I’ve gone to gyms off and on since I was in high school. I would always do my workout, then head home. I never used the locker rooms because I lived close to the gyms.

Well, now that I’m forcing myself to exercise again, I’ve started using the locker room. I mean, I can shower for TWO HOURS if I want because there is childcare at the gym! Do you know how awesome that is? Seriously, I motivate to go to the gym because I have a wonderful reward waiting for me – the hottest, most worry-free shower. It’s worth the price of admission.

I’m one of those people that works out in yoga pants and a ten year old t-shirt. This puts me in the minority. In LA, ladies love to work out in booty shorts and sports bras. Whatever, they’re models and actresses, so it’s basically an audition. I expect the almost-nudity on the gym floor.

I was NOT prepared for the constant nudity in the locker room. I know, you’re thinking, “Heather, it’s a LOCKER ROOM. Of COURSE there is nudity.” And to that I say no. No. This is not normal. The second I walk into the locker room, I am assaulted with body parts that only my doctor and husband get to see. Ladies just walking around like it’s no big deal that any gal who wants to can see their lady parts.

Chicks are walking around naked. They sit on the benches – BENCHES! – butt nekkid, and talk to each other. How is that sanitary?! They blow dry their hair au naturel. They walk from the shower to the dressing area without towels, just air drying. Which I’m sorry, that’s just an accident waiting to happen. The last thing I need to see is a naked lady slip and go ass over teakettle.

Yesterday, I was getting dressed after another awesome shower, and a woman started chit chatting with me. In the buff. Who was making no effort to get dressed. She was just…NAKED. TALKING TO ME ABOUT THE RAIN. And all I could think was, “look her in the eyes, look her in the eyes!” And then I wondered if she was like, judging me because I was using my seventh-grade-gym-class moves to get dressed without anyone seeing my special areas.

I’m all for positive body image. I’m getting better at liking my body, but I am not like, “WHEEEEE! LOOK AT ME, STRANGERS!! I’M GOING STREAKING!”

Call me a prude, but I just don’t want to talk about the weather while my hoo ha is on display.