I am normally the person who is always happy for everyone. I look at other people’s successes as proof that “it can be done,” especially when it’s in a field that I am also in. Their success is my success. But lately I’ve been feeling professionally stagnant, and it’s making me very green-eyed.
The majority of what I do is freelance writing and copy editing. It’s not glamorous but it’s a wonderful way to make money in a flexible environment. It allows me to stay home with the kids while still bringing in a paycheck. I personally would not be happy if I wasn’t earning money in some capacity. I started babysitting at age ten and I’ve been making money ever since.
A lot of what I’m contracted to do is really dry. Think the writing you see when you pull up your bank’s website. Sometimes I get opportunities to write for places that are much more fun, like BuzzFeed (I know a guy). At the end of last year, I got a super-amazing contract to write several pieces right in my wheelhouse for double my usual rate. It was during the busiest time of year and required a ton of research, but it was fun and great for my resume, and I couldn’t wait to see it “live.” Last week I heard from my editor that even though he loved my work, the company had a brand-new president who was going in a different direction. That not only meant no more work going forward, but all that work I’d done would never see the light of day. I was still paid, but it’s very frustrating (and since they paid for it, they own the content which means I can’t even post it elsewhere), and while this has happened to me before it’s never been on such a large scale.
Mike talked me out of my disappointment – writing that never sees the light of day is the story of a screenwriter’s life – but I think it showed me that I definitely prefer the kind of work that I can point to. Like, hey look, I did that! That’s the problem with freelancing: you have no control over your work once you turn it in. And I know how indulgent it is to whine about something I got paid for, believe me. I think it all comes back to me just not knowing what I want to do with myself.
I’ve always been jealous of the people who have clear career paths and something they always dreamed of being. If you’d asked Mike or my brother when they were kids what they wanted to be when they grew up, they both would have said writer. I wouldn’t have said anything, because I didn’t know. I still don’t. I think it’s time I tried to figure it out.
I don’t like being envious of other people’s good news. I need to focus on what I can do to make myself happy so I can start creating my own good news. I am in control of my own life here. How am I going to find the work that makes me happy? Noooo idea! How does anyone figure out this stuff?? I just have to try a bunch of things, I guess. Maybe something will click, and maybe nothing will, but at least I’ll be acting positively. I am a much better person when I am positive.
It’s time to get out of this funk and see what I find.
Lilian says:
Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone. It took me till I was well into my 50’s to figure out what I wanted to do, and that was after years of various careers. Turns out I wanted to write and produce films. Documentaries to be exact. So I made one, and I’ve never been so proud of anything as much as I am of my film (apart from my sweet daughter Danielle, and she is going to be the subject of my next film). It was an exhilarating, frustrating, exhausting, but ultimately an amazing experience. (check out the website on my link). You never know when you will discover what you truly would love to do, it can hit you tomorrow, or in 20 years (I hope it’s the former for you). Just keep looking around you, and it will materialize, I promise.
Cynthia says:
Heather,
You have put yourself in the mind frame to make a change that you really envision and want, I think that is at least ( if not more) than half the battle. I am sending good thoughts and positive karma your way! I feel where you are coming from, I had years of Level 3 NICU experience, helped open. & run a new NICU,was a Clinical Instructor & also had plenty of registry work when I wanted it. I had to scale back a bit to help my father with his business, but before I could return to nursing, I became quite ill. It has been over 6 years, but I have so thankfully regained my health to the point where I am preparing to return to nursing, although back at square one, I am so excited! It is such a push and pull with family, work and life! Everyone’s situations are so incredibly personal, so we can only offer support and positive thoughts.
I am so incredibly lucky that I purchased long-term disability insurance when I was fresh out of USC (best advice ever), never imagining what could have been in store for me. Aside from having my health and my family, access to wonderful medical care and so much more, I had the privilege of being home with my daughter day in & day out & that is time that has flown by so quickly!
Your kiddos are so lucky to have such good parents & I am sure everything will come together eventually, all in due time…you will get there!
Jerilynn says:
Have you ever considered writing a book? I think you have a lot of experiences to convey that could benefit others It also sounds like you do enjoy writing but perhaps not the freelance piece.
defendUSA says:
Er…you take awesome photos, and you write on a level that can reach many people. JUST.DO.IT. Unless you really believe you were meant for something different…
Lisa Maxwell says:
Hang in there– figuring this kind of stuff out is harrrddd. I *knew* what I wanted to do– went to grad school for *cough* almost 10 years to be a professor, and on the other end…no work. But because of that, I kind of discovered I like writing, and not just boring essays no one will ever read. But the 2 years when I tried to get over what didn’t work out were so, so hard.
Have you ever thought of being a kids’ party planner? We have a bunch in our area–they make huge $ and are always in demand–and your parties always look AMAZING!
Kelly says:
I am totally with you. Ever since I was a little girl, my answer to “What do you want to be when you grow up?” has been “A mom.” I want to have kids. That’s my life’s ambition. I always thought I would be a young mom and figure out my life after I had kids — sort of like my own mom did, but I will be 31 next week and have nothing to show for it. I’ve bounced around from job to job (am currently job hunting, actually) and am supremely jealous of my family and friends who have excelled in their careers or have started families. My Facebook feed is full of “Guess what!” posts that either contain pictures of engagement rings, ultrasounds and/or brand new babies, or great news about a promotion.
Meanwhile, I wake up and go to work and hope that one day that lightbulb over my head goes off and I get a clue.
Laura says:
Oh, wow, I could have written this myself. I just turned 34 and am still lost in my career, have never figured out how to leverage my strengths into a career that pays half decent money that actually requires the skill set that I possess. I have always just wanted to be a mom. I have at least FINALLY found the guy, but still no kids yet either. But then again, I try not to freak out over it too much… If I’m going to work until age 65 or 70 though, you still have 30-35 years to try things and figure it out It’s tough out there though, I hear ya.
Erin says:
Your writing has always had a way of pulling me in…I honestly think that it’s something you were meant to do because I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of your posts and started reading and then scrolled through the rest (and I’ve been reading your site here for..years and years)…and I cannot think of another writer where I haven’t done that at one point or another. You have me captivated. Perhaps you need to think about writing in another capacity…a book? Short stories?
As for something else I could see you doing and LOVING doing? Event planning. You have a natural sense for creating parties and this atmosphere of amazing fun. You see the big picture but make sure everything works right down to the smallest detail – that is something that neither I, nor a lot of people can do or like…and that they WANT to be able to do and will pay a lot of good money to have someone do FOR them (trust me..as someone who has tried to throw parties with themes at home, for not for profits, for organizations/big businesses, etc. because there was no one else to do it – it’s NOT a piece of cake or natural for me..and I *always* feel like it’s lacking.) After seeing some of the photos/writeups of parties you’ve thrown…I would hire you in an instant to help me throw parties or events or even festivals that I run through work..
So – perhaps an option or something to think about…?
Either way…I think you have a lot of amazing talents and potential for whatever you may choose to do..whether it’s “just” freelancing (important, necessary and you’re already awesome at it) or one of your many other talents (sewing awesome kids stuff and creating an etsy-esk shop?! Or going to farmers markets? Or getting into smaller niche shops?!) – the world is your oyster. Find a way to take something you love and make it work for you..and you’ll never feel like you’re working a day in your life. xo
miriam says:
Yes, i was going to say party planning as well. Go hook yourself up with Tori Spelling – you girls could really rock it.
As for the rest of it, I find when I am very vulnerable (whatever the topic) I am at my most “jealous” of what others do. It ebbs and flows. People can post all sorts of cliches to make you feel better, but ultimately it has to come from within.
Rebecca says:
Seriously, you’re not alone! I’m starting into my 30’s and just now back in school to get a degree in construction management. I have a vague idea of what I want to do with it, but the specifics are still kind of fuzzy. I think my family has written me off as flighty about jobs because I just can’t pin down exactly what I really want from what I’m pursuing. My husband’s a lot like Mike- he always knew what we wanted to be (an engineer) and man- I do envy that, I admit. But the way his brain works, there’s no way he couldn’t have been one. Thankfully he enjoys it.
Have you thought about being a professional party planner? Cause you rock the hell out of that stuff!
Susan says:
Wow, this post and the comments are actually encouraging. We are not alone I am in my early forties and I’m dispatching 911. I can honestly say that when I was a little girl I NEVER said, “oh when I grow up I want to be a 911 dispatcher”. I probably didn’t even know what that was. Anyways, I feel your funk. I’m there. I always wanted social work. Not on the phone as it can sometimes be in 911 but in person…working the streets. I do have a fondness for the elderly which I never knew until my Dad was sick. Good post!!
Maris says:
Best of luck…what about a baby photographer?
Megan says:
Oh Heather, I so understand. I work in hospital marketing. Some of what I do is the hospital version of bank language. I get to be more creative, too, and I like my job, but many of my co-workers gush with enthusiasm over their work, and I just can’t. I wish I had picked a career that was more hands-on instead of being in front of a computer all day, but I do get to have much more flexibility in my day than a nurse or a teacher. Plus I can’t deny that every aptitude test ever, my school history and my genetics all point to a job involving writing, and at this point going back to school and taking a more hands-on job would require major financial sacrifices.
I wish I had an answer for you, but I hope it helps to know you’re not alone. Many of us aren’t completely satisfied with our work. But bank website language is important, and think how many people have pored over your words here, laughing or crying or laughing so hard they cried along with you.
JLR says:
Have you ever looked at What Color Is Your Parachute? It can be great for helping you focus in on what you really like doing and how to turn that into a career.
I’m 40 and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up – if that’s any comfort!
Lisa says:
Regardless of what you do I just want to say….you are a phenomenal writer!!! I love everything you write, even when they are just regular posts about everyday, ordinary life. But girl, when you write about you and Lee Corso’s ongoing love/hate affair…. I DIE!!! That is some of the funniest stuff ever. I mean I read those posts rolling. And with tears running down my face. Of course I will also have tears rolling down my face when you write of your beautiful girl Maddie and Jackie! You have a gift with words be they funny or sad. Or just regular words. As long as whatever you decide to do you don’t quit us….you have my blessing:) haaaa, just what you want and need from a stranger!!!
Patty says:
I found my career in my 30’s. Worked for the first career/grunge job as a chemical dependency counselor. Out of the blue I had a co-worker say to me one day, “have you ever thought about teaching??” I laughed, I mean, what in the world would I teach. So we talked…turns out on top of my BA in Sociology I could take a few classes, get my teaching licence in Social Studies, then get my MA…problem is I always hated Social Studies in high school, how in the world could I make it through history classes at the college level?? augh and ick. Yeah well, I went back when my 3rd child was 6 weeks old, and excelled- and wow, found an absolutely true love in US History, World History and Geography. OMG, things just clicked and kept clicking.
Then on to my teaching classes- which I suspected I would flub up, convinced I didn’t know how to teach and convinced I indeed still hadn’t found the right career path. I worked hard- got through 3 months of student teaching- I would rate that experience as a C- (in the back of my head I kept thinking there has got to be a better way to teach teachers how to teach!!!!)
And then I was thrown into the vast pool of SS teachers looking for teaching jobs. I subbed for a few years in various districts- settled into 2 that I liked…and found a strong strong strong vision of a political/family network of how teachers get their jobs! Here I thought it was because they were good teachers….hummmm I then left 3 kids with their dad and went to NE China to teach for 2 years (one of those years, my then 9 year old was with me, the other 2 spent summers with me. Came home in May of 2001 and got hired in Aug as a teacher!
So 23 years later I am still teaching and looking to the day I can retire…bouts of cancer, then a back injury, currently on medical leave- the mind is still ticking away, the body is failing me.
The most absolute draw for me with teaching, the number one thing!! I had a schedule like my kids did. And I would never ever change the summers together, Christmas and Spring Break. I had the best of both worlds and I would not change that for nothing.
Hang in there Heather- you got to find where the passion is, how your kids fit into the bigger picture and just exactly how that translates out to a job. Stay with the passion. Hang onto that. You will never go wrong when the passion is strong and right on the $$
TonyaM says:
I’m 42, and I get you. Totally. I was a teacher prior to having my children. I’ve now been a SAHM for thirteen years, and I’m feeling the itch to do SOMETHING. While I loved teaching, I hate the educational trends that have come along since I left, and I truly can’t even imagine returning to the classroom. Which leaves me in a place of having no idea where to start. Hopefully we will all figure it out. These comments show that we aren’t alone.
Joelle says:
UGH. ME TOO! I’ve always bounced around ideas…a nurse! a teacher. a mom. I really wanted to be a mom so badly most of all and when our girls came along thought that I’d be a stay at home mom and i’d be completely fulfilled. Well i’m still working and want to work but still don’t fill that fulfillment career wise (i’m a recruiter, which is fine, but i’ve been doing it so long I’m a little bored with it. and no one grows up and says, “I want to be a recruiter when i get older!”) I hope it comes to me someday too. I was listening to oprah the other day and she said sometimes you need to do the things you hate to get to the things you want to do. but I still need to figure out what that “thing” is that I want to do. I have no idea.
Leah says:
Right there with you. It sounds like your professional funk is brought on partly by having done good work that is undeservedly being sat on, so in a way you’re to be congratulated because in the midst of a very busy time of life on the personal side you’ve done good work and are craving more. For me, having little kids means my professional fire is barely embers. All I really want to do is care for my family and my home and I’m struggling hard to stay motivated at my work-from-home job. I have a lot of thinking and redirecting to do if I want to keep contributing to our family financially (which I need to do).
Lisa says:
Leah – I could have written the same comment! I have two young kids (1 and 3) and work from home but all I want to do is focus on my family… I have had tremendous professional and financial success in my 15+ year career (on the verge of making partner at a top management consulting firm) and would give it all up in a second to be a stay at home mom. I have ZERO professional ambition right now! Funny how we always want what we don’t have…
Kate says:
This post really resonates with me, unfortunately. I too am so jealous of people that always knew what they wanted to do. I just didn’t get that specific calling. Yet! Totally agree with the above comments though. You are obviously a talented writer, photographer, event planner. You know that though! Best of luck to you in figuring it out!
ldoo says:
I say write a book. You have a wonderful writing voice, a big “fan” base and a compelling story. I loved Matt Logelin’s and Alexa Stevenson’s books. I’d love to read yours, too.
Annalisa says:
Grad school here. I started out wanting to do something world changing, but lately all I want to do is get out of there (which requires thesis work, which I never get a chance to do because kids, housework, my own doubts…). I feel like adulthood entails having these “I am lost” phases every few years, because it’s certainly been true for me.
kristin says:
Add another lady voice to the “me too!” chorus. However this one has a bit of an ironic twist: your current/not exactly satisfying job is my DREAM job. I would LOVE to start a freelance copy editing business — but I am too scared to leave my stable (and soul-suckingly boring) 9-5 job. Oy vey.
Suzanne says:
I graduated from college not having any idea what I wanted to do. So I chose something and went to grad school, and worked for all of 1 yr. before I had my first baby and decided to stay home. Like you I hated not generating some income so through the years I’ve sold Discovery Toys, coached the high school Pom Squad, done contract work in my degree area, and have now landed a part time job at my church. It’s been a struggle as I’ve seen other very career driven women move up and become leaders in their professions all the while I’m still struggling to master laundry and wonder if I’ll find my niche. But the truth is, after 14 years as a mom, I enjoy the opportunities that I’ve had because I wasn’t in a more steady work force. I’ve been able to be the mom I want to be and still search out for that thing that satisfies that ambitious side of me. I think I’ve found it working with the children at my church, but who knows…There may be a bunch of other random jobs on the horizon! These days I just laugh and hang on for the ride.
Khelly says:
Being a mama is the best job in the world. Sure, we don’t get paid for it, but I get more than enough ‘pay’ from kisses, snuggles, and the moments when I get to experience their ‘firsts’ with them. You DO have a job, and it’s the greatest job in the world. God intended mama’s to stay home with their babies and raise them
Heather B. says:
How is this relevant to what Heather has written here? I’m seriously asking as I did not see her once mention parenting. But since you brought it up, it is possible for a woman to want to be fulfilled elsewhere in life besides parenting. Also, I don’t think that Visa accepts payments in kisses and snuggles.
Annalisa says:
Hahaha! That last sentence! It’s awesome!
Anna says:
Heather, you’re good at so many things! Just keep doing things you love and it will fall into place.
Kristen Smith says:
Have you considered writing a book/seeking out a book deal? I’ve been reading for years (since shortly after Maddie passed away) and have to say that it’s not just the faces of your cute kiddos that have you bookmarked on my Firefox toolbar! It’s also your style of writing, humor and your ability to write about the serious stuff with strength and poise. You’re great at what you do – writing AND being a mom.
roshan says:
Why not expand what you already built? Essentially doubling down on and focusing on increasing the scope of things you already possess? Like your blog, your photography skills, your event management/planning skills……
There is equity in what you already have and it’s value will only increase if you refine it and make it available to more people.
Amy C. says:
Wow! I never knew that! I thought you had always wanted to be a writer. My working goal now is writing. I will tell you this, when you finally really find what you are meant to do in life it feels really good. At least it does for me. Now I just need to start making money at it. LOL!
As for advice on how to find what you really want to do in life. I don’t know. I never knew really realized it until I was kind of smacked in the face with it. Suddenly and out of the blue there it was. It was like putting 2 and 2 together. When I looked back on my life I realized I had wanted to be a writer all along, ever since I was a child. I had been writing stories, poems, keeping journals, etc. all my life. However, it wasn’t until I was 38 before I realized that was what I should be doing. Ha ha! So maybe take a look back at your childhood. What activities were you good at or what made you really happy? What calmed you?
Things I have seen about you other than the writing and photography is party planning, event organizing, helping NICU parents and kiddos, public speaking, and acting :). I am sure there is a lot more but those were the first things that popped out of my head.
Good luck! I always recommend “The Artist Way” by Julia Cameron. That was life changing for me. So if you have any artistic leanings that is definitely the book to read!
JustAMom says:
Sweetie – you live in LA – the land of extravagance and over-indulgence!! And you have MAD creative and party planning skills – just do it!!! Either join an existing firm (maybe a wedding planner who wants to outsource kids party planning?) – or start one of your own? Westlake has plenty of parents with too much money who I’m sure would love to pay you to plan their parties!!
Meg says:
You should definitely write a book (or several books). I would buy it You are an incredible writer. I have been following you for 6 years now and I have never even met you!
Paula says:
Heather – I think you’ve found your career: Mom. Sometimes the benefits and pay for the job aren’t the greatest but it all evens out.
I also think you have a knack for maybe writing commercials, selling your hair stuff you make for Annie, etc.
On a bigger scale – write your memoir. You have it all together and many different subjects. Hell, if those young Hollywood girls that are barely out of their teens can write a memoir than a mom barely out of her twenties can do it too!
JustAMom says:
Also – may I add that I am a recruiter. I cannot tell you how many people I have placed in six figure plus jobs who are MISERABLE – but they’ve become used to a certain lifestyle, or they spent 6+ years in school to become a and have the student loans to prove it, and feel they have no choice but to be whatever they went to school to be. It’s just so sad. Recently, I’ve recruited for several newspapers around the country, recruiting news and sports reporters. These people don’t make SQUAT for money – I mean some of them have been doing their jobs for 20+ years….. heck I even had one guy who had government protection assigned to him because he cracked the case of some big mafia criminals….. and you know what? They make – I kid you not after 20+ years on the job – what some kids fresh out of college are making. And you know what? THEY DON’T CARE. They are HAPPY, PASSIONATE people because they LOVE what they do. I love, love, LOVE recruiting for reporters, because I know I’m going to spend my day talking to happy people. So my point is….. whatever you do – do what you love. If you love party planning (and hello, you are FABULOUS at it!!) then be a party planner and just live within your means. Trust me on this one. Build a little party planning biz, you obviously know how to run a website and market yourself….. it would be like getting paid to do what you love!
Lisa says:
Heather, I agree with the comments about your photography – it’s fantastic! Hopefully, you can find something to do with that! Or party planning?!
We are similar in age and I’m going through my 2nd career life crisis. I’ve always felt that it was important to love my job – whatever it was. If I wasn’t connected & fulfilled personally by it, I knew I had to get out (I feel like I’m headed down that road again). I have finally found the general industry I want to be in, but not sure what exactly I want to do with it. So many people are in our boat regardless of how old thy are. We need a professional support group! Haha, no really…
Good luck to you!
andrea says:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? Heather, this may have already been said (i didn’t read all the responses.) If i lived near you you would be planning ANY event i was hosting. Your party ideas are creative, original and most importantly FUN!!! and you seem to have as much fun planning as you do executing it. THIS is a talent.
Rachel says:
You are a wonderful writer. I know writing a book has to be on your list… I personally think you and Annie/James could write amazing children’s books. Fun adventure ones. Silly ones. And more serious ones that could maybe help other parents talk with their living children about their child who has passed. Just a thought.
You are great at the crafty “how to” stuff too. I’d buy that book.
I’d buy a book of While you Were at Preschool photos. Not only is your boy adorable, your ideas are creative and clever.
You seem to have a real gift for creating. Your videos. Your writing. Your craft-y things. All of it. It is something people want. I know it keeps me coming back. Many times the posts here help me see things in a whole new light. You have a way of asking the right questions and getting to the root of an issue in a way that does not feel preachy or condescending. It’s a gift.
This all came out very rambly, but I hope something I’ve said strikes a nerve and helps you in some way.
Marin D says:
I have a similar problem. I am looking for a new job and when people ask me what I want to do, I don’t have an answer for them. The things I would love to do, won’t pay our mortgage. I wish I had a clear path I’d like to take but I just don’t know. And it is really hard to see everyone around me be happy and successful. I am just kind of stuck where I am at and after 10 years in the same job, I don’t feel like I have anything to really offer anyone else.
Sharon says:
Heather, you are not alone! I do event planning and related marketing/sales and HATE drumming up business. I know I am good at what I do and my clients love me but I its hard to sell yourself. Not to mention how hard it is when you go through the entire planning and promotion process to have a client scrap the function at the last minute. all those ideas/creativity/hard work down the drain. I adore the flexibility of my job – like you, I work from home around my kids school hours and don’t think I could ever go back to an office, 9-5 environment (not to mention the pay cut).
I wish I could give you some advice or ideas like so many previous posters have… just wanted to tell you that I’m in the same boat with the same “funk”. We’ll get that next awesome project soon. At least that’s what I keep telling myself
Mary says:
So I’ve always known what I’ve wanted to do and have been doing it. Have a great career with work and colleagues that I love. I have moved up faster than I ever thought I would and have had great opportunities. However, that said, I’ve often read your blog and thought “wow, it would be great to work at home” and have a really flexible schedule”. I’ve also thought although I love what I do I admire those people that try a lot of different things and are always open to doing new stuff. I guess every path has its positives. You are gifted at so many things-I have no doubt you will be great at whatever you decide to do!
Tricia says:
Yep. This is me and has been for such a long time. I get in these funks, like WHO THE HELL AM I AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!! I don’t know that I’ll ever have that answer, or to be more accurate, the answer that will satisfy me when I’m in that mood. It’s hard and to be honest, holds me back. I constantly feel like I am not good enough to be friends with some people because I’m not smart enough, not cool enough, don’t have a career, or really any kind of interesting hobby. You take great pictures, you are crazy smart, super crafty and an amazing party planner and when your writing is fantastic. Plus you rock at the mom and wife and friend stuff :)It’s overwhelming trying to juggle it all and figure yourself out on top pf it all. Especially when you seem to have a lot of talents. I’m still working on it. Love to you! xo
ps. sorry for babbling haha
Miranda says:
I am sorry you are feeling this way, but I am glad to read it to know that I am not alone. I thought your thirties were supposed to be great because you are established in work, family, friends, etc, but I feel so stinkin’ lost! I have a Master’s Degree and 12 years experience in a career… and am currently taking off to be with my boys. I have no idea what I want to do and it causes me so much anxiety when I should be enjoying my time with my kids. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in your future endeavors
Nicole E says:
I don’t know if you’re spiritual or not but my advice to you would be to pray. I am a junior in college and I’ve changed my major at least three times. I was really confused and lost and I wasn’t sure that what I REALLY wanted to do was the right choice for me. I prayed and asked God to lead me and He did just that! I immediately felt liberated from the burden of indecisiveness that had me stagnat in my college career. Now I’m moving right along on the path He wants me on! Just knowing that I am NOW walking in His will for my life brings me joy, peace, and most of all security. Oh what a BIG difference faith and prayer can make in ones life.
I pray you will experience the same joy, peace, and security that I have by allowing God to lead you!
May God continue to Bless and keep you and your beautiful family Heather!
Nicole E says:
I am a Christian, btw.
(^ Sorry, I forgot to mention that above)