As soon as we had keys to our new house, my parents were off renting a truck. They’ve been storing some of my furniture for years and were VERY excited to bring it over. Our guest room is now all set up! It needs some decoration but it’s a fully-functioning bedroom now.

After Mike and I moved some other stuff into the house we went over to my aunt’s place for a family birthday dinner. It’s nice to be close to home cooking! Once we’d eaten the cake and ice cream and watched all the presents be opened, we invited everyone over to see our house.

It’s fun to give tours, although the house is empty so I say “and here is where the couch will go! Here is where the bed will go!” Without any furniture, the house is very echo-y and you KNOW Annabel loves to hear her voice bounce off the walls. My ears hurt.

I took my brother, his boyfriend Sebastian, my dad, and Annie into the backyard and started pointing out the various fruit trees. I suddenly heard Annie say, “Boidie! Hiiiii boidie!” I looked back to see what she was talking about since it was too dark for any non-creepy bird activity. Nestled in the corner created by the chimney and the house was a bird. It looked like this:

Elmo as the bird
(the role of the bird will be played by Hokey Pokey Elmo)

The bird was cooing, and Sebastian said, “It’s a dove! What a great sign!”

I wasn’t so sure. There’s something unwholesome about a bird out after dark.

I lead the tour around the side of the house, where there are more fruit trees. When we walked back by the chimney, the bird had turned its back to us.

elmo as the bird

“We have to go inside now, Annie. Tell the birdie night night!”

“Ni ni, boidie! Boidie! Ni niiiiiii!”

We said goodbye to our guests and went to the guest room to sleep – our first night in our house.

The next morning, Annie and I woke up before Mike, so the two of us took Rigby outside to do her morning business. I followed Rigby while Annie wandered away. While I watched Rigby do her thing I heard, “Boidie! HIIIIIII BOIDIE! Boidie! Boidie?”

I saw this:

Birdie?

Freaking bird was dead.

Elmo’s reenactment is uncanny. He has the bird’s wide-open blank stare NAILED.

I grabbed the dog and grabbed Annie by the elbow and dragged them both inside. I didn’t think Annie had touched the bird, but I scrubbed her hands and arms with hot soapy water for five solid minutes just to be safe. Then I called my dad and said,

“OMG THE BIRD IS DEAD IT WASN’T SLEEPING IT CAME HERE TO DIE OMG COME GET RID OF IT BRING A SHOVEL!”

Then I remembered Mike was still sleeping. I wasn’t going to allow him to be unconscious while our Good-Sign Dove lay dead in our backyard! I woke him up gently:

“THE FREAKING BIRD IS DEAD WAKE UUUUUUUUP!”

“I had a feeling the bird wasn’t well.”

“WHAT! THANKS FOR TELLING ME!”

I then sat in the corner until my dad came over to give the bird a proper burial (aka, throw it really far up the hill).

Every day since then I’ve hesitantly walked the property, afraid to find another dead animal. If I find out we bought Pet Cemetery, I’m gonna be pissed.