This, my friends, is the face of a pincher.
Madeline, being, you know, a baby, loves to grab everything she can get her hands on. It’s cute when she grabs her toys, her bottle, my necklace. And then there are all the other times when it is decidedly not cute. Like when she grabs my lip and pulls. Or when she grabs Rigby’s tail and yanks. Or when she clutches the delicate skin of my double chin and squeezes so hard I yelp with pain.
I knew going in to this whole baby thing that there would be a point where everything would end up in Maddie’s mouth. What I did NOT know was that she would be inflicting pain on me on a daily basis.
Coming home from work is always my favorite part of the day. I walk in the door, and Rigby runs over to greet me. Maddie is usually on Mike’s lap, and she turns her body all the way around to look at me, and immediately starts squealing and smiling. These are the reasons you get a dog and have a kid, you know? All that love and stuff. I give Rigby a treat and then go scoop Madeline off of Mike’s lap. She leans back, looks into my eyes, and puts both hands on my cheeks…and just as my heart is about to explode, she pinches her fingers together with the force of a shark’s jaw. I have a slew of broken capillaries on my cheeks thanks to my little bundle of joy.
I’ve gotten a lot better at dodging her vice grips. She always gets this look in her eye before she does her evil. UNTIL TODAY. This evening, Maddie and I were on my bed (which, coincidentally, is one of my five favorite places in the world), and I was helping her practice sitting up. She was doing a good job when she leaned forward, putting her right hand on my chest to balance herself. I made a silly face at her, and then she swung her left arm around, putting her other hand next to her right. Then she clenched both hands into fists, squeezing my right boob so hard it brought tears to my eyes. AND SHE LAUGHED.
My nine month old gave me a mammogram. Who needs a doctor when Maddie is in the house?
I love that little kid to pieces, I really do. But this whole injuring Mommy thing has got to stop.
moosh in indy. says:
Thing #87 experienced moms don’t tell newer moms-There will come a time that your darling toddler will throw such a fit they will throw their head so violently into your chin you will either crack a tooth or bite off a piece of your tongue. They will then look at you like it’s YOUR fault you hurt their head with YOUR jaw.
Just a friendly warning.
(Oh, and then when they’re old enough they come into your room to wake you up and land their (seemingly) chubby knee in your crotch to wake you up. The hits don’t stop kid. Sorry)
moosh in indy.s last blog post..Hot: Day 14-Guest Postage.
OUCH!! I’d rather a 9 month old give me the mammo than be practiced on getting a real mammo by an intern. My breasts were squeezed and contorted, pulled and deformed – oh, I can’t write any more. The pain I endured for weeks to follow remains with me.
Maybe Maddie was going for a twister of sorts? Something she’d seen in one of Mike’s child appropriate flicks?
Anna Marie says:
Wait until she grabs your nose and discovers that her thumb will fit nicely into your nostril. And she thinks that is SO FUNNY so every time you pick her up you also get your nose picked by your little angel.
Not that I’ve experienced that or anything.
Ms. Moon says:
My fourth child loved to bite. She bit my arms so frequently that they were constantly bruised. I still feel the psychic remains of those bruises.
I can’t remember why she finally stopped. I think you have to remove the offending child from your person when they hurt you and firmly (and I do mean firmly) tell the child that no, it is not okay to hurt Mommy. Maddie probably doesn’t know she IS hurting you and that’s important to remember. BUT she needs to be informed that she is and told that this is not acceptable until she gets it.
Ms. Moons last blog post..And So It Goes
My 10 month old practices pinching, grabbing, poking, biting and generally causing pain with such glee that sometimes I worry I have a tiny little masochist on my hands. The good news is that if my hopes for her career as a president don’t pan out, she has a promising future as a dominatrix. Either that or a chiropractor.
Caras last blog post..Primal Nature
It’s good to have teenagers. One of my kids (re)broke my nose with that ‘throwing the head forward’ thing. Youch.
Middle-Aged-Womans last blog post..Former Prodigy Seeks Niche
R does this. He grabs my necklace all of the time and also he loves to grab and pinch my boob – this of course makes the hubby proud…
Lauries last blog post..2008 Olympics
Oops, I meant sadist. Although she’s a bit of a masochist as well.
Caras last blog post..Primal Nature
My 5-month-old Baby Bear is the same way, and she has an unbelievable grip – I really thought she was going to pull my ear completely off my head the other day! Mostly it’s lips and nose, he thankfully hasn’t attempted a mammo yet – I’m sure it’s coming. It’s amazing that something so small and cute can inflict so much pain, and that in the midst of so much pain, Mommy still loves her and completely accepts it. We are resilient (albeit bruised) creatures!
Fireflys last blog post..Wisdom
Sophie, Inzaburbs says:
Ah, those bruised and battered times.
I was worried at one point that I was sick, because of all the unexplained bruises. I am pretty sure they were wounds my children had inflicted on me but, due to sleep deprivation, I couldn’t remember the actual events.
Thankfully, we are mostly past that now. The torture, now, is mostly psychological.
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana says:
It only gets more dangerous as they get stronger…
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..And then he sold his birthright for some soup…
It amazes me that they have so much strength!! Those tiny muscles sure have power. My kids have pulled handfuls of my hair out at a time–ouch! And LOL at the mammogram!
Jennifers last blog post..The Story of Pickle PART FOUR
Soleil broke one of my favorite necklaces the other day. I am a huge necklace fan and cannot wear them next to my daughters at this point. And yes, when they go to grab my face- it seems so loving- until they rip off a piece of your lip. Good times.
mayas last blog post..9 Months old today
Gosh, everyone’s being so SUPPORTIVE and “It’s only going to get worse”-y!
I’m going to look at this from a different angle. Today, I’m going to be “Glass Half Full” and say that Maddie is simply trying to put a little extra color in your cheeks and to ensure that her gorgeous, pink cheek’d momma is around for YEARS to come by making absolute certain you don’t have breast cancer.
It’s almost like she’s a walking, or crawling, or, um ROLLING, squishy, adorable good deed.
LMAO I don’t recall my other girls going through this (good we forget pain or there would be a lot of single children in this world) but my little 9 month old must be talking with Maddie all I can say is OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
mommybootcamps last blog post..Day two
Yeouch! I feel your pain: my lil guy is 7 months and is a “grabber” too….
but she’s SO cute! (yours, I mean, lol)
Lexis last blog post..Stuff part MMXXVIII
kids are dangerous, yo!
(even the CUTE ones!)
Alex is trying to break my jaw AND clavicle, I’m convinced of it.
And yeah, he wants to marry your daughter. You better get used to a whole lotta ME!
Beckys last blog post..Abra-abra-cadabra, I Wanna Reach Out And Grab Ya
Yeah, Lucy loves to grab too. Her skin of choice is under my arm, right past my armpit. Not as bad as a boob, but painful nonetheless. I’m black and blue under there about 90% of the time. It is definitely a good thing they’re cute. I don’t know if you read Flotsam, but she has a hilarious part about that at the end of her latest entry: http://flotsamblog.com/2008/08/11/sandmandinista/
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Manic Mom says:
That’s why we have two. LOL Check out my blog I have a mission for you.
Manic Moms last blog post..Six Un-Spectacular Things about Me……
Oh yes…the pain is horrible when they are that size. I’ve had my boobs pinched so many times I gave up going to the OB/GYN because I figured between DH and the preTzel boys I was getting a good enough exam.
Want to know what is even worse? Buying a camping lantern that folds in to itself and then holding it against your chest while pushing it down so it will slide together only to pinch your breast skin into it and then it getting stuck and not wanting to release. I had the worst blood blister for about 3 months after that.
Know what? You’ll forget all of this when she comes homes the first time with a boy. Really. You will.
preTzels last blog post..Interviewing Papa from PapaTV.com
18 mo. old Alexandra reached back the other day as I was carrying her and slapped me across the face. I love you too, honey!!
Bonnies last blog post..Stars and Stripes Never Looked So Good
Ouch, ouch….but dang she’s a cute pincher.
Issas last blog post..Medicate or not medicate, this is the question.
She is a dang cute pincher! I can wait till I can see her again…I’ll definitely let her get in a good grab.
Fiesty Charlie says:
The pure glee in their little beady eyes right before they nail you is priceless isn’t it?
I went through the same thing, and can tell you, it never gets better. Abbie laughs if I stub my toe or otherwise injure myself…. pure hysterics to her at 2.5…. God love her little heart.
There is a song, “You’re gonna miss this,” but I am not so sure some days.
Fiesty Charlies last blog post..Heather & Apes Sitting In A Tree…
It gets even worse when they totally know better and STILL do random painful things. S has been slapping me in the face once in a while. He’s also suspicious/jealous of the baby and makes a point of trying to sit in my lap really hard or kick me.
BUT HE’S SO CUTE.
Marias last blog post..what will you be
Erin’s up to slapping and, strangely, poking DH in the eye. It really is endearing, really.
Tell me about it! I warn everyone who holds my now 1-year-old that she’s a hair-puller. And you better hope you don’t have earrings or glasses!