For Valentine’s Day 2005, Mike took me to pick out my very own puppy. Yeah, he gave me a PUPPY for Valentine’s Day. So awesome. The second I saw my little Rigby, I knew she was mine. We took her home and oh, how I snuggled her. She was the perfect little puppy. One night I was playing with her in my bedroom, and she suddenly froze, then started barking ferociously (well, as ferociously as a maltese puppy can bark). I followed her line of vision and realized she was staring at a stuffed eagle Mike had from a Halloween costume (Richie Tenenbaum & his hawk Mordecai).
Meet Mordecai (Mike couldn’t find a stuffed hawk, so an eagle had to do).
I brought Mordecai, which was bigger than she was, down from the shelf so Rigby could inspect it. Instead of sniffing it, she attacked it. She grabbed it by the neck, shook it around, and basically “killed it.”
And then she humped it.
I immediately yelled for Mike. Rigby was only about four months old at this point. We flipped her over to make sure she was, in fact, a girl dog. I told him we had to get Rigby fixed immediately. So we did, and after Rigby recovered from the indignity of her forced hysterectomy, she went right back to humping Mordecai.
To be honest, once Mike and I got over the shock of our little fluffy frilly girl dog humping a stuffed animal, we thought it was hilarious. We would bring out Mordecai when we had guests, our own pornographic party trick. Rigby freaking loved Mordecai to pieces. Literally. Rigby uh, bit the nose off Mordecai. Some sort of weird black-widow behavior. So we turned to eBay and bought her another one. And another, and another, and now we are on our fifth Mordecai.
Rigby gets plenty of exercise. She could come back from a two mile walk, run into our house, and hump the crap out of that bird. It’s like her stress release. Some people pop open a beer to relax, Rigby has sex with a stuffed animal. I just realized I’m going to get some ridiculous google hits off of this post. Hi, creeps!
Mike and I have no idea how we’re going to explain this to Maddie when she gets old enough to ask. Totally at a loss.
Oh, what? You want to see some sweet sweet dog on bird lovin’? Well, since most of you won’t come to our house, here ya go.
The song choice was perfect. Go Rigby!!!
lmao! I wonder if it’s a maltese thing or just a little dog thing in general? Our dog used to do that to any stuffie that was “of size”, she was a girl and fixed too…
Becs last blog post..Bloggy birthday
OMG that is funny! I’m seriously LMAO. I don’t envy you having to explain that to Maddie someday. You did a great job editing the video, too.
Kevins last blog post..Star Wars: The Clone Wars
I once had a pomeranian and lived with a roommate that had a labrador. On a regular basis my pom would mount up on the lab and just hump himself into the frenzy….somewhere around the area of her left shoulder. Poor lab. Probably feels like the model in the sex tape with Mini-me. “Just go to sleep already, you little freak!”
THAT was hysterical. I think I’ll somehow make it a link in my christmas post just to throw people off.
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..The weekend that wasn’t
That is absolutely hysterical (no reference to the hysterectomy intended, of course). I’m sure that Maddie won’t think that this is odd, having grown up around it. She may be puzzled that her friends’ dogs don’t do this, though.
Marinkas last blog post..Pre-Vacation Stress Disorder Syndrome
He he. Pets are awesome, aren’t they? Our cat Lira chases the invisible thing on the floor. Jumps on it, rolls around it, but I never see what she is chasing. Dumb cat.
Kristins last blog post..Non-Sequitor Sunday
Anna Marie says:
Too funny. Our bulldog used to do that to a stuffed animal that he himself picked out at Pet Smart. We called it Fluffy the F#@%toy. Poor Fluffy was severely traumatized during his short life.
Anna Maries last blog post..Don’t Look Now
Our dog used to do that to small children. Just the humping part. Not the killing.
Middle-Aged-Womans last blog post..The Story of a Boy
moosh in indy. says:
I feel so dirty, I take it a good housewarming gift is a humpable bird?
LOL. Nice song choice!!
Hilarious that she kills it first then loves it.
(by the way, the humping when done by females is actually a dominance thing – so she’s a little dominatrix, too!!)
pgoodnesss last blog post..Getting Things Done Redux
This is hilarious! I love Malteses. Is that the plural? This behavior is not exclusive to dogs, though. We have a male, neutered cat who has a love/hate thing with a medium sized stuffed chick (as in baby chicken) that was a gift for our daughter. When you squeeze it, it peeps. Sometimes it’s cute. Sometimes it’s very creepy.
CaraBees last blog post..Summer, Summer, Summertime
LOL watch Outttt Killer Dog!! I’m LMAO!! Great editing too =)
Black Hockey Jesus says:
Speechless in Dallas.
Black Hockey Jesuss last blog post..The W
I have a Jack Russell Poodle cross that does the same thing, except instead of using a stuffed animal, she humps the crap out of our legs and arms. She’s insatiable. I’m told it’s a superiority thing…
I love that she kills it first! That’s one freaky little dog you have there!
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sam (temptingmama) says:
Oh my. LMAO!
You’re so going to get creepy hits.
And you’re not letting Maddie play with Mordecai I hope. After Rigby violates it, I hate to see Maddie cuddle it. *gag*
haha. yes…get ready for some ‘dog on bird loving’ hits.
i’m a little traumatized by that video.
alis last blog post..a story of my first time. and my last time.
OMG.. I’m laughing so hard here I’m almost crying. This is fantastic – this means my MinPin isn’t a total freak as I now have proof there are others out there too! We have “Humpy Bear” which now only comes out of the closet (poor choice of words) when we want to entertain guests or we want to see if our dog will spontaneously combust. She beats the crap out of it, humps it and then throws it off of her panting laboriously as it has served it’s purpose. She’s done this since the day she discovered the bear as a puppy and 7 years later it’s still her special friend.
Okay, So not appropriate for when my LM comes home from camp!!! Glad I saw it now and not later! That was absolutely hysterical. And the music!!! Perfect.
So, um, we ended up finding out that it’s a dominant thing. Rigby definitely likes being the top dog in your house – no pun intended
gins last blog post..Waking up
LMAO. So cute. In my house it’s two big labradors taking turns for the dominant position and knocking over your furniture in the process. All day, every day.
merlotmoms last blog post..Give Me The Grateful Life – Monday
not YOUR furniture, MY furniture. but I’d love it if they’d knock over YOUR furniture instead. what time should we be there?
merlotmoms last blog post..Give Me The Grateful Life – Monday
The only thing greater than that video (which I felt like kind of a sicko watching) is the Richie Tenenbaum halloween costume. That is freaking awesome and I am so sorry I didn’t think of it first. Luckily you live across the country so we can steal it this year.
Hilarious!!! I think what cracks me up the most is that she actually turned the bird over (you know, to make it missionary) before she started! She truly is a lady! Ha!
staciets last blog post..Roll? Not!
staciet- you took the words right out of my mouth! Jinx- you owe me a Coke. I love that she flips that damn bird over before she starts. What a crack-up. Thanks for the video. It made my day.
Mamadances last blog post..No Words
Hysterical. And our neutered male dog (who has never had a drop of testosterone, being neutered at 10 weeks of age) likes to hump the randomest things (at least he’s given up on my leg!) so I’m glad to have some proof it’s not just us!
Zs last blog post..Toasted Butter Pecan
wait, you mean people don’t do this with their husbands too?!?
Ok. kidding. That is HYSTERICAL though! LOVE that dog.
And fyi, it is quite possible that her attempt to hump the bird is actually an attempt at rubbing and “milking” her anal gland on it so as to leave her scent all over it. The behavior is a dominance thing. She’s making damn sure that everyone knows the bird is Beta and she is ALPHA DOG!….down to anal secretions. Ewww.
Danielles last blog post..From Montessori Mama to Montessori Drama
That is some seriously wacky @#$%!
Dude. If THAT’S the entertainment at your house, I’ll be there tomorrow.
And is it weird that that kind of turned me on? Oh wait…forget I said that. That’s definitely weird.
Hugs & Kisses to you! :0)
You are such a freakin’ crack up. I love ya.
i think that’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen! thanks for the laugh!
My parents hve a Lhasa that does that too. Horrifies my mother, cracks me up.
Kristines last blog post..My Third Blogoversary! And a contest!
We have two female pugs, Daisy and Lily. Daisy had several lovers… a stuffed leopard, an elephant, and finally Monkey. She once humped the monkey so hard she went right off the couch. She often does it at night after dinner. Afterwards she pants with a big smile on her face looking all, “Anyone got a cigarette?”
Susies last blog post..Back in the Saddle
OMG! How funny. Even funnier that you made a video of her doing it and put it on your blog, lol!
That is hysterical! Thanks for sharing!
Fancys last blog post..I bottle fed a baby raccoon
OMG! I think Rigby must have been a dominatrix in her other life. A reincarnated dominatrix in a little, fluffy doggy.
By her a cat ‘o nine and see how she does with that. The only thing she’s missing is black leather and stilettos. ROFLMAO!
preTzels last blog post..Two Sentence Tuesday
ugh. i watched the whole disturbing thing and i feel a little dirty. have you set up a mordecai fund yet?
Yos last blog post..time
Jenny Pitcher says:
This is fantastic! Thank you for the laugh this morning!
Alexandra :) says:
LOL! I have a male bunny rabit, and he has sex with his stuffed rabbit girlfriend all the time (despite the fact that he’s been long since neutered-I’d hate to think whay might happen if he wasn’t!)
Shelley Buffaloe says:
I have never laughed harder, we currently have two maltese, both girls, they will go at each other sometimes, but never with this much, ah, motivation….Thank you so much for sharing, made my day. I read your blog often and am in awe of your strength. Annie is beautiful!
Cynthia (It All Changes) says:
My insomnia is driving me nuts tonight and this post sent me into fits of giggles. Glad Rigby has a ….friend. Our dog Leo only has Hunni’s arm
HA, my Boston Terrier does the exact same thing to her stuffed Dinosaur, beats it then humps the shit out of it then has this hilarious dismount! Funny!
That is hilarious! My brother’s girl dog enjoy stuffed teddy bears.
girl dogs are slutty. darcy (my bernedoodle) has her way, ever day and several times per day, with a blue reindeer blanket… drags it from her crate, down the hall to the office, tries to destroy it for a time, then humps it like it’s her job. and of course i’ve also taken video. because it’s frigging hilarious.