Three years ago I wrote about my oldest nephew’s graduation ceremony from kindergarten, where I said basically that I thought graduations from things like preschool and kindergarten were silly. A lot of people agreed with me, but a few said things like, “Just wait until it’s your kid, you won’t think so.” Well, it was my kid’s turn last week.
A few weeks into May, a note went home with the kids telling parents there would be an end of the year picnic that “celebrated the end of preschool.” I was suspicious, but said nothing because I knew my kid would be jazzed. For the next few weeks she came home from school raving about the songs they were learning, and she always emphasized how excited she was about the picnic. That kid looooves eating on the ground with bugs.
I told myself I wasn’t going to get worked up about it for a few reasons. First, I didn’t know what the celebration was going to entail, other than singing and eating on the ground. Second, I have the energy to get worked up over one, maybe two things per month. It usually involves the grocery store being out of my favorite club soda. And third, if it was important to Annabel, I wasn’t going to squash it. I’m all about not pushing my beliefs on my kids. For example, Annie believes picnics are fun. I believe restaurants were invented for a reason. And yet, I own several picnic blankets.
When we showed up at the school the morning of the picnic extravaganza, Annie ran off to join her class and I looked at the set up. There was a row of tiny chairs facing several rows of adult-size chairs. And lots of decorations like this:
I gave those decorations serious internal side eye. I started to worry that the kids were going to be wearing tiny caps and gowns, like my nephew three years ago. That would have pushed me over the proverbial edge and here’s why: only two of the kids were actually “graduating.” The rest of them will all be back next year for pre-k.
I should have known that I didn’t need to be worried. Annie’s teachers are very laid-back and just not the types to put on a big graduation production. Instead, the kids walked out of their classroom (without caps and gowns!) and sang two songs about loving preschool.
I’d had a few talks with Annabel about not being an attention hog during these kinds of things. Her dance performance during the Mother’s Day Tea was well-intentioned but a little much. I reminded her the day was for everyone, and if she wanted to be the star of the show she could pitch an idea to NBC. During the songs, she did exactly what she was supposed to and I was proud of her, because I understand her struggle.
After the songs, each kids’ name was called, and they were handed a certificate of completion.
After that, it was picnic time. Annie and her friends chased each other around and ate on the ground while we kept James occupied.
Ready for school.
I took pictures of Annie with her friends and teachers, and she had a blast.
My opinion on these sorts of things hasn’t really changed. I think end of the year parties are fine for school and sports, but I don’t think everything needs a literal reward/award/trinket. I don’t want my kids to be more excited about the reward than the activity. I know it’s hard to motivate little kids without a bribe dangle (I love bribes, trust me), but where is the tipping point? Most importantly, how many more meals with bugs will I have to endure??
Wendy says:
I agrre with you. I don’t think we do this kind of graduation in UK.I know year 6 (age 11) have a celebration when they leave to go to Secondary school but no caps or gowns until you leave uni as far as I know. Good luck to Annabelle in the next phase of her schooling
Molly says:
I agree. My daughter’s kindergarten is having a “closing ceremony,” and I’m so glad they’re not calling it a graduation (no caps and gowns, either).
Melissa says:
I have ZERO kids and 100% agree with you. And I doubt my opinion will change if/when I do have any I love your attitude about life, in general. High-five from Minneapolis!
Jerilynn says:
I absolutely agree with you, Heather. I think it’s fine to have a closing ceremony. By the time my son was 6, he had been to about 3 “graduations”. Don’t get me wrong, I know the intent is to recognize and take pride in accomplishments early on, and to associate school achievement with positive feelings. However, for many, it’s hard to get time off work for each event, and the guilt this can pose to a parent is enormous. Luckily, I have a phenomenal employer but earlier in my son’s life, this was not the case. I am old school when it comes to the idea that less is more.
Most importantly, I’m so happy that Annabel had a great experience in school this year. Happy Summer to all of you!
Sara says:
My daughter had a preschool graduation 2 years ago and I got in trouble with the grandparents for not inviting anyone. It seriously never occurred to me that anyone would actually WANT to go to one of those stupid things. I put up with it because my daughter was excited about the songs they’d practiced and that they got to wear a cap and gown, but I wasn’t going to make a bigger deal of it than I had to.
Jerilynn says:
I can relate, Sara. It wasn’t a life event, so you’re thinking you don’t need Nana or whomever to drive the x-number of miles early in the morning to attend this. I hear you on this! There was a Grandparents’ Day at our son’s school at 8:00 AM; my MIL lives in Maine and is near 80. How is she supposed to get to Mass. and back for what would be all of 40 minutes?
Laura says:
Wow. The difference in Annie from 1st day to last day looks like two years not 9 months. Amazing.
Jen says:
I can’t handle the cute. Annie is seriously adorable.
Susan says:
5 boys through and many, many, many “graduations”. I’m a tad puzzled by what I read. I totally get the too much pomp and circumstance and overdoing…it gets a little much. But “holy toledo” its education. Let’s celebrate it every chance we get. Let’s make learning as fun as we can and high five it at every corner. I know, if your kid doesn’t wear a cap and gown at kindergarten graduation doesn’t mean he isn’t going to graduate high school. I’m looking a the big picture. A lot of parents certainly don’t mind paying huge amounts of money for grand birthday parties, Christmases, any holiday for that matter…
I have had both (meaning caps/gowns and no caps/gowns) with my boys and have enjoyed every one of them. No matter how grand the school made it up, we, as a family, kept it in prospective. And let me tell you, nothing cuter at a high school graduation party than a photo comparing the kindergartner waving his/her cap next to a photo of the older version waving cap =)
Annie’s day looked fun and that’s what counts.
jerseygirl says:
100% agreed! I can be done in a non-over-the-top manner and I see nothing wrong with celebrating education when we can.
My (current) 12 year old had a pre-K graduation with the cap & gown while my 9 year old had a K graduation with the cap & gown … and you can bet I will thoroughly enjoy comparing those photos to their HS graduation photo!
Jane says:
I have been though 5 years of school now. Pk to 2nd and I can assure you after kindergarten the graduations and class parties and bug picnics stop. In fact I don’t think I was in his school this last year but three times, once for back to school , once for a class play, once for field day. Compared to earlier grades I was in his class aleast once every couple of months so 6 to 8 times a year. It is wonderful.
Jen says:
My daughter’s school does a “graduation” from pre-school, everyone participates, but only those who are going on to kindergarten wear the little gowns. Last year I remember reading about your opinion and thinking yeah that’s true. However, I look at my daughter who is about the same age as Anabelle and thinking of all the things she has accomplished already (reading, simple math, learning about the world, etc) and that she has one more year before kindergarten. I also think about how different K-12 will be from the preschool environment and I do see that it is a graduation. They have accomplished a lot and are moving on to the next thing. Just another prospective. Now, the trophy for participating, I still completely agree!!!
Wallydraigle says:
My daughters’ preschool does a graduation/end-of-year ceremony. I thought it was really stupid the first year, but my daughter was excited, so I went.
It was the cutest thing ever. It wasn’t super long. The kids sang a couple of songs (only the ones moving on to kindergarten got a gown and paper cap), there was a slideshow of the year, etc. My very favorite part, though, was that the teachers write a short poem about each child and read it aloud. It’s very sweet. Both years, they’ve pegged my kids’ personalities exactly, and there’s something about that I love.
kristen says:
My nephew is in T-K and was telling me yesterday that he wanted me to come see him sing songs for their last day of school. Glad they’re not going to be wearing caps and gowns! I don’t think I could handle going though, I already cried at his Holiday performance. There’s nothing like a stage full of little ones half singing Feliz Navidad and half staring at their teachers to get my water works going!
Jerilynn says:
I’m a bawler, too, Kristin. Seriously. I’ve cried at everything since the day my son was born. Occupational hazard!
Jerilynn says:
PS-your nephew is lucky to have such a great Auntie!
nona says:
First of all, how am I still surprised at how cute your kids are? I work with kids, and yours are still some of the cutest I ever did see.
Also, I have to agree with you about ceremony overkill. Your post reminded me of how I didn’t even go to my university’s graduation ceremony. To each his/her own, though, I guess. I dunno. Right now, my sister is planning a big wedding, and she kind of doesn’t want me to come, because I haven’t seen her in a long time, and she won’t have time to talk to me, and I’m just like… what is the freaking point of having a big wedding, if it’s too stressful to see important* people?
* My own adjective.
steph says:
THANK YOU! My son “graduates” tomorrow, too, and I think it’s utterly ridiculous. I am not going so far as to not have him participate, but I am putting much more effort into his upcoming dance recital. Not that scholastic achievement is unimportant but, he has worked hard for that all year and I am very proud of him.
Amy C. says:
I read my comment from last year and haven’t changed it my opinion at all. LOL! I’m an animal. Bring on every graduation possible. I am a big bawling mess at every one. Yeah, and there is the infamous Spelling Bee incident of ’14 which involved me hugging my kid and bawling in front of everyone. He was my micro preemie what can I say. I’m a mess. A complete emotional mess. Those dang kids do that to you. Anyway, carry on! Different strokes for different folks and all that :).
Meg says:
My husband is one of the oldest kids in a huge family, and we have sat through so many long, wretched ceremonies that I told the whole family that I am not expecting them to come to any of my kids’ little graduations and parties, but I am also not going to sit through any more 4 hour graduation ceremonies. I will come to the lunch afterwards and celebrate, but hours in the sun to yell for the ten seconds that “our” grad is on stage… BORING! Also, when my husband graduated from college we had to try to save FORTY seats.
Jeanie says:
How did she turn 14 between the first day of school and the last?
Sarah says:
I’m confused as to how she is already graduating from preschool when she is only 4 and a January birthday! Did you find a way to get her to start Kindergarten earlier? Do tell!
Heather says:
No, only two of her classmates are going to kindergarten, the rest of them will all be back for pre-k. It’s reeeeeeeal silly.
REK981 says:
I’m with you. Around here there is Pre-K graduation, then K graduation, then 5th grde graduation, then 8th grade graduation. I am all for celebrating with certificates and-or celebration but the ceremony and speeches need to be reserved for the actual graduation of high school and college. Not to mention most of these activites occur mid-day and as a working parent I have to either schedule a half day off work or go in and come back doubling my commute. I love my child more than anything and I enjoy celebrating every acheivement she makes but it’s overkill.
Sarah says:
I’ve been an auntie since I was 12, and had 2 nieces and 2 nephews before ever having my own child. They were adorable, but I was burned out on absurd ceremonies before I even graduated from high school (Though bless their hearts, all 3 that had been born that day endured the hour or so to scream for my 5 seconds!). Then I decided to homeschool my kids, so any silliness in ceremonies was fully on me. (I’m reading this a day late, and let’s just say that you and I? We’re right :><: here, eye to eye on cheap vs lazy!)
Meanwhile my youngest brother had two kids, and his oldest is the same age as my youngest. So, what's tweaked me for years now is that the whole family (us, and my homeschooled kids, included) is expected to jump and run to silly ceremonies for these nephews and take them seriously, while pretty much no one in the family ever even asks my kids what they're doing in "school" or whatever (That may be my fault – my early militant stance on homeschool, since relaxed, kind of projected a 'back off' attitude…). Uh… huh huh. NO.
BUT. Those silly ceremonies kind of made me, almost, a little bit sad, that my kids were… Idk, not being "celebrated" largely because of my own choices. I don't wish they'd had a million weak graduation ceremonies, but it's something I DO wish I'd thought about, and perhaps had a family get-together at key points? Idk.
TL;DR: I agree with Heather (on a few things!) re: silly ceremonies. But homeschooling my kids while all their cousins were public school kids with multiple silly ceremonies has created some… ambivalence and desire for my kids to get … not the same… but SOME familial recognition for their own accomplishments!
Christina says:
I am not a fan of that stuff either. Graduations, participation trophies, etc. If EVERYTHING is special, then nothing is special.
Paula says:
My girl was super excited about her eventual graduation from pre school (3 to 5 years) – then we told her we were leaving our city to love to the country. Oh the drama and tears! Her old preschool did a graduation ceremony just for her – cap, gown, cake and all. I cried – and I am so glad they did it for her even though she was only 4 and a bit.
And I just found out her kindy down here does graduation too LOL!
Elizabeth says:
I do not agree, partly because like the above poster said..it’s education and we need to celebrate every chance we get. Kids will not always enjoy school, kids that are not as lucky as your children will drop out…it’s fun and adorable. Once they are old enough for bullies or miserable teachers things change.
My kid sister graduated preschool with a tiny cap and gown. My dad went to watch her not knowing that would be his last graduation ceremony. He isn’t here anymore so those moments are much cherished.