I wake up in the morning when Mike’s alarm goes off, but I don’t get out of bed. The baby immediately starts making noise, so Mike goes to change his diaper while I doze. A few minutes later, Mike brings a dry, happy baby to me in bed. James either flops down on top of me and sleeps, or he pokes at my face until I give up and get out of bed.
From there, it’s all about the routine. Get Annie out of bed, feed her and James, pack lunch if it’s a school day. Drop off, pick up, bottles, sippies, interrupted naps, ten minutes of work here, twenty minutes of work there. Annie asks what day of the week it is, and then makes me run through all the days of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…Can you do it again, Mommy?
Annie wants to know what we’re doing today. And tomorrow. And the day after, and after that, and I’m pretty sure if I offered to go through her calendar day by day for the rest of her life she would let me. The girl wants to be scheduled and busy, but she also hates the sameness of it all.
I understand. Sometimes I look at the calendar and I hate it, too. At night when I finally go to sleep, I think, “Tomorrow it starts over.” There’s little room for spontaneity, and even when it’s possible it’s not always the best idea because some little people might not be able to handle it.
Still, I try, in little ways. Sometimes I take the long way home and point out different trees. Sometimes I buy cinnamon bread at the grocery store and we have breakfast for dinner. Sometimes we don’t leave the house at all but I declare it “Silly Voice Day” and we’re only allowed to communicate with funny accents. Sometimes I still feel like I’m going a little crazy.
We have many, many years of routine in front of us, and there will be a lot of good in that. I am excited to watch my kids in school and extracurriculars. But I also want my kids to enjoy the fun and creativity that comes in being spontaneous. Finding a way to add unexpected fun within the constraints of our scheduled lives is only going to get harder. I’m worried I’ll fail at it. I look at Annabel and I see a girl who longs for adventure. I worry that I’m not going to be able to give it to her. Silly Voice Day isn’t going to cut it for much longer.
Silly Face Day is a strong contender, however.
Meyli says:
Noooooo my comment got deleted. I’ll do this again….
Make a visual calendar for/with Annie!
Use clip art or other simple pictures, put Velcro or magnets on the backs, and use them to mark the calendar. Then Annie can ‘read’ what’s happening that day.
We used this in preschool – it especially helps kids who have a hard time with transitions. It could also be a fun way for Annie to make up stories! Or plan the day
Susan says:
On my gosh, us parents, we are so hard on ourselves. We tell ourselves to be careful with expectations of our children but yet we set such high ones for oursevles. Most importantly, your with your children. Silly voice day or just playing a game or watching TV. Annie is still young and it seems long ago to when my guys were there but keep in mind you also want them to form some independent play as well. Down time from scheduled time is important. My guys spent hours playing with legos or action figures or matchbox cars. Or just playing outside. Let me just say that kids figure it out. They make their own adventures. As Annie gets older and friends are made, you will be car swapping them from house to house to play. It all evens out. I think we need the “adventure” more than the kids do
Becca says:
I actually think the silly theme days or random Green Food Dinner or little inconsistencies in their routine make a larger difference than you’re giving yourself credit for. Those are the things I remember about my childhood – and I only remember them *because* I had a routine, not in spite of it.
While I’m not there yet either, I firmly believe that in due time routines will loosen and your spontaneity will be able to hit a larger level. Until then, Crazy Hair Day or Color Wars are probably just enough to make that little girl feel like the world is full of fun and silly surprises.
Becki says:
You so need to relax. You angst way too much over everything. Just let life happen and let Annie deal with routine. Or you are going to be stuck “entertaining” forever AND when you can’t, your children might look for entertainment in the wrong areas because they are bored. (This happened to ME – blessedly we are all sorted out now, thanks to God.)LET them be bored – they are going to have to learn to suffer through it and find ways through it.
Alexandra says:
Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Don’t listen to this, Heather. In my experience as a teacher, the parents who think things through as thoroughly as you are always the best. I think this commenter also missed the more subtle aspects of your post. I used to feel like I was going crazy when my kids were that small but trust me, as they age you’ll be able to break out of the routine more often and you won’t always feel like you’re stuck in a loop.
Devon says:
I don’t think Becki meant her comment negatively, but as a way to help Heather adjust Annie to entertaining herself at times. Which is a valuable skill! I’m a teacher as well, and a nanny and working towards a child life certification and for kids, the ability to entertain themselves,play imaginative games with their toys (and Annie has an AMAZING imagination!) does serve them really well. It allows them to seek out new ideas, create and think innovatively. It’s a hard adjustment but getting kids to play alone for periods of time is really wonderful. I usually have an activity in the morning full of being together, being engaged and together, then have “independent time” in the afternoon so we can all decompress, I can get the baby to nap, etc. There’s a middle ground to all these things!
Chrissy says:
Amen, Devon!
From – a fellow teacher (kindergarten)
Becki says:
Thanks Devon. Exactly.
Lanie says:
We do the calendar idea in our house too – especially leading up to Halloween. Our twins always ask “is today a school day?” or “is it bath night?” I am going to borrow your idea about changing things up more often. If I think of anything good I will send it your way. Sending you hope and hugs. xoxo
Cristin says:
I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit! You don’t need to be entertainment for the kids all day. Annie seems to have a great imagination and can keep herself “busy.” I think parents, in general, underestimate down time. Life isn’t about fun and games every hour of the day. I think you’re an awesome mom and we can see evidence of that on the blog. You’d be doing Annie a disservice by being “on” all the time!
Susan says:
I second this.
One particular trait I notice about parents is that, over time, they begin to say things like, ‘life isn’t always going to be Disneyland every other day’ or ‘i’m not a walking entertainment center’. They go in wanting to at least provide some regular entertainment, only to realize they can’t keep it up and end up with a kid who says, “I’m boooored” whenever there isn’t something exciting to do. It’s better to let kids have the chance to rely on themselves for entertainment, so they don’t become bored easily (or think boredom is the worst thing that can happen). It becomes very difficult to be happy when you can’t be content with somewhat boring but stable daily routine (which is what life will honestly be most of the time).
Sarah says:
Don’t worry. You are a very funny and creative person. You’re giving her more spontaneity than you realize and I bet as she gets older it’ll increase, just because she’ll be able to handle it. No way will you fail her, it’s impossible with you as the mama.
RzDrms says:
Unrelated, but I’ve been silently fussing you for the last four hours, all while hearing Phoebe’s voice in my head singing (over and over…and over), “Lather Rinse Repeat, Lather Rinse Repeat, oh Lather Rinse Repeeeeat…AS NEEDED!”
I can’t read my shampoo bottle anymore for the same darned reason.
RzDrms says:
(Um, ps… My comment was made tongue-in-cheek. I’m definitely not cranky! I mean, who could be cranky with a “Friends” earworm?!)
Heather says:
RIGHT? I have been singing it non-stop!
Lindsay says:
Yup, I’m totally with this commenter. And once one Phoebe song got in my head, they ALL started parading through. At one point at work, I was humming, “Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo … oh the cow in the meadow goes moo …” and, well, we all know what happens next.
Sarah says:
Sheesh I didn’t see the rather cranky sounding posts before…they strike me as being the same camp as “don’t pick up the baby too much, life is painful they have to learn that sometime anyway”. You’re not talking about being a one-woman road show, you just recognize in your daughter the need for stimulation and new things to be mixes into her routine! I still think you don’t need to worry though – you do lots of fun activities when you can, vacations and outings. And she’s learning about humor with the funny accents and faces and other things you do. I think that’s awesome!! She will learn how to find fun and unique moments in the midst of any regular old day thanks to you.
Susan says:
Genuine apologies if my post is one that sounded cranky–I didn’t intend it that way. I only meant that it’s okay to let the high levels entertainment be a little more sparing than regular occurrences. Things like cinnamon bread and Silly Voice day are great, and I’m glad Heather does those things! I think she does a great job of being a fun, educating, loving parent. I have a lot of respect for her.
My only issue is I’ve seen kids who literally *could not* be happy unless they were being actively entertained. Their threshold for what was entertaining/fun got higher and higher. One minute they’d be laughing and joking around, the (literally) next, when things got too quiet, they’d announce ‘I wish it wasn’t so boring around here, when are we going to do something fun?’ It would be like getting candy to the point where it’s not considered a treat anymore; just boring routine. I guess my point is I think kids can end up with SUCH heightened expectations of ongoing, regular entertainment it can lead to burnout and disappointment for parent and kid (not irredeemably, of course).
JMH says:
It will get better. In the next few years, the nap/eating schedules won’t be as rigid and you will be able to be more spontaneous. On the flip side, as they get older, you will be so much more busy with activity and school schedules. I envy the routine of your days…between my 13 yr old and my 10 year old, we are rarely home. We are running kids to sports practices, club and church meetings, etc. I won’t have a free day (no obligations) until June. Hang in there…it does get better
Devon says:
You do a wonderful job, Heather. The things you’ve listed above sound awesome! I nanny for kids at similar ages as Annie and James (plus one extra, who is a bit older) and the three of us still struggle to find that balance. I usually try to have a morning of busy activities, then an early afternoon of decompression and quiet for all (adults included!) then go out together or play again in the couple hours before dinner. It works for us because everyone gets a chance to be together, be alone (in a way) and exercise bodies and minds. I think it will improve over time as James gets older and the kids need less supervision to play together but you are a wonderful mom, even for worrying about this! I have worked with/for families and parents that didn’t try so hard to be together, play and explore with their children. Your efforts are noticed by them and they’ll have awesome memories when they’re older.
Emily says:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5062838
So, I’m sure you’ve seen that article. I’m sorry I can’t think to use my own words here and am instead quoting an article, but it’s all very true and applicable. Annie surely finds comfort in the routine and consistent, loving household. And as others have commented, your role is Mother, not Head Of Entertainment. I know it’s been brought up in comments before, but have you thought of hiring a mothers helper? Some eager, young high school girl who will either play and entertain the kids, or do your cooking and laundry so you can rest/work/play? I did similar work all through middle and high school and loved it; I’m sure any girl would love the job. Even if its once a week, it’ll break up the week for Annie, give her a playmate, give you some time, and more! Just a thought.
Heather says:
YES! I plan on getting a mother’s helper once school is out and I can’t WAIT!
ella says:
Watch this video, The Gift of An Ordinary Day
Becca says:
First, you are lovely, thoughtful parents. This time of year is hard because there isnt an Easter bunny or Santa to look forward to.
Everyday is different because SHE is different. Kids at this age grow so much and their development/fine motor skills/understanding of the world and their self grows. Daily, she might see her toys differently, or work out a new idea or emotion with the same crayons she had the day before.
If is also really important at kids at this age to be able to predict what their day is and what is expected of them. If Annie asks what you are doing today, SHE should be able to tell you. Creativity does not do well in a vacuum – you need boundaries to be creative.
Maybe getting even MORE scheduled can help her/you – it will give her something to look forward to, and you less pressure that you need to plan something. Have art time at 3 everyday – you dont need to think of a project, just get the playdough/crayons out; after lunch watch a movie; dance time; outside time; story time; James time; cooking time before dinner or lunch where she can help. Include lots of free time, and of course include clean up time – these are all things you probably do anyway, just giving them a slot or an order that is not too long or short. If you want to be spontaneous, do it, but at this point it sounds like she is expecting something exciting everyday. Let her make her own magic with the stuff you already do.
I do not know if you read the article in the Huffington Post that has been going around called “I’m Done Making My Kid’s Childhood Magical,” but is really rang true to me. I love doing all kinds of special activities with my kiddos, but I feel guilty when I see other parents do such pintrest worthy activities (I forgot to take the 3m picture! How could I give my kids store bought ice cream, when we could have made it – what a missed opportunity!) If I forget to think back to my childhood, the most influential moments had nothing to do with something elaborate my parents came up with. At her age – I remember playing with my sister and learning rainbow colors
Meg says:
Ye olde hamster wheel. Some weeks it’s nice to know what’s coming. Some weeks it’s incredibly depressing. Being a grown up seemed much more glamorous when I was a kid!
Karen says:
I work as home are nurse and Summer break and school year vacation days usually mean either being home alone for 8-12 hours w aspecial needs child w limited to severely limited abilities or with the child and siblings. Activity options can be so limited, espec on inclement days and we I can’t take the child(ren) anywhere or do anything that involves an oven or stove or too much mess and sibling rivalry still happens. You can color and play Mother May I or watch Barney only so much. By the end of the Summer I am so ready for school to start!
Karen says:
(Oodles of typos, typing w one hand on Nook)