At my appointment last week with Dr. Risky, we talked about my upcoming c-section – that’s where I asked her if she used glue or staples – and she made an off-hand remark that has inexplicably left me emotional.
After measuring my fundal height, she examined the scar left from my first c-section. “I’ll remove that old scar when I go in this time.”
She had no idea how her words knocked the wind out of me.
I remember the first time I looked at my c-section scar. It was about a week after Madeline was born. I was shocked by how big it was, but then I laughed at myself for thinking it would be smaller. Even a premature baby needs a fair amount of room to be born. It was swollen, and it had glue holding it together. It was crooked on one side, like a funny smile. It was pretty gross. But it was how my daughter was born, so I loved it.
As my nerve endings slowly came back, I would lay in bed at night and feel the scar tingle and be reminded of Madeline’s birth. How it was a really scary day, but it was still a wonderful day. The day I first heard her voice, the first day I had a daughter.
Eventually my scar felt totally normal, no different than the rest of my skin. Every now and then I’d catch a glimpse of it in the mirror after a shower, and I’d turn up one side of my mouth in a crooked smile.
Not long after Maddie died, my scar popped back into my mind. I traced my finger tips along it, thankful that I had a mark on my body that proved Madeline had existed. That she’d been in my body and she’d been born and she’d lived.
Soon, Dr. Risky will remove the scar that Madeline was born through. I’ll have a new scar, one that will belong to her sister.
Leaving in the scar tissue isn’t a feasible option.
And even though I know that not having the scar doesn’t change the fact that Madeline existed, I’m still really sad. I have another mark that I can touch when I want to think of her, but that scar, that is something different. Something one of a kind.
I’m proud that I will soon have a nice neat one for Binky.
Until then, I will cherish my crooked scar for Madeline.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Oh, how sad. It’s not inexplicable *at all*. I’m surprised Dr Risky wasn’t a little more sensitive – she sounds like she usually would be. Hugs…
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Words =-.
Alexandra :) says:
from what Heather said, I think Dr. Risky doesn’t have a choice in the matter. It’s still sad, though. *Hugs*
That really sucks.
I know it’s not the same thing, but I often look at my open heart surgery scar and think of what almost wasn’t. I was 7 mths at the time.
The scar will always be there, even if you can’t see it. Maybe you can look at the new scar as something Madeline will share with her baby sister. A reminder that they both lived inside you, and truly always will.
I was going to say the same thing. Just because the scar won’t be the same, it will commemorate both your daughters’ births.
Hugs to you guys.
Exactly what I was going to say as well. The scar will change, but it won’t be any less of Maddie’s scar. You’re just getting two memories (of two beautiful girls) for the price of one.
Love and hugs.
Ditto here too. I have two scars, and though you can only really see one, the other is there, just faded and less raised. Maddie and Baby A can share your scar, and your heart.
((Hugs and prayers always))
P.S. How can I get a copy of your new March of Dimes widget to put on my blog and FB page, to help you raise funds?
I don’t think your feelings are inexplainable. Thanks for sharing! Hugs!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Heather, I had two c-sections also, and only one scar. I really wish that you could keep Maddie’s scar, because it is a wonderful reminder of Maddie’s birth.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..What to do when your shoe farts =-.
I understand how you feel but perhaps you could think of it this way, the old scar will merg with the new one and suddenly, they will be one. The door to the world your daughters were born. The door to the day you heard their first cries and became a mom.
How perfect to have both of your girls born through the same merged opening,!! A connection like no other! What a wonderful gift it will be to trace Binky’s little finger along that new beautiful merg and explain it is part of the same door her big sister Maddie’s came into the world, before her.
Who knows my friend, perhaps, the new scar will actually turn into a complete smile? Either way though – .the new merg…one longer scar =’s 2 equally beautiful, wonderful babies. When you feel it, you will remember both of your girls….and when you do…it will be more than a scar…..it will be an ordinary miracle!!!
Thinking of you friend and sending you a warm, friendly hug from Canada filled with anticipation and excitement as we wait for “our” new perfect baby girl to be bornl!!!!
I never thought I’d wish someone could keep a scar – but in this case, I really really wish you could. xoxo from CT,
.-= amanda´s last blog ..do you have to go to the potty? (aka this is about poop and pee and don’t read it if you are easily grossed out) =-.
Oh, Heather,your words are breaking my heart. No one can ever remove your thoughts, and your wonderful memories & all of tyour love for Maddie as absolute prove that that precious little angel existed in every way possible. I hope that Binky has many wonderful traits of her big sister Maddie!!
lot of hugs… That is all…
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Happy =-.
This. Massive hugs. x
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Dad =-.
I am so saI d for you. I didn’t know you have to lose the first scar to have a second c-s. I wish there were other options.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Martin Luther King Day =-.
I think that your feelings about your scar are really normal. I wish there was a way for you to keep it.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Ode to Coffee =-.
Thiking of you.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..MMM,,, Pad thai Noodles =-.
OH my typing just never improves… I meant THINKING
.-= charlane´s last blog ..MMM,,, Pad thai Noodles =-.
Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/ says:
Hugs to you.
.-= Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/´s last blog ..Career Aspirations =-.
Isn’t it amazing how things that we never would have imagined loving, like a scar, can become cherished reminders. This is such a lovely reminder that the things we cherish most about life are not the things that are perfect, but the things that are real.
Heather, I’m so sorry you cannt keep Madeline’s scar. But in the same way that her life changed you forever, so will Binky’s. The fact of the matter is that you are the mother of two priceless little girls, and nothing will ever change that.
Perfectly said. Hugs to you Heather.
I wish you could keep it. Hugs.
I am sure you already have but take a picture of it. Cherish it.
.-= Vaness´s last blog ..A Season of Firsts =-.
Aunt Becky says:
I can’t imagine.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..One -ologist Short A Free Sandwich =-.
Maria Delgado says:
So there is no way she will let you keep it? Oh Heather, I am sorry.
Praying for u.
Erica S. says:
Big hugs! I’m sorry that her comment led to all this heartache for you I’m wondering why the scar has to be removed?? I had the twins via c-sec and then my son 10 mos ago and he went in the same way…is there maybe a possibility? Of course I’m sure Dr. Risky is doing what is best-just wondering…again xoxoxo
Thinking of you and sending (((hugs))) and love and good thoughts your way.
Oh, Heather. I’d be sad too. And I am; for you, for Mike, for sweet Maddie. And for Binky who will never get to hug her sister.
Which reminds me; I need to call mine.
(((Hugs))) from here!!
.-= jen´s last blog ..economic downturn =-.
Lots of hugs and warmth and thoughts of peace today for you and your family.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Amy Carson Photography =-.
Oh, goodness. On top of everything else. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you are overreacting in any way. (Also, my mind immediately kicks into Problem Solving Mode, where I start thinking crazy things, like could you take an impression of it? teleport Binky out of your belly? I’m fantastic in a crisis.)
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – My body is a wonderland =-.
Although you won’t have the scar tissue visible from the outside, because you had a classical c-section, you’ll still have the scar on your uterus and will always carry a physical reminder of Maddie’s birth even if you can’t see it every day.
**this** THIS is beautiful.
I think this is so true. About the scar, I mean. It’s this thing – this very tangible reminder on our body that our baby was there, in us. I’ve grown to really love my scar over the past two years and I would be sad as well if I learned that it was going to be taken away, so to speak.
The scar will still be there, even if you can no longer see it. The new scar will be a reminder of how far you’ve come and a reminder of the spot both Maddie and Binky came from, a spot they share.
Love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Best Fur Friends =-.
I’m sure you will take the most amazing pictures of the scar before it is permanently gone. And know that Madeline will never really be gone, even if there is no visible scar.
In life and love one will not replace the other, but physically that would tough to anticipate – kudos to you for seeing the positive (I’m not surprised of course; you always do!).
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..a golden dinner =-.
Your blog posts give me shivers all over. I cannot imagine the mix of emotions you are feeling right now. Know that a stranger in Canada is thinking of you often and wishing only good things for you.
Lisa in Toronto
Take a picture of it if you haven’t already….
Others have said it; the scar will never be gone. It will be a part of the new scar. A door through which both of your darling little girls entered the world. Maddie paved the way for Binky in this pregnancy and she also blazed the trail for her to follow out of the warm spot and into your lives. Hope this doesn’t sound gross, but maybe you could do some kind of painting using the skin before the scar is changed? Kind of like stamping, it would (maybe) give you a visual like a fingerprint. A creative artist (SO not me) would probably have a good idea on how to pull this off.
Big hugs to you all.
Maybe if you told Dr. Risky your feelings on your scar, there might be a way to go below Maddies. I have two daughters and both were born via c-section. My doctor told me that she would have to cut on top of the first scar for my 2nd c-section. After, I was in recovery my Dr. came in and told me that she was able to cut below my first scar. So now I have two. I hope that the same can happen for you! Try to tell Dr. Risky your feelings on it. Maybe if she knows your feelings and if there’s a way to she can save it and cut below it. I also wanted to comment about the Staples and Glue.. I too felt the same exact way (I had glue the first time and staples the 2nd). I was terrified about the staples and cried about getting them and then I also cried again about having them removed. Well, turns out they were not that bad. Due to swelling (and not really wanting to look in the mirror) I couldn’t see them so my thinking was If I couldn’t see them I wouldn’t think about them. I did try to look once and they gave me the he-be ge-be’s! My advice to you is what ever the case is don’t let couriosity get to you- DON”T LOOK! ! Focus all thoughts and energy on Binky and before you know it they’ll be out! Also, the removal was a walk in the park! I was in and out of my visit in 5 minutes and didn’t feel a thing! (just to be safe before I went for my appointment I took a pain pill). I laugh now that I did that cuz really they were not bad at all! Sending you love and Hugs!
Trisha Vargas says:
Perhaps you could take a picture of your old scar for your eyes only of course; and then you will have it to look back on when you need to. I realize that won’t replace the tracing and feeling it with your finger, but it will be a record nonetheless.
Maybe one day you could share it with Binky and let her know how her sister led the way for her to come into this world.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
I just found out the same thing the other week. It made me sad too. My son is still here. But being born 3 months early, I kinda look at my scar as a “I’ll never forget” memento. My scar is also very very long. I have compared it to women that have had full term c/s and theirs are much smaller. My dr said its so preemies don’t have as much pressure on their heads coming out.
Anyway just wanted to say that I have been feeling a little sad about the same thing.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..35 1/2 weeks belly pic =-.
I never have wanted for anyone to HAVE to have their scar…until now. You’d think she could just cut a bit above the old scar (or below?) and leave that intact…it’s not been a problem all this time, why should it be now? So you’ll have 2 scars?? I don’t know…just seems like they could…*sigh*
Have you thought of making a belly mold? You put plaster of paris on your tummy and it molds to your belly. It dries hard, pops off and you have a cast of your belly. It should also be able to imprint your scar. That way it is never gone forever. Just a thought. You are always in my prayers and thoughts. Much love to you & your family.
Jen C. says:
chatty cricket says:
But, you have a scar on your uterus too, right? and they likely won’t remove that scar (or at least not entirely) so even if you can’t see it, Maddie’s original one of a kind mark will always be there. A crooked smile on the inside too.
Michelle Pixie says:
I think you should take a picture of it.
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..When Life Hands You Lemonade =-.
Thanks for some much-needed perspective. I’m being induced tomorrow with my 2nd child and have been lamenting my stretch marks for weeks. You’ve given me a new way to look at them–and just in time. Thank you. Best of luck to you for a wonderful delivery.
This reminded me so much of this post – http://bsseskaggs.blogspot.com/2009/10/missing-piece-of-me.html – that I read a couple of months ago, so I went back and searched for it. Sara lost her son Elliot, and with the subsequent birth of her second son, Brady, her original scar is gone. I hope this post helps you some.
Have you thought of doing a belly cast that features the scar? Or at least a good picture? That way it would be with you in some form forever.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Oh minions mine… =-.
Take pictures of it.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..2010: The Year of the Line Break =-.
Wow, I never even thought of that. I’d be really torn about it too if I were you. My scar is lopsided because I was bleeding after they delivered our daughter, and they had to go hunting for the problem. It would be odd for it to be all straight and even, but I guess if this little guy doesn’t stick head down soon I might lose mine as well.
I agree that you should take a picture or make a cast of it.
.-= Kristie´s last blog ..Chef’s Requested Bacon Wraped Fillets in Pan Gravy with Roasted Veggies =-.
That has to be hard…God Bless!
nic @mybottlesup says:
sending major hugs, for the visible and invisible scars we carry with us. xoxo.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..slooooow down, no need for the sex talk yet… =-.
Thanks for opening my eyes to a different perspective. I think I may start to appreciate my scar, and not complain about them, as crooked as they are
.-= Catherine´s last blog ..Attention all my 30-something girlfriends =-.
I haven’t read through all the comments but can you take a photo or two of the scar? That way you have picture proof of it at least.
It’s amazing how we look at things so differently when our children are affected. Even tho she will cover up your other scar, I know there is a scar on your heart that she cannot touch. Many hugs!!
Lindsay from Florida says:
Scars tell stories, and, if given a choice, I wouldn’t get rid of any of mine. Given what your C-section scar represents, I can hardly imagine the feelings you must be having. As many have written, Maddie and Baby A will share a scar now … and, far more importantly, share the wonderful, WONDERFUL mother who has done and will always do everything in her power for her daughters.
Thinking of you and praying for you every single day as your due date nears.
the whole thing is so symbolic yet heart breaking all at the same time. Cherish your scar now and the memories once Binky is here.
Stephanie Stearns Dulli says:
Aw, I can understand that. That makes perfect sense.
.-= Stephanie Stearns Dulli´s last blog ..Ashes to ashes, Fountain to Fountain. =-.
Like everyone else, I can totally understand why you would want to keep your scar. Have you considered a tattoo or some sort of physical marker on your body to remember Maddie by?
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..The Dirty Thirties =-.
Heather has an M tattoo. She posted about it a while ago!
Thanks! I’ll have to track down that post. I’m new to the site.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..The Dirty Thirties =-.
Melissa, if you click above to the link (last paragraph)…. you can see the tattoo…. I have another mark that I can touch when I want to think of her, but that scar, that is something different. Something one of a kind.
Lex - @laprimera says:
my heart breaks and bursts for you all at once… hold on to the joy. The Dr. can’t take that away ever. xoxoxo
My friend who lost someone very dear got a small tattoo in a discrete place. A tiny dove with her loved one’s initials. Just something to always have with her. Just a thought…
I never thought of my scar from my daughter that way. Thanks for helping me change my view of it. It is a beautiful reminder.
PS. Your tattoo is awesome. Thanks for sharing that with us.
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..What, am I invisible? =-.
I hope that there is some way to preserve even a small portion of your original scar. Perhaps, as others have noted, since Maddie was a preemie and they cut bigger for preemies, they’ll be able to leave part of it intact when they do the c-section for your coming daughter. But if they can’t, as of other have also said, the scar remains, even if you can’t see it.
My heart goes out to you.
.-= Nina´s last blog ..Umbrellas Make Me Happy =-.
I’m with everyone else. Your two girls will share this scar. It will be something that binds the two of them together.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Well, I woke up this morning… =-.
Heather, Maddie will always have her own special place in your heart. This is definitely bittersweet. Thanks for sharing! and you have the M note in memory of Maddie that will always be a part of your life! Stay strong! Almost there! XXX
I can’t imagine not having my scar now that it’s there. I completely understand the odd attachment to your crooked little scar.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Weekly Winners: Jan 10-16 =-.
Sarah R says:
Aw, that would make me sad too! Hugs to you . . .
.-= Sarah R´s last blog ..Yet another funny Andrew story,,, =-.
Oh Heather, is there a way? Some way they can leave even just a piece of the scar? It sounds very loved and it should be.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Break Up’s Aren’t Always Hard =-.
Wanting to keep that scar is the opposite of inexplicable–it is such a tangible memory, and I understand that. I think, though, that the thousands of us who come to this blog every day, who read your words, who cry for Maddie and for your (and now our) loss are crazy, crazy proof that your amazing little girl was lived inside you, was born, and lived here, too.
I’m sure Dr. Risky had NO idea what sensitive ground she was walking on.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Unmet expectations =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
I had abdominal surgery at age 14 because they thought my appendix had burst. When they got in there, they discovered a huge cyst on one of my ovaries had burst. The made a vertical incision, too big in my opinion, for such a small area, but that is how they did things back then. They also took my appendix out at that time. Many years later, I had a hysterectomy and they went in through that same scar…..and removed the old one.
The surgeon who did the hysterectomy’s last name began with an “I” and because of the vertical incision, he said to me “you won’t ever forget who performed your surgery.” He’s right on. He’s retired now, but every time I take a shower, there is that long, red “I” on my belly!
The scar from Maddie’s birth will still be there Heather, just changed a little bit. It’s like buying a white car and then a few years down the road, painting it red. It’s still the same car, just a different color. You will still have the same scar, just remodeled a little.
I’m getting excited for you and hope all goes well in a couple weeks with Binky’s appearance into this world.
I think that the new scar you will have will only look the way it does because of the scar from giving birth to Maddie. The doctor will use Maddie’s scar as a guide. Without Maddie’s scar, Binky’s scar could be in a different place, a different size, etc. (I may even be an authority on the subject, as I have a very long scar on my arm from an injury/original surgery/scar revision surgery.) In my mind, the scar that Maddie started for Binky is reflective of their sisterly relationship on a whole. I think you were more closely monitored during your current pregnancy, as a result of your doctors knowing what you and Maddie went through, and, as a result, you have carried Binky this long. Binky is going to be a happy, healthy girl, and her big sister has a lot to do with that!
Oh that made me sad to read. I never even thought about the importance of Maddie’s scar.
All I can offer are hugs…
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..When Do You Say Something? =-.
I thought I was the only person that thought of my c-section scar like you do. I lst my triplets in September 2006 and in November 2007 I had their baby sister Aubrey and when my d tld me e wa going to go in through my “Mady scar ” ( named fr my daughter Madison who was the reason for the c section cause the other were vaginal) I was so sad !! Now I look @ the scar and know 3 of my 4 kids came out that way & that is the only thing they have in commonsince the triplets arent here anymore !! Congratulations with Binky. I can’t wait to meet her !!
Kim ~ CraftyMamaof4 says:
.-= Kim ~ CraftyMamaof4´s last blog ..On The Road (Sky) Again =-.
I’m sorry it’s not possible to keep the Maddie scar, that must be hard. I love your tattoo for her; it fits her perfectly (but you know that, because you got it heh)
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..I can already tell crawling is going to be a fun stage. =-.
I”ve been a silent follower of your blog. I’ve had 2 c-sections and never thought about my scar that way. I’m so sorry you can’t keep your Maddie scar. You’ve changed my perspective on mine…
Many blessings to you and your family.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Easel. =-.
as a picu nurse, i want to say thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences here. in so many ways i cherish reading your blog. it’s most definitely made me a better nurse. if anything, i hope you can find some solace in that.
i’ll be thinking of you and your family these upcoming weeks as you prepare for the arrival of binky! best wishes.
Sarah M. says:
Big hugs going your way!!
Amanda M. says:
You’ll still have the scar that Maddie gave you, her sister’s just gonna fix it up for you. Sure it won’t look the same, but it will still be the scar that Maddie came from, and it’ll be the one that Binky came from too.
I hope that, once it’s actually been done and you see it in the mirror, you’ll be reminded of both your girls–the one who gave you the mark and the one who spruced it up.
I too have a scar.(actually two).. from four of my kiddos.. I cherish every inch of it… I’m praying for you….
Oh that scar will still be there, it will be intertwined with Binky’s scar. It’s Maddie’s scar that will guide Dr. Risky’s hand to let Binky out to the new world that awaits her.
You just can’t cut out a c-section scar…too many layers and I bet Maddie is already telling (A) inky (we know it’s not a “B” name), “that’s where you go through to meet Mommy and Daddy”
Maybe you can tattoo both their names over it down the road!
I’m going to take this a different place.
I want to thank you for helping me to accept my scars, and see it from another perspective.
I had a scar with my first daughter (born 2 wks after Maddie). I just got a second one with my 6 wk old daughter. My Dr. was not removing my first one (I hoped she would, but she doesn’t do that) and on top of it, made a weird incision that she admits was ‘odd and a mistake’! It joins my old scar on the ends and my husband says we should get teeth drawn in to complete the smile. Funny yes, but I was bummed at this bizarre look. Now I can cherish the top scar as how my first daughter came into this world, and the second as how my second daughter did. Maybe make up some metaphoric thing how the two lines are connected, like the girls are as sisters?
Anyway, I am not sure why they are removing your first, but THANK you for helping me to deal with mine!!
I am excited to hear your babies ‘A’ name…my daughters name starts with an A too!!
Awww this is really sweet.
Every baby leaves their mark on your body. It may not be as visible after but those marks are still there. Have someone take some really nice pictures of it. Even if it sounds strange. You’ll be glad.
6512 and growing says:
Your sadness makes perfect sense to me; you are so brave.
.-= 6512 and growing´s last blog ..Common ground =-.
my mom went through the same thing when she had me. The doctor covered up her scar from my older brother who passed away 1 day after being born. (Doctor’s fault.) She carried the scar for four years and then I was born and had to be c-section. She doesn’t do tattoos, but I do. My goal is to get one for my gram whom I loved more than anything.
One thing that will never be gone is Maddie’s place in your heart. That is something that can’t be sewed over or replaced. She will always be there.
I heard a doctor on a medical show once describe how each pregnancy a woman carries leaves a DNA imprint on her uterus that stays there forever. It makes so much sense to me, that God would gives us this indelible mark of the children we have carried. You will always have a piece of Maddie, her actual DNA with you, and now Binky’s will be there, right along with Maddie’s.
Blessings to you. You are truly in my prayers for a safe and happy delivery, and maybe a wee bit of healing to go with it.
Mama Kat says:
This might be silly, and I see someone already mentioned a tattoo…but what if you had your current scar copied exactly and after Binky is born have it tattooed near Binky’s.
Just a thought.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..The Bachelor: Kiss Me You Fool =-.
Ashley Hast says:
I *love* this idea. Of course, I’m slightly unconventional and like tatoos too…which is unfortunate for my husband, because I have 13 of ’em. All on a former church secretary! Lol.
.-= Ashley Hast´s last blog ..A margarita for mommy. and a bloody nose for you! =-.
Ashley Hast says:
I’m a mother of 4, and have had 4 awesome c-sections (first baby was breach, the other 3 sections were my choice). First off, lemme just say that staples? Aren’t too bad. I, like you, have had both staples and glue. The staples make it look worse, at first, because it pinches the skin up, and makes it look puckered. I freaked out with the first one I had…but realized after the staples are removed? The skin goes flat, like normal. Also, I felt a little more confident about staples than I did the glue…with things like laughing, coughing, etc. It didn’t hurt to have them removed either, because they *don’t* go in to your skin, they just hold it together.
On another note, my “old” scars were “removed”, just like yours will be. But, if I look at mine now, I can see little spots and lines where there’s actually a double line, so you can see 2 scars instead of 1. I bet some of Maddie’s scar will be left for you after all.
Always sending love and prayers for you guys.
I like the idea that Maddie’s scar will still be there, even if it is less visible. Your feelings aren’t weird at all.
Katie C. says:
This made me cry… I can totally imagine your pain at seeing that scar go away. Maddie will always be in your heart. She is etched right onto your heart like a scar – only a really GOOD SCAR! Hugs!
Some of the old scar tissue might be gone, but I think the scar from Binky will still share a lot with Maddie. Because they go in through the same place, it means that Maddie left a pathway for Binky to follow.
And Maddie will never be cut from your heart.
though it’s so bittersweet, i’m getting excited for you.
Two Makes Four says:
What a lovely post. Scars are meaningful, no doubt about it. I can empathize with your conflicted feelings about losing Maddie’s scar.
.-= Two Makes Four´s last blog ..One Love (Times a Dozen) =-.
I agree with others, I don’t think is inexplicable at all. I’m sorry they were not able to leave it for you. *hugs*
.-= Kellee´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday Diptych #6: Water =-.
Oh jeez…from one c-section mama (2 of them) to another w/an induced VBAC in between (before they realized what a risk that was) I COMPLETELY get this – the scar part. They removed my first scar when my 3rd child was born, and I didn’t understand why…
And it’s a good damn thing, because that scar tissue is really a pain in the ass. Trust me.
But yes, we have these “marks” upon us, our bodies – forever etched on our bellies the reminders of the days our babies were born, no matter how far they get from us later on.
Much love to you – and congratulations on your new babe – sweet, sweet Annabelle.
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Day 20 =-.
this brought tears to my eyes (a very rare occurence!) not just because you can’t keep the scar, and not just because maddie has passed, but because you are so in touch with the reality of your heart. what a gift to be able to know yourself so well. as you have forcefully demonstrated over the years, your resilience is immense, and it is because you can recognize, feel, and vocalize your experience that you are able to not only survive but thrive. thanks for the example.