I am restless.
When I was a kid and I felt like this, I’d spend an entire weekend rearranging my bedroom. I’d move all the furniture, hang posters on different walls, and reorganize my closet. By the end of the weekend my space felt new and different, and it was enough to give me a jolt of excitement every time I walked into my room.
As I grew older, I had different ways to get out of ruts. As a teenager I’d spend my hard-earned money to buy new clothes. In college and the years immediately after, I’d cut or dye my hair. Changing my appearance was good because I took it with me everywhere – all I had to do was look in the mirror.
There’s no furniture to rearrange now, and my stylist would never let me chop off all of my hair.
I don’t know how to ditch my restlessness. I know I want something new, and different. I want to feel excited again, about anything. I want a path. I want something to look forward to. I used to think that funks like this were normal, but now I think it’s just me.
I’m tired of feeling out of sorts. I need to know my next move. I need to stop pacing the halls. I need to, I don’t know, be a grown up? Whatever that means. I need a kick start…preferably one that doesn’t involve shaving my head (Annie would never speak to me again). Hopefully I’ll find one soon.