flash dance

I was one of those annoying people in high school that earned good grades with little effort. I didn’t care about the learning, I was all about the social aspects of school. My teachers both loved and hated me. My parents heard lots of “doesn’t apply herself” and “if only she’d stop TALKING.”

When I got to college I expected things to come just as easily. I was shocked when they didn’t. I tanked my first semester of freshman year, and the rest of my college career I had to play catch-up. I was used to being one of the top students, and suddenly my scholarship was in jeopardy. I did buckle down and turn things around, but my self-esteem suffered greatly.

After graduation, I would have fleeting thoughts of going back to school to hone my knowledge on one topic or another. I’d start to look into it, only to convince myself that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t a good student.

I’ve wasted a lot of time being deterred by the lazy mistakes I made when I was eighteen.

No more. Now that I’m thirty-fun, I am not going to let these things stop me anymore.

A few months ago I applied to a photography program at UCLA. I took it as a good sign that it started the day after my birthday. I had my first class last night, and halfway through it I realized I could do this. I am going to do well in this program because I want to, and I know I won’t make the same mistakes I made thirteen years ago.

I am so very different than that lazy eighteen year old. I have the opportunity to make something of a hobby I love. I owe it to myself. I owe it to Annabel, because she deserves to have a mommy she can look up to.