When I heard the news on Monday that Robin Williams had died, I was, like the rest of the world, stunned and saddened. I grew up watching him – he’s been famous for literally my entire life. I’ve always vastly preferred his dramatic work to his comedies and firmly believed he was an actor with a gift for comedy, and not a comedian who could also act. I knew that Williams had struggled with addiction over the years, and feared that we’d lost him to a relapse. It is, unfortunately, more complicated than that.
To be clear, at the time of me writing this it’s unknown if Williams had, in fact, relapsed, but it doesn’t matter. He’d dealt with two serious diseases in addiction and depression for his entire life, and he’d recently sought treatment for both. He was doing what a person with addiction and depression is supposed to do, and still, he’s gone…and it terrifies me.
A lot of people I care about deeply fight depression or addiction. They fight, every day, against the chemicals in their brains that tell them to self-destruct. Their brains turn on them and the worst part is, most people don’t accept that. They think depression and addiction are choices that you can somehow snap yourself out of. If only it were that easy.
Being on the outside is frustrating. “Why can’t you just stop drinking?” I’d ask an ex repeatedly. “But you have so much to be happy about,” I said to a friend when she expressed her sadness. I didn’t understand then that some things aren’t understandable. I didn’t realize then how lucky I was to not understand.
I’m afraid that those who struggle with depression and addiction will feel hopeless by Robin Williams’ death. He had everything to live for: fame, fortune, and millions of people who worshipped him. He had a loving family and adoring friends. I’ve already seen it expressed on social media: “If Robin Williams can’t beat depression/addiction, how the hell can I?”
To me, his death shows how powerful these mental illnesses are. Someone with so much, who was at an age that implied a certain wisdom, maturity, and fortitude, still fell to these monster diseases. I worry that Williams, who was once a beacon of laughter and endurance, will be remembered for the way he died and not for how hard he tried to live. But mostly I worry that nothing will be done to improve the treatment of mental illnesses, and those who struggle will continue to feel so overwhelmed by despair that suicide will feel like their only option.
There have been times in my life when I didn’t think I could live, but I’ve never been suicidal and I hope I never will be. I know how it feels to love someone who is suicidal. I know how scary it can be when someone you care about is that depressed. I feel helpless and I go to sleep every night hoping that the next day won’t be the one where I get the call that a life has ended.
I remind these people that I love them, and that so many others do, too. I say that I am always there for them, that there are even strangers who want to help on the suicide hotlines. I know, deep down, that if love were enough they’d be okay. But it’s not about love. You can’t love away cancer, and you can’t love away mental illness.
I say all of these things and I hope that it’s enough to get through one more day, one more rough patch, one more triggering death, until finally the stigma is lifted and mental health is given the attention it deserves.
I’m amazed. You literally quoted the thoughts that have been running through my head for the last 24+ hours. Like you, I am grateful that I haven’t felt suicidal yet have felt I couldn’t live, and some days I still feel that way. We are the lucky ones. I have experienced losing a friend to suicide many years ago, and the news about Robin Williams brought back the memory. I hope I never experience that feeling again, and I pray for those who are so depressed, yet don’t ask for help. Please everyone, keep your eyes open, and look for signs. You may save someone’s life.
You said this beautifully. I share your fears and worry.
Yep, Mr. Williams passing stunned me. I do know depression, I’ve had it for many years now. I’ve never spoken to anyone about it, and I don’t believe anyone will understand. Sometimes I just vanish from life and then reappear again. Never know what triggers it and what keeps me from vanishing forever. I hope mental illness is not made fun of anymore because it’s really no fun at all. Goodbye, Mr. Williams. You entertained us for so long and filled our days with laughter. I hope you found the rest and peace you sincerely deserved.
I’m so sorry, Roshan. I would notice if you vanished for a while, and you just “live in my computer.” You matter to me! xo
Nicely said. Since my SIL- who is manic depressive lives with me, and my cousin killed herself a year ago, I cannot say that I “get it” but I am doing everything humanly possible to see that life is lived to the fullest for her.
She’s lucky, my SIL. She quit the self-medicating with alcohol when she crashed into a mangrove forest near home and lived to tell about it. Her mania takes her higher instead of lower and, if we “catch” an episode early enough, she doesn’t get low enough to be on suicide watch. Her meds keep her sane, most of the time.
The thing that I am angry about are the people who keep saying we’re “glorifying” Williams.
What his fans are doing is identifying with every character he ever played and he was LOVED!!
What is his friends and family are doing is grieving for a good person who tried really hard to beat all the things that could have made him a horrible person. By all accounts, he was not a horrible person and that makes this harder and closer to home for many. And we all hope that this time, change will happen. We won’t know, until the next time.
We have to forgive people who cannot be what we expect and try to love them anyway. We’re all we’ve got.
The glorifying comments really bother me, too. Every story about him highlights what a kind, compassionate man he was. It’s just so terribly sad.
Beautifully, beautifully said, Heather.
I am not sure how you do it, but your words are always put in just the right order to make so much sense about the lives we live. Thanks you for speaking up and giving us time to pause and reflect in our day. The world is a better place because of you.
Beautiful comment, Beth, and I really agree!
Could not agree more – thank you!
Wonderful post, Heather. Robin Williams’s death evinces that mental illness still carries stigma, goes unnoticed, goes untreated until there is a tragedy against oneself or others that leaves us dumbfounded, shocked and reeling. Just a reminder that depression is a real illness; people won’t “snap out of it” or “take their mind off it”, and they don’t need, “a quick kick in the pants” to shirk the pain.
Well said Heather. As someone’s who suffers with depression, these words really resonated with me..
“I know, deep down, that if love were enough they’d be okay. But it’s not about love. You can’t love away cancer, and you can’t love away mental illness.”
Sometimes I am grateful for all the love & support, but strangely other days I feel worse for it. I feel as though with all that love & support that I SHOULD feel better, but I just can’t. Not to say you or anyone else should stop doing it, just saying how I feel sometimes.
It’s great that you’ve raised the topic of depression. We really do need so much more awareness of it if we are going to effect change in the world of mental health.
I feel so awful for your frustration over not being able to feel better because of all of the support you receive, but I think that really sums up how hard depression is. It’s so nasty and tricky. Hugs to you xoxo
Thank you xx
As shocked as I was, I cannot say I was terribly surprised. His eyes just looked sad and I wonder if he felt that he couldn’t put down the comedian persona and let people see that he was hurting inside. But you are right in everything you said here, Heather. I self destruct in other ways and people don’t get it. I’ve struggled with depression over half of my life and my own mother has said that depression and the meds that treat it are “crutches.” We need to take away that stigma. I hope this truly sets off the conversation this country needs to have so we can hopefully make some progress in better understanding mental illness.
I’ve been on SSRIs a few times in my life, and there were a few people who told me they were a crutch. I can’t imagine how it would feel to have my mom say it. My heart goes out to you. xo
So beautifully written – thank you! Mental illness is a part of my family. I am thankful with every ounce of my being that the medicine my dad takes sustains him and keeps him living a good, uneventful life.
Thank you Heather, you said some very important things in this post. I wish everyone could read it. I have been struggling with severe depression for 17 years but the last 2 years it has become severe; there were 2 episodes that have taken me off work for 3 months each. The last time I had to fight to get myself the treatment I needed and that was a 2 week day treatment group for depression and anxiety. I was amazed that if I were a cancer patient I would have doctors helping me set up all my treatments, but as a person who recognizes I am spiraling downhill I had no one who fought for me. Its important to say that I do have a wonderful therapist and medical doctor, but the treatment I wanted was at the Mayo Clinic and my therapist does not work there. I work at the Mayo Clinic and feel most of the people here do not understand or accept severe depression for what it is.
I have gotten to that point where I feel no one cares and wanted to end it. I isolate myself and feel so alone. I know how Robin Williams felt and I also wish this could bring more awareness to this terrible disease. I live in fear of when I will sink to that point in my life again. I wanted so badly for people to ask me how I was, but it felt like they looked the other way out of fear. The one thing we need when we become that depressed is people in our face literally telling us that we need hospitalization. If only Robin Williams could have had more time to climb out of his deepest thoughts, to have someone who took him by the hand and said this is it, you cannot sit here in this bedroom alone. It’s a double edged sword because even my husband is not aware of how deep depression can take you and when I am that low, I feel like the demons have me and I do not like anyone or want to be with anyone.
I could write so much more, but you said so many key points and I just want to thank you for getting it. I have read your blog for many many years; you are a wonderful person, mom and wife. Thank you.
Oh Heather, I wish I could hug you. xoxo
This is sooo true, there is no sense of guidance or navigation for people that need help. Someone close to me struggled with severe social anxiety, getting help, calling people, communicating was what he needed treatment for, and in order to get it he had to encounter his deepest fears head on, it just makes no sense. Hugs.
I tried to express this sentiment to a coworker yesterday and obviously he just couldn’t get it…
I wish that people could grasp the fact that you don’t have to understand something to have compassion for it.
Beautifully written, Heather. I thought the same thing – that if Robin Williams couldn’t do it, how can someone else beat down their demons? I hope that friends and family of people who are struggling with the same issues will love and support them even more now.
Thank you for writing this.
There is very famous YT personality, shay carl, I had to stop watching bc he says “happiness is a choice”. I don’t suffer from depression but a choice, I know it is not.
A beautiful sentiment you’ve shared and let loose in the world. Thank you.
So well said. Thank you.
A friend of mine just shared the following on Facebook and I replied, telling her how damaging I feel this is. People with true depression and/or mental illness cannot just “change the way they think.”
Change the Way You Think
Have you ever heard the saying “a mind is a terrible thing to waste’? Our minds have so much capacity for good, to learn, create, think and grow, and it’s a tragedy when we don’t use them to their highest potential.
There was a time in my life when I allowed too many damaging thoughts to enter my mind, negative, tormenting, guilty, unforgiving, shameful and accusing thoughts. The problem was that I had no idea I could control my thoughts or choose which thoughts I focused on and believed in.
I didn’t realize that if I was thinking something that wasn’t true, I had the power to stop. No one ever told me I could win in my mind. Has anyone ever told you? If not, then I’m here today to tell you that you don’t have to let your thoughts control you. You can choose to think and focus on God-thoughts!
Romans 12:2 says to “let God transform you, by changing the way you think.” God wants to help you win the battle in your mind. But what does that look like on a practical level?
Here’s what has worked countless times for me and what I know will work for you too: The next time you’re wrestling in your mind, I want you to stop and find something specific that you can thank God for. Tell Him how grateful you are for His goodness and all the rich ways He’s blessed your life. As you’re diligent to do this, you will see your life begin to change and things will get better and better.
It’s my hope and prayer that you will know the power God has given you and that every day in your thoughts, you will walk in the fullness of His love for you!
Prayer Starter: God, I want to experience Your power in my thought life. I choose to focus on Your goodness and Your love for me. No matter what negative thought comes my way, I know that You are so much bigger and better.
Joyce Meyer Devotional
I’m so glad that you replied to your friend. If it were that easy to change the way you think, everyone would do it.
Yikes!! While I agree that the person who is not struggling with a mental illness can benefit from that reading, I think it would be impossible for someone who does suffer to apply any of that. I believe that God has given us power, yes. But I don’t think we have to power to “heal ourselves” from medical/mental illnesses and if we do I bet it would cover medical only. I lost my best friend January 2, 2001 to suicide. She suffered her entire life with this illness. She attempted suicide several times before she was successful. I did the best I could to keep her alive but I did not have the “power” to keep any one alive. I get so frustrated when people say to “just give it to God and you will be ok.” People told Karen that all the time so she’d go off her meds and sink to unbelievable low levels. If you need medication, get medication and do not stop taking it. If people say you are using a crutch tell them to stuff it there.
Well said. Thank you.
So beautifully said. Thank you.
Thank you. This week has been difficult to deal with. Not only because I loved Robin Williams as an actor, but also because I have experienced suicide in my own family. I’m heartbroken for his family and friends — nothing, NOTHING prepares you for the shock of hearing a loved one took their own life, even if you knew he was sick. I can still feel it like it was yesterday, and it’s been two years since my uncle’s suicide. This news has brought back some difficult memories, but also with it come all the comments about suicide being “selfish.” I had to listen to that from coworkers all day yesterday who have no idea about my history and it was hard. Suicide is NOT selfish and anyone who believes that is lucky enough to never have dealt with crippling blackness in their minds. Those who commit suicide don’t do it because they don’t care about their loved ones; they do it because they truly believe their loved ones will be better off. That’s a difficult reality. We clearly have a long way to go towards a true understanding of mental illness, but talking about it and not feeling ashamed or making others feel shamed is the first step.
You’re right to say that people who think it is selfish are lucky. I used to think it was selfish, before I truly understood mental illness or how devastating it can be. I was lucky, and naive.
Beautifully written Heather, thank you.
“You can’t love away cancer, and you can’t love away mental illness.” I’d never heard this. It’s sobering, but a true sentiment that more people need to understand.
Wonderfully written Heather. As someone who has suffered from depression for years, the first thing I thought when I heard was if he can’t make it, how in the world am I going to. Healthcare for the mentally ill is awful. Insurance coverage is awful.Someday maybe it will be taken more seriously. I hope. It’s not something that can be chased or prayed away by thinking happy thoughts. It’s like a short circuit in the brain. I may have 1 or 2 good days in 3 months, its tough. He just got tired. This dreadful disease took his life. He didn’t take his life. If he could have made it go away and continued on I’m sure that’s what he would have chosen. I just keep thinking what an awesome Grandpa he would have been you know? It’s so sad.
Oh Terri, hugs to you. xoxo
I’ve thankfully never struggled with depression, but I think the best description of what it’s like for those who do was written by Allie Brosh on her blog Hyperbole and a Half:(http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html).
It finally clicked for me when I read that. I think everyone should read it. My heart goes out to those who struggled against this daily.
Yes, agreed. Her description is so powerful. When I read it last year I felt like finally someone got it.
YES! Allie has some great posts on depression, I think everyone should read them!
Great post Heather! Robin Williams death has left me reeling… something needs to be done to raise awareness. Maybe because Robin Williams committed suicide the stigma will be lifted and mental health will be given the attention it deserves. We can only hope.
I appreciate your post. I join the world in shock over Robin Williams. I, too, did not he struggled with addiction. I did not know he struggled with deep depression. I mean, we are talking about Mork from Ork!!! I loved his acting. I loved that he made me laugh and it makes me shutter over the irony. I also speak to people on a daily basis with deep struggles (911 dispatcher) and it makes my heart hurt. I have read over and over how this country keeps slashing away at mental health care. I don’t have the answers but educating ourselves is a start. Looking for it in our family/friends is a start. I am just plain sad over this news. Thanks for sharing.
Great post Heather!! I totally relate in the worry about waking up each day and someone you love being gone due to depression and addiction!! Hopefully someday the world will realize how devastating these diseases are, because they are diseases, and instead of putting a stigma on them people will try and help!!
These are the feelings I have been fighting. My son lives with depression. It’s scary loving him, seeing him fight and knowing that all the love in the world may some day not be enough. We do everything we can to stay focused, stay vigilant…and yet, when I heard about Robin Williams, it made me realize that I will live with this fear lurking in the back of my brain for the rest of my life. It’s time to start talking about mental health issues and depression as the strong deadly diseases that they can be.
Oh Angi, that’s so scary. My heart goes out to you. xo
Jana Frerichs says:
I’ve read this like 3 times. It’s amazing!! And powerful. Well done Heather.
I suffer from depression, and in my various therapies have come across a number of people who have attempted suicide. The one thing that becomes apparent right away is that depression, in its horribly dishonest attempt at self-preservation, tells a person that the least embarrassing, least burdensome, most efficient way to help yourself is to just take yourself off the planet. I have to imagine that when you’re a huge celebrity with an image to maintain, the pressure just becomes higher and the angry lies of depression become that much louder.
I really can’t imagine the enormous mental pressure he was under. Hugs to you, Shannon. xo
I’ve read a lot of things on this subject over the last two days. Yours is the first that made me cry in public. My mom committed suicide when I was 15. I myself have suffered from depression for the last five years. The death of Robin Williams has barely left my mind this week as I’ve thought about what he was feeling and what I myself have felt. Thank you for your beautiful words!
Oh Brandi, I’m SO sorry to hear about your mom. I wish I knew what to say but please know I am thinking about you and would hug you if I could. xoxo
I struggled with seeking help for over a decade because of views like those you highlighted. I just felt like I couldn’t own my own frustration and anxiety, and let’s face it, low level depression, because I had so much to live for… or at least it looked that way on the outside looking in.
The best way I have to describe what it’s like to be depressed is this: depression strips your life of color, so that what looks like rainbows and sunshine to everyone else around you looks like the same oppressive grey to you, day in and day out. That grayness eventually distorts everything you see, so that even the things you once truly loved or cared about just become unappealing to you.
At my lowest, I cared about nothing and no one, even as I had people who cared and loved me. I only went to therapy because I couldn’t stop crying, and I had run out of people to cry to, not in the sense that those same people who loved me abandoned me, but that they no longer knew what to say. My husband summed it up best as “I would love nothing more than to get through to you, so you could see what I see about you, your worth and your value. But I’ve tried and tried, and I just can’t get through to you. I want you to see someone who can do what I can’t seem to do”.
I also remember “coming out” to my mom about my depression a couple of years after I sought therapy, once I was on medication and was feeling better, so that just the shame I felt at being depressed had lifted. Her reaction shocked me: she told me that she was glad about that, and that around the time I had gone into therapy, she had been very worried about me, but knew better than to say much, because I was so defensive about being “just fine”. Instead she prayed for me, because she didn’t know what else to do or say.
I’ve never felt suicidal, even at my lowest. In truth, contemplating suicide would make me feel bad about causing pain to others, rather than being a scary prospect in itself. I think that’s one step away from actually saying “So what? I make people suffer no matter what I do.” I’ve had friends who’ve been there. Those are the words of a broken person, one who can’t see all the love in the world as mitigating the pain they feel. I count myself lucky that I never gotten to that point. I hope I never do, but there’s no guarantee for anyone not to get there at some point in their life.
Hugs to you, Annalisa xo
Beautifully said, thank you for posting. I’ve been there, deeply lost and profoundly sad. My attempt was unsuccessful and I am thankful for that every single day. I am petrified to be back in that place and I hope I never will be. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of and I hope that this tragedy helps someone that is hurting. Thank you again.
I am so thankful you’re here, Stephanie. xo
Thank you Heather!
Such an important post Heather, thank you so much for writing this. I’ve been through depression, still feel the waves of it daily. And I’ve lived the stigma too, the shame that comes with having a hurt soul. Things have to change, and posts like this can only contribute to that change. Thanks so much
A wonderful documentary called “Daughter of Suicide” was made some years ago (about 15, I think?) by Dempsey Rice. I’d recommend it to anyone. It is girl’s story of her mother’s suicide and an in-depth look at how her mother’s illness and ensuing death affected her father and sister. Very powerful viewing which speaks to the issues you’ve touched upon, Heather.
Thanks for that info, Jerilynn! As one of those daughters, I would love to watch this.
You’re welcome, Brandi. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your parent. Sending you a hug.
Wow, I will definitely look this up. Thank you, Jerilynn.
Thank you. Well said and beautifully said. My fiancé and family have trouble understanding my depression. I was diagnosed 15 years ago, and I have heard “why are you sad?” A few times. So thank you.
I have never been in depression or suicidal until I lost my almost 2 year daughter. Now I have suicidal thoughts, especially after years of infertility, failed Ivfs, etc. You were lucky to be able to conceive a new baby shortly after, which I think can help with the depression and hopelessness. I was not suicidal at the beginning because I still had hope. Now it just gets worse.
Oh Hope. I am so, so sorry. I am always here, if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
A quote by David Foster Wallace-
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” I wish this quote included something about the really long ladder that can reach up and save you from the flames and the fall. The strong hand that can take yours and help you down to safety. I too, have someone I love and worry more than I would like to that each day is the last. Depression sucks.
This is a great quote, Hadley. xoxo
Katherine Stone (@postpartumprog) says:
I heart you.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. Last year I had the worst and longest depression episode than I ever had before. It was awful. I avoided everyone. I didn’t try to kill myself but I dangerously self medicated without carrying that it could kill me. I was lucky. My boyfriend is extremely supportive and I have a wonderful psychiatrist and psychologist. I slowly began to come out of it and heal around March this year. It’s not an overnight process, unfortunately. It’s a show, difficult process.
But you know what ended up being the worst? When I got to the stage where I could finally speak about it, acknowledge it, tell me friends.. I reached out to them. And when I reached out to my friends that I thought were my closest friends, friends that I’ve always been there for and would’ve done anything for.. I was disappointed.
Some said they were sorry it happened and were glad I was feeling better and never mentioned it again. That was fine. Then a couple went further and asked me to hang out a couple of times, but because I still struggled and was significantly late to these outings, they gave up and haven’t asked again and said they were busy all the times I asked if we could do something the following weekend. They never said yes or followed up, so I stopped asking.
The girl that was my best friend for years until she met her now husband and basically told me what we had had was no longer and I had to just deal with it, but I still tried to be friends and so we grew apart, but I thought the history of our closeness still meant something, was supportive at first and then became distant. For example, I crashed my car and when I told her she didn’t ask if I was OK.
My current best friend’s bridal shower was on a Sunday and I had intended to attend. The Thursday before, my phone broke and I didn’t have a replacement by Sunday, which meant no calendar, which meant I inadvertently forgot and got to the shower during the last fifteen minutes. I apologized, explained, felt awful.
One friend texted me after and told me how inexcusable it was and that it was NOT ok. I told her I agreed and apologized profusely and told her I felt awful but didn’t know what to do. She avoided my invitations to hang out after that.
My best friend has been the harshest. She has even acknowledge that she knows she’s being really hard on me. But no apology or regret. She brings up how disappointed everyone is almost every time I try to talk to her. She doesn’t ask me to do things, when I ask it’s hard to get her to offer a time she’s free, she keeps telling me that she can’t count on me anymore, etc. What’s weirder is that she suffers from other mental disorders and I’ve always been supportive and made an effort to explain to other people so they would be understanding and accommodating to her for years. She has severe anxiety and OCD.
I have never felt more alone. Not only am I apologizing constantly, but I’m also trying to earn their trust again, which is SO HARD when I’m still struggling through getting dressed everyday, nevermind the effort it takes to actually leave the house. So, unsurprisingly, I have not been successful.
And the last one seemed understanding, says she’s not mad, and has no problem telling me all the things all the others have thought and said about me. She said she doesn’t understand what I went through bc when she had a time of depression she couldn’t get out of bed to even shower. So she doesn’t know what my ‘walking depression’ is like. And I said it’s just like what you just described. What you went through. It’s that hard, sometimes impossible. So she said oh. She hasn’t reached out to me since and she hasn’t tried to explain to the others what I’m going through.
I don’t understand why my ‘friends’ are not accepting that I was/am sick. I didn’t do it to hurt them and I didn’t have control over it.
I feel so alone and so betrayed by the people I’ve always been there for and would’ve bent over backwards for without question. I’ve decided to move and go back to where my family is. There’s nothing left for me there. The ones I’ve told, the ex and ‘current’ best friends have not even said they’ll miss me.
I’m not saying I’m suicidal and I’m so grateful that I’m not, but I can 100% understand why so many people end up that way. Society, and even people who you thought were your close friends, don’t accept depression as a real illness. If I’d been suffering from an illness other than mental health related, I think my experience would’ve been significantly different.
Did I mention this group of friends all know each other bc I individually befriended each one and made a conscious effort to introduce them in to each other? Four of them have gotten married since we met and I’ve been a bridesmaid for all. I threw bridal showers and/or bachelorette parties. Spent money I didn’t have to make them feel special. Been there through so much with them. And now they’ve abandoned me. It hurts more than I can explain.
I’m sorry for the novel. This just opened a not healed wound and I don’t have very many places to express that or people who care these days.
Sorry again. Thank you for allowing me to get that out. Eventually it won’t hurt anymore. Thank you, Heather.
Looks like my novel length post got lost. Of well, extremely short summery is I suffer from depression, luckily not social, my friends of a decade have deserted me and been very harsh. I’m devastated so I’ve decided to move states and start a new life.
Writing my story was therapeutic even if it disappeared.
Thank you for this.
Ugh. Should say ‘not suicidal’ instead of ‘not social’