the gun at something you don’t intend to shoot. You ALWAYS check to see if it’s loaded.”
I think that, when Annie is old enough, you should teach her, or ask your dad to teach her appropriate gun safety. Even if you don’t allow guns in your home, she will likely end up at a friend’s house where there are guns.
As for the water pistol, it’s just going to leak and crack about 10 minutes after you load it so get some water balloons or a super soaker or a squirt bottle.
Becca says:
I’m right there with you – only the big phrase in my house was “violence is not the answer”. OMG – I still hear that phrase in my sleep it was said so much. (actually – it got to be a bit annoying but I guess they got their point across) Anyway – because it was so strict in my house I felt the need to do the same for my children. However – squirt guns rock so a compromise had to be made. I allow super soakers – you know those huge ones that are way more awesome and don’t really look like an exact replica of a gun. My kids think they’re SO lucky to have them when really, I’d rather spend the extra money to not have them walking around with a plastic gun at their side. Win, win.
As for not making the forbidden attractive, this is a life long battle isn’t it? I try not to “not allow” them to play with guns, but rather show no interest in them. “That’s a boring toy – and why would you want to play with something so dangerous? Oooooooo… look at this (whatever) over here.. now THAT’S fun” It may not work forever, but it works for now!
BrittanyAT says:
I was raised the same way and plan to raise my children with a no “gun” policy also. However, the Disney Store has toy squirt guns that are not shaped like an actual gun.
Laura says:
I grew up with guns in my household and my husband has guns (locked up religiously), so my kids (young now – 7 and2) will grow up in a household with guns. We are ADAMANT about emphasizing safety each and every time they see or talk about guns.
As for toys, we aren’t concerned about the toy gun issue. For the more ‘real looking’ guns, we talk about not aiming them at each other when playing because it just feels weird and I don’t want that to be a desensitized thing. For water guns, the only rule is to not shoot someone in the face.
Jena says:
Growing up my parents never restricted our toys, if we were allowed to pick out one toy from the store and we happened to want a water pistol, that was fine.
Honestly, and I know this will probably make you housewives faint, but when I was probably about 7, my family bought our first PC, and the first game I learned to play, DOOM II. At 7. I was good too, but at that age I never connected the game to violence. I thought it was just beat the bad guys. Still for as free as my parents were, I never had much interest in guns. They were just there. Usually if we used them we were “defending” the neighborhood. Now that I am grown, real guns kind of scare me, I have no interest in hunting or carrying a weapon.
Basically what I am saying is, if you are worried you child will turn into a bully, sadist, serial killer, or violence prone psychopath. Well, that’s probably something you are born with, not something nurtured in. Teach your kid good morals and love them. That’s all you need to do.
Kate says:
I think I was about 10 when my parents bought Wolfenstein 3D for our old Packard Bell computer. My younger siblings (who were 8 and 6) and I would spend hours shooting Nazis or watching our dad shoot Nazis (and practicing our dying cries of MEIN LEBEN!). We all turned out to be relatively well-adjusted!
I don’t know who I’d be today without my lifetime of violent video games. I think I’d be less well-rounded! (And I, too, really am not comfortable with real-life guns as an adult.)
Megan says:
I don’t know where my dad stands on guns, but my mom is very opposed to real guns of any type and would prefer they didn’t exist. I grew up with all the high-profile school shootings and then it happened at my own alma mater, Virginia Tech. (It still seems really surreal to say that.) When I was in high school and shootings like Columbine were frequently making the news, my mom and I talked about guns frequently, and I did the Million Mom March in 2000 with her. My views are less extreme now, though.
Anyway, with all that said, I was allowed to play with toy guns. I couldn’t have one that actually shot anything that wasn’t water or plastic (like a cap gun), but toy guns, especially super soakers, just seemed like part of childhood. In retrospect, it seems a little weird that toy guns exist at all. But I think the fact that I had toy guns gave my mom an opportunity to talk to me about guns. If you don’t let Annie have toy guns, chances are she’ll play with them at other kids’ houses, and since you won’t be there you’ll miss the opportunity to talk to her about your beliefs and values towards real guns and gun violence.
claudia says:
We had guns in our house growing up – shotguns for hunting and pistols that belonged to the law enforcement officers in the family. We grew up knowing the difference between a REAL gun and having the utmost respect for what they can do (or face the wrath of my father OMG!) and a toy. We also grew up watching Wiley Coyote get hit but a truck or fall off a cliff and thinking it was hilarious while knowing without a doubt that the same is not true if that were a real person strapped to that ACME rocket. I honestly believe it’s up to the parents to teach the difference between real and pretend, right and wrong, moral and immoral. Today my kids have water cannons for the swimming pool (we have some truly epic family water fights!), my son has several Nerf guns and a marshmallow bow and arrow. They know they’re toys and we’ve used teachable moments through the years to make sure they understand what real guns can do. It’s up to you and your comfort level – example, my son can play video games where he shoots aliens but I do not allow games where you shoot people (it’s a fine line there, I know, but that’s where my comfort level is). But I do think it’s possible to teach kids that a toy is a toy and how that differs from the real thing.
LD says:
My brothers and I played with all kinds of toy guns when we were kids. Our parents had rules–no pointing at anything alive was the #1. Now that I’m an adult, I’m not at all desensitized to them. I went to this guns and writers workshop, where they teach writers about the different types of guns, so that not every character they write carries a Gloch, and let me tell you, that was the most uncomfortable day. I had to pick one up and “clear” it, and I think I about had a panic attack.
Now that I have kids of my own, we haven’t specifically gone to buy them guns, but my son is just kind of drawn to them. I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy or what. He wants to play fight and play superheroes, so he sees them as part of it. We let him have some guns (Nerf, water guns). I try not to buy the overly realistic ones (mostly, because they creep me out) and he knows that the first time he shoots at a person, the gun goes in the trash.
Rumour Miller says:
I can understand your Dad’s position. Being an officer of the law and having REAL hand guns in the house is no laughing matter. I would think he was so strict because he never wanted you or your brother to stumble upon his locked up gun and “wonder” what it would be like to hold it. Or to shoot it “just once”. Smart man, me thinks.
I don’t give the issue much thought, to be honest. We have squirt guns all over our back yard at the moment. I’m pretty sure I will draw the line if any of my children ask for a BB gun or similar. I see no need for one of those.
I’m with you on the child that holds the gun in your face laughing…. creepy.
Lisa says:
My sons played with toy guns ALL the time. Cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, military, you name it. They grew up to be fine young men who don’t have a mean or violent bone in their body. I don’t believe letting kids play with toy guns (especially squirt guns) will make them violent any more than boys playing with dolls and kitchen sets will make them gay.
Em says:
As a kid, we had two MAJOR rules about toy guns (which of course my brother could break all the time…). 1. You could never point a toy gun at an adult, unless they were playing with you – punishment for doing so was a spanking and being sent to your room for a long long time. So my brother and I were always REALLY careful where we pointed guns.
2. Toy guns couldn’t look like REAL guns. (My brother had a toy rifle and a toy 6 shooter, so he got to break the rules). But for the most part, toy guns like squirt guns or nerf guns had to be NEON plastic. No creepy Gloch squirt guns, no spray painting guns etc etc.
Jen says:
I don’t think that toy guns necessarily promote violence in children, especially if they are taught gun safety. I’m from Maine and my dad was a hunter which meant we had guns in the house. They were locked up, but he still emphasized the important of gun safety and taught us that real guns are never meant to be used as toys as they are very dangerous. We were still allowed to play with toy guns…some of my favorite summer memories are of my squirt gun fights on hot summer days. My brothers always had toy guns, but none of us think real guns are “funny” or game like today. I think children are smart enough to know the difference between toys and guns as long as you explain the importance.
Lisa says:
My mom did the no toy gun thing for a long time. But my brothers always seemed to find a way to play guns anyway. They would bite their toast to make it look like a gun, find sticks kind of shaped like guns or they would build their own guns out of lego. Eventually my mom just gave up and set up new rules. The guns could not look like real guns, so colorful squirt guns were okay. The guns could never be pointed at someone else in an aggressive manner. And, she was careful to teach us about the risks, etc.
My approach with Maya will be similar to her second approach. Maya doesn’t even know what a gun is right now. If she finds a gun at a friend’s house with little boys she usually pretends it is a phone or a hair dryer But, if she ever gets one as a gift, or asks for one the rules my mom had for us I will have for her.
Cara says:
My one sister in law banned violent toys. Her two boys turned anything and everything into guns. Cracked my liberal family up since most of us knew better.
My husband is a former Marine, current Army National Guard member. One of his MOS’s is an MP. He took the Army’s Armorer’s course and ended up teaching part of it. I grew up with no guns, and now we have a large safe and small safe full of them.
My husband is a safety freak. My youngest two nephews are gradually learning about them and my whole family is stressing the same safety messages. It’s working. The first 3 times I took the little boys (now 5 & 4) to the gun store my husband works at part time, they ignored the guns and played with whatever dog was in the shop. The next 4th time, the older one told an older gentleman “Be careful, Guns are dangerous”. That man said “ok” and put the gun down.
This last time my husband was pulling apart a gun to clean it. The boys watched, asked a couple of questions, and ignored it.
Safety first is a must. I don’t think denying guns of all sorts is the answer either. Limitations and what you feel comfortable is the answer. It’s been ours.
Ashley says:
My parents had similar rules. While we (my brother) had toy guns they had to meet two specific requirements – they had to look like a toy eg, be pink, purple, green, blue NO black guns or ones that looked real, they couldn’t have caps or sound like a real gun and if they got pointed at a person (which ruined water guns for him) they got thrown in the trash – which happened a few times. My Dad too wanted us to know the serious rammifications of guns and the fact that they were capable of killing.
We plan very much to have the same rule for our girls. In the past 10 years toy guns have become scarily real, and around where we live in the past 3 months there have been two incidences where the entire police force has been called out because of someone walking down the street waving a gun around. After said person was apprehended both times it was discovered they had a toy gun. And while nobody was hurt, they could have been. Had that gun been pointed at an officer who felt threatened I’d hate to think what may have happened….
And remember if you don’t want to be the “gun bad guy” make your Dad do it. I mean, he’s already had a few years practice with you and your brother, so telling Annie “I’m sorry sweetheart you can’t have that gun because Grandpa said no…” isn’t so bad!
Rebecca says:
That’s a toughie. So far, I’ve kept guns an item of non interest. They’ve seen toy guns but have no interest in them because they’d rather run around with the actual hose and squirt people…..you don’t have to refill a hose!
Katherine says:
I think as long as you have age appropriate discussions about the difference between toy guns and real guns and about gun safety, you don’t need to worry too much.
I was a tomboy growing up and some of my fondest memories are playing games that involved water pistols and whatnot. We had a blast. And we all understood that these were toys and that real guns are very different.
lorak says:
I am with your dad.
Brittany says:
Welcome to my conundrum. Let me get you a chair, maybe some wine?
I have BOYS and every boy thing they watch has guns. They are Star Wars fanatics, and are huge lovers of all the old school Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry, and there is a SURPRISING amount of gun play in those cartoons.
We are so careful to ever say, WE NEVER TOUCH GUNS when we are watching something with guns, but as they leave matchbox car play behind them, and move onto Bat Man and Star Wars play, it’s getting OBVIOUSLY more fight scene related.
We have LOTS of light sabers. I feel ok with those.
We also have a few huge Nerf Super Soaker type guns, and I feel semi ok with them, they don’t even resemble guns and more like giant hoses.
But guns that look like guns? We’re just not ok with that yet.
Trisha says:
Great point Brittany. Guns that look like actual guns are indeed scary. My daughter attended middle school with a young man who brought a BB gun to school. These guns are supposed to have orange tips to indicate that they are BB guns, but he had painted the tip black to match the gun. A standoff with police ended horribly and this young mans cry for help ended with his life. It was so sad and tragic. There have been so many news stories lately of kids playing with what they thought were fake guns and someone getting hurt.
I have 4 daughters so the intrigue to play with toy guns has never really been prevalent. We have talked about gun safety with them just in case they were ever to be caught off guard if a friend showed them a gun.
I would imagine if I had boys and this dilemna presented itself, I would be more like you on the topic. A few toys that they could enjoy that might be similar in function to play guns but not actually look like one.
Jenb says:
My mother banned all toy guns in our house when I was growing up. And I can tell you that the first toys we pulled out at friends houses were the toy guns. Fascinated with the forbidden. I have two boys who are now teenagers. I started out banning all toy guns. But your other readers are right, they will make a gun out of anything. In fact I just found in my garage what looks like a machine gun made out of sticks and hockey tape, that they made and hid from me years ago. I have opened up gradually. First water guns. Now we have a whole arsenal of Nerf guns in the house. We also have other teenage boys that stay with us for long periods at the house. And we all have Nerf wars in the house. My husband and I are fully involved. My mother would die if she knew. But fun activities with teenage boys are harder and harder to find. And this is one thing that we all have fun and laugh about. And they beg us to play. That is priceless.
Sensibly Sassy says:
oof, tough call. I was never allowed to play with guns but then whatdya know, my brothers were born and all of a sudden guns were ok-hello double standard!!!
Kristy says:
Very interesting discussion you have going here. It’s such a tough decision and there is no blanket answer.
I work at a non-denominational Christian school in which we have a no weapon rule, so any time the kids start pretending things are weapons we stop that play. I have mixed feelings about that.
I grew up with a fake silver plated, pearl handled, cap gun and I LOVED that thing! I shot imaginary bad guys and indians (yes, I said that) all day long. I NEVER (to my knowledge) pointed it at anything actually living! I grew up watching soap operas and cop shows with my Grandma, so I was bound to see guns and violence. I also live in a ‘bad’ neighborhood and grew up around wanna-be gangsters. I have never even been in a fist fight or held a real gun at teh ripe old age of 32!
And to those who said children will make guns out of anything, you are SOOOOO right. Even at the preschool we will have children who make weapons from the CROSS puzzle pieces! lol
I think as long as there are discussions about what is and isn’t ok and a child is being taught about the preciousness of life I think that toy guns are ok, especially water and nerf guns!
Wow, that was kinda rambly, sorry, longest blog reply I’ve ever written!
Betsy says:
Ugh, the guns. My toddler had no exposure to toy guns until we went to a party at his babysitter’s house and the older boys were doing some kind of mock gun battle. My son’s babysitter is a total earth-mother hippie so I was really surprised that her son plays with toy guns. She told me she fought it for a long time, but just gave up. I agree, I can’t stand to see kids pretending to shoot each other! I don’t have toy guns in the house, but I know my son wants to play with them other places. I tell him that guns are dangerous and not to point toy guns at people. But then he goes to a party where kids are pretending to shoot each other. Very confusing; I don’t know what to tell him.
Katie says:
My rule is real simple. Toys that shoot or launch things (nerf darts, water, marshmallows, etc.) are fine because they are toys. They are usually yellow or orange or green and made out of plastic. Real guns are dangerous. We do not have real guns. We do not use real guns. We do not touch real guns. They are for police officers and soldiers…that’s it. If someone shows us a “gun” that is not green or yellow or orange and made of plastic, we run and tell a grown-up immediately. It’s not that hard for a kid to differentiate between a toy and a weapon in my view.
Trisha says:
Katie, I agree with you that if the toy guns are indeed green, yellow or orange it should be pretty easy to tell; but toymakers are just getting crazy with designs to look like actual guns. Even if parents don’t buy kids toy guns that look real, they might encounter them at some point with friends. It’s a hard choice no matter what and to each family their own. I mean no disrespect, just wanted to share the link below on some real guns vs. a toy gun. Very scary the similarities.
http://www.irol.com/avc/whichoneisatoy.html
katrina says:
I have 4 boys and 5 girls. In my experience, you really don’t have much to worry about in regards to toy guns with the girls. Girls will not make guns out of their Legos. Girls will not find a long stick in the woods and make it into a rifle. Girls rarely even point their fingers and “shoot” at you. Girls just aren’t naturally wired to do these things….and I swear, boys just ARE. So with Annie….it might not even be an issue.
In our house (full of boys and girls) I do not buy toy guns that actually look like a real gun (if they even sell them anymore, I don’t even know) and if one of my sons makes a “gun” out of his Legos, the rule is that he may not point it and “shoot” at anyone. But we do have those Nerf shooters, whatever they are called. They are bright yellow and orange and shoot these soft pellets that are rather elongated so it’s not like they look like bullets or anything. My boys (including my husband) love to have “wars” with these things. I have to admit, it’s rather fun to watch. The girls could join in at any time, but you know, it’s not their thing.
Squirt guns are fun. We allow those.
Mary says:
When my children were small, I did not let them have toy guns…until one day, we’re outside and my two year old son picks up a stick and starts pretending it is a gun. Since I monitored his exposure to things in life and on TV, I don’t know if it was some in-born thing or what. But, at that point I figured it was smarter to let him have the toys and explain the differences and focus on safety than to prohibit them and make them into forbidden fruit.
As many here have said, it’s your call. I know you’ll make the right one.
Amanda M. says:
I liked my dad’s approach: he taught me to understand guns. I fired my first gun when I was… probably two, but I never never touched a gun without my father’s supervision. He taught gun safety glasses, and I first took the class when I was seven.
I loved squirt guns. Loved Duck Hunt. Never got those mixed up with real guns.
TracyKM says:
My dad was a hunter, who did all his own ammo reloading in the basement. We were taught to respect guns, to learn about them, and to be safe, not just flat out “don’t touch guns/do as I say, not as I do”. Quite often, depending on the child’s temperment, telling them something is a no-no means they become MORE fascinated. So education and awareness go a longer way than abstinence
There are water squirt toys out there that aren’t gun shaped. Made from pool noodle material, they do require a bucket/pool to fill up from instead of a tap. And man, do they shoot far!
Erin says:
I’ve had the same delimma and have come to the conclusion that squirt guns that look like laser guns are okay but squirt guns/toy guns that are shaped like real guns are not. Just a personal line in the sand I’ve drawn I guess.
Capital Mom says:
We don’t have guns at our house, but it is impossible to escape them. There is always some kid whose parents are ok with guns and brings a toy one to the park. I feel like they totally change the play. The play becomes way more violent and physical, which I don’t like either.
Amy Collen says:
My dad was on the sheriff’s department and I was raised like that too. However, I never really thought about owning a toy gun so it was never discussed. I don’t think my parents would have cared. I could shoot a mean BB gun though!
I didn’t have any issues with guns until I had children. I never gave it that much thought but the kiddos don’t have any toy guns. The other day kind of convinced me though when this obnoxious little kid pointed a toy gun at my boys then I felt this same toy gun pointed at my butt. Mmhmm. Yeah and this happened at Disneyland so I couldn’t go all Mother Bear on this kid. Besides his mom would have gone Mother Bear on me and then it would have been a big old mess. Sooooo…I silently cursed the snot nosed kid’s mom, threw the kids in the stroller, and got out of there.
There are just so many toys out there. If you feel strange about a toy gun then don’t get one.
Jen says:
My husband & me both grew up with fathers in law enforcement, so we both grew up around guns. We were both taught guns are not toys. We couldn’t play with anything that looked like a real gun, but neon squirt guns or super soakers were fine. We use the same rule for our kids. Good luck in your decision (I think whatever you decide will be fine as long as both you & Mike are in agreement).
Jen says:
Sorry, “husband & I”
Erin says:
A few years ago, my husband and I were mugged in front of our house by two teenaged boys. We talked them out of taking our stuff (we were on our front lawn, for crying out loud – that was our argument to them), and when they turned to walk away, one of the boys reached back and fired at us without looking, shooting my husband in the hand.
I take 2 things away from that:
1) No amount of “stuff” is worth our personal safety. Duh.
2) I think aside from the actual gun itself, teaching kids the importance of respecting human life, animal life (killing for food rather than sport, if that’s your thing), and respect for the weapon and what it’s capable of are incredibly important.
Kids are going to pretend all kinds of things – pretending you’re a pirate doesn’t make you one later in life (cause if that were true, I’d be a princess with a unicorn pegasus right now… SO unfair…) So in my opinion, teaching them what is appropriate use and respectful behavior with toys, weapons, or whatever is the bottom line.
Lisa says:
Funny, my daughter got a toy water gun from Burger King, I was surprised. I am not a no gun person, but I also would not buy one for my daughter. So I actually threw the toy gun in the garbage this morning. I know she wont notice its gone and I thought, well its a gun, and it will shoot water ALL over my house. So buh bye! I will allow her to have one sometime, but will also explain the difference bten a real one and a toy one. At the right time. She is 3 1/2 and we are teaching her about lying right now. She asked what it meant when I said she wasn’t telling the truth. So I told her that the sky is black. She said, no its not, its blue! And I said, well that is what lying is. Saying that something is difft than what it really is. So will work on understanding lying and then get into guns. HA!! Baby steps. Lisa
Jessica says:
If I were you I would evaluate what it is that you want to achieve and then see if a ‘no toy gun’ policy will help you achieve it.
If your goal is to make sure that your kids are aware that you disapprove wholeheartedly about guns being anywhere near you, then, a complete and total gun (and anything vaguely shaped like a gun) ban is probably the way to go.
If your goal is to make sure that your kids realize that real guns are weapons and not toys and make sure they know what to do if they are around one, I’m not certain how a toy gun ban gets you there.
Susan14 says:
My parents were “hippies”, but my father is also a huge hunter. I know the unfortunate image of hunters tends to lean toward the “shoot-everything-that-moves-no-mercy”, but my father (and his children who chose to hunt) was nothing like that. I grew up with guns, and never thought twice about it. I didn’t even get lectures on staying away from them; I just really didn’t care. I played with toy guns ALL the time, though; everything from squirt guns, to little silver guns that looked real-ish. I never equated them with real guns, because…well, they shot water, or nothing at all. I played Duck Hunt at a relative’s house. I used a BB gun when I was about 8, and my sister was 6. We wore goggles, were supervised, and were extremely careful. It just wasn’t a big deal.
I can’t stress enough that it depends on the child, AND how you present the topic should it come up. I was never scolded for how I played with toy guns, but I was scolded for violent behavior like hitting, or name calling, because of how it made the other person feel. I never, EVER thought about pointing a real gun at someone, because that could kill them. Water guns couldn’t. I didn’t grow up to be violent (quite the opposite). I have a HUGE respect for guns, but not a blind, paralyzing fear, because I grew up understanding the distinction between play and reality. That, IMO, is the most important lesson with this topic.
Glenda says:
I grew up playing with water guns and water ballons yeah!
I think when the kids are old enough to understand that the water gun is a TOY and the difference between a toy gun and a real gun…
Both my kids played with water guns and super soakers in the summer and neither have an interest in going to a shooting range and shoot a real gun.
I think it depends on the kids too.
TamaraL says:
Great post Heather! I never allowed my kids to play with toy guns, but I have friends that do…to each their own!
What I did want to tell you is that, no matter WHAT parenting choices you make, Annie will still be bitter when she’s an adult about something you did or didn’t do! I’m still bitter that my mom wouldn’t allow me to listen to my Christmas record albums in the summer! (Well not bitter…but I still bring it up from time to time!)
Meyli says:
Guns were forbidden here too – except those cheap water guns. I never played video games that were violent, and as an adult I still wouldn’t want to. But my boyfriend does, and he is not a violent person. So I think its more how the parents handle it.
I think Annie (or any child) would be just fine playing with water squirters; the focus is keeping cool! Just let her know that its not ok to shoot in the face, and when she’s older, make sure she knows that real guns might look a little similar, and how dangerous they are.
I understand the hesitation
Molly says:
Meh. Consistency is over-rated. If the squirt gun makes you feel uncomfortable, toss it. If you see her playing with other kids’ squirt guns and you don’t mind, go with it. Go with your gut and take it one instance at a time.
Jessica says:
Oh yes, we have lots of gun. The rule is “no shooting in the face!” I know not all little boys are like this, but I know Jacob would find a way to make a gun out of anything. He even knows how to make guns with his fingers, shoot and blow the smoke away.
I do worry about real guns since he plays with fake ones but they are locked away. But I don’t think he will be violent and rough because I let him play with fake ones. I worry more about the violence in video games!
sara says:
An interesting question. The way my parents dealt with this was not to buy us any toy guns, but also not make a huge deal and not worry if we happened to play with one at a friend or cousin’s house. After all, there were plenty of toys we wanted that they didn’t purchase for us (the one I’m more bitter about is littlest pet shop!), toy guns were just among these. I think it did send the message that toys aren’t guns, but not in an overbearing way that made them feel ‘forbidden’ and tempting — I certainly don’t have any negative memories associated with the lack of toy guns. As far as water toys, we went for water balloons and running through the sprinkler – so there are a lot of ways to cool off without a water gun!
Rachel says:
We don’t let our son own toy guns except super-soaker type water squirters that are very un-gun-like. But we know that he will probably come across guns — mainly toys, but also possibly real — at other kids’ houses, so we drill about gun safety whenever the subject of guns comes up. We quiz him about what he should do — Don’t touch, get away!!!! Tell an adult!!! That sort of thing. We also talk about how sometimes it’s very hard to tell the difference between a toy gun and a real gun, and you don’t point a weapon, even a toy weapon, at a person — ever — and you don’t continue to play with someone who points a weapon, even a toy weapon, at you.
Amy says:
When we had our son I was all anti-toy gun too. Until he started making them out of things.. a stick.. his finger… When he got older we caved to waterguns, such fun! Then he became a teen and he started playing shoot em up games on the computer.
He is a well adjusted 18 year old young man who would not hurt a flea. He sure has awesome hand eye coordination though! Not a huge issue, guns are not common place here in Canada unless you hunt and I cannot think of a single person I know that does. Agree with the commenters that suggest a ‘gun talk’ when she is older.
Lauren says:
My sisters and I weren’t allowed to have guns of any kind either. We were screwed when the boys next door started attacking us with their squirt guns. Mom knew that day would come so she let us fight back with spray bottles (on the stream setting). The Windex-sized ones were awesome cuz they didn’t have to refill as often as those measly squirt guns. The boys had nothing on us. Good luck!
Pamala says:
I personally don’t allow it myself but more so because right now Kaylee doesn’t understand why you don’t point guns at people. I do happen to believe guns aren’t toys same as knives.
Violet says:
We were always allowed to play with squirt guns (SUPER SOAKERS!!!) and never once did I associate a super soaker with a “real gun” they were these fun things we harassed or parents and siblings with, not to mention cooled off on hot days. But we NEVER played with toy guns that LOOKED like real guns. And if we shot at each other or animals, game over, all guns thrown in the garbage until my parents decided it was time for a second chance. That worked for us. We all takes guns and gun safe VERY safely (there are 4 of us)…. My brother hunts but he is so anal about gun safety and care (he is 22). The rest of us just aren’t around guns much, don’t care to be, and have no reason for it. I like how they handled it!!!
Erin W says:
We, too, are a gun-free home. Both of my kids schools are gun free zones, as well. In fact, my son’s school will send home a letter (disciplining parents I assume?) if my child even pretends to use a gun during the school day. This includes index finger/thumb pointing. With the things that go on in today’s society and, unfortunately, in our schools, I can see their point. Who wants a kindergartener shooting their classmate at point blank in the temple even with a finger/thumb gun??? Looks kinda bad! So, I’ve decided that our home is gun free to reinforce what goes on during their school day. Like what you said, guns aren’t toys. There are some cool foamy alternatives for the pool that pump and squirt and don’t look ‘gun-like’. Those are ok!
Ellen says:
Well, we were always allowed to play with toy guns but we couldn’t have a Ken doll to play with Barbie! I guess my mom thought that gun violence was fine but as a staunch Roman Catholic pre-marital sex was OUT!
My husband is in Law Enforcement so I was forced to accept real guns in the house. My son and daughter (teens) know how to shoot and clean a gun and how dangerous they can be but aren’t fixiated at all. I subscribed to the “they will make a gun out of anything” school of thought so wasn’t stressed about toy guns, as long as they looked like toys. Seemed to work for us – Good Luck with your own decision. Just a piece of advice – don’t EVER let her buy a pop gun (cork in the end that “pops” when you shoot it) on vacation prior to a 7 hour car ride home!!!!
leslie says:
squirt guns are ok and we actually found some which don’t look like guns!
and i must say: kids make guns out of everything! so the #1 rule {like mentioned before} has to be: no shooting at another person!
otherwise i am very much against guns&all things that look like it and i feel very strong about that. my kids know that and think it’s ok.
Christieo says:
Thanks for bringing this up, this issue plagues me! Without kids, I was sooooo the person who would tell my friends with kids, “THEY’RE BOYS! how can you not let them play with toy guns?” Well of course then I GOT 2 boys of my own and was mortified when my sweet little baby boys began making guns out of everything in the house! We don’t allow guns that look like guns but the more I would say that the more they would be intrigued by them. now i pretend I don’t care about guns, i make my opinion known on them, i educate them about real guns not being toys, the firm rule is never ever point them at people, only targets, things and monsters, but even this is a constant reminder as they run around the house playing good cop vs. bad guy. i actually grew up with a gun in the house too but i actually never knew it until i was an adult, it was always locked away. i did however know that my dad was a hunter and when he brought home deer and pheasant, they talked to me about it like it was fishing and i never thought anything of it. with my boys now, we have a lot of military and police family members, so i am constantly explaining to them why they have guns and that they try very hard not to use them and they only use them for defense. but THIS IS SO HARD! i have tried to be as anti-gun as possible, even did the whole call it a “water squirter” thing, but now i’m finding myself trying to educate rather than ban and trying really hard to teach compassion. we still don’t allow guns that look like actual guns, but my husband brought the first “nerf” into the house when i was away on a trip. he did put up a target and they’re little suction cup thingies not bullets, so i am ok with it. he aims at the window. so, i guess i am a work in progress. i have been wanting to post about this myself because it is just a crazy inner conflict for me. i love tea parties and can’t understand for the life of my why boys want to shoot each other! my dna is just so different. good luck!
Jeannine says:
My kids are 5 1/2, just over 3 and 15 months. We do not allow even squirt guns. Its never really been an issue; we just dont buy them. I do remember one time we had a playdate and the friends had squirt guns in their backyard. My kids asked me, “Whats this?” and as the mom was filling it up, she apologized and said that she was sorry she should have checked with me if it was ok (i appreciated that). The kids didnt squirt each other but watered plants instead (totally okay with that). the reason for telling the story was because i think its probably okaaay to have them if you use them to water plants?? LOL!! No my real point is that its up to each family to decide whether to have them and in what capacity they are OK to be used. and this may change over time as the kids age.
but we will simply avoid them at our house.
At least for now.
(With parenting, i have learned that i always have reserve the right to change my mind later. I do remember having some great super-soaker water fights with my brother when i was a kid)
Dana says:
It’s no doubt a personal decision. My Dad is a Vietnam War Vet, as kid in the early 80s I was allowed to play with squirt guns, cap guns, video game oriented guns, and… under adult supervision only BB Guns. We had serious rules and Dad would spank me and ground me if rules were broken. The only gun I could point and shoot at a person or animal was a squirt gun (he always made sure mine were of the clear neon colored variety so no one would think it real, or he’d try to find one that looked like a space age ray gun). Cap guns could only be shot (outside only) in the air, at inanimate objects, and at imaginary enemies/monsters. Video games guns shot at the tv only or “Duck Hunt” or whatever it was would be confiscated and held hostage for 48 hours (an eternity to a kid). BB Guns were used to shoot cans or targets ONLY and when I was 9 or so I learned to shoot bow and arrow at hay targets. My Dad’s foster parents owned a summer camp, hence the archery interest. Both BB Gun and Bow & Arrow were adult supervision only and I never dared touch them without, I suspected that would have resulted in one epic spanking/grounding. We never had animal shaped targets, I was brought up to love animals and my Dad disliked hunting. If there was a special on the tv geared for kids about gun danger and safety he made me watch it. We did have real guns in the house, for his target shooting hobby, but he did a hell of a job locking them away (I never even had a clue we even had real guns in the house till I was 16 or so and saw him cleaning one. At 31 I still don’t know where he hides them.). I respect guns, I’d let my kid play with a squirt gun but I don’t think they make or let kids have cap guns/bb guns these days, times have changed.