Two weeks ago, Annabel came down with a cold. Somehow, I resisted the urge to hose her down with hand sanitizer, although we did actively try to keep her from like, sneezing and hacking all over James. Unsurprisingly, James still got sick and somehow, I did not jump off a bridge. This is germaphobe progress, my friends.
The good news is that the version of the cold James got appears to be relatively mild. He’s extremely congested in his sinuses, but it’s all stayed there. Annabel’s congestion moved into her chest, and she still has a horrendous cough (although she isn’t acting any worse for wear). I’m keeping my fingers crossed that James’ cold stays in his head, because babies with breathing/chest issues = my personal nightmare.
I also caught the cold, so on top of the double breast infection I had, it’s been a long two weeks for me. Mike seems to have dodged the germy bullet, which is good because James and I both came down with the cold at the same time, and I was so run down I was ready to throw in the towel. I’m still falling asleep sitting up, but at least I can breathe out of one side of my nose! It’s the little things.
If we go a few more days without James coughing or running a fever, I will feel like we survived his first illness. You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that it’s good for babies to get sick, but it doesn’t change how much it freaks me out because of what we’ve been through. Even though I constantly remind myself that Annabel and James were born with healthy, strong bodies, I can’t turn off that irrational part of my brain. But I’m working hard to at least turn down that part’s volume.
The passage of time will also help me ignore my inner irrational germaphobe. As James gets older and bigger, he’ll look as strong as I know he actually is. I can take Annabel’s occasional colds in my stride now, although it took a lot of work to get to that point. Hopefully I’ll be more relaxed with James sooner.
Jenn says:
AAahhh – What a sweet, sweet picture of baby James!!! I love holding sleeping babies!!! I hope you all feel MUCH better soon!! Thinking of you my friends!! xoxo
amourningmom says:
Everytime my living children get sick I have to talk myself down from the edge. My mind always races to the worst possible scenario. I completely am with you about being a germaphobe. I think it is “normal” (whatever normal is. . .) for bereaved parents to be extra freaked out when their living children get sick.
I hope that everyone gets better soon! Sending hugs and hope.
DefendUSA says:
It is hard…not to feel anxiety when your babies are sick…alas, still a natural thing for a mother and what life experiences teaches you. I look at James and remember the sweetness of that and get a little pang…(He seems so much more in tune to you than my little niece who is 3 weeks older.) Hang in there and just keep swimming, just keep swimming…Dora says so!
Katie says:
Those cheeks!! Hoping you’re all feeling so much better soon.
Expat Mom says:
I still get anxious when my oldest gets sick, due to his problems. Sick babies are always nerve wracking and I can only imagine that it is 100x worse when you’ve lost a child.
Jen says:
Panic fills my body just reading this…I have worked very hard for 5 years to convince myself that when any of my children get sick they are not going to be diagnosed with a brain tumor. I already lived that hell when my son was 3. I will say that with the passing of 5 years I can look at each illness as it should be…just a virus.
JennS says:
Feel better, Heather and James! Our saving grace was moving the baby’s swing into our bedroom for his first cold. He could sleep propped up and we were close by to listen to him. Much better than the first night when we slept on the couch next to him because we forgot we could just bring the swing in our bedroom.
Lisa says:
Hope everyone is feeling better soon.
AmyG says:
Hope you all get to feeling better soon! Summer colds must be going around, because my 7 yr old & I have one. And I homeschool & work from home… so where did we get it? lol Praying his cold stays where it is & you all get better soon!
Nicole says:
Did you get mastitis on top of every other BFing challenge you’ve run into? ANDPLUSALSO a cold?! Ugh! You’ve been through the wringer! I hope you feel better soon!!!
Heather says:
I had ductal yeast on both sides! It felt like I had tiny knives inside each of my boobs CONSTANTLY. So awful!
Nicole says:
Ugh!! Thrush is the worst! I hope the meds helped clear it up!
Becky Campbell says:
That last photo took my breath away! He looks so much like Maddie right there…no doubt she’s looking out for her baby brother!
Shelly says:
I agree about the photo and this comment is beautiful!
Trisha says:
Hope you are all on the mend soon. Sore boobs are my kryptonite; mix in a cold and I would be curled up in corner somewhere.
Just curious if you have tried or would consider trying a little nasal irrigation or nasal lavage for James? When Dannica was a baby her pediatrician showed me how to do it when she had her first head cold around 3 months or so and it cleared up her head and nasal congestion like a champ. It cleared it all out and she felt a lot better, faster. It’s so hard when they are little like that and it’s just something that has to run its course.
Hope you are all on the mend soon. Sending lots of well wishes.
Heather says:
Do you mean like a neti pot for kids? I haven’t tried that, but I often use saline and suction devices. I get a sick pleasure out of successfully suctioning out mucus.
Sarah says:
Here’s where you get a major benefit with breastfeeding…you’ll find that he doesn’t get colds nearly as badly as you’d think, and if you catch something first he might not even get it at all. Customized immunities!! I was terrified of my son getting sick due to a cyst in his lung and managed to catch a cold when he was one week old. I got it from my mom who was super sick and I got a much milder version, and the baby’s was even weaker than mine. Same thing happened when he was 2 months. That in itself makes BFing worth it! (I know that wont always happen) Hope everyone’s feeling better soon!
Shelly says:
My heart breaks for the anxiety I can only imagine you suffer. You write so eloquently about it & that must be hard. I’m not an expert by any means but I think it’s MORE than normal for you to worry the way you do when Annie and/or James gets sick. I hope & pray that you are able to relax more as they continue to grow & thrive but I don’t think it’s irrational for you to feel this way after what you went through with Maddie.
Also, I hope you all feel better soon!!!
miriam says:
What she said…
Molly says:
Considering what you’ve been through, it absolutely makes sense to me that your children getting sick would be triggering for you. Take extra care of yourself and be kind to yourself (and tell everyone else to too) as you wade through the extra anxiety this causes!
Paula says:
Heather – My John caught RSV when he was 6 months old. We almost lost him due to one hospital’s error. He was in PICU in an oxygen tent for a week. 6 weeks later we were back with pneumonia but he was able to be in a regular room then.
He’s 18 now. Every single time he gets an upper respiratory issue I freak. After 17.5 years you’d think I wouldn’t but I do. He’s now on an antibiotic, allergy tab, and using an inhaler again. It doesn’t help that he’s decided that smoking is okay. His friends supply his disgusting choice.
So I hear you. It’s not a fun place to be. Sometimes living in your own head can be an awake nightmare. (So would we call it a daymare?)
kari weber says:
I fully give you permission to never get out of your pajamas… for like a LONG time! You just need some time to veg out and rest! My goodness! James will get better, you will get better, HOPEFULLY your boobs are already on the WAY to getting better… but you need to rest your heart, and your mind after worry… Doctor says: ice cream and bad tv for a week!
andrea says:
Your poor little ones! I’m so glad you’re on the mend! As a mom of a micro preemie, i’ve spent the last few years in the land of hand sanitizer and isolation, so I can tottaly relate! It’s been hard to deal with the knowing what happens when he does get sick, just a little throw up, and the worst case scenario full on hospital and oxy time. Praying for all three of you to feel better soon!
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