James had his two-week visit with Dr. Looove last Thursday. I was anxious about it entirely because my own two-week visit with Dr. Risky was exactly an hour later, and even though the two offices are only three miles apart, they are three Los Angeles miles, and every stereotype you’ve heard about LA traffic is true. To do our part, we arrived for James’ appointment about thirty minutes early, and luckily we were taken back right away for vitals.
The nurse worked fast, and James was on the scale and off while I was working on some paperwork. I heard the nurse say James’ weight was six pounds, eight and a half ounces, but I thought she made a mistake because that was less than half an ounce over his hospital discharge weight. The nurse double checked and…yep. James had only gained two-fifths of an OUNCE in ten days.
Dr. Looove walked into the room right when I started crying. Mike explained that I was upset because I’d been working so hard on breastfeeding and James wasn’t gaining weight. Dr. Looove was awesome about it, because she’s awesome in general. But, there was obviously something going on because for as often as James was eating (and filling diapers) he should have gained far more than two-fifths of an ounce. Dr. Looove brought in a bottle of formula and had Mike feed James to make sure James was sucking and swallowing correctly. The kid gulped down an ounce in about a minute, so he certainly knew how to eat. Dr. Looove sent us home with instructions to breast feed, pump, and supplement with formula. She also told me to follow-up with a lactation consultant, and to have the LC weigh James every day.
I was pretty bummed out. I’d felt like the whole breastfeeding thing was working for us, and it turned out that it wasn’t. Dr. Looove and the lactation consultant explained that it was hopefully just a temporary setback, and to keep at it. So I have been, although I am possibly even more exhausted than I was when I was the only one feeding James! Now every three hours, I nurse him, then I pump while Mike tops James off with a bottle of either pumped milk or formula. And even though (for once) supply wasn’t an issue, I’m also taking every supplement there is. Fenugreek, Mother’s Milk Tea, beer, oatmeal, you name it, I’m trying it. I also try pumping before I feed, pumping after, pumping every two hours, using a nipple shield, and using a nipple everter/latch assist. I even made “lactation cookies” from a recipe I found on the internet.
The good news is that in three days James gained half a pound and now weighs in at seven pounds, officially an ounce above his birth weight! The flip side is now that James has discovered the ease of bottle feeding, his interest in nursing directly from the source has dropped considerably. Sigh. However, I’m now making enough milk to feed a small army of babies, so hopefully he’ll come back around at some point soon.
Unsurprisingly, Annabel thinks James eating from a bottle is the greatest thing ever, especially since we sometimes let her help.
If only she’d take the 4am feeding.
Hayley says:
Rather than giving him a bottle of formula, try giving him in a cup or a syringe & then he won’t get confused. Most babies lose weight after birth, and then build it back it over the first few weeks, so don’t fret over a small gain, you’re doing a fab job
TracyKM says:
If he hadn’t been weighed since you left the hospital, then how do you know how much weight he lost in the first week, like babies normally do? So, he might have lost a bit, then put it back on AND the 2/5 ounce. They’re only supposed to be back at birth weight by 10-14 days, so I think he’s doing fine, if he’s happy and filling diapers…
I see some others recommend a SNS. I agree with this, and Hayley’s comment about syringe or cup feeding. The SNS is an awesome tool for a “lazy” eater.
Oh, and hopefully you’re taking blessed thistle with the fenugreek. You need to take both at the same time. The ones I took, it was 3 capsules of each, three times a day–a total of 18 capsules I just lined them up and took one an hour throughout the day LOL.
Ali says:
What about an SNS? It gets him to the breast and allows for supplementation, it also helps your supply more than pump even. Just a thought.
Auntie_M says:
Oh! Bless your heart!!!
I kinda thought all babies lost weight during the first few weeks??? But I’ve never had a baby, so what do I really know?
I do know a friend had an awesome pumping bra that allowed her to hook the suction cups thru the bra. The pump was “double fisted” so to speak & charged when not in use and then was worn, with the oh-so-sexy bra backpack style for hands free pumping. Totally frees up your hands AND your time. Though you may feel as though you are part of a dairy farm! LOL
I am totally behind Annie taking the 4am feedings–she might love it! You’ll never know til you try!
As for James not taking the breast because of the ease of bottles…isn’t there a way to run the supplement thru a tube down to your nipple? Or a way to make the bottles harder to suck the meal thru? If not, in your spare time, maybe that’s something for you to invent?
Regardless, don’t lose faith! Your James is happy, healthy, and loved…if he gives up on the nipple, those other things won’t change. And this is coming from a gal who watched several best friends and a sister discover they hate breastfeeding….each pumped for different periods or time before switching over completely to formulas. All of their kids are spectacular and healthy! (And all the kids are between 3 and 6 years old!)
XO
Heather Street says:
You are doing a great job of breastfeeding! I’m and American living in the UK and the guidelines for weight are, I believe, much different here than the States, according to all of my friends in the US that have had babies. In the UK, they tell a mother that baby can be expected to lose up to 10% of their body weight in the first week while breastfeeding is being established before any weight gain is seen. My first 2 babies all lost weight in the first week, but then their weight took off! My third was the only one to have gained weight and the midwife said it was almost unheard of in breastfed babies. So, the fact that James has been exclusively breastfed AND gained weight in 10 days is awesome. You are doing a great job, Momma!
DefendUSA says:
Go out and buy yourself a postal scale at Office Depot. 100 bucks. Get a cookie sheet covered with a light blanket or pillow case. Put it on the scale and tare it. Put that sweet baby James in naked and weigh him once a day! I went through this with my fourth. They freaked me out. I did not supplement and by one month he gained what he lost plus another 12 ounces. This stuff happens and you have to do what gives you peace of mind. This is exactly what happened to my SIL. And now, Elizabeth is filling out just fine at 6 weeks! She weighed 6-7 at birth then at one week was 5-10 and by two weeks was back to 6-8. You are doing just fine… and two more things-
That little soft spot on the top of the baby’s head? If he were dehydrated or suffering in any way, that little spot would be sunken in. Another key thing to look for with strong sucking reflexes is that the baby’s temples show the draw on your breast or bottle. In other words, you can tell when they suck for comfort or hunger by the movement. You can see it and feel it. I promise you that baby will gain it all back. Be tough and calm. Everything will be okay!!
Jen K. says:
Ditto on the supplemental nursing system. I used them with both of my boys. I preferred the Lact-Aid over Medela because it had disposable bags that you could pre-full and then toss. Too much cleaning with the Medela.
Amanda says:
My Florence had the same problem – only gained an ounce at her 2 week check despite near constant nursing and pleanty of wet & dirty diapers. My LC recommended Marshmallow Root capsules to pump up the fat content of my milk (we bought them at Earth Fare) and they helped tremendously!
Marcilyn says:
If you are now making anough milk banish the bottles for a few weeks. Then you can bring back one a day.
It IS working. C section babies often have alot of fluid to loose in those first few days, and their weight drops more (and makes drs and parents nervous)…but keep at it …you are doing awesome!
Nancy says:
Aww Heather! I’m sure you are doing an amazing job!! And I’m also sure I won’t be the first to say it, but I bet baby James is just fine on your milk. When you look at his 2 week weight gain, you go off his lowest weight, not birth weight. They calculate from there. It can take some breastfeeding babies up to a month to regain weight. It’s rough. The early weeks are long and hard, but it will get better. I say that as a mom nursing baby #3 now. With each one, I’ve been through so much. So I understand the struggle and the stress. But keep on nursing. The more you supplement, the more it will mess with your supply. He’ll catch back on And he will catch up. If it helps any, my youngest only gained a pound from birth weight at his month check. Then he really got the hang of nursing and jumps multiple percentiles at every visit! He went as low as 10th to now at 50th. He’s just 4 months old so he caught on quick even though he had a slower start Hugs to you. It’s hard, but I have no doubt you are doing a wonderful job.
Stephanie says:
Sounds like you’re doing a great job! I’ve gone through the small number of comments here already and I have to say that while I can see the position of the many people here offering advice/direction to drop the formula bottle I would still go with what YOUR DOCTOR is advising you to do in terms of topping up. If you’re concerned about “nipple confusion” I would simply call or go back to the doctor before you change your plans based on what I know is likely some well-intentioned advice but that simply may not take into consideration all of your and James’ personal medical situation. Keep it up!
Leslie says:
Oh my gosh, I am beginning to think you and my daughter are somehow related! First the extreme hyperemesis, then your babies arriving within days of each other (our granddaughter Juniper Grace made her debut June 7), and now the weight loss. Junie breastfeeds like a champ, but at one week, she was three ounces below her birthweight of 5 lb 13 oz. She also had severe enough jaundice that she was back in the hospital for the photo lights overnight, and that was stressful.
They are doing well now, she is back to gaining weight, and the whole family is home and happy, but iugh, the initial stress was not fun at all.
And on a side note, you were right about the rev an having some horrible side effects … My daughter says it’s what got her through the pregnancy, but she is suffering from some effects, even no that she’s no longer taking it.
Leslie says:
That should be “reglan”. … My iPad doesn’t seem to like it either, switches it to something else every time I type it.
Angela says:
Annie’s “look” in that photo is priceless.
Becky C says:
Aww…try not to be discouraged! My son was jaundiced really bad and they delivered bili-lights to my house, so I could keep him home, but still provide photo-therapy for him. They also asked me to stop nursing him, until he was all better. He went under the lights at 5 days old and stayed under them until he was 9 days old. Those 4 days of missed nursing threw him totally out of whack! He wouldn’t nurse for anything after that and why would he? Bottle feeding was so much easier for him! After week 2…I called my OB sobbing and asked for help. She referred me to a LC who met with me, explained nipple confusion and lent me a hospital grade pump. After another 2 weeks of pumping, attempted nursing and breastmilk bottle feeding, my little champ got back on board and we nursed successfully until he was almost 6 months old. It can be rough, there will almost always be a challenge (for everyone), but it’s not impossible! {{{HUGS}}}
Amy says:
I went through this – twice – and, luckily my doctor was super reassuring, even though I was panicky. BF babies often gain really slowly at first! My first son was only an ounce above his discharge weight at our first appointment and I did get really concerned. However, he was peeing more than enough and had absolutely NO signs of dehydration. We just kept at it and he gained a pound the next week! (W did go to be husband’s office to use the postal scale daily, until I was less worried.).
Mommy says:
You are doing great! Super mommy!!!! Hang in there, breast feeding is HARD.
Sending you lots of love!!!
Tonya says:
My first child lost a full pound before starting to gain, but since her pee/poop diapers met the numbers the pediatrician wanted, we were just told to stick it out. Everything turned out fine, but not before I nearly had a nervous breakdown and my old-school, anti-breastfeeding mom made me want to punch her in the face. Good times, good times.
Do what the doctor has told you….and what you as a mother know feels right. Or what saves your sanity. James will be fine regardless.
Christen says:
MEdela makes a supplemental nursing system that is GREAT for supplementation. It’s a little tube that lays next to your nipple, so the baby is still attached to YOU, but the formula comes through that. You are doing everything right, so maybe the SNS will help you get back to nursing fulltime!!
Tina says:
After going through the same situation at my daughter’s check up, I busted out the old school baby scale my friend had lent me. For probably a week or two I would weigh her before and after feeding her to see how much she was getting. It was a big relief to see that she was getting enough. I felt like a horrible parent at first for not supplementing like my doctor said, but after failing at breast feeding my son, I was determined to succeed with my daughter. After visiting with the lactation consultant, I felt much better. Much of what you have said about your nursing experience sounds like it could have been my story, the CONSTANT eating, the horrible pain, it was awful… until things healed up, and she spaced out just a little. With all that said, you obviously know what is right for you and your family. I say, do what works. Good luck!
Gia says:
He will start gaining. Try not to worry or exhaust yourself. Breast milk is more nutrient dense than formula. His body is better able to use those nutrients. He will start packing on the weight. My son dropped a considerable amount of weight during the week after birth. I stuck to breast milk and he gained it all back SO fast. The best metric is … Does James seem satisfied after nursing? If so, he is getting enough.
Good luck.
G
Jewl says:
Ok, I had to comment. I cannot stand breastfeeders freaking out over other mother’s breastfeeding. I also had major guilt for the struggles I had with it years ago. I think crazy breastfeeders make us feel that way. I ended up bottle feeding both of my kids after about 3 weeks of trying with all my might(just not my cup of tea), and you know what? They are amazing, well adjusted, highly intelligent, normal kids (with ZERO allergies, contrary to popular belief, and even smarter than some of those breast babies There’s my 2 cents…its really no big deal, buy a good formula and get some rest. Take care!
Amanda says:
It’s great that your kids are thriving and amazing! Of course, bottle-fed kids can turn out wonderful; and, some breast-fed kids can turn out not so good!
But the law of averages, backed up by dozens of scientific studies, says this: breast-fed kids tend to be healthier and smarter than exclusively bottle-fed kids.
Does that mean every mom should be guilted into BFing? No. Does that mean moms who choose not to BF are evil? No. Does that mean we should ban the sales of bottles and formula? No.
But as a pediatrician and mom of three who struggled (often mightily) the first time around trying to breastfeed, I personally would not have given up because it wasn’t “my cup of tea.” Maybe you didn’t mean that to sound so casual and flip, but that’s how it came across.
I personally and professionally believe that mothers owe it to their children to breastfeed, if at all possible, for as long as possible. The science simply can’t be denied.
I’m not a therapist, but I’d suggest that any “guilt” you feel comes from your own conscience, perhaps suggesting that you should have tried a little harder, even though it wasn’t your “cup of tea.”
Heather says:
Thia comment made me cringe.
Auntie_M says:
Seriously!
Jennifer Dawn says:
So glad you’re not my kids’ pediatrician! Good lord.
Erin Welch says:
I bet your appreciation for Dr. Looove is all the greater after reading this comment! Yikes!!!
Margaret says:
So I guess I should feel bad that I feed my son who has a cleft lip and palate and an extreme milk intolerance, formula with a bottle. Everyone is intitled to their own opinions and their way of doing things. From what you are saying, I guess I can expect my son to be not as smart as he could have been since the bottle is the only options for us? Good for you Heather for doing what is right for YOU and James!!!!!!
Heather says:
And good for you for doing what’s right for your son! This comment is why pro-breastfeeders get a bad reputation. Sheesh.
Maria says:
I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but I just have to say it—my mother formula fed all of us, and we are all three healthy, smart individuals. My brother went to Stanford; my sister went to Emory; and I went to Georgetown. Not to brag—but yeah, we all turned out ok. Please stop preaching guilt. And this is coming from someone who breastfed for 11 months. I didn’t do it because I thought my child would somehow turn out smarter. And actually, I stopped short of a year because I was so miserable at the end, I had to step back and realize that I was spending more time dealing with clogged ducts and fretting over my supply than I was spending just ENJOYING my daughter. I wish I had stopped sooner, but too many people like you made me feel like I was a wimp for complaining about the pain when I literally had blisters on my n*pples. Heather, you are an awesome mom! But I think you hopefully know that already.
Rachel says:
I was going to say something along the same lines, Maria. Both my sister and I were exclusively breastfed, a decision that my mom received a lot of backlash for, yet we both finished at the top of our class in high school and went on to succeed in honors programs during college. Oh, and no health issues either. The comment above makes me feel like we were somehow “beating the odds,” but frankly, I think that the way parents choose to raise and teach their child influences the kid way more than the amount of breast milk that they consume as an infant. Heather and Mike are obviously fantastic parents, and James will grow up to be a healthy and super smart boy regardless of how long he is breastfed. I’m sure of it. Every family is different, but please, don’t make somebody else feel guilty for not following the same path that you took.
Rachel says:
*not exclusively breastfed, exclusively formula fed!
Karman says:
Amen and thank you! I feel the same way! No use beating yourself up over it, there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding. I never even considered breast feeding, it just wasn’t for me. My son is 17 and still healthy and smart!
Caroline says:
You are a rock star, Heather, in soooo many ways! You are doing a great job. It is true that these first few weeks of breast feeding are HARD and frustrating and anxiety provoking! You are not alone:)
Rachel says:
Heather,
As a first-time-Mom whose baby was born 9 days before James, I don’t have a ton of advice to offer, but I have been traveling down the same road! My little guy was 8lbs 10 oz @ birth, then had lost down to 7lbs 9oz by day 4. Our pediatrician had us start supplementing with formula after each nursing session. He gained 14 oz in a week! I felt really guilty about it at the time, but even a few weeks out, I see that that was silly. He still gets a combination of breast and formula, and I am OK with that because it is what works for US. He has started to give up some of the supplementary bottles, but even if we never completely give them up, it’s not the end of the world! Just wanted to let you know that there is another person out there who is in the same boat!
mp says:
I have no doubt James will be well taken care of, but how did your appointment go? I hope you’re taking care of yourself too!
Amy C. says:
As someone else said, the weight gain is calculated off the lowest weight, not birth weight. The rule of thumb is that they should generally be back up to birth weight by 2 weeks, so a slight gain at 10 days is awesome! Especially considering that c-section babies typically look like they “lose” more because of the increased fluids they get during delivery.
Kellymom is a great source for all kinds of nursing info:
http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/weight-gain/
Annalisa says:
Yup. My daughter only gained back the 9% she lost at the hospital those first two weeks. We even had supplemented with formula from day 1. I was just relieved she hadn’t been losing, because she ate (and screamed for more) like a piglet. At 4 weeks, she was nearly 9 lbs, which was miraculous given she had been less than 7 lbs only 2 weeks before.
It takes a mother who has given vaginal birth up to 5 days for milk to flow. For a mom who’s done a c section, it can take double that! Reason being, prolactin (the hormone that lets you breast feed) only gets build up 2 ways: vaginal stretching during birth, or suckling after.
I pumped from day 1, and NOTHING came out of the pump the first five days. After that, I could only produce maybe 1 oz a pump? I totally freaked out that my kid was also getting nothing, but she in fact was, or else she would have kept losing weight, rather than make it back. James is fine. Your supply will catch up. And yes, he’s sluggish now that he knows a bottle is easier.
Just keep offering him the breast first. As he gains, cut back the bottles one feed at a time. He might cry about it st first, but it will motivate him to keep suckling at the breast. Keep pumping. Eventually it will get easier. If you’re getting enough pumped milk for a bottle feed, don’t fret. It’s going okay!
linn says:
Same thing happened to me with both babies but my pedo wasn’t concerned and didn’t say anything about bottles or supplementing — she was Polish and went to med school in Europe so maybe this is an American doctor worry. Mine were both c-sections too.
Lauren says:
It is so, so hard. Between the hormones and exhaustion, everything is so magnified. When you feel overwhelmed, look at the bigger picture – you and Mike are making sure that James is getting everything he needs. Whether breast milk or formula, he is being fed and is happy, healthy and loved. That is all that matters.
Jesabes says:
Oh, Heather, I had to do the same with both my kids. It was SO demoralizing to go to that pediatrician appointment and learn all my wrenchingly hard work wasn’t working. But I only had to supplement for about a week with both of them. They both adjusted back to the breast pretty well, too, when we stopped giving bottles.
Hoping for a perfect outcome for you, too! Either a short supplementation period OR if it works best for you, more bottles to get you more sleep:)
Deena says:
I know you’re getting buckets of advice but the one thing that worked really well for me was chocolate malt ovaltine!
sharon says:
Keep up the good work Heather and do what works best for you and James! I had to supplement Jamie for the first 3 months and we went on to have a successful nursing relationship for almost 14 months. One thing you might want to ask the LC about is using a syringe taped to your/Mike’s finger instead of a bottle so you don’t have the issue with him preferring the bottle over you. It allows for a slow flow just like the breast and forces him to practice his sucking. We used that for about 6 weeks-2 mo before going to bottles. In order to catch up on rest, Matt and I had a rule (worked with both kids starting at about 2.5 mo) if they got up before 2am they were my responsibility, if they got up between 2am-7am, he’d give them a bottle and let me sleep. by that point, your supply should be nice and established. it also let me do a mega pump after the 7am feeding which would provide enough and then some for the next night’s feeding. good luck! keep at it!
staci says:
for as sucky as it feels, this is all.good.stuff. you know you need some supplemental schtuff (not bad), your baby is gaining weight (great!), you’re doing everything you can (even better) and your body is responding (yay!). this sounds like a similar track to mine except i was nowhere near as awesome about taking each and every thing and applying it. keep at it while you feel like you can and if you can’t, that’s fine too. your baby’s health and happiness are far more important than following the dreaded “babies were born to be breastfed” mantra. screw dat.
Michelle says:
My sister and I were just having the “if we only knew then” talk about how we would just CHILL about the crazy “they must gain back their birth weight by 2 weeks or else!” rule. Each one of my breastfed babies lost more weight than “allowed” after birth, and each were pretty jaundiced. I felt like we were CONSTANTLY at the dr for weight checks and their poor little heels being pricked for jaundice checks. I was A WRECK, worrying about every little ounce they hadn’t gained back yet. (They were all tiny to begin with, also.)
NOT ONE of them had gained their birth weight back by their two week appointments. I was always made to feel like a failure! It really took all of them until they were 1 month old to be right at or above their birth weight. But then, ya know what they did? They all turned into fat, chubby, cooing little babies. With only breast milk. Even after all of the drama of the first month of lactation consultants and Dr’s pushing formula.
Anyways.. every mom/baby is different, and you have to do what’s right for you. But as long as James seems content, is peeing and pooping regular… he’s going to be fine! Just keeping doing whatever feels right to you.
Paula says:
Heather – he is still getting breast milk and that is all that matters – not the source from where he is getting it. I think it’s great that he’s taking breast milk from a bottle for two reasons: 1 – you *know* he’s getting it and how much and 2 – you can rest while Annie bonds with James even more AND Mike bonds as well. Don’t feel defeated. You are breast feeding just in a different way.
J Keesee says:
I completely agree! I pumped for my (now 4-yaer-old) twins and it worked great for us. They still got the goodness of my milk, we could measure how much they were eating and other people could feed/bond with them. And, even though I pumped every 3 hours around the clock, I COULD TAKE A NAP!
Misty says:
The fact he gained any weight is awesome. And you are doing a FANTASTIC job. Everything you could try sounds like you have. Just keep offering that adorable baby you boob whenever he is hungry and it will work out. Believe in yourself stay as calm as possible and it will be OK.
Jen says:
If he was filling his diapers, he’s fine.
I breastfed both my girls and didn’t have a weight gaining issue with either of them. But more importantly, I myself was a breastfed baby who didn’t gain my full birth weight back until I was over a month. And my mother and doctor did the whole bring baby hungry, feed her, and weigh her, and I was getting plenty. Just a skinny kid and I still am as an adult.
I think your doctor would have been better off having your nurse James and then weigh him to get an idea of what he was actually getting, instead of automatically offering him formula.
Ditch the bottles and ditch the formula for now. If you want to provide one bottle a day of pumped milk, then go for it, but not necessary.
Michelle says:
My oldest acted like he wanted to eat, when what he really needed was a pacifier. So I was nursing him constantly, but what he wound up doing was using me to soothe. So I started watching him carefully and brushing his cheek or jostling his jaw slightly to stimulate him when he started looking like he wasn’t actually nursing. That helped.
Missy says:
Try using The First Years Breastflow bottles. They are supposed to mimic the sucking action of breastfeeding. I use them with my little one, and she doesn’t have an issue going from breast to bottle and back.
Cameron says:
The Breastflow bottles are really good. Kind of intimidating at first, but a great assistant for a kid who needs to go back and forth between breast and bottle.
I’m so sorry about your struggles with breastfeeding. I just cried and cried when things weren’t working right with my first son. It was the most frustrating and demoralizing thing. And once we got it all worked out it was a relief like no other I can describe. I hope for that for you.
The first weeks with any new baby are all about disorientation and confusion and fatigue and too much everything. But everyone in the world wishes you all the love and support you need. There’s a lot of good advice here and wherever you want to lean is going to be fine. You’ll find your way and everyone will be okay.
If you want a referral to the best LC I’ve ever met, let me know. She is a real talent and was an invaluable resource for me (after going through five others who meant well but just could not get what was going on at all).
Lisa says:
Heather, you are doing great! Do what works for you and your family. Breastmilk and formula are both food, as you well know! I’ve breastfed both my kids and know how hard it is. Not just physically – it’s also a really emotional thing. If, emotionally, you feel you really want to keep breastfeeding, keep going with whatever method works for you and Dr. Looove. If you feel you need to make the switch to all formula, do it and don’t worry about it! These early weeks are such a tough time for a mom, mentally and physically, and you are doing great.
Annalisa says:
Oh, and here’s a tip I got from Awesome! LC (as opposed to 1 and 2, who made me feel full of fail): if James is sluggish when at the breast, gently tickle the soles of his feet or under his armpit. Apparently, that tickling will help him focus and also stimulate his suckling reflex. I didn’t get that tip until week 3, and boy, did it make a difference: daughter liked to fall asleep at the boob, and then would wake up and freak out less than two hours later. The tickling helped keep her awake and suckling (only drawback: at first that meant our nursing sessions were about 30-45 minutes, until she got more efficient at suckling).
Christina Bathan says:
I feel you on the milk, I felt like Good ole bessie the cow, My section in the NICU was overflowing, our freezer at home was overstocked, and I was still pumping at least 8 oz each SIDE every 2 hours, yep, Im sure if I had black and white spots and could moo, I would fit in on my parents farm.
My sister on the other hand, whom had my nephew 17 days before William, full term, had zero milk, it just didn’t happen for her, So once a week she would come and pick up 10 bottles, I still had so much for my son, but her son also needed the antibodies to help keep him healthy. I wouldnt suggest it for everyone, but it worked for us in a pinch, and it actually helped pull me from the depression, I wanted to hug and cuddle my baby, and sure I would eventually would, but it just took longer.
Allison says:
No time to read the comments and I’m sure you’ve had plenty of these, but I HATE IT WHEN DOCTORS DO THAT. I have three sisters, and all of us have breastfed. Two of us had no problem and babies gained weight fine (albeit slower than bottle fed babies – that is normal!!). The other two had doctors tell them to do exactly what yours did, which basically gets the kid to prefer the bottle.
I think you have to stick it out, and forget about supplementing. I would have ignored that advice unless more time went by and baby still wasn’t progressing. At this point if I were you I would nurse a lot (more than every 3 hours, maybe every 2) and stop supplementing ASAP. If you stop before he gets too old he’ll still be fine with breast and won’t prefer bottle.
Ok, off my soapbox now, I just hate it when doctors force you to supplement. Breastfeeding takes time and they never give Moms a chance to work it out before jumping on the bottle bandwagon.
Julie says:
Really? So the dehydration and possible long term adverse affects to the infant who is starving is not an issue, as long as YOU think the mother is doing the right thing?
You really should get off your soapbox, because you are ill informed.
Amy says:
I wanted to send best wishes to all of you, and offer my experience, in case it is of interest or help.
I never really breast-fed — I pumped instead, and fed my bottle pumped breast milk from a bottle. It was way more efficient time-wise than breast-feeding, was a good way to make sure my baby consumed lots and gained weight, meant I could go away from home, and meant others (husband, etc.) could feed the baby. I did it for a full year and found it an amazing relief. I bought a little manual pump (Avent Isis, I think) which worked so well and was small enough to shove into a big purse or the bottom of the stroller.
People push breast-feeding so much that they forget it comes at a cost and can be amazingly stressful. If you’ve got plenty of supply and are pumping already, why worry about how James gets his milk?
Trisha says:
You are doing way better than you give yourself credit for. The important thing is James is thriving and is gaining and not losing. Do what you feel is best and everything will work out fine.
Gretta says:
I found that really watching the clock and making sure my baby was feeding for at least 10 mins per side really helped. It was longer than I thought!!! Sometime I would have to keep waking him up by tickling his cheeks or toes. Good luck!!
Courtney says:
Oh, mama. I have been there (seriously, exactly there) and it is TOUGH. But it sounds like your supply is up, and he’s gaining, which are the two important things! If your LC and pedi are OK with it, can you scale back on the bottle feedings so he’ll get used to nursing again? Sometimes bottles are faster, so make sure you’re using the slowest-flow nipple possible.
We only ended up having to supplement formula with J for a month, and I think we continued to do some extra pumping (like 1-2x/day, not after every feeding!) for another few weeks. But by 8 weeks he was just straight up nursing and gaining great–I’m sure James will be as well if you decide to stick with it. Cutting out all that pumping/feeding etc made everything so much easier
Lisa says:
I was just cruising around yahoo.com and saw YOUR article there. Well, your face on the operating table first, and I was like, No way! Is that Heather? And sure as shit it was! You’re like famous and stuff- again!!
Here it is (since Heather is not a bragger, but a blooger). And you described the experience perfectly.
I will brag for you: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/blood-shakes-tears-7-things-wish-id-known-154700494.html
Amelia says:
I was in your same spot with my firstborn and it was so hard and very consuming. If I wasn’t feeding, I was pumping (a teeny tiny amount), or drinking tea, etc etc. The doc’s stressed me out, I saw a lactation consultant and it all made me feel sad and anxious. I kept at it for 3 months and then switched to formula when I returned to work.
When Baby #2 arrived, I went straight to formula (did not even try in the hospital) and never had a single regret. My first three months together were infinitely easier and happier. Do what’s best for you.
Heather MacLeod says:
I had an experience similar to this. #1 was preemie and in nice for 31 days. I bf as much as I could, but ended up pumping and bottle feeding while she was there. It was so stressful and she was a lazy eater, even on the bottle, so she gained so slowly. On top, I didn’t produce enough milk to support here and had inverted nipples so bf’ing just didn’t work, switched to formula 1 month later and she thrived.
#2 arrived, also preemie and the mental stress over having another preemie in the NICU, plus a 3 year old at home was just overwhelming and trying to pump and worry over if my milk was enough was going to break me. bf’d for 24hrs before I made the tough decision that I couldn’t do it all over again. She needed a sane, emotionally stable mommy more than she needed the little breast milk I could produce.
I got SOOO much backlash from the BF pushers and told I was selfish. Both daughters were allergic to milk proteins and had to be on special formula, which was thrown in my face quite frequently (bf would avoid that). All in all, I have no regrets! Both my girls are brilliant and healthy!
You have done everything in your power for James and nobody can fault you for giving him a bottle! You are his mom. You know what he needs, not a bunch of women sitting behind their computers with their opinions and soapboxes.
Feed on, Heather!
Jenn says:
OOHH Sweet Girl!!! All you have been thru…YOU ARE A TROOPER!!! Ultimately how ever you decide to feed your baby in the end is what is going to be best for YOU and James! Heather…This is your last baby whatever you do, PLEASE just don’t forget to STOP and SMELL THE RO…Uumm…BABY!!! As we all know Babes Don’t Keep and I would just hate to read one day you woke up and that little baby isn’t so little anymore and you suddenly realize you don’t remember much of it b/c you were so exhausted tending to your baby needs, you didn’t get a chance to really enjoy your baby.
Guilt is a terrible thing….especially MAMA Guilt!!! Whatever you decide to do with your baby’s feeding needs please know I’ll be right here to cheer you on, and support you. In the meantime, enjoy that baby boy and give him a cuddle from me!! xoxo
Molly says:
Thanks for sharing what you are going through! I am not a mother, and I didn’t know anything about the challenges of breastfeeding. I was reading around on the topic, and I saw some information supporting what some mothers are saying here, that it’s reasonable to expect James to have only just returned to his birth weight by the time he is two weeks old. http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbsepoct08p44.html
The point is, you’re doing a great job, and your body may have already been doing a great job since day one. Trust yourself and your own assessment of how James is doing (his diapers, his responses to feeding) over anyone else. I realize that this must be so hard to do given all the serious medical difficulties you and your children have had to face in the past.
Jeanie says:
Annie looks so pleased with herself.
Sister SIster says:
That picture of Annie feeding him….it’s just TOO cute.
AudNoL says:
No judgement, no advice. Just delight.
The look on Miss Annie’s face is magnificent.
oh, and well wishes & hopes for James weight gaining abilities!
Sarah Gahman says:
Hang in there!! I had a low supply and the baby wasn’t the best at latching – for a while he was like a remedial worker who needed a lot of assistance, then he was somewhat delinquent and needed a lot of supervision and finally at 4 mos he’s kind of cocky about his ability come on and off the breast whenever he wants which causes other problems…anyway, I was doing the exact same routine of nursing, pumping and bottlefeeding you are doing. It is endless and exhausting and painful. Sounds like you’re going to see an LC at the pump station (just guessing) but either way you’ve got a great support system going so thats good!! I just want to say hang in there, because there’s a good chance it’ll get better and he’ll end up nursing at the breast and you’ll have a cool BFing experience. Once he’s put on just a little more weight you’ll be able to try a little tough love with him and get him back on the breast (plus his jaw will get stronger and it’ll be easier for him, but I did that one day with my son where I only let him eat from the breast so he wouldn’t totally refuse and it worked really quickly). I had a stressful and difficult pregnancy, delivery and recovery, and the baby just had a lung resection at 4 mos to remove a cyst in the left lung (it was planned) that went beautifully but has been hanging over my head. My point in saying this is that I am SO GLAD I hung in there with the BFing!! For one, it gives me something concrete to help protect him and his little lungs that are more prone to infection, and that gives me a lot of comfort. Second, after all that stress and the unpleasant surprises, breastfeeding is now something that feels very normal and textbook in the best sort of way. Finally, something that feels natural and pure about the baby stuff. I say this because it will continue to feel hard for awhile still…it will get easier soon, but it might not feel really good for awhile yet. But it’s coming, and in the meantime you are doing such an awesome job!!! (but if it’s too much, of course he will be ok on formula!)
Tauni says:
Oh please do not feel like a failure cause that would make me too a failure. I had to do the same with my second. She lost weight which made us go to formula and breast.
When it was just me, my almost 3 year old and my newborn at home cause my hubby had to go back to work, I felt like all I did was breast feed, pump, bottle feed, pump, breastfeed, etc. My 3 yo started to notice too. At first we just supplemented bottle feedings with breast milk but she didn’t gain enough weight, so we went to formula too. She liked the bottles more. In the end for MY sanity and so that I could be a mom to both my children, I went solely to bottle (after 4 months of pumping, feeding, bottle feeding formula and breast milk, pumping). Not that you have the same path at all – but know it worked out just fine. I tried my hardest just like you are! You are doing great!!
Rachel says:
My nursing relationship with my son, Jack, (born within a month of Annie) started very much the same way–except my J got so dehydrated in the first few days that we had a diaper full of uremic crystals (something the pedi said can happen when the body is trying to conserve water…still horrifying after three years.) Our pedi put us on very much the same plan. We called it “breastfeeding boot camp” at the time because it was *exhausting.* After a couple of weeks, though, J had gained more than a pound and gotten the hang of it. By six weeks, he was in the 90th percentile and we had long since quit the “bootcamp” routine. By then he was a breastmilk addict! I totally get why bfing doesn’t work for everyone–so no judgement about those who don’t bf. But I am proud of sticking with it because it was serious work, especially those first few weeks.
Adrianne says:
I have to say, based strictly on what you’ve written here and knowing full well that there could be other stuff going on that I don’t know about…I’m a little bit disappointed in Dr. LOOOVE. And honestly I think it’s stories like this that make breastfeeding advocates “crazy.” It’s my personal opinion (i.e. I haven’t researched this scientifically) that babies who breastfeed just eat DIFFERENTLY than babies who receive formula from a bottle. The amounts are different, the timing is usually different, and the food itself is different. It seems to me that formula helps babies gain weight very rapidly. I think parents who feed formula, prepare a bottle and then expect their baby to drink it all. They aren’t “finished” until the formula is gone (and with good reason…that stuff’s expensive!). That never happened in breastfeeding my daughter. She was finished when she stopped nursing and that was it.
Anyway, my point is that I’m a little concerned that since the majority of American babies are bottle fed formula these days, the growth chart is actually being skewed toward that expectation. Which just isn’t usually realistic for breastfed babies, and THAT’S OK! I hate it when women are made to feel like failures and like their milk isn’t enough when their baby hasn’t gained “enough” weight very early on. It just makes it that much harder for new, apprehensive breastfeeding moms to continue on.
I just wish Dr. LOOOVE had given you and James just a bit more time to get adjusted before telling you to supplement, when it might not have been necessary at all. Again, I’m sure I don’t know the full story! I hope things continue to get better and the two of you find your rhythm. If you can just get to that point (which took me to right around 6 weeks), you might be totally shocked at easy and natural it can be! And then you’ll be like, WHOA, my kid weighs ___ only from MY milk?!? Crazy!! Good luck:)
Mary says:
Hang in there! Do whatever you need to do and what works best for your family! I had similar issues. It’s tough but only you and your family know what’s best for all of you!
Liz says:
Love your babies!
I breastfed my two babies. Because I went back to work around 12 weeks, we had my husband give them their bottles (of pumped milk). I didn’t want to confuse them by having me give them a bottle. We also used nipples that were similar to natural nipples and had a very slow flow. That way, they would have to work to get their food in that way and wouldn’t have a preference of it over me.
I’m also disappointed in Dr. Love; however, it is very common for peds to be so focused on weight with babies.
FYI: My oldest would eat every 90 minutes for 5-10 minutes. He was a great, natural nurser. My youngest would take longer and would just hang out with his mouth open and not do any work until he was about a month old. Every baby is different and will do what works best for them.
You are doing great! Good luck!
Katrina says:
okay typing with one hand right now because i’m holding my two week old….but i just wanted to say that you are doing a great job and if you ever have doubts just look at your sweet annie who is as healthy and as happy as can be….and she was formula fed — so if james is getting formula plus breast milk….PLUS breast milk! then how can you go wrong with that?? he will be a little chub chubby in no time!
Jordyn says:
I have 5 kids. 3 singletons and our twins. The twins were the only ones who gained from the start. The 3 singletons all in the upper 9 pound range at birth didn’t not gain past their birth weight until past one month…it seriously stressed me out. They were all EBF. By the time we got down to the last the pediatrician just rolled with it. She said she couldn’t medically explain it, but it happens. Once they gained they GAINED. My daughter just clocked in at her 2 year physical at over the 100th percentile in height and weight. All of them did this. My kids are not JAMES. Go with your gut. I just thought my story might bring you some peace and give you some confidence to keep going.
Jen says:
I’ll try not to comment on the breast/formula sup. thing too much. Everyone seems to be trying to remain nice on the issue, more and more, but some people have the definite undertone of “your wrong to formula feed or even supl.”.
I don’t see a problem with it. I find it commendable that you can keep up with pumping and bottle feeding. We bottle fed (hypotonia cause sucking and coordinating issues) exclusively with formula at first. Long story, I was on medication, blah blah blah. But I continued to pump and bottle feed. And it was hard. I had to pump every 3-ish hours, store the milk for later use/dump, clean the pump and bottles, make a formula bottle, feed the baby (which took an hour with burping, crying, struggling, choking), I’d get an hour to rest and then it would start all over. This went on day and night.
When it was time to introduce her to the breast milk, she wouldn’t take it/had a reaction and that was it for me. I had no help and no sleep. So I quit.
I hated myself for exclusively formula feeding my baby. But, she’s thin, exceptionally smart, extremely verbally advanced, and she had only 1 ear infection (it wasn’t even a full blown infection). So I can’t be too angry about.
In other words: don’t feel bad, you have to do what is best for you and your child. If you trust your doctor and your doctor thinks this is a good idea, then don’t sweat it. There will be plenty of other things to feel down/angry about.
Mary says:
Breathe. I breast fed/pumped for about 10 months with my first daughter (now almost 4.5) and just about a year with my second (now 14 months). From all accounts, I did everything wrong with breast feeding. Feed every two hours – nope – I think the most I breast fed per day was six. Wake them up to feed – nope – both started sleeping through the night at about a month and there was no way I was waking them.
Both were big babies (8.5lbs and 9.5lbs. respectively) and guess what-until her four year doctor’s appointment my eldest never cracked the 5th percentile for weight. My youngest is at about the 15th.
For well over a year, certainly the whole time I breast fed my first, I freaked out about her weight (or lack there of). That for me, was a waste.
Don’t let people tell you that you are doing things wrong because it is not the ‘prescribed’ way.
SSFB says:
Pumping and breastfeeding is EXHAUSTING. That’s how my daughter and I started out too, for various reasons surrounding delivery. I too was
Super emotional about it. I tried to remind myself none of it *really* mattered if she was healthy and gaining weight, and I know you know that too…. But since it sounds like you’re worried about nipple confusion/bottle preference I just wanted to let you know that even though we started out exclusively with bottles I managed to teach her to nurse after more than a month of only bottles and we were able to switch to exclusive nursing. I just wanted to give you a little hope because when I was googling in the middle of the night after warming a bottle, bottle feeding, comforting back to sleep then pumping (ie: exhausted) I wasn’t able to find much encouragement, but its possible! Maybe James just needs a boost for a while and to grow a bit bigger and perfect his skill! Good luck!
Leila says:
First time commenter and long time follower….
First of all congrats on your baby boy!
Just wanted to share my 5 cents. I was in the same situation. My baby boy wasn’t gaining any weight and I was so upset and cried several times at the doctors office. My son’s pedi was very encouraging though. She even did not push supplementing at first. My son seem to suck and eat just perfectly and feedings were long (40 minutes at least).
So I continued breastfeeding but he still did not gain any weight. At about 3,5 week mark I could tell that he needs some help. Doc recommended 20 minute breastfeeding and 2 oz of bottle. I did breastmilk. I did that for 4 weeks. Would have continued but he stopped wanting the bottle as he was getting stronger and was able to suck all he needs himself!
And you are doing awesome!
Erin says:
With both my boys I had some sort of breastfeeding epifiny or turning point at 6 weeks…
Really, you just need to do what is best for you and the little man.
Michelle says:
Forgive me if someone else suggested this, but I didn’t read through all the comments I loved a Haberman feeder for a bottle (http://www.amazon.com/Medela-SpecialneedsTM-Feeder-150ml/dp/B001LIQ018/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371615261&sr=8-1&keywords=haberman+feeder) when still breastfeeding in those first few months. The baby has to work on sucking (the milk just doesn’t drip out like a traditional bottle). It solved the problem of my baby wanting to be lazy and not nurse-why work for something when you can get it without work from the bottle?!? Just wanted to suggest it in case it becomes a problem. We loved it and used it for all 3 of our kids. A lactation consultant actually recommended it for us. Best of luck! You are going great!
Annalisa says:
Never heard of it. Wish I had. Will definitely look into one with my second one if we end up having problems.
With daughter, eventually she rejected bottles on her own. The trick was not switching to the smoother flow nipples when the time came. Once she got faster at sucking than the bottle could provide, she started preferring mom again. Of course, it helped that I had been pumping enough to feed two of her by then and so ‘the tap’ flowed freely (n.b., this was around month 4, when you’re supposed to switch to a medium flow bottle, which we never did)
Andréa says:
You’re doing great, hang in there. Both my kids needed milk donated from a CA milk bank until they got the hang of BF and I’m still BF’g my 14 mo old and plan to try to get to 2 yrs with her. Used a shield as well as a syringe and tiny catheter. It’s whatever works best for you and Mike.
LC’s will give you the best advice. The first 4 months can be exhausting beyond belief. And then you’ll all be on the other side, one way or another – this difficult part won’t last! Keep up the good work!
Lynnette says:
What a struggle. I had supply issues with all three of my kids. Fenugreek helped to a point, but when we found out we were pregnant with the third (a surprise), I had to stop taking it as I was told it can cause preterm labor. My then 8-mo-old didn’t like the reduced supply so started biting. End of breastfeeding for her. My third wasn’t able to latch even after trying for 4 solid weeks. He got breast milk supplemented with formula for the first 8 weeks and then my supply dried up. His doctors were very happy that he got the breast milk through the first couple of months. Keep up the great work and know that James is getting what he needs from you, regardless which type of “milk” is in the bottle.
Jennifer Dawn says:
Heather, I feel your pain! There is nothing worse than seeing your newborn baby struggle to gain weight. My daughter lost an entire POUND only THREE days after we brought her home from the hospital. She had been latching and feeding like a pro, or so we thought. I broke down when we discovered she was barely getting any milk because I wasn’t producing enough. I felt like my main job was to nourish my baby and I couldn’t even do that.
Don’t let the breastfeeding crazies bring you down. I’m sure you feel bad enough right now. Do what is right for you and your child! Good luck.
Amy says:
My daughters head was the size of a toddlers when she was born because he has Hydrocephalus. There was no way I could have breastfed that noggin. I exclusively pumped for 6 months and it was header than watching my daughter have multiple brain surgeries. I swear by More Milk Plus pills by MotherLove. They worked better for me than Fenugreek.
Lots of love and snuggles to the Spohr fam!
Jenny says:
Long time listener, and rare commenter here. Just wanted to say congrats on the new baby. He is a doll! I hope Annie lets you hold him once in a while. Too cute!
I am GLAD you found a solution that works for your family. I’m also GLAD that you have a trusted medical adviser(s) and the ability to do your own research and make your own decisions. I’m not exactly sure when it became vogue to think your way or the highway was the parental bar to judge by. It saddens me every time I see it. We also went the bottle route, and my husband very much enjoyed that time with our son. He told me later he would have supported me either way, but was secretly glad at the time for the opportunity to bond and help me. It worked for my family.
Congratulations!! Trust your instincts. They are sound.
Karen says:
Amen.
Greis says:
The bottle/breast battle is getting old. I’m not a parent, so what do I know, but my thought is as long as your baby/child is happy, healthy and taken care of then do what works BEST for you and your family. There is no wrong or right way…breast feeding doesn’t work for everyone, as long as your baby is fed you’re doing a great job!
LOVE YOU HEATHER!!!
Auntie_M says:
Saw this on the Birth Without Fear FB site today:
https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear?hc_location=stream
Birth Without Fear
Today on our #birthwithoutfear Instagram, we are giving love to all our mamas who use bottles to nourish their children. We are hardly sent any or tagged in any adorable #bottlefed baby pics. We need to change that. This isn’t about debating what is best. Everyone knows #breastmilk is magic. This is about supporting the thousands of women that follow BWF that bottlefeed.
We are constantly sharing breastfeeding pictures and pushing for our rights for that to be accepted and REnormalized. We also need to #support and love our mamas who use pumped milk, donor milk, homemade formulas, and commercial formula. We can debate formula until we are all worked up and divided or we can give mamas support to breastfeed if they can and offer acceptance if they don’t/can’t.
We love you ladies. Email us pictures anytime or tag us on IG and Twitter! ? {January}
P.S. This will not turn into a debate. If you would like to simply leave some information or share an experience we would love that! #stopfbdiscrimination