Mike: Do you ever wonder how the phone works?

Me: Uh, I just hold down the button and say, “Call Mike Cell” in my robot voice, and the phone dials you. As far as I’m concerned, it’s magic gnomes.

Mike: The speed of sound is only 768 miles per hour. So how can you talk to someone halfway around the world without the conversation taking forever?

Me: How the heck do you know how fast the speed of sound is off the top of your head?

Mike: Jeopardy.

Me: I’m shocked you watched something other than Cops. You know what I think makes it hard to have a conversation with someone on the other side of the world? Coordinating time zones.

Mike: It’s not like it’s all connected by wires. We’re talking all the way on the other side of the world. Across oceans! How does the person hear you right as you speak?

Me: I don’t know, the TV in our bedroom is seven seconds behind the one in the family room. I think that’s another point for magic elves.

Mike: You said magic gnomes earlier.

Me: JEEZ, MIKE. Elves, gnomes, they are basically the same thing.

Mike: Try telling that to a gnome.

Me: …….

Mike: …..I’ve been wondering this phone thing for a while.

Me: That’s just awesome. I’m SOOO glad you decided to share this with me.

Mike: What? I’m annoying you?

Me: Little bit.

Mike: Why?

Me: First of all, it’s 2:17 in the morning. THIS is what you think about? And second, I’m pretty sure Google would confirm that it is, in fact, magic gnomes. Or technology.

Mike: Yeah, I guess I could Google it, especially since I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with magic gnomes.

Me: Can you prove it isn’t magic gnomes?

Mike: Um, yes.

Me: Semantics!

Mike: I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

Me: Right now I think it means that it’s the middle of the night and you are talking to me about PHONES, and the baby is sleeping and I am not.

Mike: I found it on my Wikipedia app! The telephone converts sound into electrical energy which travels at the speed of light! That’s close to three hundred million miles a second, so it takes only a fraction of a second for me to talk to someone even all the way in the China!

Me: Since when do you call people in China?

Mike: I don’t.

Me: So how do you know for sure?

Mike: You’re missing the point.

Me: Does it say how the sound is transferred into electrical energy?

Mike: Uh, no.

Me: That’s because the elves do it. They use their magic to turn sound into electrical energy. And to make cookies.

Mike: Goodnight, Heather.

Me: It’s such crap that they don’t give credit to the gnomes. Gnomes get no respect.

In honor of my birthday, I am giving stuff away all month. Today is the first item, check it out!