A couple weeks ago Mike came down with a head cold and was sneezing all over the place. He kindly slept on the couch for the worst of it in an attempt to keep Annabel and me from getting sick, but unfortunately he has very ambitious germs, because I got it, and how.
Last week the cold was in my head, and now it’s in my chest. I lost my voice almost completely, and my lungs…they are just suffering. I can’t take a deep breath without coughing for ten minutes.
It is, in a word, lovely.
If I had been this sick when Maddie was here, I would have literally had to move out or send her away. She could not have afforded to get a bad chest cold like this, and Mike and I lived in constant fear that she would. Then, when Maddie passed away, there was no reason to be afraid anymore. Our greatest fear had come true.
But then I became pregnant with Annie and my fears returned. I started to have a reoccurring thought that Annie would get a respiratory infection and something awful would happen. I spoke to my therapists at length about this, but no matter what they would say I couldn’t shake my fears. What if it happened again? Even considering the possibility shook me to the core.
You would think that my fears would have subsided after Annie was born healthy and we were able to take her home after only a couple days, but they didn’t. I still imagined her getting sick. And then I imagined things falling apart again. In the same, horrible, life-shattering way.
This is why when I noticed Annie was congested as well last week I freaked out. I contacted Dr. Loooove who was a great help. She told me to stay calm and gave me tips on how to help Annie by doing things like suctioning her nose and keeping her upright. As I did those things, I tried to stay calm. I told myself that things were different – that Annie was a big, healthy girl – and to my relief Annie quickly showed that she could handle a cold. She coughed a little, but it was clear she was going to be okay.
History does not have to repeat itself.
This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to worry about her getting sick, I will. But maybe, just maybe I won’t drive myself sick with fear anymore.
~a says:
*Hugs* I’m glad that Annie is able to handle a cold – I hope that you feel better soon.
Is she holding a pacifier while sucking on her finger? Adorable.
Backpacking Dad says:
Adrian’s asthma had him in the hospital back in January. Guess who has two tiny thumbs and is sick again, in summer. That guy.
Why summer colds? I don’t understand them.
Also, I think, FIRST!
Backpacking Dad says:
dammit.
pamela @vampiresmitten says:
Oh I hate it when babies are sick. The mommy feels totally helpless. Hope you feel better soon!
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
I’m so glad Annie is coping well. The headcold is going around our house as well (can it possibly be the same virus, so far away?), and I have it worst. The much-healthier-than-me children are driving me bonkers! I hope you feel better very soon. Lots of love and hugs (and virtual lemon and honey!).
Amy K says:
I hope you all feel better soon!
P.S. Annie has the best baby chub. How could you not want to squish those round little cheeks? Both your daughters have such fabulously expressive faces in their own unique ways.
debi says:
I know it must be so hard for you. My 20 yr old daughter and her 1 yr old have always lived with us. When Baby Bella caught her one cold a few months ago I was a wreck. I sat up and stared at her all night. In 1971 I was 18 and lost my little boy. After all these years and 5 kids and 9 grandkids,, I still fear something unspeakable could happen again. Just typing this to you scares me. So I pray for all my babies and for yours too. You have beautiful babies Heather.
Carrie P. says:
I hope you all get better soon! Annabel looks so cute (as always) in that picture! I have a 3 month old son & he’s starting to get really chubby, too, & I love it!
Alexandra :) says:
Hope you all feel better soon, Heather! As soon as I heard the word “respritory”, the fact that Maddie couldn’t have handled a cold like this was the first thing I thought of. But I know that you, Mike, and Annabel can beat this. Annabel is a strong little fighter, just like her sister. It’s just that Annie’s fight is so much easier. Sigh. So unfair.
catherine Lucas says:
The fear has a solid reason, memories attached. It is hard not to freak out. On the other hand, all babies will catch colds at one point or another, that is how their little bodies learn to cope with what life throws at them. It’s a good thing that Dr Looove is there when you need her!
Lynnette says:
Hope you start feeling better very soon, Heather. Also hope the fears subside a little bit as Annie shows she can handle a cold/bug. She’s a tough little cookie.
Katrina says:
I can understand why you have fears about Annie getting a respiratory infection — of course you would fear that, after all you went through with Maddie. Yes, Annie is a different child – that’s the logical way to see it. But emotionally? Well, that’s a whole different story. My heart goes out to you.
I hope you get over this cold quickly, and Annie, too. We had a germ go through our house lately that was just plain awful. Whoever got it had a cough for about 3 weeks. It didn’t take any of us down or anything like that….but was just, well, annoying.
Get better soon!
Expat Mom says:
When my oldest was born with a birth defect, he wasn’t actually sick, but he had super reflux and power puked everywhere every day, usually a few times. My husband had almost lost his baby brother to a bowel blockage that caused him to vomit that way and when our tiny baby did it . . . he froze. He literally stood there, shaking, while I tried to clean my baby and the floor and anything else that had been caught in the stream. He just kept seeing his little brother doing the same thing and then falling unconscious with a diaper full of blood. Fortunately, our son is as healthy as a horse, but it was a very rough start for my man.
Jenn says:
OOHH Sweetie,
Of course you would be worried sick. I know with my g/f”s who had lost their babies, any sign of sicknesss or “hurt” would throw them into a complete tail spin, especially since we only have one hospital that deals with sick kids in out city. My one poor g/f’s 5 yr old needed stitches. She took her to the hosptial but became completely overwhelmed and started to flash back so she had to leave her with her husband and take their new baby home. It was understandably too much for her.
Much like you, she learned not every infection, boo boo, etc is going to end in a horrible, unthinkable tragedy but, it doesn’t mean somewhere in the back of her mind, she isn’t guarding herself and silently bracing for the worse but hopefully for all of you…..This too shall pass…..or at least get a little easier,especially as your babies grow bigger, stronger and healther!
I do hope you’re all feeling a lot better and you enjoyed yourselves not on at the conference but also of course in New York City with all you “old” and new friends!!!
Thinking of you all!!
Love & Friendship,
Jenn xo
Kim says:
I have a preemie who was hospitalized at 6 months old with bronchiolitis. Her twin sis joined her 2 days later. They both caught colds a couple of weeks ago and I still freak out with every one. I’m so scared they’ll end up back in the hospital. Big hugs to you and hope you feel better soon!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
No doubt that after what you’ve been through, it makes perfect sense that you worry for Annabel’s health, too. I’m hoping you feel better, soon!
Barnmaven says:
Of course it would be frightening. I’m glad Annie’s well, and so sorry that you are sick.
Jenni Williams says:
I am glad she is ok and can handle a cold. I can imagine the fear. Both of your daughters are too adorable for words!
Ms. Moon says:
You know, even though all of my kids have been blessedly healthy and all are grown up, I STILL freak out when they get sick. So- don’t beat yourself up or feel weird for worrying overmuch. Motherhood=Crazy.
Hamlet's Mistress says:
I hope you’re all feeling better soon. And your paranoia… completely understandable. I don’t know how you do it. I’d be a complete basketcase every day. I’m in awe of you and Mike both.
AmazingGreis says:
Hope you get to feeling better soon! So glad that Annie is such a champ and doesn’t let a little cold bring her down,well for very long at least! (((hugs)))
Snickrsnack Katie says:
I am so glad that she got through the cold okay! HUGS!
eliza says:
I think I love Dr. Loooove. Annie is ok. This is just so different. And not only are those fears grounded in something awful and real that happened, you were conditioned Maddie’s whole life to respond in this way. So you just have to re-condition as best you can and you will. How terrible that something so otherwise insignificant could be so life threatening. How many I’m so sorrys have you heard? I’m just so sorry. It seems so wildly unfair and wrong. Hugs. I’m so glad Annie is a big strong girl with big strong lungs.
Lisa says:
I hope you are all feeling better soon. Summer colds suck.
I can only imagine how deep those fears are entrenched. The things you had to deal with with Maddie, the things Maddie had to deal with just from a simple cold were horrible and I wish things had been different for her and you. I’m glad you have someone like Dr. Looooove in your life to help during those times when the fear gets to be too much. Annie is a big, strong, healthy girl and she will be fine. I hope one day the fears are less, the worry is less.
Love and hugs. I”ve been thinking about Maddie a lot today because Maya asked to wear her “Maddie Shirt” (the one from this year’s walk) It melted my heart and made me think of her and you and smile. Love you guys.
Kim says:
Hope you all get well soon. So glad Annie is doing good. I don’t blame you and worrying I am the same. Summer colds are the worst, my 5 yr old has had one for 2 weeks now and is just starting to get better.
The Suburban Housewife says:
I hope you start feeling better soon. So glad that Annie is feeling better already.
Elizabeth says:
Hope you both feel better soon!!!
Eva says:
big hugs for you annie and maybe one for mike even though he was the culprit hehe..
i think I am also in love with your dr. looveee! what an amazing dr. – and what a great support in your life
Kelly says:
So sorry that Maddie is sick, and you guys too! It’s the worst when you are sick, and they are as well. I’m so jealous of your Dr. Love. I so wish we could find someone like that around here.
Marti from Michigan says:
I hope you meant you’re so sorry that Annabel is sick, Kelly……….
Marti from Michigan says:
I have no health insurance, cannot afford it, and have not had any since mid-2006. I asked well meaning friends what to do last fall when I contracted the Swine Flu! They gave me some wonderful tips that kind of helped shorten it. I also use these tips when I get chest and head colds, and the bronchitis I suffer with all winter long. Michigan gets very cold in winter. Maybe you can start doing some of these things too, to help shorten the duration:
Boil your personal toothbrush after every use, otherwise you re-introduce germs back in your mouth (you can dip the brush end into a bowl of boiled water, works the same). Spray every furniture piece you’ve touched, with Lysol disinfectant spray. DON’T take mega doses of vitamin C, as vitamin C can help form painful kidney stones. Using 250 mg of vitamin C daily along with zinc can help shorten the duration (not on a baby though). Spray the air with some kind of disinfectant spray (Lysol as well, or some other). Wash hands frequently. Wash your sheets and bedding in HOT water every day until you are better. Guaifenesin is in a lot of over-the-counter decongestant medications (such as Mucinex), and it is much more helpful than pseudoephedrine (Sudafed).
Hope you feel better SOONEST Heather!
Kate says:
Aw, poor Annie! And poor you! Even with healthy kids, it’s so hard not to freak out when they’re sick. I remember when I was little, and I would get sick, my mom would literally sit next to me and cry quietly because it just hurt her so much to see me sick. I can only imagine how much more fear you have.
Luckily, it seems that cheek chub is an excellent antidote!
Deborah says:
That chubby FAAAAACE! I’m so sad that you’ve been sick, but happy that Annie seems to be on the up and up.
(((hugs)))
Ashley says:
I’m glad that she’s hanging in there. I hope you’re better soon too! We always found with out uber congested small fries that an old mason jar with some Vicks and boiled water helped. I put it either on a dresser if it was in our room or under their crib in their room, the steam and the eucalyptus helped loosen us all up.
Dawn @ What's Around the Next Bend? says:
I hope you and Annie feel better!
Annie is just SOOOO cute with her baby chub!
Trisha Vargas says:
I hope everyone is feeling better very soon!!
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Amanda says:
If your cold is anything like the one I had at the beginning of July, I hate to break to you but expect weeks of this. The chest cold I had was one of the worst I remember and although that pretty much went away I had a raspy cough for about 3 weeks. IT SUCKED!
With that, I hope that you and Annie get over the cold much, much faster.
Feel better fast.
Karen says:
I love her dress!
For Heather and Mike – a spoonful of honey a day works wonders. Whatever colds you do get will be so much milder you’ll breeze through them.
For Annie – Sweetheart, give Mummy a cuddle, a ig slobbery kiss and remind her you are a big strapping full term baby. Then wait until you are around 12 months old and ask, very nicely, to be taken to play groups, crèches, etc, find all the children with runny noses and go and play with them. Get a good dollop of bugs and run them all off with lots of play. Then when you start school you wont have too many horrible nasty colds or coughs and Mummy will only be able to panic at the fact her little girl is going to school. Oh, and when you are older, develop a taste for honey on toast!
Molly says:
Whew. Maybe in a way this yucky sickness has a silver lining–you’ll always worry about Annie, of course, but you now know she can handle a common cold without major complications.
Feel better soon, you guys!
Jenifer says:
She is so beautiful and healthy! Hope you all feel better soon!!
Rebecca says:
It’s the most lovely part of motherhood. We worry about everything to the point that we invent things to worry about. Annie is a strong girl and has a great immune system and she will kick any cold, virus, infection in the balls and eat them for a snack.
Mary Ann says:
Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. Annie is so beautiful, I’m glad to hear she’s doing so well. Feel Better Soon!
Chrisie says:
As a mom of a 29 weeker, I know how it does feel to live in constant fear of germs.
((HUGs))
Leah says:
God bless you. That little Annabel is so clearly thriving, she’s just glowing with health.
Annie says:
I am paranoid when my kids are sick too. Neither were preemies AND I’m a former NICU nurse. I stand over them and watch them breathe, count respirations, check capillary refill on their fingers and toes, listen to their lungs. I can only imagine your fear. No such thing as too afraid after all you have been through. NO such thing as a stupid question. When in doubt go to the Dr. or take her in. It’s all worth your peace of mind, my dear:)
Mama Fuss says:
Ugh. I hope you all feel better soon.
I think once you’ve experienced a loss, you always have a little more worry in the back of your mind (or the front) and the more dramatic the loss, the worse that is. I’m 9 mos pregnant w/ my 2nd child, after suffering a miscarriage with my 2nd pregnancy. I worry a lot more about this one – even now, when he would be born near enough to term (I’m just short of 36 weeks) that his chances would be very high for a healthy birth and very high for survival. The early days were wracked with fear. I prayed constantly that God wouldn’t make me go through that loss again. But it wasn’t in my hands.
Hugs to you and to Annie. Again, I hope you feel better quickly. When Fuss had a cold in those early days I did a lot of sitting w/ her in the bathroom with a hot shower running (whether I was taking one or not) to help loosen the phlegm. I’m sure someone has already mentioned this to you, if you weren’t well-aware of it already, but I thought it helped her.
Inna says:
Get better soon girls!!
Annie is such a doll! Just love looking at the pictures of her
Glenda says:
I think as parents we will always freak out. Some times more than others. When my first born had a cold/ fever I was in the Dr’s. Thankfully…because at 9 mos he developed Asthma.
I’m glad Annie was able to fight her cold and hoping you and Mike are feeling well soon!
Samantha says:
You have EVERY right to worry! Even without losing Maddie, you have every right to worry.
First cold? Check!
Now lets get that girl crawlin! So you can take her cute shoe shopping! (Like you need a reason for that!! hahaha!)
marsha says:
dude…mommy worry is the worst kind of worry. i have this logical side of my brain telling me one thing but then that other crazy side of my brain can be screaming something else. i never knew it was possible to have that kind of worry until i had kids. so…you are completely good. or we are all completely crazy. either way, you are not alone. i remember asking my mom when the worrying will stop and her exact words were “never. i still worry about you every single day.” great! i can tell you though, it does get better. with each cold that your annie conquers, your confidence will rise. that is the good news!!
love looking at your cutie. she is seriously…seriously….PRECIOUS!
Nicole says:
Both of my boys have had a febrile seizure so I am the same way when it comes to fevers. As soon as I notice a fever I start to panic in fear….
I hope everyone feels better soon.
Natalie @ Hope Springs Eternal says:
I totally understand why you would worry so much. Completely!
Nellie Bug got her first cold last week too. Like the naive first time mom I am, I confidently marched my butt to the store in search of “infant cold medicine”. When I got there I realized, of course, that *they don’t make that*. Nellie hates that nose sucker thing so bad, she thrashes and screams and wails like her world is ending.
Monica says:
sorry to hear you’re feeling under the weather. Who takes care of mommy when she’s sick? Your worries are normal and perfectly rational. I am a pediatric nurse, and so I tend to think the worst when my kids are ill.
Monkey's Mama says:
Watch out for whooping cough which is on the rise in the So Cal area. Make sure you & Mike are vaccinated. I worry about that one.
adequatemom says:
Even when you have not had a trauma in your past, it’s nearly impossible not to feel a little heartsick when your baby is ill! Annie is a trouper and she can handle it – I’m glad you’re learning that you can handle it too. Love and get-well-soon wishes to all of you!
Jess says:
Mommy worry will never go away my dear. I’m 28 and my mom still worries about me. Though I may complain about her “text me when you get there” or the “did you go to the doctor?” secretly, I’m glad she still worries. I almost died twice in my lifetime of 28 years. In 1993 when I had guillian barre syndrome and then again in 2008 when I had a car crash that resulted in my getting cut from my car by the jaws of life and rushed to the hospital. And where was my mom? In 1993 she slept beside my hospital bed the entire 30 days/nights I was there. I will never, ever forget that. IN 2008 I had dropped her off at the airport to visit family in Vegas so she was about halfway there when I got in the accident. She immediately told me she was coming home. Being that nothing was broken/badly damaged I told her to stay. She called me five times a day until she came home. I won’t forget that either.
Being a mommy is exhilarating, a love you never thought you could feel. (One I hope to experience one day myself.) And being a mommy is scary, because no matter how old your child, they will always be your baby, and you will always worry.
Amanda M. says:
Same here! I had a cold a couple of weeks ago and posted about it on Facebook once I was nearly recovered. My mom scolded me via FB comment, phone call, and text for not telling her. Like she can do anything from 50 miles away!
Thanks to Dr. Looove, you, Mike, and Maddie, Annie is one of the healthiest looking babies I’ve ever seen. No stuffy nose is a match for that chubby baby!
Kristin says:
It’s been a long time, but I still remember Meg’s first cold. She was awake a total of about 4 hours that day and I spent the entire day staring at her.
I hope you feel better soon and am so glad to hear that Annie is on the mend!
Alison says:
Boo, germs AND anxiety? I’m sorry. (I do understand why; you’re a mom, and sweet Maddie’s mom at that.) I’m glad precious Annie is OK.
xoxo
buffi says:
You know, we all freak out when out kids are sick, no matter how generally healthy, how old, or how “normal” they are. My kids are 13, 9, & 7 and when one of them gets that cough and congestion, I get totally hyper-vigilant. I can’t even FATHOM how you must feel when the beautiful Annabell gets sick. Hang in there. You’re a great mom.
Mrs. Wilson says:
I’m so sorry you deal with that fear – I imagine it won’t go away for a very long time.
I have the same fear with pregnancies – even though my last one was completely fine, can’t shake the fears of what happened the time before.
Fears SUCK.
Amanda says:
She is the cutest thing ever.. oh gush gush gush!
Hope you get to feeling better soon!!
Kim says:
You? Are incredibly brave even when you don’t feel like you are.
amanda says:
I hope you are all feeling better! xo
Wendy Black says:
I hate it when my baby gets sick. I feel so helpless. I hope you girls feel better soon!
Lindsay says:
GERMS! ACK! I was so excited to not have to worry about germs with my second baby who was NOT going to be a 27wk preemie…but then he was born with a CHD and germs once again have topped our list of enemies! I know the fear of a cold getting into your baby’s chest & causing all kinds of nasty things to happen (breathing treatments, hospital trips, etc…) But my daughter was strong enough to make it through all those first colds. We’ve been warned multiple times that if my son catches a cold his heart may not be strong enough to keep up. So we are on super germ patrol. And we live in fear, yet again…sigh.