I was thinking about you yesterday. I think about you every day, but yesterday you barely left my thoughts because it was your birthday.
I thought about how you used to joke that Maddie missed out on having an awesome birthday by just two days. I would have loved for the two of you to share a birthday, but two days apart wasn’t so bad.
I drove down the coast and looked out at the ocean. I thought about how we used to argue over who had the better beaches, Northern California or Southern California. I said the So Cal weather made it no contest. You thought that the view across The Bay made the Nor Cal beaches superior. Then we’d joke that we were looking at the same ocean, and one of us would usually start singing “Somewhere Out There” from An American Tail because we were cheesy like that.
I thought about how we used to call each other on our birthdays and sing. I have always been lazy about deleting voice mails, but for once laziness has paid off:
The last message you left me was on my birthday. I listened to your singing, over and over.
2012 is a leap year, and I realized I spent my extra day this year driving up to see you. A perfect bonus day.
I thought about how you wanted to see the Grand Canyon. I wish I’d just thrown you in my car and driven you there.
I remembered your birthday twelve or thirteen years ago, when we surprised you and took you to a Brazilian place for dinner. At first you were like, “What IS this place?” But by the end of dinner, you were up dancing with the professionals.
I remembered that you came down for Maddie’s walk this year, even though you were so sick and shouldn’t have. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled that you came, that I wasn’t so incredibly happy to have you there supporting me. Because I still needed you. I still need you.
I realized this will be the first time in years that I won’t have dinner with you the night before Thanksgiving.
I thought about how I can’t call to tell you I’m pregnant. It’s so unfair that you never got to have children. I know how hard it was to see so many of your friends have the kids you always wanted, but even when you were hurting so much you were still so happy for all of us. I was so nervous to tell you I was expecting earlier this year, right after you’d found out your tumor had stopped responding to treatment. But you were so happy for me, and you said, “I only hope I’m still here to meet your little bean.”
I wish that so much, but mostly I just wish you were still here.
together on your birthday four years ago
Jackie seems like such an amazing person. I’m so sorry you have to bear her loss on top of your loss of Maddie. They were both extraordinary, and lucky to have had you.
so sorry for the loss of Jackie! she seems like an amazing person.
Happy Birthday, Jackie!
Happy Birthday to your sweet Jackie…
Natalie S says:
Happy Birthday to your lovely friend. Hugs for you.
Barbi Emel says:
Beautiful Heather, she loved you as much as you love her you can see it in pictures. Happy Birthday Jackie!!
Tammy M. says:
You and Jackie were such great friends to each other. You both love so much. Maybe that’s why you hurt so much too. You really attract good people to you. Testatment to you.
Happy Birthday, Jackie!
Love and hugs Heather. Keeping you and Jackie’s family close in my heart and thoughts.
I wish Jackie was still here too. You both had such a profound friendship, I could feel your emotions when I read your letter to Jackie. She was such a light just like Maddie was. I guess the one thing you can take solace from is how Maddie & Jackie can now celebrate together as they watch over & love you!! I know this has been such an incredibly difficult month for you but you have handled it all with such courage, grace and strength. I’m so proud of Heather and I just know Jackie and Maddie feel the same way as I do!!! xoxo
Sending you and Jackie! so much love.
happy birthday to sweet Jackie. xoxo to you.
(also – i had some saved messages just up and disappear when i did an iphone update – and i couldn’t get them back. recommending you email yourself those recordings in case you haven’t already)
Patrycja Chudziak says:
Happy Birthday Jackie!
My heart hurts for you these past few days. I do hope they’re together out there. And I hope you feel peace in the days ahead.
Happy birthday to Jackie! She was lucky to have you for all those birthdays. I’m sure you helped make them awesome. Thinking of you and Jackie’s family today.
Happy Birthday Jackie!
Hugs to you Heather during these difficult days.
What a rough month for you, Heather, and a beautiful tribute to your friendship. Hang in there. So happy you have that little bean to look forward to next spring.
SOUL SISTERS!!! Happy Birthday Jackie
Light and love to you.
Thinking of you and Jackie’s family today.
Happy Birthday to your sweet friend. I hope she is having cake with your Maddie.
Love to you all!!
I thought about Jackie! all day yesterday. I’m so lucky that I was able to meet her and to share the same birthday with her. I only wish she was still here. She is missed. XOXO
**** brain cancer for taking people who are so loved. I miss my grandfather. And I know how deeply Jackie must be missed. What a vibrant, incredible person. From what you’ve told all of us, that picture at the Brazilian restaurant is so HER.
I’m so sorry for the pain of this week.
I am glad you saved the voicemails. Thinking of you and Jackie! Take care.
I too, know someone whose birthday was November 13th and who died far too soon, at age 25, on March 1, 2011. My heart was heavy thinking about him and your Jackie! on their birthday. Hugs to you.
In case you’re interested. He was an amazing person, as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDM0M69UGQA&noredirect=1
Was thinking of you & Jackie! on her birthday & again on Thanksgiving Eve…wishing she was here with you…
Sending you love.