Mommy said I was kind of a bad girl today. I didn’t want to nap. I screamed and cried almost all day.
So, Mommy said I had to write an essay explaining what I did. She said it was something she had to do a lot growing up, whatever that means.
You don’t know what it’s like, you guys! It gets so boring around here. I mean sure, Mommy is always singing and dancing and acting dumb, but it gets old so fast! She needs a new material.
Now, onto Rigby. She is just into me for my snacks. And she even has the nerve to bark at me if I don’t share them! You don’t see me all up in your food, do you Rigby? It works both ways, Rigby. Share your snacks with me, and I’ll share mine with you.
I want to go back to something here. Why is everyone SO INSISTENT I take naps? I’m eight and a half months old, I think I know what’s best for me. Napping is NOT what’s best for me. In fact, I am going to use this time to share what IS best for me.
2. ripping things
3. knocking things over
4. escaping the baby gate
5. changing channels on the remote
6. feeding myself
8. pulling hair
9. smiling at things when I deem them important
10. gnawing on things
I think that’s the gist of the list. I reserve the right to add to it at will.
Look, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. I’m a baby. Sometimes, I’m just gonna get all Linda Blair In The Exorcist up in here and nothing is going to stop me. Not tylenol, not 87 teething tablets, not my pacifier or my blanket or singing or ANYTHING. I just wanna throw myself around for a bit. It burns calories. It’s fun. And frankly, I’m good at it.
The good news is that, just as quickly as my tantrums start, they can stop. And then I’ll go back to being super smiley and adorable, and you’re gonna want to love on me and have a dozen more babies just like me.
BUT DON’T. I don’t want to share the attention!
Mommy, I trust that this has fulfilled my obligation.