This, my friends, is the face of a pincher.


Madeline, being, you know, a baby, loves to grab everything she can get her hands on. It’s cute when she grabs her toys, her bottle, my necklace. And then there are all the other times when it is decidedly not cute. Like when she grabs my lip and pulls. Or when she grabs Rigby’s tail and yanks. Or when she clutches the delicate skin of my double chin and squeezes so hard I yelp with pain.

I knew going in to this whole baby thing that there would be a point where everything would end up in Maddie’s mouth. What I did NOT know was that she would be inflicting pain on me on a daily basis.

Coming home from work is always my favorite part of the day. I walk in the door, and Rigby runs over to greet me. Maddie is usually on Mike’s lap, and she turns her body all the way around to look at me, and immediately starts squealing and smiling. These are the reasons you get a dog and have a kid, you know? All that love and stuff. I give Rigby a treat and then go scoop Madeline off of Mike’s lap. She leans back, looks into my eyes, and puts both hands on my cheeks…and just as my heart is about to explode, she pinches her fingers together with the force of a shark’s jaw. I have a slew of broken capillaries on my cheeks thanks to my little bundle of joy.

I’ve gotten a lot better at dodging her vice grips. She always gets this look in her eye before she does her evil. UNTIL TODAY. This evening, Maddie and I were on my bed (which, coincidentally, is one of my five favorite places in the world), and I was helping her practice sitting up. She was doing a good job when she leaned forward, putting her right hand on my chest to balance herself. I made a silly face at her, and then she swung her left arm around, putting her other hand next to her right. Then she clenched both hands into fists, squeezing my right boob so hard it brought tears to my eyes. AND SHE LAUGHED.

My nine month old gave me a mammogram. Who needs a doctor when Maddie is in the house?

I love that little kid to pieces, I really do. But this whole injuring Mommy thing has got to stop.