On Monday morning I woke up feeling totally uneasy. I was scheduled for a high-def ultrasound and I was worried. I kept telling myself that the ultrasound was going to show everything was OK and I’d finally know the sex, but I just didn’t feel convinced.
Mike and I brought my mom along to the appointment. She didn’t know we planned on inviting her back into the room for the scan, so she was pleasantly surprised when my name was called and I told her to come back with us. The ultrasound tech got me situated on the table, and then adjusted her machine. She was super-tiny, so she had to wheel the machine up close to her, leaving me to look at the BACK of the ultrasound machine. The only thing I could see were the faces of Mike, my mom, and the ultrasound tech. They ALL looked deep in concentration.
The tech told me to get up and go to the bathroom at one point, and even though it felt like I’d been on the table for half a day I was surprised to see it had already been an hour. I started to REALLY get nervous that this point. I didn’t know what could possibly be taking so long, and I started to worry that she told me to go to the bathroom so that she could page Dr. Risky about a problem. I kept telling myself not to panic, but I could feel a giant knot forming in my throat.
The tech looked at Binky for another twenty minutes before she said, “I have tried everything, but this baby doesn’t want to give up the sex.” I was so bummed, but as long as I knew the baby was OK I could deal. So I asked, “well, did everything look OK?” The tech replied, “your doctor will go over it all with you.” That was it. No measurements, no “oh yeah, the baby has a brain,” no nothing.
That pushed me over the edge. I didn’t get either of the two things I needed – reassurance that Binky was OK, or the identity of the little baby growing inside of me.
On the car ride home I started crying. I felt desperate. We haven’t passed the point in this pregnancy where Madeline was born, and until then, I will be terrified and guarded. I explained my feelings to Mike and my mom, and they understood. They knew I was leaving on a trip for the other side of the country, and I NEEDED peace of mind. I needed something to hold onto.
So they devised a plan. They remembered all those ultrasound places that you awesome people suggested a few weeks ago on my blog. Mike looked up one of the local places, and the next thing I knew, we were on our way to the office for another peek at Binky. On the way there, Mike described for me how curled up Binky had been during the ultrasound. Later, he performed a dramatic reenactment:
We stopped to grab some food, and I loaded up on sugar and caffeine. I was DETERMINED to make the baby move so we could get good shots.
When we arrived at the ultrasound place we were met by my cousin Leah. She works close by, so we invited her along. The office was nice and we weren’t kept waiting long before we were brought back into the exam room. There was a HUGE screen where the ultrasound was projected, and there were screens on either side of the table so no matter what direction I looked in, I could see the baby. Already a HUGE improvement from my morning ultrasound.
The technician put the wand on my belly and the FIRST thing I saw was Binky’s little legs spread WIIIIIDE open. I gasped just as the tech said, “I am 100% certain this is a girl.” There was no denying it. This picture doesn’t really do it justice.
The rest of the appointment was spent watching Binky in her natural habitat. We saw her yawn and stretch and wave. We heard her heart beat and watched her cover her face. It was really, really amazing. While we watched Binky move around, the tech took measurements of her head, femur, and abdomen. She pointed out the two hemispheres of Binky’s brain. Everything is measuring exactly on schedule.
I think we all walked out of that office floating. It was so great to not only get the assurance that everything was progressing normally with Binky, but we FINALLY got that confirmation that we’re growing another little girl. I remember when we found out Madeline’s was a girl…I’d been on bed rest for seven weeks at that point and I was so depressed. I felt disconnected from the little baby inside of me. I was so desperate to know WHO it was we were fighting for, and once we knew I felt such renewed purpose. And now, I feel the same way. We are going to have another baby girl. A baby who already has a big smile just like another girl I love with all my heart.