For Maddie’s birthday, we spent part of the day in our old neighborhood. It’s the place that holds some of our fondest memories of both girls. We had lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, where Maddie and Annie both regularly used to charm waiters. Annie made a quesadilla-guacamole-plain tortilla concoction that Maddie definitely would have approved of.
After that, it was off to the park where Maddie used to watch the ducks. The last time we’d tried to take Annie there, it was closed for repairs. This time it was open, and full of wildlife.
Annie climbed up on the bench and called to the ducks, and I remembered when her sister had done the same thing three and a half years earlier.
One of my biggest regrets was not taking a picture with Maddie that day, so I made sure we took pictures with Annie.
Eventually we said goodbye to the ducks and headed to the playground, where Annie had a blast.
After we were played-out, we went by our favorite cream puff shop and bought a dozen to share with my parents, aunt, and cousin.
Later in the evening, after my family had left, Annie asked if we were going to sing to Maddie. I put a candle on a cream puff and Annie led us in Happy Birthday.
She happily blew out the candle, then chowed down on the cream puff.
Before bed, we told stories about Maddie, and Annie told us how excited she was to be a big sister like Maddie. After I tucked Annie into her bed, she said, “Mama, tonight I’m going to dream about Maddie.”
In the morning, she told me she had.
Cinthia says:
Oh bless her heart!!
Vic says:
I’m holding my 7 week old son and weeping. I’m crying for you, Maddie and Annie and the utter unfairness of it all.
We love you guys heaps. I hope you feel some of our love.
AmazingGreis says:
What a great way to celebrate! Sending so much love to you today! And always!! XOXO
Katherine Smith says:
Crying so hard. Although I never knew Maddie personally I have followed her story from infancy and I feel so much love for her and for your family. You are doing an amazing job keeping her in her sister’s life and helping Annie have a tangible relationship with her. So much love going out to all who Maddie has touched. Thank you for sharing your precious girls.
Lisa says:
What a lovely way to celebrate Maddie’s day. Love and hugs.
Maya says:
Of course my heart just exploded.
q: is that the mexican restaurant that we ‘met’ in the first time??
Heather says:
YES!
kristen piccola says:
What a special way to celebrate such an important little girl. I hope you had dreams of Maddie too!
Lynnette says:
I agree!
cj says:
so sweet!
Tracy says:
Beautiful. (And can I say, both you and Mike are looking good! So thin!)
Mary says:
Hugs!!! Lots of hugs!!!!!
Rebecca says:
What an amazing way to honor Maddie! Annie is so sweet and will no doubt be an amazing big sister. I love all the purple sweaters – such a fitting tribute! BEAUTIFUL!
Jennie says:
I love the picture of Mike pushing Annie on the swing. You always make me cry, and then laugh, and then cry again. Wishing you a future in which the joy will eclipse the grief.
Elizabeth says:
What a wonderful way to celebrate Madddie. And I’m sure Annie did dream about her amazing big sister. I bet Maddie is always watching over her baby sister.
Kim says:
What a beautiful day to honor your beautiful girl. Birthdays are so hard, and they are even harder when you can’t hole up all day and be sad. I love how you celebrated Maddie’s day. Love to all of you!
Nikki says:
It looks like you guys had a beautiful day. I so, so wish Maddie was here to celebrate in person with you, but I’m sure her presence was felt all around you – that day, and always.
Sending you lots of love!
And just wanted to say thinking of you for another reason today – Happy Birthday to your beloved Jackie!. I’m sure she and Maddie are playing all day today.
XOXOXOX
Kim says:
What a wonderful way to spend the day. Maddie is sure to be smiling from above!
sue says:
Whew,,,,,,,lots and lots of tears. The picture of Mike, looking at Annie on the slide, looks as if he may have been daydreaming about his precious little Maddie. What a beautiful way to celebrate Maddie’s special day!
Mary says:
Happy birthday sweet Maddie!
mel says:
So glad you took pictures. She is a doll. Love you guys.
Sara says:
Annie is simply gorgeous. Thanks for sharing your special day with us! Looks like you had a nice time remembering your sweet girl.
Sarah says:
This made me so teary and what a wonderful way to honor Miss Maddie on her special day. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl
designhermomma says:
she is so flippin’ cute. Sounds like you celebrated Maddie fantastically, even if your heart was in a million pieces on the inside.
2013 is going to be a fantastic year for you, I can feel it already. xoxo
Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts says:
That first picture of Annie on the bench is just stunning. She really is such a beautiful little girl.
Also, I love all of your purple sweaters. And I continue to love how eager Annie is to celebrate Maddie. It’s a testament to you and Mike that she is so fond of someone she’s never met. You have kept Maddie alive in so many ways. Happy birthday to your first baby.
Kristi says:
What a perfect day and a perfect way to celebrate Maddie! How beautiful and sweet that Annie is so intertwined with Maddie!
Lydia says:
My heart just aches for you. How awesome that you were able to share so much of Maddie with Annie on that very special 5th big sister birthday. Such a sad and happy time.
Lanie says:
What a beautiful day – thank you for sharing it. I struggle with how to spend Jake an Sawyer’s birthdays. There is a part of me which wants to cry all day but I won’t especially because of my living children. Sending hope and hugs to all the Spohrs. Take care.
Melissa says:
What a lovely way to spend the day. Bittersweet, but full of good memories for Annie. Love and hugs to you all.
Debbie B. says:
What a beautiful celebration of Maddie. Love the purple and Annie is the cutest.Thanks for sharing your day with us.
Heather says:
I truly believe Annie is a gift from Maddie, sent to help heal your hearts. She proves it at every turn. Thinking of all of you, especially on Maddie’s special day.
Donna P says:
What a wonderful way to honor such a special little girl. Happy Birthday, Madeline. The world misses you.
Skye says:
I’m glad you celebrated by doing things that reminded you of being with Maddie. Love the purple. It’s cute how excited Annie was, and that she dreamed of Maddie! I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been to think about the what-ifs and should-have-beens. I’m so sorry.
Kelly says:
Such a beautiful way to spend Maddie’s birthday. I’m sure she was somewhere smiling and singing along.
Tammy M. says:
You are raising a sweet heart! I’m sorry sweet Maddie wasn’t there for the celebration in person.
Leah says:
Oh man, big lump in my throat, can’t drink my morning heartstarter coffee!
It sounds like a beautiful day. You did Maddie proud, having a day she would have loved I am sure .
Glenda says:
Sounds like a beautiful day for a beautiful girl.
Annie is beyond gorgeous. Thanks for sharing both of your gorgeous girls with all of us. xo
Leigh Elliott says:
So beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes.
Jennifer says:
Simply beautiful!
Lisa says:
A truly lovely story about your two amazing girls.
Mommy says:
You have two very, very special daughters. Love to you all!
Elizabeth says:
I have no words
Sarah says:
Absolutely lovely. I swear though, you need to put a disclaimer that reads: Do NOT read at work (especially if you were a little heavy-handed w/the mascara this morning). Such a great post-thank you for sharing! :0)
Trisha says:
Beautiful post! Annie is just precious. That last line got me right in the throat and then the tears came. Sweet girl with such a big heart.
JustAMom says:
What a wonderful way to celebrate your girl! You seem to be handling things with Annie regarding Maddie prfectly – it seems to be evolving just the way it should. Annie is literally TOO cute, sometimes I think my own daughter would be jealous if she knew how cute I think Annie is and how much I just love seeing pics of her! Big hugs to you this week as you celebrate and mourn two very special people.
P.S. – Is the mexican restaurant the place my co-workers and I used to refer to as “The Cave?” as in “wanna go to The Cave for lunch?” I swear I think it was a year before I knew the real name of the place!
Heather says:
I’m sure it is!!!
Expat Mom says:
Happy belated birthday, Maddie! I love that Annie is 100% into celebrating her big sister. Maddie’s memory will never die because her baby sister will always remember her.
mary ann says:
I love the pictures of her digging into that cream puff. I wish Maddie could have been there too:( This must have been such a hard week for all of you I wish I had some magic words to make things better…
Jenny says:
I am a Santa Monica so I recognize the park, but where are those cream puffs from? They look am-ah-zing! What a lovely day for all of you…
Mike says:
The cream puffs are from Beard Papa’s on Sawtelle. They’re great!
Jenny says:
I meant, I am a Santa Monica girl… Blerg.
Kelly says:
Hugs, tears, prayers. Love.
Auntie_M says:
*tears*
That was beautiful! And I have no doubt at all that Annie did indeed dream of Maddie.
Love, Love, Love
Auntie_M says:
*tears*
That was beautiful! And I have no doubt at all that Annie did indeed dream of Maddie.
Love, Love, Love