One of Annabel’s favorite games is “Invention,” where she (you guessed it) comes up with inventions that will make her life better. Her inventions are usually constructed of PlayDoh and Lego, and are powered by imagination, but every now and then she has an idea for a service that’s awesome. For example, the other day she said, “Mommy? There should be a person who stands next to you and gives you more whipped cream after you eat it all off the top of your ice cream.” I was like, “Dude. There should be. A Whipped Cream Butler!” That got me thinking about other services I wish were real.

~ A Pre-Maid Service

I don’t have a maid, and one of the (many) reasons I don’t is because of all the prep work involved. You have to clean your house before you pay someone to come over to clean your house. If I’m going to do that prep work I might as well go all the way and save some money. But, if there was a pre-maid service that would do all that necessary cleaning before the maid comes over to do the…other…cleaning, I would totally hire it.

double fisting

My last maid aged-out of the job.

~ A Professional Pretender

I’m not saying that I don’t want to play “Anna and Elsa,” I’m just saying I maybe don’t want to play it five hundred times in one day. I would like to outsource this role.

~ A Gasoline Delivery Service

It never fails that I remember I need gas in my car ten minutes before I have to leave, on a morning when I’m already running late. It would be awesome if a gas delivery company could swing by my house and give me a few gallons of gas while I finish getting myself and the kids ready. Multi-tasking!

~ A Person to Talk on the Phone for Me

Five years in sales completely ruined me for talking on the phone. Most people text or email now, which is great, but occasionally I have to talk on the phone to get things done. I really just need someone to handle these three things: 1) Dealing with insurance companies; 2) Placing takeout orders; 3) Yelling at the people who respond to a text message with a phone call. Who does that???

~ A Kid Hair Brusher

Annie loves for me to do her hair, but she haaaaates when I brush out all the knots. And I haaaaate brushing out all the knots because she’s SO unhappy the entire time. If someone could come over to my house every morning and brush out her knots, I would be very grateful.

Can someone please invent these? I’ll be your number one client.