I’m running on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep and I blame Bob Costas. I’m of the mind to write a strongly worded letter to NBC taking them to task for keeping me up until 1:30 am every night this week. For all of you that don’t live in the Pacific Time Zone, let me fill you in. The other time zones get the live feed of the Olympics. The west coast gets it tape delayed. What kind of crap is this, NBC? You didn’t even air the gymnastics until after 11 pm!!! You know perfectly well that I can’t stop watching an event after it starts. It’s like leaving a baseball game in the sixth inning when the pitcher is throwing a perfect game. I just don’t do it. So, NBC, you bastards, when I get fired today for falling asleep on my desk, you can expect to hear from my lawyer.
PS if you are my boss, I did not write this at my desk at work.
Moving on. This post is going to be as interesting as a bag of rocks thanks to my sleepiness. Or maybe it will be awesome because I have no idea what I’m writing. My eyes are totally closed right now. I’m an excellent typist. Thanks, fourth grade computer lab!
Mike and I were interviewed by the awesome Daddy Dan. I linked to it in my last post, but for those of you that didn’t click on that random link here it is again. Go on. I demand you click on it. Wait, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be demanding. I love you. Click on it if you want. But you should want to, because Mike and I are cool and Daddy Dan has an adorable kid who is about to celebrate his second birthday.
So, Jackie! has a website and it’s run by her older sister Stephanie. Stephanie is Jackie!’s oldest and therefore most frightening sister. I’ve hesitated to link to her site until today. Why today? Well, Stephanie has challenged all of Jackie!’s admirers to leave Jackie! a comment on her guest book. Stephanie’s goal is to have a comment from all 50 states. I thought, “hey Heath (I call myself Heath), you should finally link to Jackie!’s site – you have readers all over the place.” So, okay friends (I call you my friends), if you are so inclined (because I still don’t want to be demanding), here is the link to Jackie!’s site. Please leave her a comment telling her I am pretty, and be sure to refer to her as Jackie! so she knows you came over via me. And, be sure to leave the state or country you’re in so she knows people are pulling for her from all over the place. Make me proud, friends.
Last thing! A bunch of my coworkers got spammed by me yesterday. I love to spam my coworkers because they are all super-awesome workers, and I like to distract people to the point of annoyance. I’m a gem. Anyway, I wrote it with the intention of also posting it on my blog. So here it is. I’m tired, deal with it.
Okay People. So listen. I have this baby, right? And I think she’s cute and stuff. I’m her mom, that’s my job. Anyway, my aunt & her friend convinced me to enter Maddie into a beautiful baby contest. But I don’t like to think of it that way. I prefer to think of it as a SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM. So, won’t you go help my baby go to college and realize the American Dream of being educated without the terrible terrible burden of student loans and crippling debt that will put her in the hole before she even begins her life? I mean, some people have debt so bad that they have to live under overpasses and beg for enough money just to buy a crappy cup of noodles, and they have to open up like five credit cards and they max out all of them and they are constantly running from creditors and THE MAN and their lives end up in the crapper just because they didn’t win a baby scholarship program and DO YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO MY DAUGHTER?!
Of course not. So here’s what you do.
First, you go to this website.
Then, you click on View M. A pop-up window will open. The first baby is some chick named Mackenzie. She’s just alright. She clearly has no sense of style, no joie de vivre. You are over her and you haven’t even seen her. So, you click on the right arrow to see Contestant 2, and then your eyes will be met with a VISION. The vision of my baby smiling at you, practically begging you to keep her off the mean streets of LA. You will look at her picture and agree that she deserves more than cup o noodles for dinner.
NEXT! You are going to minimize that pop-up window, so you are looking at the first screen again. Click on the “VOTE” button below the View M gallery. Then click the circle next to Contestant 2 (Maddie). Scroll down, enter your email address, and then click “Cast Your Vote.” You will get an email confirming that you’re a real person, click on the link in the email, and then your vote will count.
Yeah, I know it’s a lot of steps. But seriously, think of the baby, people. A vote for Maddie is a vote for keeping tiny babies off the street. FOR REALS.
And, if you have any friends who want to keep babies off the streets, feel free to pass this on.
Don’t you wish you worked with me?