We had Annie weighed last week, and she is already up to eight pounds. Now, this may be normal, but for us it is crazy. Maddie gained weight very slowly thanks to the steroids and the calories she burned breathing. We aren’t entirely sure of what to make of this chubby little thing! But dang she’s cute.
thank you Erica for the adorable outfit!
Annabel had a fun weekend with special people. My Aunt Terry and cousin Christine came to meet her for the first time. My mom, Aunt Lynn, and cousin Leah also came along, and we had Ladies Day, a fun tradition in my family. I also had some sips of yummy pink champagne in honor of Annie. It tasted like rainbows.
My awesome friend Jackie! came to town to meet Annabel as well. I hadn’t seen Jackie! since October and I’ve missed her a lot. I was really looking forward to introducing her to my baby.
They cuddled and snuggled a ton. I had to pry Annie out of Jackie!’s arms. I’m pretty sure she wanted to steal her back to San Francisco.
Yesterday I dressed Annie in a super-cool outfit
thank you Ally for the adorable hoodie!
and brought her with me to Hermosa Beach for lunch with some of my friends. We ate on the patio of a sweet little blue house a stone’s throw from the ocean. I really love Hermosa Beach, I lived there after college and know it is going to be a special place to take Annie to the beach in the future. The lunch was great, and everyone there was so excited to interact with Annie. They were just as wonderful with Maddie, and it brought up some bittersweet feelings.
Annie’s first brunch with the ladies
Maddie’s last brunch with the ladies
Despite all the good times of this weekend there is a dark spectre looming in the future. Today is March first, and next month is April. That Day is growing closer, and I already have a pit in my stomach and a heavy weight on my chest. I don’t know how I am going to wake up on the day my little girl was taken away from me and face the world. I am still taking it day by day (sometimes even minute by minute) and trying not to think that far ahead.
lisa Wood says:
How gorgeous is she, love the outfit…beautiful beyond words. Both girls are so very gorgeous, and its great to see Annie growing so well. Keep strong wonderful Mum….
.-= lisa Wood´s last blog ..Climbing Mt Ngungun At The Glass House Mountains =-.
Kelly says:
Annie is so beautiful.
As is her sister.
As is her mama.
Thank God for those women to love on them, to love Annie with you. They will be there for you in April. We all will be.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Loving the blogger babies =-.
Cinthia says:
Well put, Kelly. I agree with you and pray that they all hold on to each other as much as possible.
Kisha Floren says:
This sounds totally blase’, but I do not mean it that way at all…
As Dory from Finding Nemo so wisely said…
Just keep swimming. No matter what, just keep swimming.
One day at a time.
.-= Kisha Floren´s last blog ..Bitch and Moan Monday =-.
MamaCas says:
Well put…..and not blase’ at all. Just simple and true. To think about an entire lifetime without Maddie? Utterly overwhelming. One minute/hour/day at a time might be all you can handle right now….and that’s okay.
Keep swimming.
Marti from Michigan says:
That is great! I LOVE Dory from Finding Nemo, she is cool!
Alice says:
I miss Maddie’s sweet face – and I was never lucky enough to know her, so the thought of how you and Mike must feel on a day-to-day basis overpowers me. I pray for peace for your whole family.
Annabel is so beautiful and such a lucky little girl. I can’t tell you how much I admire you and Mike.
As for That Day – just keep doing your best, Heather. No one can ask for more than you have already given. Try and keep it out of your mind – trying not to think about it doesn’t mean you miss or love Maddie any less, only that you want to keep the memory of her beauty and grace as happy as possible. But there will be days where you can’t keep those feelings away. On those days, take some time out for yourself. Let your parents or Mike’s parents look after Annie so you and Mike can sit and grieve. Trust yourself – you are a wonderful mother and you need to know that you can only do what you can do in this life. There should be no guilt or fear over That Day. It will be a day to mourn Madeline, but every day you have is a day to celebrate her sweet presence in this world.
With love.
Superkitty says:
Heather – maybe you can make that a day to celebrate Madeline and remember her publicly. Maybe even organize an event where others can do that too, and benefit Friends of Maddie. Just my two cents worth.
InDueTime says:
Annabel is so cute, chunky or not. lol Love a chunky baby.
We’ll be here for you on That Day, as we are every day.
Hang in there. xoxo
.-= InDueTime´s last blog ..Discrimination Take Two =-.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
So glad you had what sounds like a great weekend. As for the rough times, I think you have the right idea. Get through them minute by minute, and you’ll find you’re getting through the days as well. Lean on friends and family, they really want to help – and if they can’t help, let them be there. Sending lots of love your way.
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..And even more grey hairs… =-.
Erica says:
Good Morning dear sweet Heather,
What a lovely surprise to see little (or maybe not so little these days!) Annie in the outfit I sent.
I am so pleased it reached you.
It sounds like you and Annie had a wonderful ladies week-end, the photos radiate such joy and happiness – including the photo of Maddie’s last brunch with your special ladies, I love that you and Maddie are both in purple! You are surrounded by so many wonderful people, Heather, and it really is so very special to see the love you all have for one another.
I’ve been thinking about you and Mike even more recently as ‘that day’ grows closer, just writing these words now brings tears to my eyes and a pain in my chest. I can only begin to imagine how great your pain must be. Please know that you have so many people all over the world thinking about you, Mike, Annie and your World Famous Maddie. We remember your World Famous Maddie every day, what an amazing little person – just like her amazing parents and her amazing little sister.
Sending you lots of love from afar
Erica in Luxembourg
Mary says:
So well said: Your family really is surround, both near & far, with people who love you & are thinking of, praying for, & upholding you, standing beside you, taking part in your joys & your sorrows, even more so as that day grows near.
With love,
M
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Oh the Fun We Had! =-.
catherine lucas says:
I have NO CLUE about what to say to you thinking of that day in April… I don’t know any words that could or might help you. A minute at a time is the only way to go…
Maybe Annie will be your greatest little helper on the planet… for this day and other days.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Wandering in Silver City =-.
ClassyFabSarah says:
Annie and Jackie!, together. Could there be a more beautiful sight? I think not!
.-= ClassyFabSarah´s last blog ..You Know I’m Busy When…. =-.
Krissa says:
Thinking of you and sending cyber (((hugs))).
@kristeneileen says:
I believe you, Mike, Annie & your family have the strength to live through That Day. I believe.
I wrote a long comment after that, but really, I think it’s all I need to say. I believe. In you… in Mike, Annie and Rigby… and in Maddie Magic.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
We’ll all be here with you, pulling for you on Maddie’s anniversary in April.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Hand me that. =-.
cj says:
well said. we will certainly all be here with you…..pulling for you on every kind of day that comes your way. thank you for sharing your beautiful daughters with us.
amanda says:
Those anniversary days are tough – and sometimes I think the anticipation of them is even tougher. We are all here with you, ready to hold you up. You are most definitely not alone.
Love the pics of Annie!
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..ten years. =-.
Sue says:
The pictures of Annabel are beautiful, Heather, and the one of Maddie’s brunch with the ladies is so precious. It breaks my heart to hear you tell of it, and I can’t imagine what it does to yours. Give Annabel lots of extra hugs (from Maddie) when next month’s date comes around, and please ask for lots of special hugs, for yourself, on that day, too, honey.You’re family is so loved by all of us Heather, Mike, Maddie, Annabel, and Rigby(even those of us who have never met you). You’re always in our thoughts…………………….
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
so glad that Annabel is meeting all her new friends.
I am thinking of you guys lots-much love.
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Weekly Winners-Shots of our daily life Edition =-.
Sue says:
ooops, I meant YOUR FAMILY,,,,,not YOU’RE
FAMILY…
Michelle says:
Somehow, some way you will make it through. My mom says the same thing, and it’s 11 years later. The month leading up to the anniversary of losing my brother is a rough one for her and I imagine it will be for you as well, but just like each day that has come since Maddie passed, you will just find a way. It will sick, and be painful, and then it will be over. You will share it with us and we will lift you up and support you and help get you through in whatever way we can.
annabel is beautiful. Thank you for continuing to share your story.
Kristen McD says:
How sweet Annie is! What a honey!
I can’t believe it’s been that long already since Maddie passed. Goll.
jen says:
Oh Heather. (((Hugs)) from here!
Lindsay from Florida says:
You beam when you’re around your beautiful friends, which always makes me smile because I know that I couldn’t live without mine.
Those people in the photo, including amazing Annabel, will undoubtedly be there for you that day, as will all of us. It sounds trite, but I believe that whatever you choose to do that day (whether it’s stay in bed and remember, take Annie to the park that Maddie loved, or something else entirely) will be the appropriate way for you to honor your first little girl.
I wish I could say something more helpful. I wish that picture at lunch had the older, famous, incredible, world-changing Madeline in it too.
Kelly says:
I can only imagine the dread that must be welling up with that day coming. As the others have said, you have Annie, and you have all of your friends, and you have all of us to get you through. It’ll be difficult, but I think that Annie is going to help you and Mike get through the day.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Snow Art… =-.
Kim Wencl says:
I know exactly what that feels like Heather because for me the month is September. My daughter’s birthday is 9/12 and she died on 9/20 so it’s a month fraught with huge emotion. I started to worry about that first anniversary in about June and I worried all summer. Truthfully though, when September did come, it was difficult yes, don’t get me wrong, BUT it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I had imagined it to be in my mind.
What helped for me was surrounding myself with family and friends and we talked about all the happy memories.
Neither of us got to have our daughters for as long as we wanted to … but aren’t we glad we had them for as long as we did? I’m always reminded of this quote: “It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
.-= Kim Wencl´s last blog ..Books N Beyond =-.
Leigh Anne says:
Heather,
I have the same pit, but for me it will be 5 years. You get through. Actually birthdays are harder than “that” day. On a birthday you want to celebrate but you can’t. “That” day is nothing to celebrate. I call it the “deathiversary” because I cannot bring myself to call it the anniversary of when my son left. Anniversaries are also a day of celebration. “That” day is nothing to celebrate.
Just surround yourself with Annie and those closest to you. Stay away from the clock so that “time” is not visible. Make an effort to celebrate life and all that Maddie gave you and not what you no longer have.
I always work in a garden that I have to celebrate my boy. You will find what you need to do on that day too.
By the way, Annie is gorgeous. Congratulations to the two of you and all of the extended family.
.-= Leigh Anne´s last blog ..A Chipps with No Name =-.
Tracey says:
Well said.
March 8th will be 15 years since my brother Jason passed.
May 14th will be 14 years since my brother Craig passed.
They are not dates to celebrate but days to survive. I’m not sure how my Mom makes it through those day but she does.
Mothers have an amazing strength.
Karessa says:
Very good advice. This April will be four years since I lost my little boy. I am starting to notice a rhythm to how I feel as “THE DAY” approaches. I always feel worse in anticipation of the day. Counting the years are also hard for me; it feel like it was four months not four years sometimes. At other times, when I am pondering the person I have become because of my loss (in both good and bad ways), it feels like a century has gone by. I can’t say I will ever get over it or that the grief has eased with time, but I can say I’ve gotten used to it being there. You are right–You do just get through it.
Aunt Becky says:
Aw baby, I’m sorry. It’s all so bittersweet. We all miss Maddie so much and we all celebrate sweet Annie so much too.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Next on Hoarders: Your Aunt Becky =-.
Dawn says:
I pray for your family daily. I’m so happy that Annie is growing like a weed (yes, that IS normal!)
Also, SO glad you have your friends! Looked like a fun time!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Post-It Note Tuesday: Peace. Out. =-.
charlane says:
I’m glad that Annie got to get out, meet some friends, and show off her cute outfit. She is a doll!
Saying a prayers for you and your family, today and everyday.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Haircut! =-.
divrchk says:
So cute. Annie looks like she fit right in with the ladies! I’m heading to So Cal in less than 2 weeks and I cannot wait!
I know you must be dreading next month. Continue celebrating Maddie’s too short life. Think of me celebrating my son’s 7th birthday on that day but also know that Maddie will be on my mind the entire day, even though I never met her.
Ella says:
Annie is gorgeous!
‘That day’ for me is November 22nd and the first anniversary was ROUGH. But with Mike and Annie to hold onto you will get through it.
Much love.
.-= Ella´s last blog .. =-.
Amanda says:
Glad to see Annie is doing so well! Also glad to see Jackie – had been wondering how she was doing!
Lisa says:
That hoodie is adorable!! Love the pictures, looks and sounds like you guys had a nice weekend.
Next month will be hard, I’ll be thinking of you every day, just as I do now. Maddie is with you every day in your heart and she will help you through those very rough, very dark days. I love you guys and wish there was more I could do, but I will be thinking of, honoring and remembering little Miss Maddie because she touched my heart in so many ways and I felt like she was part of my life even though we never got a chance to meet in real life.
Heather, you are amazing and I know, with the help of those around you, holding you up, and with the help of your sweet Annie, you will be okay and you will make it through next month and all the months to come.
Love and hugs friend.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..I Love These Women, and So Will You =-.
Kristin says:
This weekend when I realized March was already here, I thought of you and how close that day is. It’s hard to believe. But you have a wonderful family, all of those beautiful ladies, and all of us to lean on. We’ll get you through it, one step at a time.
Jenn says:
Good Morning Sweetie,
I’m so happy you had such an amazing weekend filled with friendships, family & much Love. You deserve all of that happiness in the world!. So, does that mean you didn’t watch the big game?
As for the Anniversary date….as I think I might have mentioned before….two of my very dear friends have also loss their babies (one at 10 months, one at birth). Both of my g/f’s were told by their Bereavement groups the anticipation to the actually anniversary date is FAR worse than that of the actual day.
Although they both had their moments of loss and despair, they both told me later their peers were right, the day wasn’t nearly as scary or overwhelmingly sad as they had anticipated it would be. I was happy and relieved to hear the news from both of them.
I really wish the same for you & Mike as you endure this final milestone. I know no matter what happens, you will have many, MANY people who not only care for you both but love you and are here with open arms and hearts to not only support you both but to remind both of you that you are never alone in this journey.
Thinking of you always,
Jenn
Anna Marie says:
I’m so glad you have Annie to celebrate and love. She is just gorgeous.
moosh in indy. says:
I see your sunny LA brunch photo of those lovely ladies and raise you a miserable photo of Midwestern shut ins with pallid skin and pasty expressions.
.-= moosh in indy.´s last blog ..on death and dogs. =-.
dawn says:
*WE* will all walk through THAT DAY with you.
Lisa @ lists in my pocket says:
That outfit is too cute. Annie is a rockstar! How wonderful to have that group of girlfriends to lean on and for Annie to grow up knowing. Will be thinking about you!
.-= Lisa @ lists in my pocket´s last blog ..Switching It Up =-.
Kristin says:
I can’t imagine how you must feel with THAT day coming up. Know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Annie is so beautiful.
suzanne says:
I thought about THAT DAY last week, and wondered how I could support you guys when it arrives. I cannot believe it is a month away. I vividly remember finding your blog for the first time on that day, and reading for hours through tears. I do feel like reading about Madeline and your struggle since she passed has really affected me and changed me. Just know that I will be reading your blog, thinking of Maddie all day, and sending up a prayer for her.
Trisha Vargas says:
I feel exactly the same way Suzanne. I too, found Heather on that day through the MOD website.
I too read through tears for hours. I feel changed and blessed to have met the Spohrs, even if not in real life yet. Hoping maybe one day I can give Heather a real hug.
I will support Heather as best as I can from thousands of miles away on the 7th, by reading her post. loving on her as best as I can and praying for her and her family.
Thanks you Suzanne for writing this. I’ve often wondered how I can support Heather, but reading her daily and praying was the answer all along and you reminded me of that.
Jenn says:
Couldn’t agree more with what Trisha & Suzanne have said. As February came to a close, it was one of the first things on my mind..THAT DAY was approaching and how hard and bittersweet it would be for you.
We will all be here supporting you on that very difficult day. Please know that.
ok, the oufits that Annie are in are absolutely adorable! She looks cute as always!
And Jackie! looks radiant!! Please tell her happy I am to see her looking so well.
Big Hugs to you Mama Spohr!
~Jenn
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Room Swap =-.
mel says:
Ok, Annie is just adorable. I’m sure you hear that plenty, but can’t imagine that you tire of it. She is just perfect.
Also, Jackie looks great! Seriously that woman is beautiful.
Hugs all around.
rachel cortest says:
I love the pictures. I understand how you feel. For me, the anticipation of the day, whether it be birthday or the worst day, is harder than the actual day. I already feel sick when I think that May is approaching and this will be our fourth anniversary of Tomas’ death. It is always so difficult no matter what anyone says. Daily living gets easier but the anniversaries are heart-wrenching. You are always in my thoughts. Rachel
kristen says:
you are surrounded by lovely women. annie is lucky to have so many role models!
and, please know that you will have thousands of people holding you and mike and annie up on that sorrowful day in april. i know that pales in comparison to the dread you must feel as it approaches, but we’ll be there, silently singing maddie’s praises, celebrating her beautiful life.
i plan to tell my children a story about her. maybe draw her a purple picture…live our very best day all in her honor.
hugs,
kristen
xo
Anjie says:
Every day is a challenge but we all make it through. Thinking of you!
.-= Anjie´s last blog ..Friday Night Thoughts =-.
Courtney says:
Annie is beautiful just like Maddie was, you are such a strong and courageous women, I truly hope to one day have the strength that you have shown through these difficult times, God Bless.
Susan says:
First, Annie is just too cute!
As for the upcoming month, taking it one day at a time is probably best. For us, it has been 27 years since we lost our daughter, Erin,, and I still dread the day, still get more emotional on that day. My husband and I bought a special candle holder right after Erin died, and we light it on her birthday, Christmas, and on the day she passed. It helps bring her closer. I’ll be thinking about your family on April 7, and will send out special good thoughts and prayers.
cindy w says:
So glad to see Jackie!’s gorgeous face on your blog again. Also, the pink hoodie and the baby legs? OM NOM NOM!!
I know the next several weeks are going to be insanely hard for you. I can’t even fathom it. Just please know that we all have your back. Loves you lots, lady. xoxo
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..weighted down =-.
Sarah P says:
Is there something you would like your readers to do on that day to remember Maddie? I’m sure I’m not alone in the feeling that I’d like to support you and Mike that day.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..Attention, attention! Ladies, gentlemen and you there! =-.
Karen Chatters says:
Little Annie is so precious! And there’s nothing cuter than a fat baby with lots of rolls to kiss and love on.
I’ve been thinking of you and that day that’s fast approaching. I wish in many ways we could wipe it off the calendar and just move forward with good, happy days. You all deserve nothing but the best of days.
.-= Karen Chatters´s last blog ..Stop messing with my mind =-.
Patti McKenna says:
April 30 is my bad day. I dread it’s anniversary every year and have for 21 years now. It used to be that I would crawl under a blanket and hide from the world, but in the past five years, I’ve spent that day dedicated to raising awareness about SIDS, which took his life. At least, I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile in his name and memory. http://writeandedit.wordpress.com/2009/06/11/so-do-i/
.-= Patti McKenna´s last blog ..Fighting MRSA =-.
Shannon says:
I’m a frequent lurker, and ever since you lost your beautiful daughter, I’ve had this in my mind. But I could never tell if it was the right time to say it…today’s post made me think it might be…I hope you don’t find it offensive, I mean it with the best of intentions. I once heard it said that when you lose someone, it takes a year and a day before you can begin to heal. You have to suffer through the grief of an entire year of “first —-” without that person in your life. It culminates in the first anniversary of when you lost them. And then that year is over. I know the pain will never, ever, EVER go away. There will never be acceptance or understanding. But there can be a degree of healing. In some ways, I found that saying comforting. Remember your Maddie, and take comfort in your Annie.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Not Me Monday =-.
ally (adil320) says:
You are so very welcome!
I knew it would look good on her…but I didn’t know it would look THAT good.
You will make it through Heather. You may not face the world on that day, but you, Mike, Rigby and Annie will make it though.
Love you lady.
Andria Stanley says:
Oh my. Those feet. Those cheeks. NOM NOM NOM!
.-= Andria Stanley´s last blog ..Car Seat Arrangement? =-.
Amanda says:
For me it’s March 25th and on that day it will be 11 years. For years I hated the month of March – every single day to it. I often said that nothing good happened in the month of March but you know what – that wasn’t really true. What was true was that the month of March was really just like any other month – that I was letting it control me rather than me control it. Once I realized that it seemed to get better.
Like the others I hope that the knowledge that so many will thinking of you & Mike not only the 7th but also the days before and beyond will somehow help.
I always do something like what Patti did – I don’t do a lot of advocacy for SIDS (which is how I lost my son too) but I do go to church that morning for some peace – it seems like someone from the church always stumbles in while I am there and talking to them really seems to help. Who am I kidding – I usually cry but whatever… and I always find something to create that day. Usually something in the yard so I can see something ‘living’ rather than focusing on anything else.
I always also spend time with my girls. They are here and he is not. I feel like that is the best memory and best gift I can give him.
Always.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Ever wonder how I got here???? =-.
Glenda says:
That’s great that you have a circle of females for support and to love on Annabel. So glad to see Jackie’s smile. (she’s beautiful) Hoping that there’s more joy in your life… health and happiness… baby steps Heather… we are all here for you and Mike! take care of yourself… XXX
Sara Joy says:
I can’t tell you how much joy it brings me to just see you ENJOY annie so much. Love it.
As for the dreaded date, I get that, I feel us rounding that corner as the seasons turn and I have no idea how I will do it. I want it to be speicial, have meaning, and at the same time I want it to never happen at all. But I am the preacher babbling at the choir. All just to say, I’m with you sister. And I’m always here too, for whatever comes up. ((hugs))
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..Images =-.
Binkytowne says:
When that day comes I hope you remember all the smiling faces of the ladies that surround you in these photos (& the many more that surely exist like them) and remember how many people love you and your girls and hang on to that when you need to just float for awhile.
.-= Binkytowne´s last blog ..GP meets The Shore =-.
Danielle says:
My thoughts are with you everyday!
That outfit that Annie has on is probably the most awesome baby outfit I have ever seen!
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Ca Ching! =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
We will all be here for you Heather/Mike on April 7th. I still say prayers for you guys, for sure I will be saying prayers that day.
I love the picture of Maddie with the “girls”, I love her matching outfit to yours. So sweet. Please know, Maddie is not far away. She is a butterfly dancing on a flower, she is in the rush of birds taking off in flight, she is in purple/pink sunsets. When you blow on a dried up dandelion, she dances in the wind with the seeds. When you stand by the ocean shore, Maddie is part of the waves on the sea. She is within the rainbow after a storm. If a ladybug lands on your hand or your leg, it’s Maddie telling you she is not far away.
And she will forever be in your hearts.
We will be there for you when “that” day approaches, count on it.
Kandi Ann says:
Never thought of this before, it just this minute came to me. So as u know by now, I will share.
Maybe you can make the 7th a sweet family celebration day of the day Maddie became an Angel (I know its not a celebration for you, but a great betrayal from whom ever could/maybe have changed it, rational or not!), for Annie. That way, while your grieving, Annie can be nearby/where ever you need her, making wings, arts and crafts et and such and/or as simple as you both (you could get creative) wearing an outfit her sister would have liked (or now, possibly worn) or something. I don’t want you not to cry, that is a part of the process, I also don’t want Annie to know and worry in the future about the day Mommy cries. <——- Never mind that part. My friend and I both lost twins and she is on a mission to make sure orphaned parents are understood. So hiding the grief, not good I guess. I don't know. Just some ideas that came to me. My oldest Angel boy would be just a few years younger then you now. I never saw him alive. and I still see men his age and think, what he would be like and so on. I too have a Tat in memory of my baby, on my back, a little baby tiger cub with his name under it. (Christopher). I can not imagine meeting him and losing him. I have actually (yrs ago) thought I was lucky to not have lost him after birth. Now after internet, I see what I missed. A Picture or more to hang on to, clips of hair, anything that would have made him real to more then just me and his Grandma. Well, 28 yrs later, and I am brought back to that day, the smells, the surroundings of walking out of the hospital to my moms car and…. my heart is with you now and for the weeks to come.
aimee says:
I’ve had 4 almost 5 of those “days” that you are talking about. I’m not sure how I am able to get through the day but somehow I do. You just take a breath and do what you have to do. Minutes turn into hours and you just keep moving along and before you know it the day is over. You just do what works for you and not what someone else thinks you should do. I’ll be sending lots of good vibes your way on that day.
Rebecca says:
My first gained weight so fast and easily that the pediatrician said I should start her on weight watchers (Joking). My son was so much slower to gain weight. I remember thinking…..Why are you so rail thin?!
Anyway…..Annie looks like she is thriving! Congratulations!
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..My Four Year Old Singing. =-.
Cindy says:
Jackie and Annie that is a beautiful photograph. A picture of love, Annie wrapped in Jackie’s arms it looks like Jackie wants to protect Annie from the big bad world. Yes it shows!!! It looks like Jackie loves the world, I hope it loves her back!!!
AmazingGreis says:
Yaye for growing babies!! Jackie looks great! Hugs to you and Annie!!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..ABC’s of my blog life… =-.
Amanda M. says:
The day will come and go, as it must; just breathe. Annie will always be here for you, to help take some of the sting from it.
Laney says:
Oh, Jackie! looks great; I hope she’s doing well. I love the picture of her with the (more stunning by the day, if that’s even possible) Annabel.
I’ve been worrying about that day, too (I’ll never get over how odd it is to worry for a stranger…). You’ll get through it as you have all the rest…minute by minute, with the people (both real and virtual) who adore you by your side. And Annie in your arms.
Toni says:
I just wanted to let you know I am so happy for you guys. Your new little one is absolutely beautiful and I Know you are cherishing every moment with her.
Congrats!
.-= Toni´s last blog ..A Baby Shower Experiance =-.
Jackie says:
Heath,
I just LOVED spending time with you and Annie. She really couldn’t be any more sweet. (There was a good chance I was going to steal her…so, it’s a good thing you were watching me like a hawk. ;))
She reminds me of another little girl I love and wanted to steal…one I will remember with you and love with you forever.
Love you more than words,
Your MonChiChi
Anjie says:
I love the outfit and I’m so glad you’re surrounded by such loving friends and family.
I gave you an award over on my blog, you (obviously) don’t have to pass it on, I just wanted to let you know.
http://apaprikao.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/feeling-honored/
Jen the Catalyst says:
Sending sunshine and positivity to the west and to you today….
.-= Jen the Catalyst´s last blog ..Need an Upper? =-.
Rachael says:
I’ll be there with you in April, trying to offer ANY support I can.
For now, can I just say… I am expecting my 2nd baby in May and your blog is one of the BIGGEST things making me so excited to meet him?? Your little stories and the pictures… they make me so anxious to have my baby, so thank you!
anymommy says:
Annie is absolutely gorgeous. I have no more original words. I can’t imagine facing that day, Heather and I have nothing to offer except I’ll be here, reading whatever you need to say.
PS I have severe sunshine envy.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Chaos Theory =-.
Katrina says:
I don’t know about the rest of your readers, but I keep thinking about April and just wish we could skip that month all together. :::sigh::: It will be a hard day, for sure.
Annnie just looks adorable in her cute little outfit. So glad to see you out and about spending special time with friends and family. Hermosa is such a cute little beach town. I grew up in the South Bay and was at Hermosa Beach all the time. I skated the strand a lot. Good times. Love it down there!
Molly says:
I’m so happy that Annie is putting on weight like a champ and looking beautiful doing it!
And I think about you more and more as that April date looms. There is no good advice here. I guess your best defense is be prepared and maybe try to plan something special to do so it doesn’t totally knock the wind out of you.
You guys are so strong. And Annie so lucky. Don’t ever doubt it!
Jen M says:
We have never met and it was by accident that I found your blog. But I have read every word and think about you and your family often. Parts of my story are similar to yours, but I am lucky enough to have survivor guilt.
My second baby was about 17 months when I found your blog. Your story helped me through some of the more difficult challenges of parenthood – although they’re nothing in comparison to yours.
I too found myself thinking about your family as I turned the page on my calendar this morning. Perhaps scheduling something different for the day before, That Day and the day after? A weekend getaway with Mike and Annie? I haven’t a clue if it would help ease things at all. Just a thought.
Keep writing, keep photographing and keep sharing. And know that your Maddie has touched the lives of so many.
Karen says:
So much cuteness in such a small package! I love it!
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Mondays with Maylyn =-.
Alison says:
Annie looks SO snugglable.
April is going to be tough. We, the internets, will be here, ready to listen and always remembering.
xoxo
.-= Alison´s last blog ..What is a Twin Good For, Anyway? =-.
Ray says:
I’m glad you had a great weekend with the girls and glad to see that Jackie! is doing well. ;o) When that “day” does come: hold on to Mike & to Annie to keep you strong. I know that won’t be enough because Maddie isn’t there, but hold on to them.
Joie says:
I absolutely don’t know….That Day will come every single year, with no regard to the fact that it SUCKS! I was trying to think of some way that you guys could actually wake up in the morning, get through the day…Does any way truly exist though? Spend it together, tell Annie all about (even stuff you have already shared) Maddie, talk to Maddie, yell and scream, eat a lot…Maybe throw a small “party” for Maddie. Another celebration at her awesomeness…because it transcends earth and goes straight up to heaven…she is just THICK of awesome! Celebrate her…even though I know you already do. I cannot imagine…We will all be thinking of you all.
Amanda says:
I’m glad you had such a great weekend…the weather looked fabulous.
I have all faith that you and Mike (and Annie) with get through April and the day but I also believe it will be very hard for you guys. Just remember you have an entire support system out here who are willing to love and support you any way we can.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Proud Canadian – Despite My Governments Best Efforts =-.
Kim says:
XOXO . Luv ya.
Megan says:
I feel for you. I have a day coming up and sometimes the lead up is worse than the day. Good luck. You will get through you have a ton of support here
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Finally! =-.
Mary Ann says:
Oh Heather and Mike I wish there were some way I could make it easier for you. I hope you know how much we all love your sweet angel Maddie – sending you ((HUGS)) to help you though the upcoming weeks.
linzandkenzsmommy says:
Feeling for you Heather…thought of you when March 1st hit…wishing there were words or actions to ease your pain.
Love seeing Annie and all her glory! Thank you for continuing to share!
Stay strong…
.-= linzandkenzsmommy´s last blog ..Wagons, Bikes and Cozy Coupes =-.
Julie from Michigan says:
I know you don’t know HOW you will wake up on that day, but you WILL and you WILL have beautiful Annie to help you celebrate what a wonderful big sister she has. Thinking about the day now is impossible, but you will just have another reason to explain to Annie how blessed she truly is.
Mama Kat says:
Those side by side photos you do of the girls in essentially the same spot just break my heart. I can only imagine how you feel.
The other day I thought about filming a long car ride with Kainoa, because if he ever dies I’ll never remember exactly what it was like listening to him babble in the backseat. It seems you have tons of pictures and videos of Maddie…I bet it’s never enough.
Jodie Brooks says:
Not a day goes by when I don’t think to check up on how the Spohrs are doing. You are all in my heart! Just keep doing your best to get through each day/hour/minute. Sending big hugs!!
Tina says:
It is so important to have that special girls day
Your Annie is glowing with beauty.
It is sad to see the last brunch with Maddie and your friends.
The day in April will hard, but we are here for you as well as an amazing hubby and a chubby baby and girl friends.
Please let all of us any way we can !!
Dana says:
Best girl friends are simply the best, aren’t they??!
I feel so sad for you that you will have to live through that day in April…but, if this is any consolation, Annie is just so scrumptious!
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Introductions: Ruby =-.
Catherine says:
So glad to see Jackie made it down! She is how I “met” you.
.-= Catherine´s last blog ..Attention all my 30-something girlfriends =-.
Kayla says:
Do whatever it is you need to do on The Day to get through it, be it running for an hour or two, staying in bed all day, or not putting down Annie for one second.
But fear it not too much – because we’ll be here for you the whole time. You know we love you Heather Spohr!
Amy Collen says:
Heather,
As someone who has been there and dreaded it too that first year, my only advice to give to you is to not dread it. I know that sounds strange but the anticipation is always worse then the actual event. I just have to convince MYSELF of that when I fly. Yikes!!! So scared of flying. Don’t be afraid of any emotions you might feel. Just always always know that all of us are here for you and will be with you on that day. Much move love to you.
Cindy in Canada says:
My heart is pounding and my eyes are full of tears…..what incredible love & strength you both have to be able to share Maddie’s life with us….I don’t know how you do it. I have a 23 month old daughter (and a 16 year old daughter, yes, 16 :)) and I don’t know how would I get out of bed each day if I lost either one of them…I don’t know how I would BREATHE if I ever lost one of them….I can’t thank you enough for sharing pictures of your beautiful little girls. you are truly an inspiration to parents around the world, those who have suffered and those who have not. God bless you and your family and hugs to you all from Ontario Canada. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Haley says:
Annie is just darling. So glad you had a good time out to lunch with friends.
I know that April won’t be easy, but for what’s it worth I’ll be here praying for you and hoping that you guys will get through it together.
.-= Haley´s last blog ..The Crazy Life =-.
Angelique says:
It was 5 years ago in January that my sister passed away. This Friday she would haves turned 30. I agree that the anticipation is worse than the actual day. The worst part for me is knowing that each day and year that passes takes me that much farther away from her. The first anniversary of her death was the hardest for that reason.
Jen says:
You will undoubtedly see that day through with a grace that will surprise even those who love you the most. You will do this because you are one of the single strongest people I know.
xoxo
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Chase – 9 months =-.
Maria Delgado says:
Love u Heather.
Al_Pal says:
Great outfits and photos.
Big warm *HUGS*