I knew I was done having babies before James was even born. Obviously, pregnancy and I do not get along! I gave away my maternity clothes when he was a few months old, and got a five-year IUD. But for some reason, I packed away the too-small baby clothes, old toys, and strollers. I told myself I was saving it for the future babies of friends, but everything is still sitting in storage in my garage.
While I occasionally wonder what another child would be like, it’s hard to imagine adding another kid to our lineup. Annabel is about to start Kindergarten, and James, while still a handful, is getting more independent. A lot of things are about to open up to us, things a demanding infant would prevent.
The last two months have been all about purging and organizing our house. We threw away a ton of stuff, gave away more, and have been preparing for a massive garage sale. I am extremely sentimental, so getting all of this stuff out of my house has been emotional but necessary. We do a large purge every year, but this one is easily our biggest — and most emotional — because I am finally getting rid of that baby gear.
As I’ve sorted the tiny pink and blue items my children wore, I can’t help but remember I’ll never have another baby to wear it. While I’ve been physically and mentally done with pregnancy for a while, I’ve never emotionally come to terms. I guess with baby James at home, I didn’t have to. Ending this chapter is bittersweet, even when I know the best is yet to come.
Eight years ago this month, I found out I was pregnant with Madeline, so it feels appropriate that the baby phase will end at the end of the month when James turns two. It’s the completion of a very difficult time in my life, but it’s impossible to overlook the amazing little people who came out of it.