At the beginning of this year, Mike and I sat down and really talked about when we wanted, ideally, to give Madeline a sibling. Maddie was thriving, getting bigger and stronger every day, and we felt confident that her occasional health concerns would be minor or even a non-issue by the time her sibling arrived. We wanted them to be two years apart – enough of an age difference to not compete with each other, but close enough to be the best of friends. We started casually trying, excited by the possibility that each month might bring us closer to expanding our family.

Then April came, and instead of our family multiplying, we lost our little Maddie. We didn’t know what we had to live for.

And then we found out I was pregnant.

Our feelings are all over the place. Obviously, we are cautiously happy that there might be another baby in our family. We don’t take for granted how hard it is to conceive a baby and have a healthy pregnancy and birth. But it’s hard to be completely joyful when we know that Madeline won’t ever know her sibling. Our family will always be incomplete, and it’s terribly sad. Our greatest fear is that people will think we’re “better” or “over Maddie” because we’re hopefully having another baby. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I have a perinatologist (Dr. Risky) that is seeing me weekly. My hematologist (Dr. Blood) is also following me closely. My general practitioner (Dr. Looove) is checking in constantly to make sure the other doctors are doing their jobs. I am on blood thinners to keep my clotting disorder under control, which have to be administered daily via an injection into my stomach. The whole thing is very high risk, but my doctors are watching me like hawks and checking for EVERYTHING. They’re watching my blood sugar and blood pressure, drawing lots of blood, and viewing the baby through weekly ultrasounds. It’s nuts.

Should everything go the way we hope, Maddie’s little brother or sister (Binky) will be arriving at the end of January/beginning of February.

We so appreciate all the love and support we’ve received from you all, and we hope it will continue throughout the course of the pregnancy. We can’t do this without you.

And please don’t forget about the non-profit we started in memory of Binky’s big sister, Friends of Maddie!

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