I went to a new doctor yesterday. It has been way too long since my last check up, and I can’t sit around waiting for UCLA and Blue Shield to be grown ups and work something out. I know it’s better to find a new doctor when you’re healthy than to scramble to find one when you’re sick. I am trying to not be a baby about this. I have insurance. I am thankful. But even thought this doctor was perfectly nice, I still felt like I was cheating on Dr. Looove. Waaaah I love her! OK, I’m done being a baby about it now.

After I gave this new doc my medical history (which was super fun, waaaah Dr. Looove I miss you!), we started the check up. She started talking to me while she listened to my breathing. I didn’t know if I should answer her question while she had a stethoscope against my chest – I didn’t want to blow out her ear drums. So, I said nothing, and then she repeated her question, louder. I’m pretty sure my new doctor thinks I’m hearing impaired.

While she gave me a breast exam, I asked her to look at the skin tag that’s located in a somewhat unfortunate place. Let’s just say that if I ever breast feed again, it would be really painful. She poked at it a bit and then went back to the breast exam. She said I’d probably want to have it removed at some point, and that she could suggest a dermatologist for me. Sweet.

She moved down to give me a pap smear, and as she was preparing things or whatever she said, “You know, I sometimes freeze skin tags off when they appear down in lady areas. I could do that for you, if you want.”

It was a combination of nouns and verbs I’d never wanted to ever think about. Skin tags in lady areas? Freezing things off of lady areas? Doctors that say things like lady area?

Before I’d finished processing this, she pushed back from my lady area and said, “Or you could just tie a string around it. It will eventually fall off – and that’s free!”

I’m pretty sure my face looked like this:

shocked face

I could only think about a story that Mike told me about his mom. She had a skin tag on her arm that she *gag* cut off with scissors, and it got infected and grew back all crazy and her dermatologist about fainted when he saw it. I can’t have that on my boob.

There are only two options I would ever consider – have a doctor do something, or DO NOTHING. I just cannot imagine tying a string around a skin thing on my boob. Plus, what do you do with the extra string, just tuck it into your bra? What if you’re wearing a v-neck shirt and an end of the string becomes loose and peeks through the V, and someone tugs on it thinking it’s a thread from your top. Gag gag gag.

Waaaaaah I miss Dr. Looove.