The last week I have been running around like crazy, trying to get a million things done. I always say I’m not going to get stressed out, and then I overextend and blame: stressed. Le sigh.
The other day I was – you guessed it – driving all over town running errands. It was coming up in dinner time and I was sooo ready to be done for the day. This being Los Angeles, I couldn’t just drive the five miles in five minutes and be home. No, I had to sit in traffic.
So I’m sitting in my car in West Hollywood, singing along to some Glee songs I downloaded, when all of a sudden my ears started ringing and my mouth started watering and my stomach churned and I knew I was going to throw up. It happens sometimes when I am stressed and HUNGRY. Normally, I would pull over my car and do my thing, but I was stuck in non-moving traffic. So instead, I just opened my car door and leaned out the side.
After I sat back and closed my door, I rubbed my hands over my face and took some deep breaths. When I removed them, my car was illuminated with a flashing red light. A police car. The cars in front of me started moving, so I was able to pull into a spot right in front of the bar Trunks. I wondered if he’d seen me glance down at my iPod to change the song. Crap, if I got a texting violation, Oprah would NEVER be my friend.
I rolled down my window as the officer approached.
him: Hello ma’am. You feeling alright?
me: Oh, ha ha, yeah, I just got a little nauseous there. I’m feeling better now!
him: Have you been drinking, ma’am?
me: NO! It’s only 4:57!
him: Ma’am, please follow my finger with just your eyes.
me: Uh, ok…really, I am OK, (voice getting squeakier) I haven’t been drinking, I just got nauseous!
him: So nauseous that you had to throw up all over the middle of the street? There are a lot of holiday parties this time of year.
me: (realizing that telling a police officer that I just got suddenly nauseous and dizzy probably wasn’t a good idea) Well…I’m pregnant! So it just happened!
The words were out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. I pushed my stomach out a little just as the officer’s gaze shifted down.
him: OHHHH. How far along are you?
And then I had to keep making up stuff, since I am very much the opposite of pregnant right now. Luckily, my friend Alli is just pregnant enough that I could basically steal her pregnancy facts and use them as my own. Thanks for getting knocked up, Alli!
The police officer finally let me go after telling me “not to drive when I’m nauseous.” And then he followed me almost the entire way home, which totally freaked me out and made me never want to leave the house again. I also kept my stomach pushed out because I was pretty sure the officer would somehow be able to tell if I relaxed.
So let this be a lesson to all of you: throwing up from your car in the middle of a street, while stopped in traffic in front of a bar, makes you look like a drunk.
And now you (and I) have learned something new today.