I’ve been sitting here for a while, staring at the screen, not sure what to say. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and it was great and complicated and sad.
I woke up in bed to Annabel looking up at the ceiling quietly. I stared at her for a while, then alternated my gaze between her and the pictures of Madeline on the dresser next to the bed. I pulled Annabel into me and braced for the day.
My mom, cousin, and I had a great morning, treating ourselves to pampering hair appointments and new makeup. We brought Annabel along, and I hoped that no one would ask me if she was my only child. I didn’t want to go into it, not on Mother’s Day. Luckily, no one asked.
We met the rest of our family for a nice lunch, and everyone cooed over Annie. I tried hard to focus on the lunch, on my family that was there, and not get lost in who wasn’t.
After lunch, my mom, cousin, Annie, and I took a picture together.
I realized later I don’t have a picture of my mom, cousin, and me with Madeline.
I spent the rest of the day with Annie, enjoying her, making her laugh.
And now, she sleeps, Mike sleeps, and my house is quiet. Now I am finally letting myself feel the missing piece, my missing girl. I am physically in pain. I feel like my stomach just was punched, like something is lodged in my throat. I can’t breathe and I feel sick. My Maddie would be two and a half years old. Mike would have walked her through signing a card. She would have “helped” him make me breakfast in bed. But most of all, she would be a completely different little person than the one I remember. And that’s what hurts the most.
My day with my sweet Annabel was perfect.
I miss my Maddie so.
And now I will let myself cry.
Mandy says:
Hugs. And love. And tears. For you, and for Maddie. But mostly, just love.
Cinthia says:
And we will cry with you. I am so sad for you. I bet Maddie sent you down special blessings and lots of love from up in heaven, not just today but always.
Marti from Michigan says:
I could not have said that better myself. I too cry with you Heather.
Denise Jones says:
I agree with Marti and Cinthia. Maddie may not be with us physically, but she’s in our hearts forever, and watches us from afar, beyond the stars. God bless you all!
Maddie says:
Wooo, well I am crying along with you. Again, I am sorry; again, I wish I could something for you, carry it for you.
I am glad that you made the most of the day with Annie, that you went out and got yourself pampered. I know it would have been a bitch to get through. Lots of love. M xx
Erica says:
Please know that I am thinking of you, dear sweet Heather, I’m holding your hand as you cry and crying right here with you. I’m so, so sorry you are feeling such pain, I wish we could carry some of your pain for you. The photo of you and your precious Maddie on Mother’s Day is just beautiful, thank-you for sharing it with us. This year’s Mother’s Day photos are just beautiful too. You are such an amazing Mum, you have learnt from the best, from your own amazing Mum. Sending you a big hug from afar.
Love Erica
Kelly says:
I’m so, so sorry that your mothers day wasn’t what it was meant to be. It is so very wrong that you have to live every “happy occasion” knowing that so much is missing. Maddie should be here, and you should know exactly who she is at two and a half.
I’m so glad that Annie gave you the happy in your mothers day. You deserve every moment of joy a thousand times over
love and hugs to you
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Dancing queen =-.
Kim says:
((hugs))
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day Betty …. =-.
InDueTime says:
There are no words I can say to ease your pain. Just wanted to say we love you and we’re here. xoxo
.-= InDueTime´s last blog ..15 Weeks =-.
Elizabeth says:
This. I thought of you all weekend. Sat. was our March for Maddie and we spent the day celebrating her. (((HUGS)))
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Oh Heather. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m glad you and Annie and your Mom and cousin had such a great day, and I’m so so sad that Maddie didn’t get to share it. Love and hugs to you all.
Amélie says:
Just what I wanted to say too
Meg...CT says:
I am so sad that your days are always bittersweet. I thought of you in Church when we prayed for those mommies who babies are no longer with them…my prayer was for you. Peace.
Bec says:
I was thinking about you yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if it was Mother’s Day in the US or just here.
All my love.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..Happy mother’s day =-.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Mother’s Day must have been particularly difficult without your sweet Maddie. Thinking of you…
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I’m the worst mother ever =-.
Mary Ann says:
You look beautiful. I wish Maddie could have been in that picture too, nothing else to say just a big hug to you.
Catherine Lucas says:
I am wordless too for now…. What can we say? Yes, you miss Madeline and you will miss her for the longest time. But there is also that little bundle of joy, and new opportunities and new possibilities. I do hope that at a certain point in your life, it will be possible to be thankful for the things you do with Annabel, and that it won’t hurt so much to think about the fact that you could not do those things with Madeline. I am sure you did all you could do with Maddie, in the short time frame you had with her. It’s part of the loss, one misses not only the person, but also the loss of things that did not happen…
I hope that you can find it in you some day, somewhere, to fully enjoy Annabel, and at the same time find peace if that is ever possible – or acceptance for the little girl that is no longer here.
I’m convinced that acceptance of Madeline no longer in this life, your life, will be a long healing process. We all have to learn how to live with loss, and the loss of a child is a heavy burden.
I keep my fingers crossed that Annabel can give you your joy in life back, you deserve it after all that happened before Annabel was here… It’s a great photograph of you, your mom and cousin and Annabel… Annabel is an adorable baby!
.-= Catherine Lucas´s last blog ..Lost in the forest… =-.
Kristen McD says:
I thought of you and your girls yesterday. I wish things were so different. I’m glad there was good though.
Alexandra :) says:
Hugs and hearts and love and kisses
mary c says:
For the short essay above on “How to fully love your new bundle!” I believe, Heather, that you do fully love your little Annabel and not for one second do you take one thing for granted. Mothers day must be one of the hardest. Happy late Mother’s day to one of the best mother’s.
(((hugs)))
charlane says:
So sorry your Mother’s Day was bitter sweet. I believe we all wish it where different for you. Lots of warm and wonderful thoughts being sent your way…
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Cake’s Mom’s Day =-.
Sue says:
AND, now, I cry with you, Heather. The pictures, taken yesterday, are beautiful, and the one of Maddie & Mommy is priceless. Even tho we never met precious Maddie, in person, we all miss her, and love her, so very, very, much……………….
Shannon Kieta says:
I am sure you felt some kind of love from Maddie at some point or another yesterday. She was with you everywhere you went. Celebrating with you to remind you what a fantastic mama you were to her. She reminds you each and everyday by giving you Annie… Don’t ever forget that Heather!!!! Happy, Happy Mother’s Day!
.-= Shannon Kieta´s last blog ..It’s time to clean out the crap! =-.
jen says:
Heather i thought of you on Mothers Day and always. I am just a stranger to you but i wish with all my power i could bring Maddie back to you.
Hugs ooxx
Jenni Williams says:
I want to say something profound, but the words won’t come. Your family is in my thoughts everyday, but in particular holidays where I know it hurts the most.
Lisa from WV says:
I thought of you yesterday and said a special prayer for you. I imagined for a moment just what Mother’s Day would feel like for you. I hurt for you. I’m glad Annabel was there to ease your pain. You are a beautiful mother inside and out.
Thoughts and Prayers,
Lisa
Kelly says:
I can’t begin to imagine what Mother’s Day could be with only one of my girls. I can only hope that you had the best day you could, and that sweet Maddie was looking down from above. Extra kisses and hugs to Annie are in order…
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Trying to be Nice, Bites Me in the Ass… =-.
april says:
Holding you up with love and hugs from NJ.
Christine says:
Sending you much love from across the country. I’m so glad that your day had moments of brightness. I wish so many more for you and Mike.
(And also, your mom is gorgeous. Seriously!)
Java says:
Those are some really great pictures! Sounds like you had a nice day!
Sorry you are missing Maddie so much….I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. Sending lots of ((hugs)) your way.
.-= Java´s last blog ..Wedding Dilemma =-.
Sarah P says:
Big, big virtual hugs. I wish there were more I could do.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..You can’t spell "WOMBAT" without "WOMB" =-.
jen says:
((((hugs)))) from here!
.-= jen´s last blog ..who’s your daddy? =-.
Lisa says:
I thought about you yesterday and shed a tear for you and for what was missing from your day. I’m glad you were able to enjoy part of your day, spending it with you mom and Annie. You deserve it. You are an amazing mom.
Love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day =-.
Deborah says:
I am so, so sorry. No words.
(((hugs)))
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..A Weekend of Painting =-.
cjrymommy says:
No words, just crying with you Heather.
Sending lots of hugs and kisses.
xoxo,
Jocelyn
cjrymommy says:
No words…just crying with you Heather.
Sending lots of virtual hugs your way.
xoxo,
Jocelyn
Nikki says:
Sending you lots of hugs and love.
Saturday, my mother and I drove to Mississippi to visit my grandmother’s grave for the first time. Sunday, we bought a big, beautiful bouquet of purple flowers and placed them at the site. I took one of the flowers and said a special wish for you and Maddie and your family, that somehow that flower could connect us all together and bring peace to us all. I wish it helped.
Praying for your family and wishing I knew how to send you virtual comfort.
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
PS: on a completely superficial side note, your hair is FAB-U-LOUS in these pictures.
Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/ says:
Heather – I am sorry your night was so hard but glad the rest of your day was wonderful.
.-= Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/´s last blog ..Momnesia =-.
Lindsay from Florida says:
It’s terribly unfair that one of the most superb mothers all of us here will ever “know” is not allowed a truly perfect Mother’s Day.
Both pictures with your girls are precious.
mel says:
I thought of all of you yesterday. I wish it were different. I’m just so glad you have your mother with you on this day especially. She is amazing.
.-= mel´s last blog ..F is for Friday and Family =-.
J+1 says:
Both your girls are beautiful. I’m just so, so sorry they aren’t both with you.
.-= J+1´s last blog ..Not your typical Mother’s Day post =-.
Jennifer says:
I was thinking of you yesterday not even near a computer…hugs to you
Momma Lioness Michele says:
What a bittersweet day for you & your family. Your Mom holding Annie’s foot in the photo really touched my heart. I truly hope you felt your Madeline with you yesterday. Sending hugs and support from NY.
.-= Momma Lioness Michele´s last blog ..First Time Out =-.
Jen at Cabin Fever says:
*Hugs* Its definitely ok to soak it all in and enjoy the moment and then let your emotions free.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Cabin Fever in Vermont
.-= Jen at Cabin Fever´s last blog ..Caught In The Act =-.
suzanne says:
Thinking of you, Heather. I am so sorry for that missing piece of your life, of yourself.
Jen L. says:
I thought of you yesterday, too. I’m so sorry these days are so hard. I’m glad you have Annie to bring you smiles, though! Beautiful pictures of beautiful ladies. Hugs from me to you.
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY from CSN stores =-.
amanda says:
Love to you. I thought of you yesterday.
.-= amanda´s last blog ..come on babe, why don’t we paint the town =-.
Kristin says:
Heather, I wish I had the power to help heal your heart and make your pain a little more bearable. There are no words that could ever do that, but I know hearing Madeline’s name and how she has touched the lives of others helps. I think about Maddie each and every day and tell everyone I know about her and your family. Many, many people have been touched and inspired by her spirit and strength.
I thought about you often yesterday on Mother’s Day. Your photos from the day are beautiful. I love how Annie’s Grandma is holding on to her tiny little foot – so precious, and very symbolic of how beautiful Annie is helping you get through each day.
Christine says:
Heather,
I don’t know what to say. You were in my thoughts yesterday as I did a Mother’s Day Run/Walk. It supported the NICU and NICU babies so I also thought of little Maddie ofton. I can only hope that next year will be a little bit less painful for you.
Lisa says:
You and Maddie, deserve a cry. I can’t imagine how it feels to celebrate the day without her, but I am glad you were able to enjoy yesterday in the moment as it came and had friends and family around you. The pictures are beautiful! You only deserve the best.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Recap of One Hot Week (aka Bikram Yoga Week) =-.
Lisa_in_WI says:
Happy belated Mother’s Day! I’m so glad you were able to enjoy part of the day and make some good memories.
Maddie was there with you, enjoying them, because you keep her close in your heart. And no one is ever really gone while there are still those that remember and love them.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
I know it will never get easier to live without Maddie, but I just hope the coping doesn’t hurt as much as time goes on.
Happy Mother’s Day
Veronika says:
The photo with your mom and cousin is gorgeous. You look beautiful and happy holding your girl. I’m so sorry that it was another occasion that reminded you of your terrible loss. If all children were loved as much as Maddie, this world would be a much better place. After reading your post, it sunk it that there are so many days in the years to come that will only remind you of who is not there. And that breaks my heart. It is not right that Maddie is not there with you. How can we live in a world where Annie is growing up without her big sister? It just doesn’t make sense. I’m shedding so many tears for you in reading this.
To Heather’s mom. Wow, you are one gorgeous lady. Before reading the post, I saw the pic and thought it was Heather and some friends. I would NEVER have guessed that you were Annie and Maddie’s grandma. It’s easy to see where Heather got her gorgeous looks from. {{hugs}} to you to.
Trisha Vargas says:
I thought of you often yesterday. Happy Mother’s Day Heather! You are one the strongest, best moms I know.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Lora says:
There are no words, but there are lots of thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
.-= Lora´s last blog ..Spit Up and Fists of Fury =-.
Camie says:
It’s so unfair that you don’t have both your girls to hold . . I thought of Maddie and you yesterday. You and Mike are such good parents to both your girls, even if one you carry in your heart and the other one is in your arms. Sending much love.
Alexandria says:
I said a prayer for you yesterday as i knew it would be a dificult day. I am glad you had Annie by your side to comfort you like noone else can. Hope you have a nice day.
MAYA says:
the only thiing i can say is- i love you and will always here for you.
.-= MAYA´s last blog ..Bumpy Ride =-.
Nicole says:
I am so sorry you had to spend Mother’s Day without one of your girls, but glad you had Annie to make you smile! I thought about you and your family yesterday, and everyday. Sending a hug your way!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Future Nascar Racer? =-.
Sirena says:
I was thinking of you yesterday too. I am so happy you had a love filled Mother’s day with your beautiful mother, cousin, and beautiful new child. I can’t imagine what you go through every day missing your little firstborn. I”m so happy your mom is with you, and you are surrounded by people you love. You seem like an AMAZING mom and a freaking pillar of strength. Your little girls, both of them, were and are lucky to have you.
.-= Sirena´s last blog ..Black Honey Chicken and Coconut Rice =-.
Kim says:
It is always so hard to have that missing piece of your life. Sometimes it is much more obvious than others, Mother’s Day is one of those days. These little people who made us a Mother for the first time and aren’t here…it just hurts.
I so know what you mean about her being a different person than the one you remember. Emma would be 7 1/2, finishing 1st grade, probably losing teeth and having a crush on a boy….all things I don’t get to experience.
It never gets easier, just different.
I love you sweet friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Mother’s Day Recap =-.
Jack's Mom says:
I’m so sorry you were in such pain, and rightfully so. The grief you carry is immeasurable. I am glad, though, that you had a little happiness with your family and Annabel. You’re forever in my thoughts and prayers.
Krissa says:
Sending love and cyber(((hugs))) your way.
Sarah says:
Gosh my heart just aches for you. I don’t know if it will ever get easier, really, I don’t. But I’m so thankful that you have Annie to hold, to love. I cannot imagine what it would be like for you, with a total void in your heart and arms. I’m so glad you have the gift of your baby girl Annie. Maddie cannot be in your arms, however she will always be in your heart your mind until you see her again one day in Heaven. She is and will always be your first baby girl. Happy Mother’s Day Heather.
Marti from Michigan says:
I’m going to share a small story that I found on the internet after my mom died in 2007. My mom and I had not always gotten along, but in her later years in life, we became very close and that is a gift I will always treasure.
I hope this small story/poem helps you Heather/Mike in some small way:
“Love Never Dies”
The “gift” of Grief
“Death takes away. That’s all there is to it. But grief gives back. By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain, rather, we become more compassionate, more aware, more able to help others, more able to help ourselves.
Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on this earth.
It does more than enable us to change; it demands it. The way we change is up to us. It is possible to be forever bowed by grief. It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.
But, it is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction, and to allow the memory of the beloved person who has died, to live on within us….not as a monument to misery, but as a source of strength, love and inspiration.
By acting on our grief we can eventually find within ourselves a place of peace and purposefulness. It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain, no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel, can eventually find that place within their hearts.”
Author Unknown.
Diane says:
I am crying with you, Heather.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..I am feeling a little defeated =-.
aimee says:
I’ve been there, still am. Its hard but somehow we get through it, we deal with it and somehow manage to take another breathe without our little ones here with us. Hugs to you and Mike.
Glenda says:
Sending you hugs Heather! Love, love the pictures of you and Maddie and Annabel. XX
Tamaya says:
I am so sorry. You are such an amazing writer. You write about your grief so beautifully. It is such an amazing talent and one that i am sure that you never wished to perfect, but you have. The loves of both of your daughters have touched so many people.
.-= Tamaya´s last blog ..Dating Violence =-.
Tammy says:
Heather,
I appreciate every day with both my kids more because of your posts. I’m so sorry for the loss of that beautiful girl. I’m so happy you have Annie. I know one can’t replace the other – you should have both of your beautiful babies.
Tammy
Christy says:
I think of you often. Peace to you.
Warmly,
Christy
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Emma =-.
Procrastamom says:
You and your Mom have the same beautiful cheekbones, Heather. Anyone can see where Maddie got her gorgeous smile from and that Annabel’s will be the same. Sending you love at this bittersweet time. xxxxx
Tricia says:
Big, big hugs and lots of love to you. I thought of you yesterday and sent some extra love your way. I’m glad you had little miss annie to hug and kiss. Both of your girls are just gorgeous, like their mama. xoxoxo
Danielle says:
The first picture is a really great photo of you – so pretty! You remind me of Evangeline Lilly. Yes, I am shallow.
Manda says:
tears today for Maddie, and for you. This world misses her so……
Carrie says:
Tears and hugs from me.
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
so much love coming your way.
xo
Katie says:
Was thinking of you too – thinking of the fact that you define what a great mother is. And as many of your readers have said here before, you help us become better mothers… That means SO MUCH to us all, and to you too I’m sure, but I know it won’t fix anything. But I’m here to say thank you and send you a big virtual hug. We are all here for you so cry as much as you want.
Kerri says:
I thought of you and your family yesterday. I prayed that you would have had a good day. I can’t imagine the pain in your heart. You are truly amazing. Hugs
Ashley says:
I am never good at comforting others in times of grief. I suppose because I am mostly not “good” with my own grief over those I have lost, whatever that might mean. But, I am with you, thinking of you, and am sad right alongside you.
Erin says:
Beautiful pictures Heather..you look so pretty. Maddie was with you today im sure…i was thinking about you today hope you and Annie had a day to remember. please know i wish i could hug you while you cried. I am sorry…
Molly says:
Oh, so sorry Heather. It’s all so bittersweet–you have Annie on the one hand and Maddie is missing on the other. It shouldn’t be that way.
Rebecca says:
Your mom looks very young.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..To My Kids =-.
Tami says:
I am sad for you! I wish so much Maddie could of been with you. Annie is getting sooo big and so cute. Hugs to you!!
MM says:
Very pretty pictures. I’m sorry they don’t tell the whole story. Like the Mom who lost her little girl–I clicked through to her blog. Looking at her mother’s day pictures with her kids, happy faces all, you would never know. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t drawn to hear the rest of the story, that I could stop reading these posts, because they’re painful…I know others must feel the same way…but we keep coming back. I think because we realize we’re seeing something miraculous. Something life-transforming. To triumph, after the worst sort of disaster…we’re pulling for you Heather because that’s something you don’t see every day. That’s something worthy of thousands of comments, of poems, of an ode even, a novel or memoir or two. We may walk with you but we can never walk in your shoes. But if you keep going, then there’s hope that if something like this ever happened to us, we could keep going too. Now that’s a true gift–from one mother to another.
coloradolady says:
I thought about you yesterday Heather. I thought of Maddie when my son and husband purchased 4 new large plants that tolerate the Texas heat and planted them in my rose garden that has “Maddie’s rose bush” The flowers they chose are PURPLE, each and every plant blooms purple flowers. they thought that since I worried over, and pay special attention to my purple rose bush, these would be perfect! I had tears, my rose bush is FULL of blooms, soon to bloom and now it has company of new plants with blooms of dark purple flowers…..I had to wipe a tear and look towards the sky….I “felt” a smile………
.-= coloradolady´s last blog ..A Vintage Theme Shower : Foyer Decor & Details =-.
Issa says:
Hugs and tons of love Heather. Wish I had something more to give, but I don’t have a thing that will help.
Just know, it’s okay. That’s all. It’s okay to cry, to be sad, to miss your oldest daughter, while cuddling your youngest daughter. It’s okay. xoxo, issa.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
Fairly Odd Mother says:
Also crying with you.
Happy Mother’s Day to you.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..I look cute in purple =-.
amanda says:
Mothers day was one of the worst days for me for the longest time. After almost 10 years of trying, I had 2 miscarries before I successfully had my daughter 3 years ago. I remember just trying to stay in the house and not leave that Sunday in fear that someone would wish me a “Happy Mother’s Day”. I know they didn’t know how hard the day was already for me, but having someone congratulate me when I couldn’t hold my child was excruciating. I make a conscious effort to not wish anyone this even now unless they say it to me first. I’m glad you were able to enjoy the day with Annie, and that you were able to give yourself the time to grieve as well. Wishing you happier thoughts and sunnier days..
Clemmiesmom says:
The one good thing about my mom being dead is that she is finally reunited with my brother, who died before I was born. Barring that scenario, she no longer misses him if it turns out that death is the end.
Mom talked about David and wept over him until the day she died. It was especially bad on his birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Easter, the day he died, the day he was diagnosed with cancer, and the day he went into the hospital for the last time. Those were really bad days. Other days were just regular bad days, when anything could send her into tears. She was especially troubled by a television commercial for breakfast cereal that featured a little boy with curly red hair who resembled my brother. Every time that damn commercial came on she’d run out of the room or just sit there and quietly sob.
I felt sorry for her but it wasn’t easy growing up in a house where the emotional weather was gloomy on a fairly regular basis. I hope Annabelle has a happier childhood.
Heather says:
I feel like I need to respond to you after several comments you’ve left in this vein. I am so, so sorry that you grew up like that. It makes me hurt for you. But my child will not. She will never see me sad, she will never see me cry. She will never feel less than her sister in any way. So really, don’t worry about her. I’m sure I’ll mess her up in other ways, but her older sister won’t have anything to do with it.
Lori says:
It’s clear you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the impact Maddie’s passing will have on her sister. That’s so admirable. My mother had a daughter that passed away before I was born. My Mom was always very matter of fact when she spoke about my older sister – just the facts. The only time I ever remember seeing my Mom upset about it was one time when we were looking at old pictures. In one shot she was pregnant. I made a typical teenage comment about how fat she was when she was pregnant with me and she had to correct me b/c she was actually pregnant with my sister. It’s only now that I’ve had my own children, that I realize my mother’s strength through her tragedy. You and her obviously share this quality. Annabel is one lucky girl.
tiff says:
They’re bittersweet, these special days, huh?
I can’t write about mothers day still because of the mixed emotions I have every single year.
I am so grateful for all that I have but there will always be that little piece of my heart missing.
I’m glad your day was lovely. You deserve that. I’m sorry a piece of your heart is gone forever and your special days will be such a mixture of emotions now.
Strength and peace, Heather, wishing you strength and peace.
.-= tiff´s last blog ..Motherhood. =-.
Ray says:
That’s a photo of four very beautiful women [with one missing. ;o(….].
I am glad you have Annabel to hold onto. Hold onto her tightly.
Lori says:
Crying with you and wishing things were so, very different….much love coming your way…….
angela says:
Dear Heather & Mike,
Thought about you guys throughout the day yesterday. I was depressed about not having a mom on mother’s day and then I thought about the two of you; one baby here and one in heaven. I then realized that in comparison to your pain, mine was minimal.
I went to your site to see how you were fairing and watched Maddie’s videos. My husband laid beside me and asked who the adorable little girl was.
I shared Maddie’s tale as best as I could and told him even though I had never met your family, I felt like I knew you guys.
To end things on a lighter note, we watched some Annabelle videos and giggled at her “interviews”.
I thank you for writing. I wish you never knew the pain of losing a child. I wish Annabelle could grow up with her sister but I’d like to believe that Annabelle was handpicked for you by her sister.
Much love to all 3 of you!
Angela
Suzy says:
I know that feeling so well – the feeling of physical pain like you have been punched. I am so glad you had Annie to spend the day with and I am so sorry Maddie wasn’t there to share it with you.
Thinking of you and loving Maddie.
xxx
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..Update and Symptom Watch 2010 =-.
Susan says:
Oh Heather, I too thought of you on Mother’s Day. I love seeing your pictures of Annie and the hilarious little interviews by her daddy. But I also can’t imagine how this day without Maddie must affect you.
I am so so sorry.
I am glad Annie is there to hold and kiss and smile and laugh with you.
You are in my thoughts and I wish you peace.
Karen says:
Just love and hugs and tears {{{ }}}
Lindsay @ Just My Blog says:
I am so sorry that Maddie was not here with you…but you still have Annie and she is so beautiful and precious and loves you so much. Happy Mother’s Day.
.-= Lindsay @ Just My Blog´s last blog ..Mission Monkey Minute =-.
Michelle Pixie says:
Oh Heather, I am so sorry the day was hard for you. It just isn’t right. My 16 month old was diagnosed with cancer last week and although it isn’t anything compared to your loss I felt an ounce of your pain yesterday. Watching my baby girl and trying to grasp our reality.
tammy says:
Simply………… hugs, kisses, love, and prayers for you!!
mythoughtsonthat says:
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..I Laugh Nearly Every Day =-.
Dawn says:
HUGS! Lots and LOTS of hugs!
My thoughts and prayers are with you daily!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..20 questions (with my boys) =-.
Sarah M. says:
oh how my heart breaks for you. Sending lots of love your way.
Adventures In Babywearing says:
Oh, now crying with you. You are beautiful, and wow, you have such beautiful daughters.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..a r o u n d =-.
stepho says:
Oh, Heather, your family is so beautiful. From the pictures I’ve seen, it seems that the girls and women in your family have such a glow!
I was very touched by your post…it really struck a cord with me. My dad passed away a little over 7 years ago. I was a daddy’s girl. He was one of my best friends. Hardly an hour passes in the day that I don’t think of him, or that I’m reminded of him in some way. Sometimes I almost pick up the phone to call him, or try a new restaurant or read a book and think, “Dad would love this.” Then I remember he’s gone, and I get that sick feeling. That lump in my throat…I don’t think it ever goes away.
I just remind myself how lucky I am to have known him, even if only for 18 years. I am so envious of people who still have both their parents who get to watch them grow up, get married, have kids…I will always long for those things. I know you will long for even more with Maddie. But she was so precious and so was your time with her. I hope in even the darkest moments you can think of her and remember that love. That’s what gets me through each day, even the ones that seem impossible.
Suzie says:
I think of you daily…often times several times in a day! You are absolutely radiant in the pictures and the amount of love that you have your 2 girls is so apparent! You are one of the best moms I know (well, you know what I mean, not irl Sending you much love and peace!! Annabel is too stinkin’ cute!!
Haley says:
(((Hugs))) I’ll cry too.
.-= Haley´s last blog ..Humid Summer Evenings of Long Ago =-.
Michelle W says:
I know without even looking this has already been said, but I just wanted you to know that I am crying with you.
Andrea says:
Thank you for your post. I held my infant son, and cherished my first mother’s day. Only for a few minutes did I let myself go and cry for his twin that passed away shortly before birth. My heart aches every day for him, and because of your blog I know that I am not alone in this grief. Thank you.
Mary says:
Just hugs, and tears.
Carrie says:
I’m crying right along with you…
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Smashing Rubbish =-.
Vanessa Jordan says:
I so hate that your mother’s day couldn’t have been perfect, you know what I think losing the people we love the most, its just wrong, it sucks, and I hate it, I wish things could be perfect and we could always have the people we love, we would never have to worry about death, we would never have to suffer the pain day in and day out of not having them anymore. I have grown to care about you and your lovely family through your amazingly strong, beautiful, painful, blog on your life. Thank you for letting me get to know your family!!! My mom’s cancer is back, she beat that evil breast cancer, and now its back, and spread to her bones, and lungs, all we can do is pray for a miracle now. I do believe in miracles, I really do. I don’t know what my future holds, what might come that will be really bad, or what will come that will be happy times, its scares the shit out of me, to imagine my future without her, she has been my everything, my strength when I didn’t have any of my own. She caused me to want to live when I had lost all hope, I cannot face my future without her, the times when my children are sick and I don’t know what is wrong with them, its my mom that does know whats wrong and tells me exactly what to do!!!! I can’t do this without my mommy!!!
Al_Pal says:
So bittersweet. *hugs*
Charlie (Cecily's hubs) says:
Adversity only rules us if it robs us of the capacity to bring joy to others. Clearly, you are a great source of joy to your family and friends…and they to you. Rock on.
sensibly sassy says:
Sending you a big big hug. I am so sorry you have had to go through such a loss and feel such pain.
.-= sensibly sassy´s last blog ..Ya Know, Stuff =-.