Mike: Do you ever wonder how the phone works?
Me: Uh, I just hold down the button and say, “Call Mike Cell” in my robot voice, and the phone dials you. As far as I’m concerned, it’s magic gnomes.
Mike: The speed of sound is only 768 miles per hour. So how can you talk to someone halfway around the world without the conversation taking forever?
Me: How the heck do you know how fast the speed of sound is off the top of your head?
Mike: Jeopardy.
Me: I’m shocked you watched something other than Cops. You know what I think makes it hard to have a conversation with someone on the other side of the world? Coordinating time zones.
Mike: It’s not like it’s all connected by wires. We’re talking all the way on the other side of the world. Across oceans! How does the person hear you right as you speak?
Me: I don’t know, the TV in our bedroom is seven seconds behind the one in the family room. I think that’s another point for magic elves.
Mike: You said magic gnomes earlier.
Me: JEEZ, MIKE. Elves, gnomes, they are basically the same thing.
Mike: Try telling that to a gnome.
Me: …….
Mike: …..I’ve been wondering this phone thing for a while.
Me: That’s just awesome. I’m SOOO glad you decided to share this with me.
Mike: What? I’m annoying you?
Me: Little bit.
Mike: Why?
Me: First of all, it’s 2:17 in the morning. THIS is what you think about? And second, I’m pretty sure Google would confirm that it is, in fact, magic gnomes. Or technology.
Mike: Yeah, I guess I could Google it, especially since I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with magic gnomes.
Me: Can you prove it isn’t magic gnomes?
Mike: Um, yes.
Me: Semantics!
Mike: I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Me: Right now I think it means that it’s the middle of the night and you are talking to me about PHONES, and the baby is sleeping and I am not.
Mike: I found it on my Wikipedia app! The telephone converts sound into electrical energy which travels at the speed of light! That’s close to three hundred million miles a second, so it takes only a fraction of a second for me to talk to someone even all the way in the China!
Me: Since when do you call people in China?
Mike: I don’t.
Me: So how do you know for sure?
Mike: You’re missing the point.
Me: Does it say how the sound is transferred into electrical energy?
Mike: Uh, no.
Me: That’s because the elves do it. They use their magic to turn sound into electrical energy. And to make cookies.
Mike: Goodnight, Heather.
Me: It’s such crap that they don’t give credit to the gnomes. Gnomes get no respect.
In honor of my birthday, I am giving stuff away all month. Today is the first item, check it out!
Anna says:
Okay that was hilarious!!!! But I actually wanted to coment on yesterdays post. I thought you expressed your feelings so well. I just had a baby one week ago. I hate that moms have opinions on how other moms feed their babies. It is so sad. I hope you realize how amazing you are as a mother. What you go through on a daily basis – I can’t even begin to imagine. Annie is sooooo lucky to have you and Mike as parents. You gave a beautiful family. All my best.
Melissa says:
You’re starting to sound like The Bloggess. Be careful. pretty soon you’ll cut off bums fingers to work your iphone or start collecting boreheads.
charlane says:
You two are to much! I am willing to bet that you two are able to make a Snickers vs. Mars bar debate interesting and worth while. I am with Mike I also use my super early morning hour to wonder how stuff works (I take a tow hour hike each morning at 4:30AM so I have a little time to be curious). I often think about the crazy magic of the fax machine, where the internet is, and how many telephone numbers there are around the world (will we ever run out of 10 digit combinations?). But Heather I am a little like you too…when I google the questions I have about technological marvels I understand the answers to a point, once it gets too technical for me to wrap my head around, I claim magic. So I have this sort of conversation too, it is just in my head because my husband would not be so engaging if I tried to discuss such important topics at 2:17AM.
You guys are awesome!
.-= charlane´s last blog ..BBQ Cake =-.
Krissa says:
Ugh, my head just exploded because I really am trying to figure that out now. Phones and the speed of sound and all. I’m going to save myself a lot of time and effort and go with the gnomes explanation.
Molly says:
I’m really glad that Mike looked it up on his Wikipedia app because as soon as I started reading this I started wondering how it works too! I feel more complete now that I know… Also elves, cookies, win!
.-= Molly´s last blog ..Out of the mouths of moms. even though I’m not a mom =-.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
You two are hilarious! Especially for 2:17am. You’re very tolerant, Heather, if the baby was asleep and my husband was talking about technology (or even gnomes) I would probably just grunt at him and roll over, I’m not capable of witty repartee at that hour.
On the other hand, if you want to try talking across the Pacific sometime to see how fast it works, give me a call! Just check that time-zone first, please
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Tree farmers can change the world =-.
Laura says:
AhHA, I always thought it was gnomes!!! This sounds like the inane stuff my husband wakes me up with. Only he’s like, ‘honey, you awake?’ ‘Honey, you awake?’ Me (freshly woken up): ‘What’s wrong? Are you sick? Are the kids awake?’ Him: ‘No, I was just seeing if you are awake.’ LOL, I can look back now and laugh although it wasn’t funny at the time.
Teal
karen says:
Heather, it is the gnomes!
Check out the sleep talking man blog – he knows all about the gnomes, and the fairies, and the jellyfish…. and parsnips too!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Well, that explains the short men I keep finding near my cell phone!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Are you tired of the kids eating your food? =-.
Spring says:
This was awesome for my Thursday morning. Sadly, I had a 45 minute conversation with my younger (and surprisingly smart) cousin regarding how electricity works. I just kept asking questions, he finally got tired. And then I realized that my mind is a strange place to visit.
Oh, and I agree, it’s totally magic gnomes. My wonderful husband woke me last week to ask me if I had the computer. Um, what? He had been dreaming, he knew what he was asking made no sense, yet he couldn’t stop himself. He then kept talking about the computer while looking at me all confused. Good times at 2 in the am; good times.
Lindsay from Florida says:
LMAO. I learned something here …….. I think.
Kelly says:
I think Mike needs to use his imagination a bit…your explanation was way more interesting! Especially at 2 am.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Tootie McStinky Butt =-.
LoriJ says:
OMG – I didn’t know you and I were married to the same man. My conversation with my husband would have ended with me punching him in the arm though! Loved your funny little conversation – it made me laugh at work!
Ginger says:
Absolutely hilarious! I have a rule that says – You are not allowed to talk to me in the middle of the night. This rule got broken many times when our children were infants, nearly leading to the death of my pooor husband.
On the other hand, I found Mike’s topic very intriuging. Of course, I often find my husband’s topics intriuging, but just can’t figure out why he can only converse after 11:30p. What’s up with that? I can be dying to talk to someone all evening and he doesn’t get chatty till I’m drifting off to sleep.
Props to the gnomes!
Mandi Bone says:
My husband goes to Austria for business. We have this same conversation every time because he is so excited to figure out how it all works. We also Skype and most of the conversation is about how he can see everything in real time.
.-= Mandi Bone´s last blog ..Paperchase =-.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:
Ahh, yes, the middle-of-the-night conversations always rock.
jess says:
i normally only lurk but i am now sitting at work laughing so hard my eyes are watering. thank you for starting my day off funny!
rita says:
Years ago, I was in a “relationship” with a man who was mindnumbling boring. I once commented that I didn’t know how computers work. He started explaining in excruciating detail but I stopped him quickly. “I don’t WANT to know. I ACCEPT that it works, like tv and radio. That’s enough for me.”
.-= rita´s last blog ..Another reason why I love my job =-.
AmazingGreis says:
I agree, it’s definitley the gnomes.
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – New Life… =-.
red pen mama says:
If the baby were sleeping, and my husband were talking to me about phones and the speed of sound at 2:17 a.m., I would be a widow. I’m just sayin’.
.-= red pen mama´s last blog ..Regression =-.
Nikki says:
LOL!!!
Sarah P says:
Men are unreasonable. This proves it.
Nice “Princess Bride” reference, though. Well done.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..Inadequacy, feelings of =-.
jen says:
The only thing my husband better be talking about at 2:17 am better be emergency room based.
Dear Lord.
.-= jen´s last blog ..bunches =-.
Anna Marie says:
*snort* that nearly made me spit my tea out laughing. I tell my mom the same thing when she asks things like “how does the DVR work”, or “how do you get music onto your iPod?” I give her a long look, shake my head slowly and say “magic.”. Her sigh of frustration is hilarious.
Nikki says:
Just LOL. The things that people think about in the middle of the night.
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Marisol says:
LOL!! I love this =) It sounds just like me and my physicist husband!
.-= Marisol´s last blog ..Oh Technology… we’ve become so dependant on it! =-.
Tamela says:
I’ve never understood this either. My dad used to work in telecom and he worked with other int’l companies to lay cable across the ocean floor. Where does it come out? Is it like the cables Hurley found on the beach in LOST?
Kristin says:
OMG, y’all are definitely warped and twisted. I think I love you. And, it’s definitely the magic elves!
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..A Better Middle =-.
Lisa says:
Way to stick up for the gnomes.
I think I would have kicked my hubs out of bed if he started talking to me about phones at 2am.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Work =-.
Snickrsnack Katie says:
I remember back in the day, my sister was in France and we were talking on the phone, and we kept talking over each other because there was a huge delay. I recently talked to someone in England and there was no delay, so apparently they’ve come far with this sort of thing.
Tell Mike to go Netflix and check out the History of Telephones (not sure of the exact name of the documentary). My stepson and I love watching documentaries and that one was his favorite. It will explain EVERYTHING about phones!
Laurie says:
Men always get so technical….jeez! He’ll accept the gnome theory if you tell him that the ONLY reason he gets any is because there are sex gnomes that live in your brain who remind you that its been like 100 weeks. They work sorta like a nice bottle of wine (or ten).
Nicole says:
Hilarious!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Memorial Day Weekend =-.
Lara says:
That cracked me up…. soooooooo much. I can swear to you that we have had almost the EXACT same conversation in the middle of the night, only ours was about how the satellite delivers us our tv programming… that then delved into the object of the space program was never to put a man into space, but to send up a million satellite. OYE!!! This is NOT a conversation that remotely interests me as say a polite lunch or dinner conversation, so I throughly will NOT enjoy it at 2:50am when you can’t sleep. (especially like you said, when the kid is sleeping… Momma is to be as well!)
LOL… maybe our husbands are long lost twins! LOL! Mine is a geeky (I say that with love!) Engineer who has these conversations with me entirely too often.
P.S. the ad above is from become.com and it is for garden gnomes… seriously laughed at that one! Bahaha!!!!
Michelle says:
Really throw him for a loop and ask him why CELL phones have a split second delay in transmitting voices/sounds. Cell phones aren’t as instant as land lines.
I’m glad he looked it up because I was curious!
Deborah says:
Strangely enough, I had that exact same conversation with my cat last night.
(((hugs)))
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Let’s Focus on Macro Photography =-.
Steph says:
Awww… middle of the night ramblings. Eventually men are going to realize when the kids are sleeping WE.MUST.SLEEP. and they will stop coming up with crazy at 2 AM!! (we can hope right?)
.-= Steph´s last blog ..The Worst That Could Happen =-.
Jennifer says:
Oh my gosh Heather, I laughed out loud on this! Thank you!
Java says:
You guys crack me up!
Happy Birthday!
.-= Java´s last blog ..The "Call"….. =-.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
Traditionally, men are known for slighting the power of the gnomes.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..The boredom of my dress. =-.
Virginia says:
My husband likes to come in after I’ve already gone to sleep and wake me up to carry on pointless conversations like that. Otherwise he brings up really important stuff that I’m supposed to remember which I won’t because I’m totally going to think I dreamed the whole thing.
Kristin says:
i’ll probably be laughing about this all day. And now thanks to Mike, I’ll be pondering the telephone “semantics” too.. hahahahahaha
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..thursday letters =-.
Johanna says:
Elves, gnomes and fairies are the perfect culprits. You can explain anything away with them….unless its something really bad, then you must blame the goblins.
.-= Johanna´s last blog ..One =-.
Laurie SL says:
This is freaking classic! I love these little peeks into one’s marriage conversations. My non-married friends think that my husband and I fight a lot, but I tell them, “we’re not fighting, this is normal everyday conversation.” Haha!
Sarah says:
Hahahaha this made me laugh so hard. Especially your last punch about how the elves/gnomes still do it.
You guys sound like a great pair, truly.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Traffic Rant, Part II =-.
Heather@Triple Blessing says:
OMG! My husband and I just had the SAME conversation. Not at 2am and we didn’t mention gnomes, but it was basically the same. It’s my birthday month too
.-= Heather@Triple Blessing´s last blog ..heart and sole =-.
Cheryl says:
When I was a kid I used to think that there were people in the radio that just ran from car to car to sing their songs. I wish I had known of the gnome thing. It now makes WAY more sense to me.
Megan says:
Wow – you two are so funny! Ya’ll got yerself one of them there new fangled telephoney, things, huh?
Dawn says:
I magic gnomes!
.-= Dawn ´s last blog ..The good and bad of it… =-.
Julie says:
Heather,
The sound you produce is converted into a digital signal which travels through fiber optic cables at the speed of light, not the speed of sound. Light travels at approximately 300,000,000 m/s instead of the ~340 m/s sound travels at, so you can see why there’s not much of a time delay on your phone calls.
– Julie, former physics teacher
Emily says:
This is freaking classic! I love these little peeks into one’s marriage conversations. My non-married friends think that my husband and I fight a lot, but I tell them, “we’re not fighting, this is normal everyday conversation.” Haha!
Aunt Becky says:
Magic gnomes make sprinkles and sprinkles are full of win. That is all.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..There’s A Blaze of Light In Every Word =-.
Rhonda says:
Gnomes also travel and watch over our lawns…they’re infact awesome!! Like you and Mike! : )
Jenn says:
Is it bad that I have thought the same thing??
Also, the t.v. waves perplex me too!!
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..F&%K CANCER =-.
Katrina says:
How funny that he would be thinking all those thoughts at 2:00am — seriously, my brain doens’t even work at that hour, much less contemplate complex ideas. Gnomes…that’s classic.
Everytime I think of the word “gnome” the Will & Grace episode pops into my mind, where Will gets his beloved gnome from his parent’s house after their divorce, and he talks to it all the time and when he talks for the gnome he speaks in a thick Irish accent, and then he puts the gnome in their garden…. and Grace smashes it with her shovel by mistake and blames the crazy neighbor. I think that’s seriously the first time I’ve ever “seen” a gnome. I had no idea what they were until then. Now, Elves…I’m familiar with. Because of Santa, of course
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Out of the Mouth of this Mom =-.
Jackie says:
THIS was a hilarious read. Thank’s for sharing!
Rebecca says:
Sounds like a possible wine induced conversation? Perhaps?
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Memorial Day =-.
Marie-Christine says:
That is such a funny conversation…! I have to say I’m with Mike there, this stuff’s crazy! But at the same time I’m with you that this is not a middle of the night conversation! Love the gnome/elves theory!
Erin says:
Adorable and halarious! You guys are awsome!
Happy Birthday! xoxo
Jenny says:
This post made me want to google about 10 things. Good record to keep of the funny/annoying things to LOL about when you aren’t so tired!
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..An Answer =-.
Ray says:
You two are awesome! And the magic of how a phone works is awesome (and mind-boogling) as well. =D
Jenn says:
I think you 2 are 2 of my favourite peoples!!! I simply CANNOT WAIT to come to LA to hang out with you 3!!!
Love,
Jenn xo
Amanda says:
Gnomes…of course!
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Swishing =-.
Erin Woods says:
LMAO!!!
.-= Erin Woods´s last blog ..All About Me – A to Z =-.
Backpacking Dad says:
First!
.-= Backpacking Dad´s last blog ..The Pitch =-.
Issa says:
The house elves do it. Am convinced of it. That’s why they are too busy to clean my house and do the never ending pile of laundry.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..My real family =-.
Issa says:
65th!!!!
.-= Issa´s last blog ..My real family =-.
Mary says:
You guys are hysterical!!!! Love it!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Reminders =-.
Lamb says:
I knew they did more than just bake cookies and model for cereal boxes!
I love this post so much that I mentioned it on my blog (http://lambaround.blogspot.com). Technically, the post is called Road Trip to the Psychiatrist, but try not to read too much into that
.-= Lamb´s last blog ..My Salad Has A Secret =-.
Jenn says:
So sounds like a conversation I would have with my husband!
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Saturday =-.
The Lola Letters says:
I have SO had 2:00 a.m. conversations like that! Amazing.
This cracked me up.
elysse says:
Happy Belated Birthday! As my birthday present to you,
Let Mike know that the actual speed of sound is dependant on the temperature, so his answer needs to include that to be correct.
(My boyfriend is an Aerospace Engineer, so I get daily random physics facts hourly).
–Elysse
Michele says:
I laughed out loud!!! Thanks!