We live in a condominium complex that is built like an apartment building. There are front stairs, back stairs, and an elevator. The condos all have different layouts, but unfortunately still share things like plumbing and walls. I say unfortunately because we are on the bottom, and for the first few years I lived here, the junk our two upstairs neighbors threw into their kitchen sink often ended up in MY kitchen sink. And let’s not forget when my neighbor flooded my house.

Speaking of said neighbor, I am not her biggest fan. Besides the fact that she likes to hang things from her sprinklers, which caused me to have to move out of my home for a month when I was pregnant, she is also the queen of the busy bodies. We’ve dealt with it for a while…mostly because Mike is much more patient than I am and he told me to be nice, so I am. But she has started leaving notes up around the complex, as if she is the house mom of our sorority house.

She’s also the kind of neighbor that will tell you your aura is dark, and that your dog is clearly depressed. I mean, obviously my dog leads a very hard life:


But I digress.

Here is her latest:

passive aggressive neighbor

I’m going to break this one down for you.
omg not a bike!

First, five exclamation points for the lead sentence, but none for the actual crime. I mean, a BICYCLE was STOLEN. Where is the outrage? Second, I am very aware of my belongings, which is why I bring them into my house, and do not leave them in the garage that is open to all residents and guests, and interestingly does not have a bike rack.

don't talk to strangers

I have to say, I really appreciated when she wouldn’t let UPS or FedEx people into the building during the month of December. I mean, who knows, those strange men could have been masquerading as delivery people in order to run wild in our building’s hallways! They CERTAINLY weren’t trying to deliver important Christmas presents that some of us paid exorbitant delivery fees for! If only we had a camera and intercom system that let us visually identify and speak with anyone that wants to get into the building…oh wait. We do.

Orange marker means business

This letter was taped up all over the building, but on the door to the back ally, she broke out the big guns – the orange marker. The door to the back alley sticks, and if you don’t pull it closed behind you, it doesn’t latch. It’s just a shame that we live in a world where writing a passive aggressive note doesn’t automatically make a door repairman appear. If only someone on the Home Owners Association Board was aware of the broken door! Of course, she is on the HOA Board, but clearly her job description only covers letter writing.

One day we’re gonna move and I’m gonna miss her so much.

On the neighbor spectrum, I know she is mild. Let’s have a neighbor-off! Tell me your neighbor stories!