In December of 1980 my parents bought the house that I grew up in. On Friday of last week, they put it up for sale.
This has been a long-time coming. My parents have been fixing up the house for over a year. When they started, Mike said to me, “You know they’re fixing it up to sell it, right?” Mike moved a lot as a kid, so he knew all the signs. I tried to be rational and adult about it. It’s a big house for just two people. It was logical to want to downsize.
The home improvements took a while, so I was able to live in a certain amount of denial. But now that the house is on the market and potential buyers have been walking through it, I have to come to terms with the fact that my parents’ house – the house I sometimes slip and call “Home” – won’t be their house for much longer.
I had a really amazing childhood in that house. My parents bought the house when it was being built, and when we moved in the street was filled with young families. Afternoons and summers were spent outside with the other neighbor kids; we’d walk from house to house, ringing doorbells and asking “Can you play?” Then we’d climb the hills in the open space behind the houses, or build elaborate skateboard/cardboard box racers, or play massive games of hide and seek. My parents had the biggest front yard on the street, and it was central to a lot of our activities. It was where I tried to do a handspring and landed on my back. My friends tried to teach me choreographed dances on the lawn (it went as well as the handspring). When we got older, we’d lay on the grass and gossip about our days.
Annabel looking out over the lawn.
The house has held several generations of our family. My great-grandmother and grandmother also lived in the house, and obviously my own babies have all spent time there. It has also held two weddings, two funeral receptions, a family reunion, a surprise party, an engagement party, some wedding and baby showers, a bazillion swim and birthday parties, and an annual football extravaganza. Countless family holidays have been hosted there. Annabel’s first birthday party was in the backyard, and Madeline’s only birthday party was held there, too.
I could really go on and on about every sleepover, or fight, or milestone achieved in the house, but I’ll stop. I’m an extremely sentimental person, so there’s no point in me chanting “It’s just a house, it’s just a house.” It’s not just a house. Every square inch is flooded with memories, and it’s hard to know that soon I won’t be able to walk into my old bedroom or the room my grandma quilted in. I’m not ready to imagine another family living there.
I do keep chanting “This is good for Mom and Dad,” because it is. They’ll get a house perfectly suited for them, without stairs to climb or a giant lawn to mow. They’ll be able to travel. And their new house might be closer to us, which would thrill Annabel. I know selling was a hard decision for them, but I also know they are excited about the future.
My postpartum hormones are making me especially sensitive, but every time I do something at their house I think, “Is this the last time I’m going to do this?” and then I get teary. It’s going to be an emotional time and I just have to give into it, and enjoy the “last times” as they come.
Their view of the sunset.
Jenn says:
I get it…..Sending you BIG HUGS!! I hope they get a house closer to you with a swimming pool since Annie is so cute in the pool and I know James is going to be too!
xo
Ciara says:
I so get it! My granny sold her house two years ago and it absolutely gutted me. I was literally born in the back room of her house and she cared for me and my sister when our parents worked. My best childhood memories were tied up in that house. I’m irish so our family is huge, so I have so many memories of giant games of hide and seek and one particularly drunken night for the adults when about twenty five of us had a giant game of cricket in the middle of the road! Like your parents my granny really needed to downsize as she was in her sixties and the house was just too big. As hard as it was saying goodbye to the house that our family had owned for several generations and that I was born in, it was also liberating for my granny. Fixing up her new house was great fun and she can also travel much more. In fact she’s just come back from six weeks in California! Much love!
defendUSA says:
Aw…I felt that way about my Grandparents’ homes. We moved alot so I don’t have too much sad there. But the G=parents houses? I was only 12 when both said time to downsize. I cried!! But alas, where ever Grams’ were, I was happy to be.
I am surely younger than your parents, but I am already thinking about downsizing. We can’t possibly stay in 4000 SF until retirement with a one acre yard to care for. I don’t know if I have that in me!! It will be okay…this I know for sure.
Cherie says:
I’m going through the same thing. It is really hard! My dad died last year and my mom cannot keep up with the house by herself, and it is much too big for one person. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be until they put in the for sale sign. Luckily she has wonderful neighbors who are helping her mow the grass and maintain the pool, but she cannot depend on them forever, and my sister and I do not live close enough to help much. Thank you for writing this. I’m glad I’m not the only one so emotional about a house.
Susan says:
I also understand. We moved a few times while I was growing up, so the longest I lived in one place was 7 years. When my parents sold that house, it was tough because I felt like I lost my anchor. They have since move to the family farm where my great-grandparents lived and where all of us consider home.
It’s tough. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad.
Mary says:
My brother and I still dream about the amazing house we grew up in … I was 15 when we moved, and I’m 44 now. One word of advice – if you hear it’s been altered, don’t go back and look at it, it’s bizarrely disconcerting … a whole nother round of the talking-to-yourself about how someone else owns it now. This is going to sound really odd, but sometimes I just can not believe I can’t just go back to the house I remember …
Tracy says:
Totally understand and been there done that. Too bad YOU couldn’t buy the house and sell your house!
Lamb says:
I was thinking the same! Would your parents be willing to trade houses with you, even just for a few years?
Tonya says:
Well, now you have ME crying. And I’m not even kidding. I was an army brat and never had a home for any period of time. My husband and I had our home built in 1998. We were babies. We brought our babies home to this house, our beloved collies are buried in the yard, it sheltered us from many life storms. BUT, it’s small. My girls have fights every single day in their shared bathroom. Their closets are tiny. Their bedrooms are right next to ours. We have crazy neighbors. And so, it’s time to move on. And I. Can’t. Take. It. I have cried and cried and it’s not even listed yet. I’m moving to an awesome house in an awesome neighborhood and yet I want to say, never mind. We can make do here. My husband thinks I’m nuts. My kid’s think I’m nuts. So, yeah……this post hit extra close to home. I get you. Completely.
Tonya says:
KIDS. Not kid’s. Autocorrect makes me insane.
Ninabi says:
I understand, too. Houses full of memories…
Far away in time and distance is my grandmother’s house and near it, the house where all my great aunts and uncles lived. I miss those houses with their attics and coal cellars and doors that needed the old fashioned keys. I miss the people inside so much.
Sometimes, I “drive” on google street view, just to go past those beloved places. Two weeks ago I saw that both were being worked on and the landscapes redone- no small deal in a neighborhood full of decay. Tears. The houses were being loved again and I called my mother to tell her the good news.
Houses hold our memories and our hearts. You wrote beautifully about all that is contained within your parents’ house.
Lanie says:
I totally understand and thought I would be the exact same way about my parent’s house. It was the house I was brought home to
from the hospital. We never moved. In fact, there was a time when my mom really wanted to but my brother and I protested loudly.
However, my parents sold their house months after Jake died. It turned out that I did not care about the house being sold after all. I did not have enough tears/grief for the house – it was all over shadowed by desperately missing our son.
Sending you hugs and hope. xo
Aubrie says:
I hear ya. I lived in the same house from the age of 3 to 26. Soon after I moved out my dad lost his job and they sold the house and moved to a different state. I hate thinking of someone else living in that house. I think of all the Christmas’ and 4th of Julys we had and I miss it.
Ashley says:
I know exactly what you’re going through. It devastated me when my mom sold OUR home. It broke my heart. I was actually mad at her for a little while. I knew it was for the best, and all the right reasons… but I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else living in the home where all of our memories were. Now she has a new house, and we’re making memories there, too.
TamaraL says:
I’m sorry, Heather. I don’t have a childhood home to look back on (parents divorced when I was 7) but the one home I do remember most burned down this year. It did make me a little sad. I think it’s okay to be happy for your parents, but sad for yourself at the same time!
Amy B says:
I recently went through the same thing. The entire grieving process was used. In the end I have found comfort in knowing another child will have fond memories in the wonderful house that I grew up in and the thought if their smiles and memories was enough to allow me to let go. Best wishes to you and your parents. It’s hard on them as well, their children and grandchildren have fingerprints all over that house.
S says:
You have the right mantra. That’s how I looked at my parents need to downsize several years ago, and it was the only way I could understand the reason. My brother took it the hardest because to him, understandably so, it wasn’t just a house.
What I find amusing is that, a few years later, my brother teaches the girl who now lives in his old bedroom. He has told us how they’ve discussed the marks inside her bedroom closet–the ones my brother put there over 2 decades ago.
Leah says:
It’s a beautiful house and an especially beautiful view. You’re lucky to have had it in your life for so long.
Maris says:
I felt the same way. I always thought I have my same bedroom at my parents and when I had kids, I could bring them up to show them my room or let them nap on my old bed. My parents sold their house 7 years ago last month. It was very sad. Now they live 4 houses away from my house (sometimes a good thing, sometimes too close). My grandma was my fab person on the planet. She died in 2002 but it was a 2 family home my uncle’s family still lived in. I felt I still had a part pf her just being able to visit it. They sold it in 2007. That was super upsetting to me…I took a ton pfictures of every foot of the house so I would always be able to remember everything. I’m very sentimental too so I totally understand what you’re going through. Maybe it won’t sell immediately so you can create more memories
Aubrey says:
I completely understand. After my grandma passed away our family decided to sell her house. I grew up there. I have a lot of the memories you talked about, sleepovers, birthday parties, holidays, neighborhood games in the front yard. Every one of my kids birthday parties were held there. It was home for all of us at one point or another. It is hard, and it sucks. I kept telling myself ‘it’s just a house, the memories aren’t really there’ but it was so much more than a house. It was my family, my grandma, It sucks but I have every picture and I could still walk through that house in my sleep. I could tell you where every piece of furniture sat, what was on the walls.
I hope your parents find a perfect house for them, closer to you. (((HUG)))
Leslie says:
I hear you on this. My parents sold the house I grew up in 5 years ago and I still miss it. They moved to a condo and even though it was good for them, it just does not feel the same to me. I miss being able to “go home” to my childhood house, to my old room, to watch the fireflies lighting up the bamboo in the back yard. I have only driven by it once since it sold – terrible idea since the new owners painted it and chopped down all the trees. It broke my heart! Anyway, all of this to say that I don’t think it is silly at all that you are so sad. It is completely understandable.
Joelle says:
I always look at it like this…it’s time for a new family to enjoy that house. Maybe a young couple who is pregnant are looking at that house and thinking…I bet we could have some stellar bday parties here, or look at this yard! Our little acrobat will do cartwheels on it when she is older!
My parents still have the house i grew up in, and actually I wish they’d sell it and downsize. The yard is too big for them now, and I’d love to see them travel more.
Gretta says:
You guys buy it!
Sarah says:
In addition to your idea of remembering that it is good for your mom & dad, I think it is great that you are honoring your memories there. I am envious. I would love to have a home separate from the one we own to which I felt connected (my childhood was cold, so the house was just a shell). You are lucky, so very lucky, to have had the opportunity to make all of those memories and to live that life. It’s not just a house to you, and you are honoring it most by making sure that your own home is full of the life & love that you want to continue to celebrate.
r says:
My parents sold my childhood home while I was incredibly pregnant with my first child… I still drive by it when I am in that part of town. It holds so many memories. And now, with my father having passed away… The memories are sometimes more teary. It has been 8 years since they sold, and one and a half years since my dad passed. I still consider that my home. It isn’t just a house, but it is going to be best for your parents. Hugs.
Kari Weber says:
Ugh! My name didn’t come up on the above comment! R? Wo has a name like that?! Sigh.
Mommy says:
This made me cry. It’s not just a house, it’s a place where memories were made, and that is hard to let go of, but nothing can take that away.
I hope you guys can have one last big party before they move. Give that house a proper send off to the next family to make their memories in!!
Sending you love!!
ps. Before the house is sold, maybe you could find a very hidden place, like in the attic or on a hidden wall in one of the closets, and write the initials of your beloved family members who have loved that house too. My grandfather did that in their home before they sold it, and I love the idea that though another family is living and loving their old house, a part of all us will forever be there too. xoxo
Tammy says:
I just went through a similar thing and I’m very sentimental too. My mom sold our family home after it had 3 feet of water in it caused by Hurricane Katrina. The difference is that my deceased dad built the house 50-some years ago. And I have to literally pass it to get to her new house. I get a pit in my stomach each time. But, we have become comfortable with her new house. However, it still doesn’t feel like “home.” I don’t think it ever will.
Mommy says:
I forgot to add that my kiddos and I are working on a dollhouse right now- it’s sort of a representation of their grandparents’ house. Of course it can’t be an exact replica, but it’s been really fun to paint and wallpaper the rooms to look like theirs and to get old antique dollhouse pieces to place in the different rooms. We even printed little pictures of everyone to put in frames for the walls. It might be a fun project for you and Annie and a way to honor your parents’ home! Hugs!!
Kat says:
As I was scrolling down the post I saw the shot of Annie with her hands up and I thought she was getting ready for a front handspring just like her mama! I was all, “Wow that Annabelle…such a talent!”…then I kept scrolling and saw the window. So I guess she’s just “regular” like me kids.
For what it’s worth I STILL drive by my childhood home and cry inwardly. I miss it.
Paula says:
Heather,
(((((HUGS))))).
Lots of love.
Auntie_M says:
This is how I felt about my grandparents’ house. I think it’s perfectly ok to be sentimental about this house because it’s more than a house: it’s been a memory keepeer for you for years…
I’m glad that you are such a wonderful writer: your other form of memory keeping. Write about it all, as you have been. Let the tears fall, the smiles break through, and the laughter bubble up. And then…if you don’t mind…keep sharing with us! Because now that house is no longer just a house to us either: it’s your childhood home and memory keeper and a place of stories and tales to be told.
xoxo
Julie @ Living on the Ledge says:
My husband and I just sold the house he grew up in. I kept asking how he felt and he would always say, “Ready to move!” During our final few moments at the house, he broke down crying. “Just a house” , but really so much more. So many memories – totally understandable to feel the way you do!
Lisa says:
You might not ought to watch this then. It came out the year my parents sold my childhood home.
Kerri says:
Why the hell am I crying? Gah! We’ve only lived in our house for 8 years and are thinking of moving, but I keep coming back to “we brought each of our babies home to this house”. I totally get it.
Katrina says:
I get it. I practically grew up in my grandmother’s home. I was there on the weekends, on the holidays, sometimes during the week. She lived only a mile or two up the road from me, so it was very easy to visit. I actually never thought of going there as “visiting” — it just felt like another home to me. All of my childhood memories were in that house, as well as my adult memories. When she died a few years ago, my mother moved into her home. She wanted to update the house and make it her own, so she tore down walls and remodeled. The house changed a lot, and at first that really bothered me because it took away so much of what I felt was my “grandma’s home” — but still, it was the same house technically, and I was grateful that at least my mom now lived in it, and now MY children could visit THEIR grandma in the same house and make the same memories. Well, that didn’t happen the way I thought it would. A couple years after the remodel, my mother got married, put the house up for sale and moved 3 states away. Now, not only do I not have my childhood home anymore, but my kids don’t have a grandma to visit. We cannot fly a family of 12 out of state — and driving takes about 24 hours one way. It’s just not an easy trip to do, especially when older kids have school and sporting activities, etc. My mom is the only grandparent that my kids have left. Sure, it was a good move for her and made her happy to have a new home with her new husband in a new area…. but it sucks for me and my family. It just sucks.
I know the selling of your childhood home hurts. I feel your pain with that. But I also look at what you have with your parents and how they might be moving even closer to your family…and I envy you.
Jeanie says:
Oh, Heather, I know just how you feel. When my mom died six years ago, neither my sister nor I wanted to sell the house. I was almost seven years old when my parents bought it brand new, and my sister lived there from when she was born until she married. It was a small house, only two bedrooms, but in such good condition. We both owned houses and were not interested in dealing with renters, so we relented and sold it — in one day, I might add! The house is on the street behind mine, so I go by there frequently. I can’t really say the new owners aren’t taking care of it, but it sure doesn’t look the same. There are so many plants in the front yard, you can barely see the grass. Anyway, I’ve gotten on a rant — just to say I understand. Your parents’ house and setting are lovely.
Susan says:
You should buy it!
K-Line says:
Could you buy it?? My relationship to my childhood home (one I didn’t like at the time) is much more intense than I ever realized. It’s still the subject I dream about most often. It’s my biggest metaphor. Sometimes the house holds joy. Other times sadness. One time I was a ghost, inhabiting the walls watching a new family inhabit the space. I do understand the profundity of your grief over this. Just know that your joyful memories will always be vivid.
Glenda says:
You will always have the memories and pictures!
Yay! that your parents may move closer to you guys!
I moved growing up and then when I got married to a Marine we moved every 3 yrs. So I never got attached to a home.
AuntieMip says:
Oh Heather…
I know how you feel. On Thursday my mom’s closes on the house I grew up in. We have been there for 48 years. This is the house my siblings and I came home from the hospital to. The house my brother died in after his long battle with leukemia. My mama outlived my grandma who lived with us my whole life and my daddy who died 8 years ago.It is the only grandma house my 8 nieces and nephews have ever known! About 7 years ago I bought the house up the street so was close to mama. She recently bought the newly renovated house next door to one of my sisters. It is the perfect situation for her. I know it is right. But it is so hard and we have worked every weekend since the beginning of the year to get it ready to sell. And sell it did…6 days on the market, bidding war and $10K over asking. Best part is the young couple next door who have 2 small children, girl fist, little guy second bought our house. The mom has the same name as my sister and she has a very unusual name. And like you and Mike this family lost their first daughter, a premie!
I feel for you Heather. I have had an amazing childhood much like you with deeply committed parents and a close extended family. Growing up is so hard. I am 46 and not sure when I will.
Sending love an good thoughts.
AuntieMip says:
P.S. This Wednesday we are having 1 last family dinner and taking pictures before we say good by. And P.S.S. I snuck in to a secret spot and wrote our family names, all our individual names including the grand kids and the years we lived there and this “The ___ Family lived, loved and laughed here for 48 years. We wish you the same”
Neeroc says:
Funny timing. My parents bought their house in ’68 and my mom put it up for sale on Friday. My dad died in that house, and i spent 19 years there It was something I saw coming, and while I don’t have the same great memories, I do get a twinge every now and then.
casie c. says:
My childhood home comes to me in dreams frequently. I hope yours does because it truly makes me happy to wake up and feel like I was there, loving the space the way we did. It may sound crazy, but I dream of it often…walking inside, playing in the yard, sleeping in my room, eating in the kitchen, just normal activities. I only lived there from ages 7-14, but I have major emotional ties to the house itself, which I’m not sure is normal, but it’s just me. I drive by it at least once a year and daydream that I might be brave enough one day to ring the doorbell and ask to go inside. Although, I’m not sure that’s what my heart needs because it has been 20 years since I lived there and I don’t want to taint the memories I have with someone else’s idea of a home. I totally understand the feelings. We have only lived in our house now for 7 years, but I’m torn on moving simply because this was our first home, where we brought our babies home from the hospital, where we started our lives. For me, it’s never, ever “just a house”.
Courtney says:
I love the song “the house that built me” by Miranda Lambert. Listen to it ????????
lori says:
here’s my advice-take a door and put it in your new home. my friends took the front door of their childhood home and it was a smooth installation. next best-door knob…
i get it, i still have keys on my keyring that belonged to someone i loved more than life…. that key will stay forever on my my keyring…
Karen says:
Indeed. I can still park in front of the house I grew up in, or in front of my grandparents’ house 3 miles away, and get weepy, and it’s been a minimum of 14 years since they were sold. You will always love that house.
Greis says:
I’ve stayed at that house and I loved it!! My parents just downsized, so I totally understand.
Rachel (sesame ellis) says:
Someone mentioned it above, but what I did when my mother sold our family home after my dad died was this… I went into the attic and found a beam towards a back corner. On that beam I wrote the house a thank you note. I signed and dated it and left. It was so very hard. I still miss that house and it has been years now. If I close my eyes and try, I can still remember how the floors felt under my bare feet in the summers and the way the air conditioning sucked my bedroom door closed. Thanks for the chance to remember my home for a few moments…