If there’s one thing I’ve always thought was a little unfair, it’s how ignored the dads/partners are during pregnancy. Sure, the women are doing amazing thing with their bodies, and are making sacrifices and suffering, but they also get all of the glory. They are showered with gifts and attention. Seats are given up for them in crowded areas. They receive extra kindness and courtesy from strangers.
If these women are lucky, they have behind them a partner who is silently working very hard, in other ways. Extra chores, extra childcare, extra worry. They don’t get a shower, or a seat on the bus, or any special attention whatsoever.
In my house, my husband constantly goes above and beyond, and I often see how rare this is when I read spouse complaints on facebook or other blogs. When I see some women complain about not being able to spend time with their friends because their husband refuse to “babysit,” I realize that I’m lucky my husband encourages my friendships and considers alone time with his daughter parenting and not a favor.
But I digress. My husband, as great as he is during regular days, can’t even hold a candle to how amazing he is when I am pregnant. He doesn’t just pick up the little things without complaint – he picks up everything, because it’s a struggle for me to do anything. There’s food in the fridge and our daughter is clean and fed because of him. He listens to me cry after I am sick and comforts me with hand rubs and words of encouragement. When I have a deadline and the light of the computer screen hurts my head, he sits with me and takes dictation. He’ll then stay up late into the night to meet his own deadlines, only to get up early the next morning with Annie.
I had big plans for his birthday weekend: meals at his favorite restaurants, Annie’s first trip to the bowling ally (with a bumper ally for her and a regular ally for Mike), and the pièce de résistance, finally fulfilling Mike’s dream to jump in a foam pit. But instead, he spent Friday in the ER, advocating for his sick and confused wife. He spent Saturday helping me recover. And on Sunday, his actual birthday, he still made lunch, changed diapers, and took out the trash. When I was upset about not giving him the birthday I’d planned, he comforted me. He never once complained. If the situation had been reversed, I would not have been so graceful.
Sometimes he’s messy, and sometimes he says the wrong thing, and sometimes he wears his damn slippers out in public. But just like the tiny dents and imperfections on my wedding ring don’t tarnish its overall beauty, these little bugaboos of Mike’s don’t change what a wonderful, selfless person he is. He’d do anything for his children. He’d do anything for me. And on his birthday, when all I could manage was sitting next to him, I can at least tell him how much I love and appreciate him. He deserves his due as my unsung support during this pregnancy. I am so thankful that he is in my life and puts up with me, warts and all. I’m not always easy to love, but he is.
Happy birthday, Mikey. I love you forever (and I promise your birthday next year will be awesome).
(I did get you the ice cream cake you wanted, though!)
Annalisa says:
Aww. Both of you are sweethearts.
Becca_Masters says:
You’ve certainly a way with words Heathers. Mike is very awesome and you’re both so lucky to have such a wonderful relationship.
Tracey says:
Aww, how sweet. Mike you are an amazing person. Happy Birthday!
Mary says:
You guys are so cool!! Heaps of love!
Lisa says:
Happy Birthday Mike!
tracy says:
What a beautiful tribute!
Jackie C. says:
Heather- beautifully said. Oh, and you are so right too- many men are not this supportive. When I was 5 months pregnant with my first, my now ex refused to take me to the hospital even though my sides and back hurt so badly i couldn’t stand. It was 3am, and he needed to sleep! I literally crawled to the car and drove myself the 20 minutes there, then spent the next 5 days there with a serious kidney infection. Mike- he’s an amazing guy, and you are lucky to have found him. I hope you both find unending joy in your relationship. You deserve it.
Happy birthday, Mike!
ColleenMN says:
He sounds just like my husband. Lucky you Sorry you had to spend time in ER, hope you feel better…..!
This is for Mike:
Mary says:
WOW! AMAZING! You chose a great guy! Yes, this is very rare!!! I’m sorry to hear that you were at the ER though. Happy birthday Mike!
Lia says:
Happy birthday mike! I love how how you expressed your love so well heather. I hope I’m able to convey my love to my husband so eloquently. Great husbands are the best!
Jackie says:
Happy Birthday Mike!
Great post, Heather! I hope you are feeling better after your ER trip. We are all rooting for you and the little acrobat!
I loved your tribute to Mike on his bday. I also feel very fortunate to be married to an awesome guy.
Sue says:
Happy Birthday, Mike. You are the epitome of a wonderful husband and daddy! Lots of men should observe and take notes!!!
TamaraL says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!! I think you (and your wife) are pretty awesome!
twingles says:
Happy birthday!!!
Mary says:
This is fantastic. It sounds like Mike is a wonderful partner. Happy Birthday Mike. I hope you’re feeling a bit better, Heather.
shan says:
The cake looks awesome..and the post made me tear up. What a beautiful tribute!
Shauna says:
I’m not an overly emotional person, but this actually made me tear up. It’s just so sweet. I know that feeling of not being able to do enough for someone who REALLY deserves it sucks, although obviously Mike more than understands. Of all the blogs I read, you guys are one of my absolute favorites. You guys are just such awesome parents. Happy birthday Mike, I’m sure it was still a great one!
Anna says:
Happy birthday, Mike! You’re the best!
Editdebs (Debbie A-H) says:
You both are awesome! Happy Birthday, Mike!
Amy says:
I don’t post a lot of comments, but this was too much to resist. Hope Mike has an amazing birthweek! Hope you are feeling much better. This post is a lovely tribute to being grateful for the little (and big!) things partners should do for one another. Thanks for sharing!
Lauren says:
Happy birthday, Mike!
Rachel says:
Happy Birthday Mike!
Karen says:
You two are so very fortunate to have found one another. Such a perfect match.
willikat says:
What a wonderful gift to your husband–to put those words out there for everyone to see. I love hearing stories about the good guys–they never get the credit they deserve. Nice guys do finish first! I’m so glad you have such a wonderful, supportive husband.
Susan says:
You two are wonderful together.
Happy Birthday, Mike.
Laura says:
Happy Birthday Mike!
I am married to my own amazing Mike as well – through two bouts with breast cancer he has remained by my side, supportive, caring and loving. I read posts on BC support sites where women talk of their husbands leaving them after their cancer diagnosis. I cannot imagine. We have chosen well Heather! xo
Meg says:
Made me teary-eyed. Very happy birthday wishes to Mike — and hope you feel better soon, Heather!
Kate Schade says:
Awe go Mike! There aren’t enough men out there like ya.
jennifer says:
Such a sweet tribute! It’s so beautiful when two people can selflessly care for each other, warts and all!
Jen says:
Awwww. So sweet. Happy Birthday Mike.
Nanette says:
He’s a great guy, and I’m so happy the universe put you two together.
xoxo
Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts says:
Hooray for Mike for being so awesome. And hooray for you for acknowledging him in such a lovely way. You two make a great team!
Michelle says:
What a beautiful tribute!
Kat says:
Happy Birthday to a #1 father, husband and guy!!!!
jaime says:
Happy Birthday Mike! What a wonderful post, Heather. You made me tear up. Women all over wish their husbands were more like yours. You both are so lucky to have found each other. I hope you feel better and he gets to jump into the foam pit soon.
Lanie says:
Heather – hope that you are feeling better! Mike, hope that you had a happy birthday and that this year is filled with lots of laughs and love. Take care.
Erin says:
Happy Birthday, Mike!
Lisa F. says:
Happy birthday, Mike! You two are so lucky to have found each other.
I agree about the dad’s and babysitting. A friend had to pass on going to a Green Bay Packer game with me because her husband couldn’t handle having their one-year-old two days in a row. And another friend’s husband does actually refer to spending alone time with his kids as babysitting. He said it in front of me once, and I replied, “It’s not babysitting when they’re yours.”
Emily says:
Heather, what a beautiful post! It made me stop and think about the little, amazing things my husband does do on a daily basis. I need to remember to complain less about what he DOESN’T do and be thankful for what he DOES! Oh, and Happy Birthday to Mike
Jenny H. says:
This was flippin’ beautiful. Happy birthday, Mike!
Skye says:
This is so heartwarming. I’m glad you have each other. Happy birthday, Mike!
Glenda says:
Happy birthday Mike!!!
Crysi says:
Happy Birthday Mike!
Reminds me a similar birthday weekend my husband experienced a few years ago. I was 30 weeks pregnant with our twins. I had planned an awesome birthday for him and he actually was able to take the day off, which never happens. Yeah, just a week before his party, I went into preterm labor. We spent his birthday (and 2 weeks) in the hospital on bedrest. I was so upset, but he only cared that I was ok. I at least convinced his parents and my mom to take him to dinner and get him his favorite cake.
Eric says:
Outstanding. Mike is the husband and father that ALL men should be, but sadly aren’t. And also sadly, they often aren’t EXPECTED to be — dads are often given a pass, it’s just assumed they either (1) don’t want to parent; or (2) they won’t be any good at it.
Our daughter is now 6, and this doesn’t happen much anymore. But when she was less than a year, if my wife happened to be at the grocery store, the post office, the fitness center, etc. — the first question from other women, usually delivered with a gasp, was — “Where’s the baby???!??!”
Where do you think she is? She’s with her father, a perfectly capable and loving parent. Why, in 2012, is this so shocking? I’m not some SuperDad — but I certainly am an equal partner in raising my child. Why does it seem like this is a rarity?
Jacquie says:
It’s good for me to remember how good I have it with my hubby. You could have been describing how he is handling my 12 week pregnant self as you described Mike. He was up until 1 am working on a final paper for his graduate program and still got out of bed at 7:30 to get our son. He knows that I am dealing with insomnia and that I get my best sleep in the morning so he does what he can to make sure I get sleep.
Happy birthday to Mike.
Ninabi says:
One of the reasons I follow your blog is that you are good to one another. Your blog shows a marriage full of kindness- that to each other, you are the shelter from life’s storms.
Happy birthday to Mike and I do hope you are feeling better.
Lindsey Reese says:
Me, too! Ninabi said it best! You guys are so full of life and love for one another and really epitomize A HAPPY MARRIAGE, and HOW TO PARENT WELL, and HOW TO WEATHER LIFE”S STORMS. I love to start my day laughing with you, crying with you, being inspired by you, marveling over your gorgeous children, and most of all learning what a good marriage looks like …..mine sadly ended when my kids were all very little. I love you and your family!
Jennifer says:
Ok, now I’m going to go give my husband a big shove! Just kidding. So sorry that you were in the ER again Heather. Ugh. Wow, I don’t even know what to say. He does sound incredible-you two are such an amazing and inspiring couple.
Feel better Heather and Happy late Birthday Mike!
mindy says:
marriage is loving each other through all the good days & bad & you are so lucky to have someone that knows that. happy birthday mike!!
now i have to go hug my husband & tell him thank you for all that he does for me
Andrea Hanstein says:
This might be the most awesome tribute ever – I love it!
Molly says:
Happy birthday Mike! (and hope you’re feeling better, Heather!)
Katrina says:
Love this.
Happy Birthday to a heck of a husband & father!
Katrina says:
oooops… I guess that should read “one heck of” —
Ah well, you know what I mean
Katrina says:
oooops…shouldn’t that be “one heck of” ???
Ah well, you know what I mean
Giselle says:
Happy birthday Mike!! You’re amazing! You are both so lucky to have each other. And Annie is super lucky too. =)
Jeanie says:
Happy birthday, Mike. Heather and Annie (and Rigby) are lucky to have you!
Stacy says:
Happy Birthday, Mike! And Heather, your words are a great present to Mike. You are both lucky to have one another.
Tara says:
I LOVED reading this post! I LOVE that Mike is not only an amazing husband, but that you publicly praise him for it.
Mike, you’re just awesome. Part of me really hopes you guys have a son so that a boy of the next generation will grow up with an example of how a real man lives!
Happy Birthday Mike! Glad you got that ice cream cake. And next year will surely be an amazing birthday for you, with your newest family member joining you.
andrea says:
Heather, I’m a long time lurker…but had to comment on this post. We were pregnant with our girls (annie), we miscarried about the same time, and I’m due at the end of May too! I just wanted to say that I loved this post and cried. I have a Mike too (his name is Brian). I’m so glad you have him! He sounds so much like my hubby. It was so nice to read a non husband bashing blog entry. Thanks for sharing how great he is!
Anne says:
What a great entry! I loved reading every word of this – it reminds me of my own husband. (And of how lucky I am to have him in my life!) Congratulations Mike for having a wife who loves you so much, and I hope next year you get your foam pit!
KaraB says:
What a sweet post! It’s so great to see the love between the two of you, you are a fantastic couple! Oh, and Happy Birthday Mike!
deanna says:
this was maybe my favorite post youve ever written.
youre lucky to have such a wonderful husband, and your children are lucky to have such an amazing father in their lives. these are the things that count in life, and this is such a lovely reminder of that during this consumer-driven holiday time of year.
happy happy birthday, mike!
Valerie L says:
I admire your love and your marriage. You two compliment each other and it is so refreshing.
Lisa says:
I hope you are feeling better. I feel like such a slacker right now to my husband. I flop on the couch and don’t move (just finishing the first trimester) and I am soooo thankful for my husband (working on his masters while working and caring for our two daughters). You sing a wonderful song about your husband and your relationship. It can’t be said enough that you two are an inspiration.
Mar says:
Happy birthday Mike! And it’s mine too so we’re twinsies!
Kat says:
KEEPER!!!
Cristy says:
A beautiful post. Mike, I hope you had an amazing birthday and have a wonderful year ahead! Heather, hope you’re feeling better!
Lisa says:
Awww, you two…so cute. Happy Birthday, Mike!
Amy says:
I think you just gave Mike the best birthday present ever. Your words mean more than any tangible gift could.
Jos says:
This made me cry! Gorgeous tribute to a wonderful guy. I’m lucky I married one of those, too. Happy (late) birthday to Mike!