The other morning I woke up naturally. That happens almost never with a new baby, so I decided to take advantage. Mike and Annabel were still sleeping, so I got up, made myself a cup of coffee, and went to watch the morning news. When I walked into our living room, I noticed there was torn paper strewn about. I figured Rigby had torn up a random napkin. Then I looked closer, and realized there was a red cap in the middle of the floor.

I looked at it for a few moments thinking hmmm, that red cap looks familiar. And then a light bulb went off.

It was from my emergency peanut butter jar that I stash on my couch.

And yes, I DO take loving portraits of my peanut butter jars. And YES I keep it on my couch, where do you keep YOUR emergency peanut butter?!

ANYWAY. I started to look around for the rest of my jar, realizing there was only one likely culprit. After looking for a bit I found the jar up against the TV stand…licked clean:

Well, licked as clean as a certain six pound dog’s tongue could reach.

You could even look in and see tongue tracks:

Then I realized Rigby was already in the living room, looking very guilty and very full:

I put my face in hers and was hit with the delicious smell of sweet sweet peanut butter. Oh the humanity!

I woke up Mike so he could see what his dog had done to my emergency PB. He started laughing and then told me that in the middle of the night, Rigby had gone bonkers. She climbed on him in bed, getting in his face and woofing and nudging him. He finally got up to see what her deal was and she ran to her water bowl and started barking. He gave her more water then went back to bed. When we checked the water bowl that morning, it was empty.

How the hell did a six pound dog not only get my peanut butter off the couch (where it was behind a pillow hidden from Mike STOP JUDGING) but then OPEN IT? The lid was definitely screwed on. How did she unscrew it HOW HOW HOW?! What’s next? Is she going to learn how to turn doorknobs? Open my drawers? Grab a knife to threaten me into giving her all the treats in the house? SHE DOESN’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!!!

I’m scared, people. Please tell me other pets have done something like this or I am going to sleep with one eye open.