Mike, Annabel and I met up with Mike’s family last week for dinner. After dinner we walked through a shopping area and I saw three magic words: Everything On Sale. So of course we had to go in. As you can imagine, Mike was thrilled.

I’ve been with Mike for eight years, so he should know by now that I am a shopper on a mission. I very rarely go to a store just to browse. I know what I want, and I get it and get out. And yet…the heavy sighs! The giant eye rolls! The “are you done yets!” They do not speed things along.

ANYWAY. This particular shopping mission was specifically for Annabel. Kid is huge, and nothing fits. So I went through the racks and quickly grabbed her several items AND I did it while holding her on my hip. If one-handed shopping was an Olympic sport, I’d have the gold medal.

After I paid, Annie and I joined Mike at the front of the store where he had busied himself on his phone. I gave him a rundown of the things I’d purchased. They were as follows:

7 t-shirts
1 skirt
2 dresses
1 bathing suit
2 pairs of jeans

Mike’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Holy crap! How much did all that cost?”


“Are you kidding me?!”

“I know! Everything cost seven dollars, so I got her stuff in graduated sizes.” I was pretty impressed with myself.

“Um. Does that mean that you bought her stuff that she can’t even wear yet?”

“Yes! I am sensing that you are not impressed with my bargain shopping. This is troubling.”

“No I’m not. I don’t think it’s a bargain when you spend one hundred dollars. That’s like buying cat food just because it’s on sale, and we don’t have a cat.”

“Mike, you are starting to sound like maybe you hit your head. The point is to buy her the things she needs and WILL need when they are on sale! It’s BASIC MATH.”

“I can’t believe you spent a hundred bucks.”

“I can’t believe you compared our daughter to a cat. Annabel isn’t anywhere NEAR as self-sufficient as a cat. She can’t even bathe herself yet.”

“Heather…..does this mean that you are done buying stuff for Annabel for a while?”


“HEATHER. What else could she possibly need?!”

“Well, she is going to need shoes, Michael. She can’t go out of the house without them, people will think she’s a hobo. And she’ll need some light jackets or sweaters for the winter. And I hate to break it to you, but those things won’t be on sale. But the good news is that I saved so much money today that we can totally afford her winter essentials.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to buy so much stuff right now…”

“Mike, if you can’t comprehend EVERYTHING ON SALE then I don’t know how you manage to write about mortgage rates and such every day. Do I need to talk about this in terms you understand? Imagine a baseball player for the Giants wants to buy a house, and mortgages are on sale. Wouldn’t you tell him to buy a bunch of them?”

“Can we go home now? My head hurts.”

“Well, my ARM hurts from holding this bag of cheap awesome stuff! It’s sad that you can’t appreciate my skills as a shopper.”


Friends, how has Mike not learned the magic of Everything On Sale and bargain shopping? How can I make him understand this concept?

Who is right here: Mike, who thinks spending $100 negates the bargain, or me, who got 13 items on sale for Annie that she will be able to wear for six more months? COME ON.