I am hugely overprotective when it comes to newborn babies and germs. I never even allowed anyone who’d been in the same room as someone with the sniffles to come within ten feet of my babies. This goes double for kids near newborns. If a kid didn’t have to be near my newborn, then I didn’t allow it. And really, there was no reason for a kid to be near my babies until they were well past six weeks, so it was never really an issue. Obviously, having a premature baby during flu season and then having that child pass away from what would have been a survivable chest cold in anyone else only amped up my instinct to encase my children in a purell-doused bubble.
This cold and flu season has been especially brutal. Watching two of my friends’ newborns go through hospitalizations for RSV has made me want to birth this baby boy and then immediately run off with him, Michael-Jackson style. It does help me to know that this baby will (hopefully) not be born until cold and flu season is technically over, but my nervousness persists. I know I need to work my way through this, because in a few months I’m going to have a kid that needs to be near my newborn and I will quickly make myself insane if I let myself worry about this too much.
On the one hand you have my heart, which has been longing to see my children together for many years. And on the other hand you have my brain, which watches (you know, via my eyes) Annabel touch her feet, the trash, the dog’s butt, etc. Every day I have made it a point to talk to her about cleanliness and germs, and how babies rely on the big people around them to keep them safe and clean. Annabel always listens solemnly and nods, but then she goes and licks the bottom of a shoe or something. Kids are gross. I obviously don’t want to turn her into some kind of crazy germaphobe (ahem), but I just want to make sure that she understands the importance of a good hand washing before she touches her brother.
A couple of weeks ago, Annie and I went to my friend Tara’s house (of Tara and Baby Cait fame) to bring her lunch. My concern for germs near babies extends beyond my own progeny – I insisted about 87 times to leave Annie with my parents, but Tara return-insisted that it was okay to bring Annie around since Baby Cait has three older siblings. When we arrived at their house I thought for sure Annie would beeline for the baby, but of course she immediately ran off with her “husband.” I was relieved because I really didn’t want Annie around Cait – I just would have been absurdly worried.
Eventually, though, Annie did come creeping around when I was holding the baby. She didn’t get too close at first, I think she was intimidated by how small the baby actually was. But she grew bolder and started asking me if she could touch the baby. I said no. But Tara had other ideas and said, “Annie, do you want to hold Baby Cait?” The look on Annie’s face was priceless. She couldn’t believe she was going to get to hold the real Baby Cait. When I started to protest Tara reminded me that Cait’s older siblings hold, kiss, and touch her all day, and that Annie wasn’t going to do any damage.
Before we got Annie set up to hold the baby, however, she said to me, “Mama, I have to wash my hands before I hold Baby Cait!” VICTORY! DANCE! I took her to the bathroom and helped her scrub her hands (and maybe her arms and possibly even her face), and then this happened:
Annie was in Baby Heaven. She kept looking down at Cait, and then up at me and Tara like, “I can’t believe this is happening!” It was sweet and it finally melted the purell-doused bubble that has surrounded my heart for the last five years. Not to say that a germ-free zone around babies isn’t still important to me, but mayyyyyybe I remembered that there are other things that are important, too.
Panni says:
That last picture is priceless.
Jenn says:
Hi Heather,
WOW!!! I AM IMPRESSED!!! You really seem to have taught Annie the importance of being cautious and clean around newborns. Way to go…NOT an easy task but you did it!! That is so awesome she stopped to remind you about washing her hands especially when she was just so excited to hold that baby!!! What a great kid…I’m so PROUD of her!!
I know the thought of your newborn being around his not so clean sister can be overwhelming but it’s going to be Okay!! You’re already preparing Annie and as for the rest…just take it one day at a time and enjoy your children!!
P.S. Love the pictures with Annie and baby Cait!! She is going to be such a great big sister!!! I can’t wait to see the pictures of Annie holding her own baby brother!!! It’s going to be AMAZING!!!
Kirsten says:
While there are extenuating circumstances, it’s actually very good for babies to be exposed to germs. It builds up their immune systems. Of course, if there is an underlying condition, you should check with a doctor first but kids who are not exposed to enough germs especially under the age of 2 suffer more from illness, allergies and autoimmune diseases when they’re older.
That said, it’s really good that you’ve taught Annie to wash her hands before holding the baby, that’s really great. But don’t worry too much.
Allison says:
This is so true! People are cazy about germs and it making kids more sick in the long run. I understand Heather’s concerns since Maddie was a premie. It sounds like she is working on finding a happy middle. Love the pics!
Heather says:
Oh I’m not talking about keeping him in a bubble for his first two YEARS! Just when he’s a newborn – more like the first two MONTHS. That’s when a fever gets a baby an automatic lumbar puncture in the ER, among other not-awesome things. In those first few months, I just don’t think a baby (preemie or not) needs to build his/her immune system. After those first two months, when the baby is bigger and has the first round of vaccines, go nuts!
Annalisa says:
But even then, it won’t be feasible with a preschooler around. But as everyone said, if the Acrobat stays put until may, you have six more months before you have to worry about flu season again.
Most moms with 2 or more I know swear that the second one just comes about sturdier, if that helps (it does for me, since our second one is coming this fall… and we’re all gonna get pertussis boosters in the summer in preparation).
Heather says:
It’s feasible. She won’t start preschool until he’s more than two months old.
Andrea says:
I sincerely understand and respect where you’re coming from; I really do. I agree completely with the others who have posted above. Babies, and even newborns are really actually quite sturdy creatures, as long as there aren’t underlying health issues. With both of my girls, we did a lot of hand-washing and other normal precautions but other than that, I think germs aren’t a bad thing, even for newborns. I actually forbid anti-bacterial soap in my house – there is evidence showing that people who use it get sick more frequently than those who don’t because their immune systems don’t get built up as much. We even took our 5 week old back to Rwanda where we were living at the time (I delivered her in the US). I’m sure that lots of people thought we were totally nuts but she was a very healthy baby and now is a very healthy toddler.
Autumn Canter says:
You have every reason to worry. I’m the opposite. Taking my babies out with me when they are under a week old and letting everyone hold the baby including kids. The only rule is to please stay away if you are ill. My second born was sick a lot that first winter. Probably due to how social we all were. Near constant runny nose which lead to a really persistent ear infection. We do make sure to wash our hands often but regardless, we have been passing around almost constant colds and minor viruses since Feb 1st. Someone in the household is always sick. I think germs are just the price we all pay for being social with children. You are lucky in that baby boy will miss winter and you live in a warm area overall. I’m sure you will miss the worse of it! I have found that my kids really only get sick in winter here!
Erin @ One Particular Kitchen says:
OMG THAT LAST PICTURE.
I DIE.
Angie says:
I get it, Heather. My little guy was born last January, at the height of the MN cold and flu season. My friend taught me a great trick for little kids and babies. Tell the kids they can only touch the baby’s feet. Or tickle them (gently), even more fun! If my son had a hat on, I would also let them touch the top of his head. This only works if you or another adult are holding the little one of course, but it really helped me. My germophobic fears have continued even now that he is over a year old, but I try not to let it interfere with his experiences. I just do what I can, within reason. One thing I always sanitize is my cell phone. That thing goes everywhere and we touch it in between home, work, the store, the playground, daycare…you name it. So I give it a good wipedown at night.
Rachel says:
Oh, Heather, I feel you!
My little guy is due at the end of May, and I’m already stressing on how to tell people that while I love their kids, their own precious bundles of joy won’t be coming near mine for awhile. I know, that sounds SO AWFUL, but that is just the way that I am! It doesn’t help that I am a teacher, so I know EXACTLY where kids hands go and how clean they are.
Kelly says:
Annie is going to be an awesome big sister.
Jennifer says:
I totally get why you would be more nervous about germs than others, but it’s also awesome that you recognize the reason you feel the way you do.
That said. We are a totally germ friendly family. Even with my older one (who’s 4), we were never particularly careful about who touched her or held her. Have a fever? Stay away. Have a cold? Just wash your hands first. Baby has dirt in her mouth and the dog just licked inside her mouth? It’s cool.
I expect my kids to wash their hands after using the bathroom (potty training the little one now), and before eating (although not as strict on that one). But we have dogs and cats, and plenty of dirt, and I’m just not that worried.
And here’s the thing: My 4 year old has an immune system of steel! My 2 year old catches every cold that comes her way and then makes us all miserable with her grumpiness! Same parents, same household, both breastfed, and both in daycare since an early age. You just never know what you are gonna get!
Just remember that you can’t control everything that comes in contact with the new baby through others. And that includes other kids that Annie has had contact. But also remember that kids with pets (germ exposure) and kids who attend daycare or other group activities, tend to have stronger immune systems heading into school age because of previous germ exposure.
Hooray for germs!
Tara says:
AW! How sweet and precious!!
I was just thinking about this germ issue last night, fretting because I have a 3 year old boy who is all about the dirt. And we’re having twin girls soon. Yikes!!
But he’s been more aware of clean hands as his potty training has been more and more successful. He always insists on washing his hands, using Purell, or wipes. He’s so much more aware now and I think potty training was a huge help in that.
I can’t wait to see Annie holding her brother!
Gretta says:
I was militant about my kiddos washing hands and/or using hand sanitizer prior to touching the newborn. I was also big on not getting in the newborn’s face.
When my older son got the flu… Gah…. I quarantined him in his room and the baby in my room. Neither one really came out until the worst was over. My husband was able to stay home and care for my son… even slept in guest room just in case…but if he hadn’t I would have been doing some serious disinfecting. I want going to mess around with an infant and influenza.
I really think you can’t be too careful with newborns.
Lanie says:
Adorable Annie (as always :-))! I am with you – I never want our twins around newborns. I know I am extra crazy about germs b/c we do not know the cause of our son Sawyer’s death. If there was an alternate universe where I was not a bereaved parent I might be more relaxed about germs. . .
DHall says:
I don’t think my experiences will change your feelings, but I’m throwing them out for consideration. I’ve brought 125+ newborns home from the hospital, many were preemies. Their mother typically had no prenatal care and did little to prepare for a healthy baby. I’ve stopped at the grocery store, the bank, and to have lunch with a friend on the way home from the hospital. I’m a handwasher, but my life has to go on and we can’t stay at home all the time. None of my babies got sick as newborns although some had colds later one. I think most babies come with some built-in immunities. My advice: Enjoy this time that is so fleeting.
Glenda says:
Annie will be the best big sister to Mr. Acrobat.
As long as there’s no colds/ runny noses, just make sure hands are washed.
Best to you and Mr. Acrobat
Lea says:
I had my baby last August, and I was so worried about the cold/flu season! And of course, my oldest is in Kindergarten. Germs galore! But we’ve gotten through it now (it’s been a super rough/sick winter for us), and definitely be glad that you are having a non-winter baby! My little guy got RSV and Pneumonia, but he is doing great now. I think it’s wise to be really careful for the first couple of months for sure, because they are just so young. And Annie isn’t in school yet, so yay for that! You’ll be in good shape for next winter.
catherine lucas says:
Germs are needed. I live in a rural area with sturdy North Yorkshire farmers in the north of England. The babies who get sick are usually the wet wipe american young moms who want to desinfect everything. The farmers babies, who go along with anything and everything, stables and summer shows and what else, very rarely get sick. The wet wipe culture has made a lot of babies sick… Babies need germs to build their own system, and a bit of careful love can only be good. Your new baby Heather will not be a preemie if all goes well, and I am all for Annie and him bonding in a normal way. Hand washing after potty session is in my view more then enough… Young mums now worry about so much and forget often to have fun and let common sense rule. Yeah for Annie becoming a big sister…
Kirsten says:
I am also kind of a freak about this. My son is in preschool now (we call him a walking talking petri dish) and will be starting kindergarten about 3 weeks after we have our baby. I’m gonna be a wreck with all the new kids/new school/ new germs with my new baby. ARGH. Luckily he’s very good about the handwashing, etc – simply because of all the preschool sniffles we’ve experienced. But the new baby stuff is gonna stress me out I just know it!
My husband is an even bigger spaz then me about this stuff! (plus we have 6 neices who are going to be all over this baby – gah – deep breaths)
Alexandra says:
Annie is going to be an amazing big sister!
Em says:
I hear ya!! I have a 9 week old boy and a 3 year old daughter. We also had a scare when my little boy was first born with whooping cough (my Mum had it) I am also a germaphobe :-)!!! Not a good combination!.
I had a few hand snaitizers around the house in key areas like the coffee table and I would get my daughter to put some on before coming to touch the baby. But what I found is after the first few weeks seeing the interaction between my children helped the anxiety go away.
Em
from Australia
dona says:
I find it hard to believe you are a “germaphobe”. My Sara was born at 26 and 3/4 weeks. You know how important that 3/4 is. She had a PDA corrected at 6 weeks and weighed a whopping 3lbs 4oz,9 she weighed 990 grams at birth along with her two sisters who didn’t survive). She had pneumonia at 3 months(3 months after she left the hospital) and never went anywhere except the hospital until she was 2.5. She has four siblings who were in school. But I never took her on a plane ( too many germs ) or to the mall, restaurants or anywhere there were lots of people. She is 32 today. Germs? I kept her away.
Abigail says:
Oh my goodness she is going to be the best big sister. That last picture is the sweetest. I can’t wait to see her relationship with her brother grow.
Kay says:
The picture of Annie in pink boots is priceless!! Her legs are getting so long, she is more little girl everyday.
Ribenatina @ ribena.musings says:
Oh my word – Annie is adorable! 2 years ago I found your blog by accident and was so moved by Maddie and her story that I started your blog from scratch.
Work and life has got in the way and I have recently picked up your blog again (though my OCDishness needs to go back to where I left off to catch up)and this is the first time I have seen a picture of her.
She looks so much like you and your husband. She is beautiful! She will make an awesome sister for her brother and despite the worries you have she certainly seems to have taken in the cleanliness discussions you have had with her.
x
Molly says:
I’ve never been a big worrier about germs and actually wish I had been a bit more with my second. My older daughter was in preschool and it never occured to me to do basic things like have her wash her hands after school or before touching the baby, and when my 5-week-old got a cold and a fever that wouldn’t come down, she ended up in the hospital with a spinal tap and 48 hours of antibiotics. It was largely precautionary and she was fine but I wish I’d taken some basic precautions and spared us all the hospital stay. So, yes, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be a little extra cautious during the first 8 weeks!
Karen says:
I can’t believe anyone would comment negatively here at all. With all you have been through – no one has any room to judge you if you do take Acrobat and run away to a bubble in the caverns of California for the first 5 years! I know you will be watching his chest rise and fall and get up hundreds of times a night to be sure he is safe. And that is ok. More than ok! Do what you need to do for peace of mind and your own sanity – you will find your own pace for being ok with the rest. I think you have earned it.
Allison says:
I don’t think anyone was making negative comments or judging her. Everyone has added to the discussion and given their opinion, nobody told her she was wrong. People need to do whatever works for them. I for one cannot wait to see pics for Annie withthe Acrobat!
Allison says:
I mean to see pics of Annie with the Acrobat!
Jessica says:
I have a 4 year old with a heart defect and I’m afraid of germs, too, so I know how you feel. She was once in the hospital for 5 weeks because of a cold. There are a few things I always do. Of course, rub down grocery store carts, but we also make sure hands are washed before eating, after going to public places, and after school. I keep purell and hand wipes everywhere, even in the car and on the table. They know to wash their hands as soon as they walk in the house from school. I’m not as good at cleaning surfaces as you seem to be, but whatever I’m doing must be working because my kids were barely sick all winter. We also get their flu shots in September, which I think helps and we try not to wear our shoes in the house. There was lice at our church school recently and now I’m worried about that since my children have never had it. I heard you should put your kids bookbags, hats, scarfs, gloves, and coats in the dryer for 20 minutes a week to prevent it. I need to get better at that because I bet it’s helpful for germs, too. I haven’t figured out how to wash the lunch bag and the book bag yet without ruining them.
Sandy says:
As a nurse, and with your previous experience with a sick child, I understand your need to be cautious around germs. The germs the baby are exposed to in your home are different than the germs he may be exposed to in the grocery store, mall, etc. I have seen children with pox blisters on their faces in the the store with their parents or kids who sound like they have whooping cough in the pharmacy. I agree with you, it doesn’t hurt to keep them isolated a bit for a couple months until they have built up some immunity or gotten their first shots. Every nurse I know has stories, which I won’t scare you with, of people doing poorly after contracting routine illnesses. Many people think flu is nothing, but it can be very dangerous. so, you should do what makes you feel the most comfortable, but I agree with you.
Karen says:
I know you know that exposure builds the immune system but unfortunately you also know all too well the very most horrible thing that can ever happen and when it comes down to it Mom (and Dad) get the say! I work in Pediatric homecare so all my clients are special needs and somehow immunocompromised and it can be a tough moral call to risk leaving parents/guardians high and dry for care so they can work or sleep or risk sharing germs with kids for whom a common cold virus or stomach bug could reverse cognitive development or turn fatal (my period and comma buttons are broken!) Almost every time I play it safe
My husband and I were discussing just the other day how my immune system is all kinds of funky because of all I have been exposed to in my 15 1/2 year nursing career and how I may be incubating germs that won’t ever take me down but that will make him sick I am so so careful around infants but most especially around newborns Any sign of a sniffle or if I have been in contact with sickies in the past 72 hours and no way am I going to enter the same house as a newborn RSV happens to be making the rounds big time this year Dear friends of mine are in the hospital right now in the process of laboring toward childbirth and I am really hoping I stay well so I can go visit in a couple of days!
Trisha says:
These pictures are just precious Heather!
I think protecting a newborn for those first 6 weeks is so smart and I applaud you for it. I did the same thing with Dannica and she did get some extra antibodies through the little bit of breastfeeding I was able to do. Knock on wood, she is rarely sick and I like to think the extra handwashing and little protective bubble I put her in those first weeks of her life helped. She has older siblings as well, but they we re very consciencetious to wash up before holding her and always just kissed the top of her head and not near her face and mouth.
Now as a 4 year old, she is very aware of hand washing and she even uses her “hanitizer” as she calls it ,if no sink is available.
Marie says:
Both of those little girls have the sweetest lips I’ve ever seen. Yummy!
When I brought home my 3rd son, the other two were 10 and 6 and both in school. I’m afraid I don’t remember telling them to wash their hands before touching the baby. They touched him all day long when they were home. Now they are 41, 36 and 31 lol.
I was watching Baby Story the other day and saw a name I just loved – so going to throw it out there for you. Ethan Michael. I added the Michael but I just love Ethan.
Hugs from snowy Minnesota
Marie
Lisa says:
Ummm, i agree. I’m a total germaphobe. I don’t even apologize for it anymore, even though sometimes I totally should. My first was a nicu baby, and I learned how to really keep most germs away, or so I thought. His umbi line made it so that when he does get the stomach bug or something that his stomach spasms often resulting in us in the ER and admitted for a number of days, another bug gave him a double intercecession surgery (spelling is definately wrong there), only the fifth case at Yale ever! Anyway…to top it off I’m a teacher, its like the worst thing ever to be a teacher and a germaphobe…but I have my crazy down. I let the kids know the first day what the rules of cleanliness are, everyday desks get wiped down, hands get washed in the room, not the bathroom to avoid doorknob germs, I talk to parents about my “germ thing” and I’m pretty sure they think I’m nuts when I suggest keeping them home for two days instead of the one for the 24 hour stomach bug…ugh. The School nurse? Yeah she hates me because I’ve declared germ war on her a couple of times where I refuse children to return to my room with crackers after they have thrown up because she can’t get in touch with kids…I guess I’m still bitter about that one. So needless to say. My crazy is out. I “doctor” wash my hands a couple of times a day and this year my skin is so dry that my hands bleed, oh and I lysol myself before I leave my classroom (sometimes my kids at home too, but the doctor said I’m nuts and please don’t do that so i’ve stopped for the most part)…pathetic I know, but ugh I hate germs and I hate when people have them and try to give them to me…crazy comment is complete. Amen
Lisa says:
wow just read that…kind of hilarious mental/verbal rambling.
Auntie_M says:
That was the best, most hysterical, rambling, crazy comment ever!!!
Heather says:
Crazy comment is awesome, though!
kristin says:
I think its hilarious you mentioned licking her shoe, because I once caught my then 2 year old daughter lick the bottom of her own shoe. I couldn’t believe my eyes. All fears of germs went out the window with that one.
Auntie_M says:
Never mind the germs…can we talk about how absolutely adorable those pictures of Annie are????? Oh my goodness!!! That last one just made me tear up!!!! Precious!!!!!!!! She is going to be such a wonderful big sister!!! Oh! I can’t wait!!!!!
As for germs–after what you went through with Maddie, totally makes sense to me. But I love how you put in there that Annie licks the bottoms of her shoes & touches the dog’s butt. Goodness only knows what she does that you don’t know about! But, hey! Victory on the hand-washing-before-touching-or-holding-babies thing!! Cool! What more could you want?
As for asking people (and especially kids) to either keep away or wash prior to coming near YOUR baby…well, he IS YOUR baby after all! If they don’t like it, they can lump it!
We had such a hard time keeping my niece from running up to “pet” random babies when she was younger–but there’s that clip on Sprout about always asking before touching someone’s dog…we told her it was the same thing with babies, so now she always asks if she can “pet” the baby (to the amusement of parents!). And we also told her only the tummy or toes or maybe the top of the head–not the face unless she had just washed her hands (which of course isn’t possible at the park which is where she would meet these babies!)…I think I am more of a germaphobe though than the moms in our community, so that’s good. They always say yes, so my niece always gets to “pet” the babies and is really good at playing peek-a-boo and/or this-little-piggie with them.