We’ve been experiencing a crazy heatwave here in Southern California. A couple days ago it was literally the hottest day EVER in Downtown Los Angeles. At my house, it made it up to 103 degrees, which is crazy. If you’re familiar with things like calendars, you also know it’s Fall. I’d just pulled out all my cute longer sleeved shirts from the bottom of my closet clothes pile. Those wouldn’t do, so I had to climb over said clothes pile to the back of my closet where I’d tossed all my tanks and skirts.
(Mom, I swear I’m going to hang up my clothes someday.)
Yesterday Annie and I had some errands to attend to. I threw on one of my wrinkled tanks and off we went. Our last stop was at the grocery store. I only had to grab laundry detergent (I DO do laundry sometimes (well, Mike does)), so I just put Annie on my hip and walked in. The store was crazy busy. I think people were there just to enjoy the air conditioning.
I grabbed the detergent then walked over to the self-check out. There were easily thirteen college dudes in line there, and they were all buying beer. Ah, to buy beer at 3:45 pm. So young, so carefree.
While we waited, Annie started to get squirmy, and I started to regret my decision to carry her instead of putting her in a cart or stroller. I reminded myself that carrying twenty pounds of Annie and twenty pounds of detergent would make me totally ripped.
Then, Annie decided to start a new game called, “grab the front of mommy’s shirt, shriek and throw yourself backwards while Mommy can’t stop you because she’s carrying twenty pounds of detergent in her spare arm.”
Oh, and that wrinkled tank top I was wearing had a built-in bra. My chest came spilling out. It was like I was at Mardi Gras.
Did I mention that she shrieked when she did it? DID I MENTION THE COLLEGE DUDES?
I dropped the detergent and pulled Annie up to my chest. She’s lucky I didn’t drop her. I pursed my lips in a tight smile and carefully bent over to grab my box of detergent. When I stood up, all the dudes were looking at me. Even the ones that had finished their purchases.
None of them offered me a beer! So rude.
Hey SoCal peeps! I’m a community leader over here, you should check it out and participate. I have already found some awesome new places to try!.
Kim says:
Damn kids. Get off my lawn.
Remind me to hold Annie next time we’re at a parade. ; p
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Unbelievable! What are the young men of today coming to? No manners at all. Clearly you needed a drink after that…
Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life says:
No beer and no beads. Outrage!
Jaden says:
hahahahahaha that is an awesome comment, it’s EXACTLY what I was thinking!!
t_d_duker says:
Oh no!!!!
Shortly after my best friend had her first baby we were out for a stagette…she was feeling oldish and mom-like when a young college guy asked her dance. She was pretty happy that she could still attract some attention. About 2 minutes in, he got a horrified look on his face – as he stared at her chest….she looked down and sure enough, she was leaking up a storm. She laughed and said “oh yeah, that’s milk..I’m still breastfeeding”… You have never seen a young dude run sooooo fast!!
So, maybe just ol’ boobs are better than milk stains??
erika says:
today was less hot- but man, we had two REALLY hot days. we don’t have air conditioning in our house- and woah, it was hot. my 15 month old also pulls that trick that annie did – and she has embarrassed me SO many times. i have never been offered a beer either. so funny!
Backpacking Dad says:
I had the exact same day.
Elle says:
My daughter loves to stick her head down my t-shirt in public and grab my boobs. She also has to show EVERYONE my belly button. I miss my dignity….
Megan says:
Oh my, this post was way too funny! Heather, I didn’t anyone had as many embarrassing moments as I do, but you have me beat!
@ Elle – my son does that to me CONSTANTLY! He’s nursing, so he thinks it his territory! he does a tow handed grab, straight down the shirt, and laughs. Oh my! Missing my dignity indeed!
Veronika says:
What?? Free entertainment and they don’t even offer a beer. The youth of today has no manners!
My kids like to (whisper here) play with my nipples when they’re sitting on my hip. The worst part is I don’t even notice it when I’m distracted in the store anymore. Even my 4 year old daughter will start rubbing the girls if I don’t pay attention. The sacrifices mothers make… sigh.
Becca Masters says:
shocking! and rude of them! and you know what else i’m picking up? how rude of them not to comment on your boobs! they could have atleast whistled or shouted “nice rack lady”. jeez.
tbh, if that had happened to me, I would have left the detergent there and gone to another store!!!
gotta love kids eh.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Clearly, you’ve still “got it.”
Audra says:
My 2 year old just started preschool and is going through a phase where she gets a little shy. Her newest trick when we are out in public is to flip up my skirt so she can hide under it. Of course she is not so discreet and getting her out is always a struggle
Sue says:
Your closet sounds like it could very much resemble mine!! I hear there’s a practice of pulling up your shirt, and showing your boobs on The Jerry Springer Show,,,to get some beads! I’d better NOT see you on there!!!LOL
Katie in WI says:
My son (2 yrs old) is forever sticking his entire arm down the front of my shirt. Luckily I’m usually layered up, since I live in WI
Tara says:
Funny, funny story!! I’m laughing out loud…what a great way to start my day. It’s totally something that I could picture happening to me!
Hope you weren’t too embarassed, but you’ve been commando in D.C., so maybe this was the next logical step? lol
Lisa says:
I think you need to put a “You may choke on your coffee and spit it out your nose” warning on some of your posts. Now I am off to go and get the cleaning cloth so I can clean off the BOOGER infused coffee off my screen…
Lisa says:
Umm, couldn’t you have used Annie for a prop to cover your boobs and pretend you were emergency breastfeeding?
Mary Ann says:
I’m sure you made their day, they are probably still talking about it. I actually had one of my kindergartener’s do that to me. We were on the slide together and the one behind me decided to pull my shirt up over my head because I had one on my lap and we were in motion I couldn’t do a thing about it…it was at the end of the day when parents were picking up their kids…fun.
Elizabeth says:
That is too funny! It’s been hot here (KY) too but luckily we just had a cold front come through. Yay for fall!
Claire says:
Oh no! At least the paps weren’t there to catch the nip slip! Too funny.
Jen says:
Haha. Sorry, Heather; but you’re so good at painting the picture that I can’t help but laugh.
(((Hugs))) from here!
Eric's Mommy says:
Thank you for the morning laugh, I needed it
Lora says:
LOL! That is hilarious. My daughter went thru a phase where she was always throwing her head backwards as HARD as she could and I nearly dropped her over 100 times. I could never have my hands full out of fear that she would fling her head back and I wouldn’t be able to catch her. Kids are awesome, lol.
Deborah says:
HILARITY! Annie is totally pimping you out.
Jenn says:
OOhh, I remember when all 3 of my kids did that to me! You’re right!!! It IS HARD to catch them?! I’m sure you gave the boys a startle as I’m sure for some of them, it was there first peep show!!!
Stay cool today but enjoy the heat at the same time!!!
Friendship & Love,
Jenn
AmazingGreis says:
No beer….no beads?!? Apparently these college dudes are clueless!
karen says:
Well at least they looked and carried on looking – that means you must be worth looking at and that is a compliment as you were in wrinkled clothes, carrying a baby, and probably hadn’t brushed you’re hair or any of those other things Mums seem to never have time to do any more!
If it had been me I’m sure that after vomiting they’d have run off screaming!
Lisa says:
No beer?! You deserved at least one after that show
Sara says:
Well duh. Why would they buy you a beer if they’d ALREADY seen your boobs?
Note to self: get more panicky about task of raising son.
Momma Uncensored says:
what no beads?!
you are a beauty miss heather.
Lamb says:
Oooh no! If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure they were all thinking that you are totally ripped
Adrianne says:
Aw, you Californians are so cute with your “heat waves.” Just kidding. But seriously don’t come to Texas if 103 degrees is too hot. I mean, wait…it’s NEVER that hot here! Come to Texas, specifically Austin!!
Barnmaven says:
You could probably raise some cash by renting out Annie to the college girls who are trying to get the attention of those college guys…
When my children were smaller I looked forward to the day they would stop doing things like rip my blouse open or grab my boobs or use my waistband as a toehold for crawling up my shoulder. What I learned is that once they stop embarrassing you with the physical comedy, they start up with the audible kind. “Mommy, you have a fat butt!” or my favorite, when I tossed a new bra into the cart at Target, “Mommy! You’re buying new boobs!” Nowadays I look forward to the teenage years when neither of them will be caught dead in public with me. That’s when I’ll get my revenge.
QueenFrigid says:
Okay, they didn’t offer you a beer? Seriously, these college kids are getting ruder every year!!
They were just happy that an attractive woman was nearby
Chris says:
Seems, I feel the need to comment everyday this week Heather. LOL First, ugh on your weather–being from the greater LA area (and currently living on the surface of the freaking sun aka AZ, and counting the very seconds until we can leave) I was FLOORED when I talked to friends and saw the weather. What the heck happened? And wait, someplace was 2 degrees hotter than HERE?;) That just doesn’t happen.
But, how RUDE the college boys didn’t even offer you beer after Annie’s little exposure. Careful with that one, she’s learning WAY too early! LOL. That had me laughing so hard though because it’s the sort of thing I could totally see happening if I had a baby in my arms and went to the store for 1 thing. But not offering beer was just rude, no manners!
Tracy says:
ugh i feel your pain on the heatwave. i live in long beach and work in newport beach. the difference between the 23 miles is about 10 degrees. our house has ORIGINAL windows (you know, basically a single pane of glass that you can still feel wind AND HEAT coming through?) anyhoo… it’s hotter than hot. i attempted the grocery store yesterday with my 16 month old and came out thinking that grocery store trips when he needs a nap are no longer going to be happening.
i’m at a loss for words on how embarassed you must have been. we can only hope they were dorky college kids at which point you just made their entire 22 years of life glorious?
Jodee says:
Ah yes I have carried said baby into grocery store b/c I did not want to bother with a stroller and how I have regretted that especially with a toddler in tow.
This was a good chuckle first thing in the morning. ==-)
cindy w says:
Not cool, college dudes. Girlfriend deserved a drink for the show. Or at least some $1 bills stuffed in her tank top.
Elizabeth says:
How RUDE of them!! They could of at least offered ONE beer!!
I got a good laugh out of this one though!
Tara. says:
No beer? Yes, how RUDE! Did they at least throw some green and yellow beads your way?
amy d says:
“My chest came spilling out. It was like Mardi Gras.”………….
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
My son JUST did something similar to me the other day!
Meli says:
Hilarious! Love your stories
Nicole says:
That! was better than the sharting story. I’m going to get fired for laughing, crying and peeing at my desk! BUAHAHAHAHAHA! Love that kid.
Cassandra says:
Oh, the adventures you have in the land of California!
Tammy says:
Brazen Cougar!
jenn says:
LOL!!
Pretty sure you just made those ‘college dudes’ day!!
Jen says:
I cannot believe they didn’t at least rush over to PICK up the detergent for you! BOYS!
Kristin says:
Haha as long as she doesn’t pull this stunt when she is in college you should be OK. And by that I mean her exposing her boobs. But how rude of those boys not to offer you a cool beverage after such a show. Do they teach nothing in college anymore?
Kristin says:
Damn, the least they could have done was applaud the show.
C Los says:
Was that at the same Ralphs where DK and I tried to buy beer and order a pizza with wet floor signs in the trunk of someone’s car after a night out in Downtown? Then only to wake up and think a picture of the Beatles were Mike’s friends?
I think that a thank you would have been in order as well…
Heather says:
YES. I spent $60 on beer that night. WTF!
Angie says:
I’m sorry, but this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. No beer? Amateurs. I bet they’re all single.
Kim says:
Where are the manners of kids these days? I mean, you’d think after a show like that they would at least give you a beer or some beads or something!
Trisha Vargas says:
Haha! Just wait until Annie can not only shriek but also yell at the top of her lungs “bewbies!”
Luckily my little princess hasn’t done it in public but she does yank my top down at home often when she is sitting on my lap. She’s 2 and not breastfeeding anymore. Just amuses her I guess.
You totally deserved a beer.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Jessica says:
I literally laughed out loud here in my little cube! So sorry for the embarrassment. But the good news is, the boys were still looking and not shying away. That means the boobs are still an A even after having two babies! Good for you Heather! See Annie was just trying to make sure you knew you still looked good!
melissa says:
yearh, totally feel you on this one heather. my soon gave the guy making our pizza at papa murphy’s a total boob shot – pulled my shirt down so far my whole left boob popped out. and of course he shouts “BABA!!!” (my son, not the guy LOL)… though i do think he put a little extra mozzerella on our pizza, it was totally traumatic. thanks kid.
no beer, no beads, did you at least get a “woooo!!!”
Lauren in the AZ says:
First — UGH HEAT WAVE! I. Am. Melting.
Second — I love how I never know what to expect when I read your blog. Clearly, Annie already knows how to get the boys’ attention
And, they should’ve given you a whole case of beer for that show!! Thanks for the laugh
Jenny says:
HA! My 9 month old son LOVES to pull my shirt. Every time my husband takes him from me, he reaches back, grabs the top of my shirt and pulls it out. My hubs says, “Thanks buddy”. He likes to think they have a little system going where son gives daddy a flash for coming to give mommy a break from holding all 23 pounds of him!
So funny about the college dudes. And the 4pm beer run. First the idea of that in the hot fall sun, makes my mouth water a little. Then, mostly, it makes me tired.
Here’s to hoping your boobs looked good!
Liz says:
“None of them offered me a beer! So rude.”
Clearly, their mothers did not raise them right!
dawn says:
good thing you have nice bewbs!
Becky says:
OH EM GEE. This is hilarious and also I feel bad for you because yeah…EMBARASSING!
ashley says:
Haha! Just think of the times in the future when you’ll get to embarrass HER in front of college boys!
Amanda M. says:
Ahahahahaha!
Brilliant.
Megan says:
So funny!
My 3 month old just learned to roll over and now she tries to do it WHILE we’re holding her. Babies: Not for wimps. Or people with any kind of fondness for dignity, apparently.
I live in L.A. too and the weather is face-meltingly BRUTAL. Be careful out there!
Elizabeth Kaylene says:
Don’t worry — it was probably Natty Ice, anyway.
Just wait ’til Annabel gets into her boob discovery stage. She will be grabbing them and yanking your shirt down — all of the time and on purpose!
Rebecca says:
My daughter did this to my mother in law back when she was only about 9 or 10 months old. . . .IN CHURCH! During a Lent service.
Angie M. says:
no beer and NO beads either?? rude
Christine says:
So funny! I think Annie is smarter than we take her granted for!!
Diane says:
Oh Heather, I needed that! I am laughing so hard! Those *boys* aren’t ready for the real deal–obviously! Any *man* knows you buy a HOT girl a drink, especially one who gives you a free show! Annie is just testing out her limits for future clubbin’! I’ll buy you a drink for sharing! I’m sure you needed a drink just for going out in this HEAT! SO hope it goes away soon! xoxo
Wendy says:
And you didn’t get any beads…that’s just wrong.
Ray says:
“None of them offered me a beer! So rude.”
Rude indeed. LOL! Annie’s quite the gal there. =P
Jess says:
Well that was the rude. The least they could’ve done was offer you a beer after you flashed them. Or offered to carry your detergent. But I’d have wanted the beer more. (FYI happened to me once when I was babysitting. Damn tanks with built-in bras. Need better support features for grabbing babies!)
Dawn @ What's Around the Next Bend? says:
At least she didn’t fly back forward…that’s what my youngest did. It’s a surprise I kept my front teeth.
As for those boys, SHAME on them! Free show and Nothing? Hrumph!
Becca says:
Sounds like its time to face the grabby baby hands out when carrying her on your hip. I learned that trick fast, and it seemed to make the 20+ lbs of squirmy baby a little easier to hold.
Or get a tip jar.
Leslie says:
I LOVED the Mardi Gras comment….hilarious!
TracyKM says:
LOL. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Get a sling. A ring sling is awesome for quick trips into the grocery store. No peep show happening then. You can carry her up to 35lbs, and can get a good quality ring sling off Craig’s List (look for a brand name or ask if they use Slingrings.com rings), or check out http://www.thebabywearer.com.
Susan says:
Giving you fair warning here- when Annie is walking she will be at your feet while you are checking out, she will get the urge to pull up your skirt. High.
I make a point to never wear skirt and thongs now.
Never. Ever. Again.