A few minutes ago I was just sitting on my couch, procrastinating my evening away. I looked up when I realized the TV was quiet.

“Did you pause it?” I asked Mike.

“No, looks like it’s frozen.”

I went back to procrastinating on my computer, then looked up at Mike again.

“I can’t get the Internet to load, can you?” I asked.

“No…and the TV is out, too.”

“Oh no!! Check the phone!!”

“Why do I need to check the phone, Heather?”

“Because we have one of those all-in-one plan thingies, if the phone is out then we know there’s a problem.”

“…there’s no dial tone.”


“Heather, what are you talking about?!”

“Someone probably cut the line to our cable box so that we can’t call the police when they try to break in. Our box is on the side of the house, and when the cable guy was here and I said ‘hey, that makes it vulnerable to murderers cutting the line’ he said he’d only heard of that happening once in his career!!!!”

“Heather, he was messing with you! You’re crazy. No one is going to kill us.”

“OK well, please go check all the doors and windows…but be nonchalant, we don’t want the murderers to know we’re on to them.”

“What?! Why? Wouldn’t they just abort their mission if they knew we were on to them?”

“So you DO think we’re going to get murdered!! I’m gonna get Annie.”

“You’re being irrational.”

“Am I, Mike? You won’t think so after you’re murdered.”

“Fine. I’ll check the front windows, you check the back.”

“Nooooooo…you know I don’t do windows at night!”

“It’s OK to admit you’re afraid of the dark, Heather.”

“I’m not afraid of the dark!!! I’m afraid of what the dark HIDES. It’s NORMAL.”

“Well, too bad the Internet is down, or I’m sure you’d be all over getting people to tell you it’s normal to be scared of the dark at age 32.”

“….OK, normal might be too strong a word. Maybe I should have said ‘adorable.'”

“Awwww, now we’ll never know the answer.”

“Hey, I can type it out on my cell phone! It’s what Steve Jobs would have wanted!”

“Good luck with that, Heather.”

“Good luck with not getting murdered!”