Everyone wants to know why I have so many wigs. Well, I want to know why everyone DOESN’T have so many wigs! And furthermore, only one of those wigs was meant for a baby.
I bought the Native American wig for a Halloween costume:
The blond curls was one of the best birthday gifts ever.
The green wig was from a St. Patrick’s day (no pictures, boo) where I went all out.
The beaded wig I’ve had since I was a kid. I don’t think it was for anything in particular (I’m sure my mom or dad will correct me in the comments with the real story), but I LOVED it. I wore it all the time. I have a memory of wearing it to elementary school but I think I may have hallucinated that. Don’t do drugs, kids!
My brother and I grew up reading lots of books and watching TV. I know some people are like, “ew, TV!” but it was perfect for us. After we’d finish a book or a show, we’d spend hours picking up where the story left off. That could mean anything from laying on our twin beds talking way past bedtime, or playing in the backyard acting out new adventures for our favorite characters.
We would also completely make up new stories. We’d play in trees and create heroes with unique obstacles. Or we’d turn our house’s upstairs into a hotel, and take turns being hotel workers and guests. That’s where the wigs and props came in very handy.
There is nothing like a costume to help bring your imagination’s wildest ideas to life. With my girls, I started dressing them both up early. Sure, it makes for fun pictures, but I also tell stories with each outfit. When Maddie sported this look, I told her a story about a girl who was always underestimated because of her size and looks, but she always proved people wrong. Maddie loved dress up time because it was also story time. I hope Annie will, too.
My parents always encouraged my brother and me to let our imaginations run wild. I want Annabel to make up stories and dream lands, and I will absolutely keep her closet stocked with little costumes and props to help facilitate her creativity.
Summer days in the backyard and late nights when we should have been sleeping are some of my favorite memories of childhood. Did anyone else grow up like this? I would love to get new ideas to help inspire Annabel. I want her to have everything at her fingertips.
In Due Time says:
Love Maddie’s curly hair! LOL So cute.
We never really grew up playing with wigs and such, just at Halloween time..
Love you in the beaded set!
.-= In Due Time´s last blog ..2 Cool 4 Skool =-.
harriet says:
When me and my brother were kids he had a bunk bed in his room. This had a desk on the bottom and a cubby hole towards the back – it couldn’t have been larger than your average adult but we used to sleep in it and pretend all of our cuddly toys were fish and go fishing on top the bed! haha
Al_Pal says:
Awww, love it, you look so lovely & the colors really make your eyes stand out.
Imagination is the best. Since there were four of us, we played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the backyard!
The activities with your brother, picking up where the books & tv left off, reminds me of fanfiction and LARP: Live action role play!
[yes, I have some very geeky friends–good times]
YAY wigs! ;p
xoxo
Sarah says:
The best time to find costumes is right after Halloween, they are all on clearance. I just browse the aisles and grab whatever I think will spark my kids imagination/fancy. Yesterday was “Superhero Day” at my daughter’s jr. hi (8th grader) and of course we had the duds…she went as Wonder Woman. Super cute! Thrift shops have lots of crazy fun stuff too.
michele says:
My husband built a tree fort in the toy room, and I painted a tree on the wall. My kids used it as a pirate ship somedays or a tree fort. All the kids who came over to play immediately went to this fort. They loved being higher up in the air.
Now that my kids are older (11, 9), they have an outdoor fort that my husband just finished. And they are looking forward to sleeping out there this summer!
You guys are great parents and it sounds like Annie already has a perfect foundation for lots of imaginary playtime. Dress up clothes are the best! We have a big trunk and even now, my kids end up dressing up with their friends.
michele from maine
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
We have a bin of costumes in the playroom, and the kids LOVE it. Even now that they are 10 & 13, they still dress up and act out imaginary plays and scenes.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I like ugly stuff =-.
Sue says:
Love the photos of you in all of the wigs, Heather! Your wonderful imagination is the very reason that you write such interesting posts!!!!! It sounds like you had a great childhood,,,full of lots of good times, and I know that those are in store for Annie,,,just as they were for Maddie. What lucky little girls to have such fun parents as you & Mike!!!!!
dysfunctional mom says:
I didn’t, but I wish I had! It sounds wonderful and makes me want to go out and buy wigs!
charlane says:
I made a book for my daughter of “Where he fairies live”. I took pictures of little nooks and crannies in our neighborhood where she may recognize on a walk and expire in a hunt for fairies. I hope she enjoys that sort of thing because my area of expertise is really tea parties, fairies, and princesses, I know nothing of trucks or sports.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Cake’s Mom’s Day =-.
charlane says:
Ugh…THE Fairies not HE Fairies. I really need to start paying closer attention when I am typing.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Cake’s Mom’s Day =-.
charlane says:
And EXPLORE not EXPIRE. She is not a killer!
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Cake’s Mom’s Day =-.
Ashley Hast says:
You have me cracking up, Charlane!
.-= Ashley Hast´s last blog ..Lame-o Chick I will *so* not like for *forever* =-.
jean says:
My sisters and I were always putting on dramatic productions for the family, especially around the holidays. My mom was okay with us using sheets, towels, whatever (we did a lot of Biblical stories). We had a blast and hey, I married an actor/writer so I guess it influenced me.
Amy says:
When I was growing up there were four girls on one side of our house and two girls on the other. We played dress up, checked out plays from the library and put on performances. In the summer we were outside from 8 am until 9 pm, except for meal times. It was the best.
Veronika says:
Cool wigs! My sister and I did our fair share of imaginative play, but my parents refused to buy props. You’ve inspired me to put some effort into putting together dress up chests for my children.
Shannon Kieta says:
Sorry, My mom was a stick in the mud. We NEVER did fun things…EVER! Which is why I try to do different things with my kids. I don’t want to be that “stick in the mud” to them! LOL!!! You definately will be the “cool mom” growing up. I was never on a vacation or anything until I took myself!!! How sad is that??? My mom dumped me off EVERY weekend to my Aunts and Uncle’s house so her and my dad could go to the racetrack. Don’t get me wrong, they were fantastic parents, just not very fun!!!! I want to be fun and supportive for my kids!
.-= Shannon Kieta´s last blog ..My Tribute to Mother’s Day… =-.
Greta says:
I love kids playing dress up. I have boys and when my oldest was a baby I thought it was so sad that boys don’t dress up. Was I ever wrong!!! My 15 year old dressed up everyday from about 2-7. He had a Buzz Lightyear costume, superheros, Pokemon, pirate, firemen and my favorite, a combo of everything. He would dress in these costumes and conquer the backyard. I have a collage frame of him in all his different get ups. Gots tons of costumes after Halloween, his favorite was a $2 Wolverine costume I swore he wore everyday for a year.
Tamaya says:
My younger brothers wore enough womens’ formal-wear and dance costumes by their tenth birthdays to make a drag-queen proud. see: http://twincubator.blogspot.com/2010/05/blackmail.html
.-= Tamaya´s last blog ..That Was a Mistake Tuesday =-.
Catherine Lucas says:
We played indian and cowboy, we did not dress up, but we still acted as described. Funny how kids can use their imagination for good things…
Love the wigs!
.-= Catherine Lucas´s last blog ..Attacked by a turkey! =-.
Karyn says:
My niece has a “dress up chest” Its filled with just about every costume imaginable. Every year when there is a clearance sale after halloween her mom stocks up. Princess, bunny, ballerina, mouse, little bo peep. you name it shes got it! And they play on a regular basis. Shes even got her own Pop Up Castle and more costume jewerly than an adult.
Katrina says:
It’s funny the things kids use for imaginary play. My kids have a room full of toys and do choose to play boxes. Dress up is a big part of being a kid. We have a box for my boys– my husband was not happy with me! Dolls, a kitchen, LOTS of books are in the recipe that creates a good imagination, I think.
Erin says:
So funny that you have all of those – they do make perfect toys for imaginative wee ones! There are definitely pictures of me before I could walk in wigs…long blong ones, curly ones…a bob or two…and I love it…they’re hilarious…especially when people are just flipping through albums and then they’re like…WHOA! WHA? HUH!? Ooohh..your parents are crazy! and I’m like..yep..in the best way possible!
My parents were all about the imagination…and I think that some of the best things that they did were that they weren’t afraid to let us use it. They weren’t afraid of messes and spills and things not being perfect… They weren’t afraid to let us keep a giant refridgerator box in the living room until we were done playing with it…even if people probably thought they were nuts for letting us mutilate it, paint it, decorate it and play in it for days and weeks on end…and oh how we played…it was a space ship, a very tall house and even a canoe…and probably a million other things that I can’t remember now. They let us turn the living room into giant forts on a regular basis..where we became pirates on a boat, a submarine, a school, a treefort in the jungle and so much more. Betcha didn’t know that four chairs and a pillow for a steering wheel can magically become a safari for two children and a couple hundred stuffed animals
I was also lucky enough to grow up on a farm…and we have all of these big old rock fences…and we’d clamber up on them and play different games depending where on the fence we were…we had a place where the biggest (and also tallest) rock was placed…and that was the castle of our domaine…then there was also an area where we could surfboard, where we could find ‘moon rocks’ and whatever else our imaginations decided to dream up…
One of my favourite things that always spiked my imagination is something that you’re already doing – the story telling. When we had just moved out to the farm we grew up on…my brother and I shared a room for the first couple of years…and as we were getting ready for bed..my parents would always read us stories…as we got older we’d beg and beg for ‘just one more story’…so my (sucker) parents would oblige and as we lay in bed we’d get told a story…which eventually became almost like a series of stories about a boy and a girl (that we got to name) who had crazy wild, fun amazing adventures at night while their parents slept..my mom or dad would randomly stop throughout the story and that was our cue to fill in the blanks….for instance “and then they flew their magic carpet over __(a herd of elephants, a huge city, monkeys that could jump as high as the moon, etc.)__. It was so much fun to be able to be a part of the stories, to feel like my imagination and creativity was an asset instead of something that was just in the way..and I think that’s why my imagination is still strong today..
I took a few of these things with me while I was an aupair for a year…and they saved me. My youngest one loved when I jumped in a game and played along with her…that I could still make up story lines and come up with fun things to ‘play about’…that I told good stories and always let her help with them…I definitely saw a change in the way that she played with her friends and they way that she wrote things…created things…it was super interesting to watch her imagination flow as I don’t think that she’d ever really been given the chance before as their house seemed to lack that quality…and their mother abhored messes, ‘things that couldn’t possibly be’ and would rather plop her seven year old down infront of the latest episode of ‘desperate housewives’ instead of doing anything with her. Their absentee father on the other hand seemed to be against anything fun or interesting in principle…and when he actually did pop into their lives (96 hours a month, all court mandated plus one phonecall on wednesdays was all that he could manage..) he was all about rules, yelling and everyone being perfect
Wow – I’m rambling.
LONG story short – kudos to you guys – sounds like you’re onto something great and amazing – keep up the good work – and the lovely imagination!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..La De Da =-.
Tricia says:
For my daughter’s 5th birthday I had a costume party, where instead of dressing up, all of the guests brought costumes as presents. she was about three presents in before she realized the theme, and from then out was even MORE excited to keep unwrapping. She was the only grandchild on both sides, with lots of aunts and uncles, and everyone really got into it. She got a full pirate costume from my brother, complete with the wooden sword my dad made him when he was a little boy. She got personalized scrubs and a stethoscope from my sister who is a nurse. She got pink cowgirl boots and hat and full denim cowgirl ensemble from her grandma who has a horse. And on and on… everybody thought it was great, and wow did she end up with the costumes! I gave her a costume trunk, and to this day the costumes are a part of her daily play. She’s nine and a half now, and some of the costumes no longer fit, or have been replaced by newer (larger!) versions, and then there’s the queen costume (purple crushed velvet, of course!), that was dragging on the floor at 5, but comes up practically to her knees at 9. Queenly fashion changes, of course.
Kelly says:
When we were kids, we had tons of old prom dresses, and other “old fashioned” (that’s what we called them, who knows what they were) clothes that we would play dress up in. My mom’s and her BF, would scrounge garage sales, and thrift stores for us to find new treasures for us to dress up in. It totally didn’t matter that they were too big, we made do, and came up with all kinds of imaginary games to play around all the dress up clothes.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..What’s in a Name? =-.
Sarah P says:
My twins do the same thing with movies, tv shows and books. Our parents always marvel at their creativity. I wonder if it’s a twin thing.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..You can’t spell "WOMBAT" without "WOMB" =-.
Lisa says:
My mom always fostered our imaginations as well, encouraging us to read, asking us how we would tell the story differently, or where we would take from the end. Creativity and imagination are magical things and should always be encouraged, fostered, grown.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Fevers, When is it Cause for Concern =-.
Mary P says:
Nurturing your child’s imagination is such a loving thing to do. When I read your post with the wigs, all I could think was that Annie (and Maddie) are fortunate to have a mother who loves to have fun and who encourages fanciful and imaginative play.
Love the green wig. The pictures look like a montage of mug shots.
.-= Mary P´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Eloquent =-.
Tami says:
I did , we did allot of playing and doing things as a family.. Times are sure different now with all the electronic stuff that there is to play. I love the wigs on you as well. Annie is one lucky girl to have parents like you both.
m says:
my brothers and i had the best conversations at night when we were supposed to be sleeping. also some of my best memories. *wipes tear from corner of eye*
Jenny says:
I volunteer with a foundation that believes whole heartedly in the same idea that dress up and creative play are fun and imaginative, and an outlet that every child needs. We send dress up costumes to chronically ill children all over the US, whether they are in hospitals or home on hospice. We also provide dress up closets in a few local Dallas area children’s hospitals, which are available to the patients all of the time. Kids need creativity and a break from the daily grind, especially when it’s medical treatment. It’s an opportunity to become someone else and control your own destiny. The Princess Alexa Foundation aims to provide that opportunity to sick children.
I hope your Annie’s imagination soars as she grows older.
http://www.princessalexafoundation.org
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Mama Moments =-.
Assertagirl Amy says:
We didn’t really do dress-up time much as kids, but my brother and I still played with each other and our friends, imagining up stories, and re-enacting our favourite movies (Disney’s Robin Hood was a favourite).
I feel the same way about Nathan…he’s SO BUSY already and I can just imagine him running around pretending and playing and being a kid. I can’t wait.
.-= Assertagirl Amy´s last blog ..Monday business. =-.
unmitigated me (m.a.w.) says:
I thought only Jenny Lawson had that many wigs! Dress up time is magic for a little girl. My daughter wore dress up clothes whenever she wasn’t at school!
.-= unmitigated me (m.a.w.)´s last blog ..Startling News =-.
Ms. Moon says:
I think the best way to foster a child’s imagination is to read, read, read to them. And then- when they can read themselves- give them lots of books and access to books. The holy library card! AND- plenty of time with nothing to do and a yard to do nothing in.
That’s what worked for me. And for my kids too.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Stars In The Yard =-.
Fyshwyfe says:
One thing our parents did to foster creativity was buy rolls and rolls of butcher paper. After hearing a story or watching a movie, they’d roll the paper out on the floor, dump boxes of crayons out, and we’d all lie on our bellies drawing. We’d expand on stories or make up our own. I plan on doing the same thing when my babies are older.
Diane says:
My older daughter LOVES to dress up. She has a few dresser drawers stuffed full with costumes. Wigs are problematic though as she doesn’t even take care of her OWN hair. My younger daughter has not learned to love the art of dressing up but she does have quite an imagination.
The only thing that would have made your wigs better is a smile.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..A whole lot about me. =-.
Alex says:
You’re so dead on! Kids need to be encouraged just to go! I think the best thing that encourages them to do that is just other kids to play with. I find that my kids spur each other on to make their imaginative lives even more elaborate and crazy! The best is when they have tons of friends around to make things even better.
All they really need is SPACE- no grown ups interfering and planning it out!
They’ve staged circuses in my living room, built forts out of blankets and pillows, gone “squirrel catching” in the “African wilderness” of our front yard (who knew I lived in Africa?? and God forbid they ever catch one!) and made up countless plays that I video so they can put them on t.v.
Such good times!
.-= Alex´s last blog ..Thank You So Much, Gwen Stefani =-.
Java says:
Kids now a days don’t use their imagination enough!! They are too busy playing video games. Never playing outside. We were always outside when I was young!
.-= Java´s last blog ..Oh No You Didn’t!! =-.
Tricia says:
I LOVE the costuming, and totally agree that children (and adults) should be encouraged in imaginative play of all sorts.
My only objection is to the Native American costume. See this blog for a lot of really compelling reasons why cultural appropriation, even in fun, hurts a lot of real live people today.
http://nativeappropriations.blogspot.com/
Adventures In Babywearing says:
I LOVE this about you.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..The Cowboy Way =-.
Delenn says:
Totally totally grew up like that. Books and television and lots and lots of imagination…(my latest blog post actually shows my son using some of that same type of imagination…)
Love the wigs!
.-= Delenn´s last blog ..Random Blurry Photos =-.
Nicole says:
I don’t have any siblings and have always wanted one for this very reason. I was always jealous of everyone who would spend late nights talking in bed wih their brother/sister, and having that extra playmate!
I think the wig story telling idea is so creative, I think I need to go buy some for my kids LOL! I think you are a great mommy! Thanks for sharing.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Happy Birthday….to me! =-.
Lisa @ lists in my pocket says:
Sounds like a beautiful childhood. My siblings and i were homeschooled for elementary and middle school, so we would read a book, say “Swiss Family Robinson,” and then go do all kinds of projects about it. We would build our own forts, go buy a coconut from the market and drink the juice, write a message in a bottle, and so forth. I think just having dress-up clothes (and limiting TV when it’s nice outside) are the best ways to encourage imagination!
.-= Lisa @ lists in my pocket´s last blog ..Giveaway: Cotton Tale Lizzie Pillow Pack =-.
Jen L. says:
An active imagination is a WONDERFUL thing! I’m sure my time doing exactly what you are describing led to my choosing theatre as a career. I played school for hours on end, always coming up with elaborate storylines for my “students.” I also had soap-operaesque situations happening with my Barbies. I am an only child, so my imagination was my best friend. I think my grandma really helped fuel it when I was young. I thought her fireplace looked like a stage, so I would stand up there and perform. I love that you do this with your girls!
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY from CSN stores =-.
Katie C. says:
My sister and I used to play “Little House on the Prairie” in our backyard. We would put on these silly bonnets and run around the yard with pails just like Laura and Mary Ingalls. I am sure the neighbors thought we were freaks – but it gave us hours of fun! Imagination is awesome!
Lacy says:
I love that the pictures look like mugshots. Awesome!!
laura says:
This is great! I too wondered why so many wigs? The pics of Annie were fun. Reminds me of a roommate I had in college. She had a variety of wigs and depending on her mood, she would sport a new wig for the day or the week. I always admired that in her- wearing wigs just because the mood caught her. I grew up with dress-up and lots of imagination play–a definite fun time. Growing up-I ran around in a pack of kids in the neighborhood, outside if the weather was good. Basically we roamed several blocks running around and playing detailed hide-n-seek games. When it was time to come home, my mom would stand on the porch and shout my name. Funny to think back, I was well trained to that shout. Sort of like an amazon call! Keep the imagination train going and have fun!
Lindsay from Florida says:
My mom and grandma were awesome about this too when I was younger. Gram always used to tell me stories before naptime (there was one series I especially remember, about a family of four who always ended up in crazy and dangerous situations on family vacations … but who always came out on top in the end). And, as I got older, she’d make me tell HER stories. I’d get home from kindergarten and sit on her old swing, and she’d say, “Tell me about the funniest thing that happened to you today.” “Tell me about the scariest thing that happened to you today.” (She let me tell her the true answers or make up obviously fantastical and imaginative stories … whatever I felt like that day.) There were always costumes and board games aplenty on hand … and BOOKS. I lovvvvved books. I read my way through the whole Nancy Drew series the summer I was 8 or 9.
I was kind of a loner while I was an only child and would sit in the corner at pre-school making up stories in my head about my favorite movies and what happened next in them. (Everyone worried a little about my social skills then, but it all turned out ok, lol.) And when my half-sisters were born, I would spend all the weekends that I had with them playing Power Rangers and all manner of other fun.
I really believe that all of this influenced who I am today. I still love to read … love to write … love to imagine. I was an English major in college and will be teaching soon, hopefully bringing these loves to my students.
A fun childhood influences SO much of who you become. Annie is a lucky, lucky little girl.
Liz B. says:
Heather, you are an awesome mom! Just in case you don’t hear it very often.
Have a great day!
Liz
Abby C. says:
I LOVED playing dress-up as a young kid. I don’t think I ever grew out of it – I ended up going into the arts, and still do some DIY costuming in my spare time. Costume jewelry and old dresses are great – make a trip to Goodwill. My grandmother had this stash of old costume jewelry and dresses from the 40s she could no longer wear, and my cousin Amber and I spent hours upon hours dressing as princesses, high society women, ballerinas, you name it.
Also, while she’s still small, obtain a cardboard refridgerator box somewhere. It can become a cave, a castle, a space ship, you name it. It was my favorite toy when I was 3 and I still remember playing in it.
monica says:
ooo, I really like the blonde curls on you. I think you should wear it everyday. the pigtails are cute too, you could alternate days wearing them.
Lessons in Life and Light says:
Back when I was little, my mom would build us amazing forts out of chairs and blankets–but ONLY when my dad went out of town on business. I guess it was kind of her way to help us get through missing him. It worked, lol!
.-= Lessons in Life and Light´s last blog ..Mother’s Day Part Two =-.
Ashley says:
We spent hours dressing up, and while wigs weren’t part of our “Tickle Trunk” (I so hope you had Mr. Dressup down there and understand that reference, otherwise I may come of a little like a Loony Tune) we didn’t have a miriad of bizarre clothes. One of the best was a long, horrible pink housecoat that we’d make my brother dress up in and pretend he was the “man” of our house, married to my best friend. 15 years later and he still resents me for it
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..I already did! =-.
jensboys says:
I love your blog, and have read for well over a year so please know that my comment is being made with knowing that your heart is in the right place.
An “indian costume” is the cultural equivalent to wearing black face. It’s just not acceptable. First off, the term “Indian” is outdated and inappropriate -its like caling someone of Asian descent “oriental” or African Americans “negro”.
Native American or First Nations IS the term that is acceptable. Taking parts of an important historical dress and using it as a Halloween costume is also simply no longer acceptable – it mocks a heritage that is rich and diverse. It reduces an entire group (and nations of people) to a silly wig and goofy dress. Its cultural appropriation of the worst sort because it shows such little respect for the reality of the lives of American Indians and First Nations people in American and Canada today, or the reality of their history.
At the root of ALL race based constumes is eurocentric racism – and I get that most white people never have to think about this stuff from the point of view of the person they are imitating or mocking. I am white myself, but I am the mother of two black sons and two First Nations daughters.
It’s never too much to educate and teach respect for ALL people and ALL heritages. An “indian” wig does not do that, in fact it does the opposite. SO in the same way I would assume you wouldnt put Annie in black face, I would challenge you to show respect to the other cultures of your community as well. For the sake of my daughters (who I would be HORRIFIED if they saw those pictures and the associated “Indian” comments) and for children and parents of all races that might be looking at your blog.
I hope you take this in the spirit it was intended …
Linda says:
Jensboys. My Mother used to say to me “if you’re looking for a slight you’ll always find one”.
Backpacking Dad says:
No one from my reservation ever called themselves “native american” or “first nations” unless they were talking to a white person and trying to inject a little guilt into the conversation.
“Indian” doesn’t offend me. It’s no more illegitimate than “native AMERICAN” or “FIRST nations”. American? No. First? Well, someone was first. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the Cherokee though. So I’m not going to go out of my way to be offended by “Indian” or teach my kids to be offended by “Indian” when their entire family uses “Indian” as a self-descriptor when they aren’t intending to point out the specific tribe. I usually call myself “Mohawk”.
And this Mohawk couldn’t care less if a white person wants to dress like a fake Indian princess any more than I’d expect it would bother a Scot to see an Englishman dressed like William Wallace in Braveheart. Sure there’s a power disparity there between the cultures, and a history of oppression, and a distance between past cultural practices (real or imagined) and current cultural conditions, but I doubt the Scot would claim it was demeaning him or his children.
Yes, it’s culturally insensitive to wear a fake Indian princess costume. No, it’s not anything to call Akwesasne Notes about.
Oh, and Heather? Get off my land.
.-= Backpacking Dad´s last blog ..Erin Goes to the Dentist =-.
FreeRange Pamela says:
It was an AUSTRALIAN dressed like a Scot in Bravehart Or, is Mel Gibson actually American? Anyway, he had an Australian accent.
signed, an American married to a Scot
.-= FreeRange Pamela´s last blog ..Making Mild, Creamy Yogurt at Home =-.
Redneck Mommy says:
Dammit. Backpacking Dad stole my comment.
And just so you know Heather, that wig needs feathers.
.-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Breaking the Rules =-.
Katrina says:
I’m wondering….since I’m 1/2 Irish…and certainly the Irish people were treated badly at one point in history in their own country, and then when they were immigrants to New York they were looked upon as dirty people and treated unfairly….since that is my heritage then I suppose I should be offended at Heather’s green wig that she wore on St. Patrick’s Day. Certainly she was making fun of my heritage, right? Irish people don’t have green hair, afterall, so she was making fun and being insensive to the struggles of my people. Forget the Ooompa Looompas, what about the suffering of the Irish?!!!
History is history. We cannot help what our forefathers did. Every race has its history of suffering somewhere. But that isn’t in our time — in our time, in this country, we do have equal rights. Let’s live in the here and now, not the past. Focus on the equality and respect of all races that is today’s reality, not the past hurts of yesterday. Whatever you feed will grow, people. Be sure to feed the positive and not the negative.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Feeling Yucky! =-.
Kristel says:
Jensboys… You know what bothers me? Being called ‘white’. What… you get to be special but everyone who’s of European descent get to be lumped together? Right… because that’s not racist at all. You are the worst kind of hypocrite… because you are doing to everyone else what you claim they are doing to you. You would call me ‘white’… I’m not. But, for some reason, because I’m a ‘majority’ you can address me however you choose but I have to be kept abreast on whatever is the day’s political correct lingo, lest I offend you? It would be the same if I were Mohawk or Cherokee, Korean or Japanese… don’t lump me into a group. Period. It’s a 2-way street, my friend… but you think it’s a one way.
Do you know what you are teaching your children? Racism. You are teaching them that everyone who is not First Nations has done them wrong. That they are ‘owed’ something, entitled to something. That instead of doing right by themselves everyone should do right by them. And you know what that is going to do? Make them racist. To the max. Your words fly off the screen, as though spat… “middle class, white”… how dare you!? How racist is that?!? And how dare you be so hypocritical to make such an assumption, with such a negative tone. As a middle class ‘white’ (again, I’m not… but you’re obviously just concerned about looks and facade, aren’t you?) woman I assure you it is a struggle of its own accord. When was the last time I got a government grant, scholarship or tax credit? Instead I bust my ass to go it alone, while others who have chosen to use the system (and their race) to their advantage receive free education, health care, subsidized living, etc. But never would I complain because as a ‘majority’ that would be wrong. Because, somehow, I’m not entitled to that right because my entire demographic is seen as the bad guy, the bully, the racist. Is that not, in itself, the epitome of racism? You don’t want equality… you want superiority. Heather must watch not only her words but her Halloween costumes? What about the Mexican costume? The Egyptian? What about the cowboys and Brokeback mountain jokes… the priests and altar boy jokes… the pregnant nun costume… the blonde jokes… redneck accents… people with mental illness being called ‘crazy’… and every time the ‘white man’ is blamed for something his ancestors did? Honey, we’ve all been wronged. We’re all racist. Everyone has been stereotyped. Instead of trying to change the world with ranting (minus my own, of course) and shoving yet another article, study or book down someone’s throat how about this…. how about if you just be a good, loving person (although I have visited your blog and the love you have for your family, blood and not, is truly amazing and, because of that, I am disappointed by your actions towards Heather, shame on you) and make people love and respect you because of who you are as a person, race and all. You could have handled this with so much more grace, respect and integrity. Regardless of what your race is, if it were the same as mine I would be embarrassed to claim you as one of my own. And that includes the human race.
By teaching your children that they have been wronged you are, albeit unintentionally, instilling a hate and contempt that goes against everything you supposedly believe in. The ironic thing is… you’re too damn colorblind to see that.
.-= Kristel´s last blog ..Aging Gracefully (or at least trying to) =-.
Katrina says:
Ooooh Kristel….you’ve said a mouthful, and I applaud you! ::::clapping loudly::::::
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Feeling Yucky! =-.
Jaynah says:
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! I’m pretty sure you just said what every “white” person out there is thinking.
.-= Jaynah´s last blog ..Half a Decade Away =-.
Erin W says:
You go girl!!!!!
Lindsey says:
god, this comment SCREAMS white privledge at it’s worst and i can’t even get through the whole thing without wanting to smack you.
the first comment was made in a civil tone in a manner that was trying to educate heather. YOURS IS NOT.
let’s start at the beginning… as a WHITE person you have never been oppressed, never been lumped into a group because of your race, never been characterized solely by your heritage. the entire first paragraph is nothing but ignorance and, yes, masked racism, i don’t think heather was being racist… just a little uneducated on what may be considered politically correct these days. try reading the below link with an open mind (though i’m sure you won’t) and get back to me:
http://www.case.edu/president/aaction/UnpackingTheKnapsack.pdf
my favorite part of your second paragraph is where you go off on your ignorant tirade truly PROVING your racist roots. OF COURSE all minorities have gotten a tax credit because of their race. OF COURSE all minorities have chosen to “use the system” instead of working their ass off. WHAT. THE. F*CK?!?! all she said was “hey… a native american costume may be offensive to some people.” YOU ARE THE ONE THAT STARTED RANTING YOUR BIAS AGAINST MINORITIES AND ~WORKING THE SYSTEM~
and this part? “When was the last time I got a government grant, scholarship or tax credit?” assuming you are a homeowner, do you write off the interest on your mortgage on your taxes every year? THEN GUESS WHAT? YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN A GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY! writing off interest for home loans is the the same category as providing subsidies for low income housing and actually ends up costing the government MORE each year than any low income subsidies.
and yes, mexican halloween costumes are just as wrong as native american costumes. ANY COSTUME THAT MAKES FUN OF A PARTICULAR ETHNICITY is offensive.
i am going to quit typing this now because it’s clear you are never going to listen with an open mind or take a step back to realize your white privilege but hey, at least i tried.
-25 year old educated white woman
Rach says:
um, Lyndsey? read the comment again and educate yourself.
“white privilege”…I am laughing to myself over here. and I’m not white, I’m Norwegian. But no one ever asks…
Kristel, well said.
.-= Rach´s last blog ..cry your eyes out here =-.
Jessica says:
While I’m sure everyone is done with this whole awful debacle and would like to move forward, I have to point out one thing, having just now read all these comments.
Jensboys…. Isn’t calling an African-American “black” showing the same lack of political correctness and isn’t it as offensive as calling a Native American an “Indian”? Your comment says “…but I am the mother of two black sons and two First Nations daughters.”
Not only are you a disgusting person for the things you said to Heather, but you are also a complete and utter HYPOCRITE.
Sarah says:
I know this verbal nitpicking can be a total can of worms, but here in the UK (I know Jensboys isn’t British, but anyway…), ‘black’ is the most common, and generally accepted term for describing someone.
I saw someone in another comment using the term ‘people of colour’; over here, that probably would be considered a bit wrong…’coloured’ is basically considered racist in the UK. After all, we’re all colourful
Lindsey says:
african american is actually NOT the preferred term for any black person, whether in the UK or not. try asking an actual black person what they prefer to be called or… you know… try educating yourself before you call someone disgusting.
jensboys says:
I am sorry you deleted my comment about cultural costumes and race based appropriation and mocking of cultures and other people.
I hope you take the time to think about it – even from your perspective of a white mom of white kids … if there was a blog where someone had posted pictures of premie babies making fun of their appearance, or the struggles of their families … maybe dressed up in a Halloween costume as a “premie” baby with wires, and tubes, bugged out eyes, torn skin and mocking (however innocently) the REALITY that you faced with your pregancies and daughters, you would say something, wouldn’t you? You would say “Hey that’s rude and hurtful to ME and my family” “That is NOT appropriate” Hopefully the person would listen … would never, ever make the same mistake twice.
That is what I am saying to you — Indian costumes/ Indian comments are hurtful to MY daughters and MY family. It’s not “harmless fun” – its disrespectful and hurtful and certainly not honoring. I totally get that it was done innecently and without much thought — but that is the joy of white privilege. We dont HAVE to think about how our actions affect minorities … but once its pointed out to us we DO have a responsibility learn and ACT DIFFERENT.
Katrina says:
I dressed my two year old in a darling Halloween costume a few years ago. She went as Pocahontas. Was that bad? Wasn’t she an important person in history? Aren’t there history books that mention her? There’s a Disney cartoon about her, afterall (which is where we got the costume) What about the Colonial outfit my nine year old wore, with the white curly wig (as the white people wore back in the Founding Father’s days or our counry.) Isn’t that just portraying an era? a time that people “looked and dressed” that way, instead of making fun of a culture? That’s how I see it, at least. What about dressing up as a Geisha girl? is that bad? Or a suma wrestler? or is that poking fun at a culture, and thus a bad thing to do? I think the majority of people who dress up for Halloween do it for fun, not to make fun of people or a certain culture. (if anything, they are making fun of themselves for looking so ridiculous while dressed up!) My husband once dressed up as a pregnant woman – was he making fun of women and mothers? of ME, his wife and the mother of his children? I didn’t take it that way. Afterall, I was standing next to him dressed in his firefighter’s suit, complete with the heavy black boots and helmet. Was I making fun of the people who serve and protect our community? or was I just dressing up? Maybe another firefighter would see me and take offense? “Hey….you think you could do what I do everyday? Look at you, thinking you’re all cute in that uniform…as if it’s so easy. I risk my life everyday for people like you….” Where does it end, then? Should we never dress up as others? I’m a white woman and to be totally honest, I would not find it offensive in the least if an African-American person put on a white George Washington-type wig and went to a Halloween party as a Colonial. I’m a woman (and at one time in history we were not allowed to vote or have the same rights as men) and I would still laugh at any man dressed up as a pregnant woman, and not take offense to it. Where do we draw the line? or is it only to be considered offensive to minorities? And as far as the comparison to dressing up as other cultures compared to dressing up as a preemie…really? I mean, really? There’s a huge difference between portraying a person in history or a culture…. and a struggling- to- stay- alive newborn.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Mother-Daughter Weekend, Mother’s Day, and #10 =-.
Sidnie says:
I totally agree with you here, katrina.
My boys where their daddy’s ACU uniform to play dress all the time.
I don’t see that as offensive. Honestly, I think it shows their respect….
It’s just a costume.
But what do I know? I’m just a white person.
Amanda says:
This line of thinking isn’t logical! If it was then I demand that all Zombie and Monster masks be removed from the market. As a mother of a child with a facial defect, this offends me.
Your comparision of a native wig/dressup and that of a newborn child struggling for life is an insult to all.
We choose how we react to situations and therefore teach our children how to react. You are raising children who will constantly look for reasons to be offended.
I am so sorry a cute and harmless post about Annie’s premature hairloss caused such a heated debate. I found it quite funny and DID show my little girl. She just adores your videos.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Need something to do this weekend?? =-.
Heather says:
Hi Jensboys,
Um, I’m not sure why you think your comment was deleted – they are both right there.
Anyway, I’m certainly sorry that the costume I wore when I was 22 years old offended you. I can tell you that the reason I picked that costume was that I was trying to look pretty. There was a really hot guy coming to that party (Mike) and I was trying to catch his eye.
I’ll give you that the term Indian is not appropriate. In fact, after I leave this comment, I am going to go back and change the terminology in this post.
While I’m apologizing, I would also like to apologize to anyone who might be offended by my blond wig, since it is reminiscent of African American culture. And sorry to all the Oompa Loompas out there.
I’m not sorry about the beaded wig, though.
Seriously though, your comparison to a costume that is meant to make a young adult feel pretty to a baby who is premature is INSANELY insulting since my daughter DIED OF PREMATURITY. I am appalled.
Kelly says:
You know Heather, my cousin is going through a nasty divorce, and a cop just gave her a piece of wisdom I have carried closely:
“Unfortunately, there is now law against being an asshole.’
If there was, Jenboys comments would send her to jail. In the mean time, you have every right to delete that hurtful crap and move on.
Being Offended, no matter how valid the reason, is no comparison to losing a child. WHAT do people think about before they type words and PUBLISH them?
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Road mirror =-.
Amy B says:
For what it’s worth: as Backpacking Dad pointed out, there isn’t anything inherently offensive about the term “Indian” – maybe a few people like Jensboys who are descended from people groups who were here in America before the “white” people came are offended by the term Indian, but most are not. The term “Native American” is not really helpful because anyone born here is now a native American. As for First Nations, well I guess that is more accurate, but it hasn’t caught on amongst most Indian peoples. Part of my undergrad degree, earned just a couple of years ago, included a few classes studying the history and contemporary issues of these peoples. The term we used was American Indian. And FYI – the professor was liberal, progressive, and herself part American Indian.
Overflowing Brain (Katie) says:
Jensboys
If you really want people to take you seriously, you need to watch your words. Go back and reread what you wrote here and then stand up and say that your comment about premature infants wasn’t more offensive than an old picture of a Native American halloween costume.
The difference here is that Heather might have accidentally offended you with her picture. But what you did was come here and intentionally offend her. Which one do you think is worse?
A really wise guy once said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
If you want us to all be more sensitive to others, you need to take a second and consider doing the same.
Jill says:
Well said.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..True story =-.
Roxanne says:
You crossed a line with that comparison. I understand your point, but your foster and adopted children are alive. There’s a huge difference between what you’re finding offensive, and how inappropriately disgusting and disturbing your hypothetical comparison is.
You might’ve gotten your point across much more clearly if you’d left premies out of the picture all together, and perhaps compared it to simply white folk in general. Redneck stereotype perhaps? I don’t know.
I’m just embarrassed for you that you would describe something so horrendously inappropriate.
Laura says:
Exactly my thoughts. Exactly!
Issa says:
I find it interesting that once you assumed your comment had been eaten, you decided to take it to a personal attack level. You really, truly think comparing a preemie to an old Halloween wig is okay? Truly? On this blog?
That doesn’t seem like you “love your blog, and have read for well over a year” as you claim. Dislike the wig, say something about it, that is fine. No one said you had to agree with anything Heather says. But there’s no need to make it personal. Please remember whose house you are in, before you write hurtful things. Someone who has read here for a year should know better.
Truth is, it’s a costume. That’s all. Just a silly part of a costume.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
ThePeachy1 says:
wow, really? I am all about being considerate and PC and stuff, but as a direct descendant of native americans and my husband and child have their indian cards, I feel absolutely NO offense to this outfit, weird maybe cause it’s a costume? and I am not anal retentive. There are bigger fish to fry. Are you seriously wiggidy whack or just really this shallow.
AmazingGreis says:
Wow, just wow!! I’ll agree that the term “Indian” may not be PC, but really to compare a costume wig to prematurity is immature and just not right. For someone that has been reading Heather for over a year you should know this is harmless and in no way meant to hurt anyone.
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
Ashley says:
jensboys:
I have to say that while I’m sorry you may have taken offense to something on this blog or the fact that pop culture has characterized Indian and native american nations (but what hasn’t pop culture made fun of, characterized, or stereotyped? Every single person who reads this blog probably has something that is relevant and close to them that is mocked in some way in our society), I hope you understand that you are comparing apples and oranges when you likened wearing an “Indian” wig to dressing up like a premature infant. I also hope that you have never in your life used a cliche that referred to any specific group, race, gender, etc. like using the word “retard” to refer to something as stupid, because if so, then you might want to get off your politically correct high horse and take some perspective.
LinMarie says:
jensboys,
You have serious sensitivity/mental issues. If you are going to raise your children to be offended by the term INDIAN then I am very concerned for what else they will be hurt by. They’re in for a lifetime of hurt and sadness and for them I am sorry. Obviously you have ISSUES that you need to resolve. The disgusting comparison you made between INDIANS AND PREMIES is absolutely mind blowing. You need to be educated and smacked for that. Get a life and a hobby! And while your at it, grow some skin!
Redneck Mommy says:
All right, I’m rather stunned by this comment. You see, my grandparents are full blooded Mohawks and I take great pride in my heritage, as do my children, both biological and my full-blooded Cree child.
However, any cultural insensitivity you were trying to educate people about is now completely obscured by your classless and cruel comments about premature babies, especially to the mother of a premature baby who subsequently DIED due to health complications.
As the parent to disabled children, ones who lived with tubes and scars and as the mother to a child who DIED due to health complications I take extreme offense to your ignorant remarks.
So which is worse, Heather’s braided wig and use of a no longer PC term or your asshat comment?
Handsdown, you win this one. Congratulations.
.-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Breaking the Rules =-.
Jenn says:
Ditto everything Redneck Mommy said.
I am appaled.
Jenn says:
*appalled*
sorry hard to type correctly when you are seeing red and steam is coming out your ears!
Jamie says:
And this just gives more reason to love RedneckMommy.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Must love dogs =-.
kathy butler says:
ummm how bout maybe you don’t read Heather’s blog anymore & I would cerrtainly hope you didn’t expose your daughters to it (HORRORS) & then you won’t have a problem?
jensboys says:
Of course what I said was offensive — that was my point. I am ABSOLUTELY AND HUGELY sorry that anyone would take real offense — but my point was to show that costuming one person’s tragic reality is just as wrong as appropriating a historical dress so disrespectfully and without even THINKING that its offensive to the person being portrayed. Mocking MAddie’s story would hugely offend Heather, and mocking the race of my children also is offensive to many.
http://racerelations.about.com/od/understandingrac1/a/RaciallyOffensiveCostumes_2.htm
All that I asked is that Heather, and others who would choose to do this, would take the time to step out of their white middle class point of view that looks at us as “normal” and everyone else as “exotic” and actually show some respect for the historical truth of an entire group of people.
You are willing to demand that respect for premie babies and their families (which I HUGELY encourage and is TOTALLY right) but why is it wrong to point out when someone is mocking or making light of the history of MY child as well?
If she had put Annie in black face obviously many would be offended, right? Its disrespecting the realities of the African American citizens and their history. A first nations wig and the associated costume pictures ALSO makes light of a history of a marginalized people. Her use of the term “indian” was also disrespectful and very dated. THat was all my point was — so that NEXT TIME someone, anyone would think twice about using a culture, a community, a varied and brilliant history, as a point of mockery or amusement.
The same way that Maddie’s memory, and struggle, and trials should NEVER be mocked or trivialized into a costume for a party or for someone to make fun of on a blog, so should the cultures and histories of other people be respected. BOTH are equally wrong. Always.
Again, I am so sorry for my offense. I am admittedly sensitive when racism, however unknowingly, is trivialized and justified.
.-= jensboys´s last blog ..Racism and Advocacy =-.
MazingAmy says:
It’s called a sense of humor, check it out Jensboy. Am sure Heather meant NO OFFENSE; it was after all JUST A HALLOWEEN COSTUME.
Heather says:
I already apologized for using the very-incorrect term “Indian.” It was NOT meant to be offensive but I understand it is. I wasn’t thinking. I make mistakes. And I immediately corrected it.
The difference between me and you is that you are making race a “tragic reality.” I WISH my biggest issue in life was worrying about ways my daughter might be marginalized because of her race. It’s not. I just got back from getting a copy of her death certificate. BECAUSE SHE IS DEAD. SHE. IS. DEAD. And if you really truly believe that your living children’s race is as big of an issue as something that KILLED MY CHILD, you have serious problems.
Not to mention that you have absolutely no idea what my ethnic makeup is, or what I teach my children.
Tolerance is a two-way street. Making a point is one thing. Flying off the handle because your comment took a few minutes to post and getting disgustingly insulting is quite another. I admitted I was wrong. I’m sorry you can’t.
Please, don’t read my blog anymore.
Redneck Mommy says:
There is nothing TRAGIC about being Native American. Yes, our history is filled with injustice and tragedy but it is filled with just as much grace and beauty and strength.
Perhaps you should focus on spreading THAT message instead of trying to correct a perceived wrong with yet another.
Ignorance begets ignorance.
Obviously you feel strongly on this subject, and it’s wonderful that you are a passionate advocate for racial equality but when you purposely trivialized and mocked her DEAD child you negated any good you were trying to do.
.-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Breaking the Rules =-.
Issa says:
No, comparing Heather’s loss of her daughter, is not the same to your idea of offense at a costume. You are wrong on that. Insensitive too.
You are assuming a lot right now. If you looked at me, you’d call me a white, middle class person. However? My family escaped from Poland during the Holocaust. I have almost no family on my dad’s side. Guess what, I still make short Jewish doctor jokes and laugh when other do. Because a joke, can still just be a joke. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
A costume? Just a costume. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. This was a post about things my friend wants to do to create imagination in her child, not a post about racism. You are the one whose made this some big issue.
You do not sound like you are sorry at all. In fact, you are sounding more and more, like you just want some attention. I’d suggest another blog, might be more appropriate. Because my friend? She doesn’t deserve this.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
Chatty Cricket says:
OMG Jensboys please for the love of GOD just STOP. Stop with the words.
You had a point, but you lost all credibility when you threw a tantrum after (mistakenly) thinking that your comment was deleted. I don’t think I even have a way to describe HOW VERY OFF THE MARK your comparison is. And I cannot believe you think there is a place for that here. Your second comment was hurtful. If you want to do anything, apologize and then respect Heather’s suggestion that you stop reading her blog.
AmazingGreis says:
You have just stereotypically claimed that Heather, and others, are all white and middle class. I take offense to this!! How do you know we’re all white and middle class?
And if seeing a child, or an adult, in an Indian costume is going to affect your children that much than I feel sorry for them. You must really shelter them. What’s next? Banning Pocahontas or making Cleveland change the name of their Major League Baseball team?
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
Miss says:
jensboys,
I can’t help but point out something you said in your original comment:
“please know that my comment is being made with knowing that your heart is in the right place.”
That was in your FIRST sentence. You tell Heather that you know her heart is in the right place and then you continue on to “educate” her on what is right and what is wrong, in your eyes. Further, you decide to insult Heather, Maddie, and Heather’s intelligence. It is not, nor will it EVER be your place to educate people on things that you are overly sensitive to. The sad thing is, you are teaching this attitude to your children. You aren’t teaching tolerance, you’re teaching criticism where it need not be. There’s a time and a place lady, learn it and live it.
If you chose to live your life crusading, and teaching all the white folk, flaunting their white privilege all over the internet with their racist remarks, you’re in for a long and unhappy life. Meanwhile, I guarantee, Heather will be teaching Annie what it means to love everyone and to not hold some holier than thou attitude over people’s heads.
Just go away jensboys, you’re preaching to the choir. No one needs your help with ANYTHING around here.
.-= Miss´s last blog ..The one about our reading situation =-.
MrsP says:
That’s just it she wasn’t mocking anyone or any particular race or people. She was having fun and trying to get her man, there’s a difference.
You however did make a comparison about what you knew would hurt her and that is called being vindictive! How sad that you would stoop so low to make that horrible comparison when you thought she had deleted your post.
If calling a Native American “Indian” hurts their feelings so much, then let’s erase the history books, the word in the dictionary, let’s burn anything pertaining to a Native American person’s clothing attire, so that they don’t get offended when they see someone of another race wearing this. It doesn’t make sense and you’re not being reasonable.
Teach your children how to love everyone no matter what they are or who they are, instead of teaching them who they should hate for not being politically correct when addressing them.
oh and Heather your braided wig might offend Rick James!
Melissa says:
May I suggest you shut it while you are even further behind?
Because even if you are offended you are WRONG! She didn’t call it an Injun outfit for Christ’s sake. I dont know any of my friends that are a part of any tribe that are offended by that word. Your childrens race is not tragic, it is what it is.
Melissa says:
PS – most people that dress as INDIAN’s, do it because they think it’s cool. Have you thought of that?
Overflowing Brain (Katie) says:
Jensboys:
How DARE you? Are you so delusional that you think that what you said is actually okay? DO YOU?
You need to stop and take a breath before you say more things that you’ll regret later. You are so wrapped up in proving your point that you have stopped considering that there are other people involved in this.
Do you think that when Heather put that wig on Annie that she thought, hey, do you know what would be super? If I taught my child that another race was inferior! Of course she didn’t, nevermind that Heather would never hurt someone on purpose.
And that’s why you’re wearing the asshat now. Because you knew when you typed that comment about premature infants that you were HURTING Heather, her family, her friends. You intentionally made a comment at Heather’s website to hurt her feelings, to make her feel bad.
I know you’re worried about your children being exposed to racial profiling and the like. But frankly, I’d be FAR more worried about them being around a mother who thinks it’s okay to use the death of a child to make a point. Who thinks that it’s okay to make others feel bad on purpose.
What a fantastic example you’re setting. I hope you’re really proud of yourself.
Heather says:
My cultural, socioeconomic, and race status are irrelevant to my comment here – to think that only certain cultures or races have tragic histories is ridiculous. All of us, regardless of race, religion, culture, or financial situations have been through struggled. Any individual PERSON can have “tragic histories”. What is the most important thing is how one responds to these tragedies. You can play the victim and draw attention to yourself and demand everyone feels sorry for you. You can demand that people born generations after the fact tiptoe around the subject or feel guilty about what they had no control over. Or you can turn your “tragic history” into something positive by teaching your children not to judge a book by it’s cover and teaching tolerance and compassion for those that are oppressed. You can use your history of depression or abuse into helping those living through the same thing. Or by using your very personal pain and struggle with losing a child into a movement to help other premie babies and their parents. Crying victim instead of enabling your children to be strong, compassionate individuals with open-minds is doing a disservice to whatever culture or religion or race you say you want to protect. What you chose to do with your past is up to you and says a lot about the quality and strength of character you have.
That being said, a costume is a costume. Period. All costumes are intended to make us into something we are not. Rarely is it intended to be offensive. I’m certainly not a sexy viking in real life. My husband is no Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. My daughter is not a bunny or Rainbow Brite. If she someday chooses to dress in a more ethnic costume, I can take that opportunity to foster her interest and educate her about the culture. By nuturing her imagination, maybe she’ll be able to better appreciate and understand the culture she is imitating. That’ll be much more appropriate than denying her from wearing the costume and essentially showing her that it’s taboo. Children don’t always understand the complexity of things like race and culture and religion. But they may associate what adults see as “political correctness” as something to be ashamed of.
Heather, this post, and all of these comments, have really opened my eyes to how I plan on allowing my daughter’s imagination to grow. With a little more imagination, we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes rather than throwing stones in their direction.
Jamie says:
I think you totally missed the point, Jensboys.
But I find it amusing that you go running to your blog to tell your side of the story so your friends and readers will give you sympathy and go, “Oh I agree with you so much!”
Angelique says:
ANYONE who preys on a grieving mother should be ashamed. Please, stay away from this blog and spread your venom somewhere else. Or better yet … LEARN SOMETHING about your own ignorance and insensitivity and get rid of the hate altogether. Your comments are a disgrace to mothers everywhere and you couldn’t have picked a worse place to show your true colors.
Leslie says:
I’m actually wondering if Jen’s children actually ARE offended by Native American costumes? And does she withhold Halloween candy from the kids who are dressed in offensive outfits?
As for “white people” not paying any attention to things like that at all, ever, all I have to say is that whenever I think about the things that my forefathers did, I feel rather ill. But she is doing her kids a serious disservice by teaching them to feel sorry for themselves because of their race.
Barnmaven says:
There was certainly a more civil way to have the conversation, but sadly I think your point was lost in the bile.
Was it really worth yanking on the heartstrings of a mother who is still mourning the death of her child just to make your point about a halloween costume perpetuating a stereotype? Heather’s response to you was far more gracious than you deserved.
.-= Barnmaven´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Eloquent =-.
Sarah says:
This.
And particularly, this: ‘Heather’s response to you was far more gracious than you deserved’.
I am so thankful for all the eloquent commenters on this blog, because I was lost for words when I read the vile things Jensboys had to say.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..My current desktop background: =-.
ThePeachy1 says:
sorry but I have to say this. I am white ( actually speckled) of native american decent ( that’s indian). I married a card carrying indian man, and have a card carrying indian preemie kid, my 2 older kids are adopted, I am fat, and one of my kids are special needs, my nephew is biracial and spends summers with me in the deep south. If I browsed the internet looking for things to be sudo pretend offended by all day I could be like you Jensboys. however I raised my kids to embrace Everything especially our differences. HOW dare you as a foster parent put your insecurities onto someone else, and act like a spokesperson for so many. IN lieu of your comments I will be sending Heather a freckled, adopted, special needs, indian, scottish, biracial outfit for next holloween… you know why… cause it’s life. you twit.
Redneck Mommy says:
Oh my gawd woman, I love you. You just completely NAILED it.
You can come and bang on my drum any day. Wnk.
.-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Breaking the Rules =-.
lorrie says:
I am adopted, and my Chinese daughters are adopted. I am HORRIBLY offended that anyone would dress up like a pregnant woman, thus mocking the fact that my HUSBAND had CANCER (true story) and couldn’t knock me up. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Don’t you guys have ANY CONSIDERATION FOR MY PAIIIIIINNNN……(knocks back another snort) omg I just made fun of alcoholism. sorry sorry sorry sorry
And if I see a Mulan costume out there I’m going postal on you. Wait, did I just mock postal workers? sorry sorry sorry sorry
.-= lorrie´s last blog .."THEY TOOK AN VERY ORDINARY GIRL AND CHANGED HER INTO A PHI BETA KAPPA" =-.
Jessica says:
quite possibly the funniest response yet.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..City Slicker =-.
Lori says:
I CHEERED after reading ThePeachy’s comment. Out loud. Loudly.
Heather says:
I can’t wait for that costume.
ThePeachy1 says:
I forgot that since I was born in Thailand and have a Korean friend I will throw in some of that… and yeah you will look hot and rock it.
Ashley Hast says:
I haven’t read anything but the first lame-o comment way back up there…and my Dad? Is an ‘injun’, a Cherokee, and he’d *never* take offense. Somebody give that woman a xanax.
.-= Ashley Hast´s last blog ..Lame-o Chick I will *so* not like for *forever* =-.
Gemini-Girl says:
you are aware that you offended me and my jew-fro brethren with that blonde afro? I have now disowned you.
the woman above just wants attention. let’s not give it to her.
.-= Gemini-Girl´s last blog ..Bumpy Ride =-.
MazingAmy says:
PEACHY FTW!
Last Girl Standing says:
Jensboys… You know what bothers me? Being called ‘white’. What… you get to be special but everyone who’s of European descent get to be lumped together? Right… because that’s not racist at all. You are the worst kind of hypocrite… because you are doing to everyone else what you claim they are doing to you. You would call me ‘white’… I’m not. But, for some reason, because I’m a ‘majority’ you can address me however you choose but I have to be kept abreast on whatever is the day’s political correct lingo, lest I offend you? It would be the same if I were Mohawk or Cherokee, Korean or Japanese… don’t lump me into a group. Period. It’s a 2-way street, my friend… but you think it’s a one way.
Do you know what you are teaching your children? Racism. You are teaching them that everyone who is not First Nations has done them wrong. That they are ‘owed’ something, entitled to something. That instead of doing right by themselves everyone should do right by them. And you know what that is going to do? Make them racist. To the max. Your words fly off the screen, as though spat… “middle class, white”… how dare you!? How racist is that?!? And how dare you be so hypocritical to make such an assumption, with such a negative tone. As a middle class ‘white’ (again, I’m not… but you’re obviously just concerned about looks and facade, aren’t you?) woman I assure you it is a struggle of its own accord. When was the last time I got a government grant, scholarship or tax credit? Instead I bust my ass to go it alone, while others who have chosen to use the system (and their race) to their advantage receive free education, health care, subsidized living, etc. But never would I complain because as a ‘majority’ that would be wrong. Because, somehow, I’m not entitled to that right because my entire demographic is seen as the bad guy, the bully, the racist. Is that not, in itself, the epitome of racism? You don’t want equality… you want superiority. Heather must watch not only her words but her Halloween costumes? What about the Mexican costume? The Egyptian? What about the cowboys and Brokeback mountain jokes… the priests and altar boy jokes… the pregnant nun costume… the blonde jokes… redneck accents… people with mental illness being called ‘crazy’… and every time the ‘white man’ is blamed for something his ancestors did? Honey, we’ve all been wronged. We’re all racist. Everyone has been stereotyped. Instead of trying to change the world with ranting (minus my own, of course) and shoving yet another article, study or book down someone’s throat how about this…. how about if you just be a good, loving person (although I have visited your blog and the love you have for your family, blood and not, is truly amazing and, because of that, I am disappointed by your actions towards Heather, shame on you) and make people love and respect you because of who you are as a person, race and all. You could have handled this with so much more grace, respect and integrity. Regardless of what your race is, if it were the same as mine I would be embarrassed to claim you as one of my own. And that includes the human race.
By teaching your children that they have been wronged you are, albeit unintentionally, instilling a hate and contempt that goes against everything you supposedly believe in. The ironic thing is… you’re too damn colorblind to see that.
.-= Last Girl Standing´s last blog ..Aging Gracefully (or at least trying to) =-.
The Grown Up Teenager says:
Jensboys,
Your last comment said “I hope you take this in the spirit it was intended.” Pray tell, what spirit is intended when you bring someone’s deceased child, as cruelly as possible, into an argument over the political correctness of Halloween costumes? Please enlighten me because all I can see is intent to injure.
Congratulations, you accomplished it. You hurt her, and everyone else who read this that loves Maddie. The best part is that in doing so, you made your own original point so null and void that all you look like right now is a complete and utter douchenozzle.
Go back under your bridge, troll.
Issa says:
I just have to agree to this…the spirit of Jenboys comments was asstastic. The intent was to attack.
It made me think of something else too. When someone attacks Maddie and Heather (as well as Mike, Annabel and Rigby), they are attacking our whole community. Each and every single one of us who love them. We’re fierce protectors of one of us. That is all.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
April says:
Ok, as someone who has also been reading Heather’s blog for a long time, but has yet to comment (I’m kinda shy like that) I am deeply offended by your attack on Heather! For you to even compare race issues with premature birth makes you lose ANY credibility you may have otherwise had. Mainly because premature birth affects ALL races! How dare you mock what Heather and anyone else who has lost a child has gone through! Race is not a birth defect and by comparing it the way you did, that is exactly what you’re implying! I feel sorry for your children! Instead of teaching them that everyone who says the word “Indian” is a biggot, you should be teaching them tolerance. Instead of teaching them to lash out at someone for using a frowned upon term, you should be teaching them how to enlighten others, appropriately. After all, do you plan on attacking every person your children encounter who happen to use the wrong term, or play dress up? Actually, you probably
do. Which means your poor children are going to grow-up, being ashamed of who they are because that’s what YOU have taught them!
Oh and by the way. . . . I wonder how your daughters feel about your chosen name “Jensboys”. I’m offended for them, indeed.
Lisa says:
Wow, My blood has been boiling all afternoon over this. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in Heather’s post or photos that is, or was intended to be offensive. She was merely talking about playing dress up, fostering imagination, encouraging creativity. It just makes me sick that you would make the comparison that you did. Bringing Maddie’s name and tragic fate into this just makes you an evil, hateful, disrespectful b*tch. If you had a point to make it was clearly lost in all the crap that followed. And to think you are bringing your children up to think their race is some tragedy rather than something they should be proud of. Shame on you.
missy says:
WoW
OperatorGirl says:
Dear Jensboys,
I wrote a comment on your blog and i hope YOU don’t delete it. Otherwise I believe that’s called being “hypocritical”. I still cannot believe you said these horrifying and hurtful things on Heather’s blog. Obviously there is a place to voice your concerns over “native princess costumes” and that’s YOUR blog. Not here. No one here wants to read your shit.
As a fellow Canadian and British Colombian, (OMG I can’t believe you’re one of ours!! FACK!) I want to apologize to Heather for your hideous remarks.
Maddie’s story has touched my heart in ways I never thought imaginable. I fell in love with a sweet curly haired girl on the internet and have been forever changed. My brother was a preemie and now I finally have an understanding of what my parents went through back then. To mock their stories – Maddie’s and my brother’s – their survival, triumphs and passing with something as ultimately ridiculous as a Halloween costume is unfathomable.
Since I’m a redneck Albertan now and we handle things fairly straight-forward like, GO EFF YOUR HAT YOU ASSBAG.
Hope I didn’t offend anybody with that. ::sniffs disdainfully::
And I’m spent.
Heather, I love your blog!! I laugh, I cry and enjoy every second of it. Big loves to you, Mike, Annabel and Rigby.
.-= OperatorGirl´s last blog ..Lately Around Here =-.
Melissa says:
Of course she didn’t
Chrisie says:
First of all…Its PREEMIE, Not PREMIE. As a mother of a extremely premature daughter I take offence to your describing her as “eyes all bugged out, skin torn” You really disgust me is all I can say right now. Maybe you should open YOUR eyes. Heather explained that she dressed as an INDIAN because she thinks INDIANS are pretty. Don’t get your feathers in a wad….geez! Oh, and yes, that was meant to offend you.
Johanna says:
Not defending that cow in any way. Think shes an awful person. But just as a point of interest, depends where you’re from on the pronounciation – we would write PREM and say it like that …like Gem. Prem-ature…which she probably doesnt cuz shes American too but geez you Americans and your wacky pronounciations
Courtney says:
WOW Jensboys. I can say for the first time in a while i am TRULY disgusted by a person. How dare you compare race to a premature baby. Are you sick in the head??? I know what it is like to have a premature baby. My sister was born 3 months premature. It was the dam worst thing i have been through. I am part native american. Just a little but i am,. And i could give a care less who you want to dress up as! You need to crawl out of the rock you are living under and understand it is all in good fun. By the looks of it I think you need help. Premmies are not a funny thing but dressing but as a “INDIAN” or a “Guido” or a “Mexican” is funny in the right situation. So Heather let Annie have the biggest imagination she wants you are doing nothing wrong!
Jalene says:
OK, this is the first time I have commented but have been reading Heather’s blog since her Maddie passed. I am a card carrying Native American…but I’m probably the whitest card carrying Native American you have ever seen. My kids go to INDIAN Education at school, where they learn about their heritage. Should that be banned considering it is called INDIAN? Oh yea, I am also Irish, Dutch, Czech, French and a whole bunch of other things…so I guess I am WHITE middle class? Your rationalizations make no sense and you contradict everything you think is right with your words to Heather. Your comments about the preemie costume disgust me, especially knowing the hurt and pain Heather goes through daily, hourly because her little girl is DEAD.
I am having a hard time even getting the words out right, because I can’t believe someone would take it to this level.
Donna says:
I am totally proud to be a “white” mother with “white” children. I was born this way, God made me this way. I am also totally proud of my “Indian” (cherokee) heritage. Someone dressing in a costume as a Native American is not at all offensive to me. As a homeschooling mother, we often dress in the costumes of historical characters to make learning more fun.
My son was born 7 weeks premature and how you can compare the two is beyond me.
Traci says:
I totally saw you’re comment before. It wasn’t deleted. FYI. for another thing. I am “indian” and “white”. My dad is full blooded Indian. We don’t get upset when people call us Indian. That is our heritage. I would laugh if someone asked if I was Native American. Mostly because I have red hair, but I have the dark eyes and dark skin. But I am also the mother of 2 preemie babies (no, they aren’t twins) and you’re description of a preemie baby “costume” is revolting and it hurts my feelings. Never once have my feelings been hurt by someone calling me Indian. But your description of a premature baby has. Was it worth being hurtful to people you’ve never met when all you had to do was click the red “x” button in the top right hand corner?
Cassadee says:
This might not be my place to say, and my comment will probably be laughed at because I’m only fifteen. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I started reading this blog, but the two comments here got me thinking. Each race of people has their own histories and how they came to be who they are today. Each race of people had their own trials, each race had their own own victories to match. The Aborginals of Australia where I live, they have their own amazing histories, and I believe we come closer to harmony every step. African-Americans have had their hardships, but now see that one of their very own is running one of the most powerful countries in the world? If a wig depicting the Native American culture was found to be offensive, where is the line and how do you cross it? I’m sure the woman who wrote that comment would let her own children wear a japanese kimono or something as a costume, and what if a Japanese person saw that ? I’m sure they wouldn’t take offence. It’s time to loosen up a bit, because with healing disagreements (such as those between cultures) you need to learn to laugh. There is never going to be peace between cultures if we can’t take a bit of fun. You yourself, Jensboys, have just injected more conflict between cultures into this world, by not being able to laugh off a simple costume that was put on this blog to look cute and make people smile. The discrimination doesn’t only come in between races too. It comes between age groups. Take me. A fifteen year old girl, typing to you all about world injustice and not having enough peace. What would I know right ? I should shush and keep my place? Well this is my place. It’s everybody’s place to express their opinions and be treated right. Does anybody remember the lessons taught in preschool? Treat others how you wish to be treated. Respect one, they should respect you too. Respect does not come automatically. It is earned. Jensboys didn’t earn much respect by these comments, simply because she wasn’t respectful to Heather from this blog. Before anyone else becomes in the debate on here, remember. We all have skin. Some of it is lighter. Some of it is darker. We all have eyes. Some are slanty. Some are wide. We all have hair. Some is blonde. Some is brown. Some, like mine is red. In the end we are all humans and are all made of the same stuff as the ones we wage war upon. So leave it. Let them poke a bit of fun and dress up. Let them copy an accent and let them make their blonde jokes. Because you, by retaliating are just resparking the war of racism. Well this has to be the longest and most poorly written comment ever written. So I’ll go, but I hope I left you all something to think about. xox
Cassadee says:
and ps i was preemie by a month, maybe that wasn’t much but I certainly didnt look a thing like that. Again, a stereotype.
Natalie says:
And a child shall lead them all….
Cassadee, you’re what every mother hopes their child becomes: color blind.
Thanks for schooling us all.
.-= Natalie´s last blog .. =-.
Glenda says:
Fun! We had bunkbeds and when it was raining outside my mom would use a sheet and make us a tent. There we would have sandwiches, crackers, and bananas. We lived in NY so we had a fire escape, and on summer days when it was too late to go back outside, she would do the same on the fire escape and we would have a snack basket and hang out on the fire escape muching and playing. Fun times! Miss them and miss her!
Angie says:
You’re a kickass mom, Heather! I hope I can be as creative and fun as you someday!
Laura says:
My brother and I would play in a storage room in my grandmother’s basement every time we visited her. It was filled with tons of old stuff.
One day we discovered about 15 dresses, all from the 60s and 70s, that belonged to my grandmother. We both dressed up and had a fashion show in the basement, which was hilarious, because my brother was about 9 or 10 and was still totally willing to dress like a girl.
Because I was the oldest child, my brother often got stuck playing the games I wanted to play.
But I remember one time that we got his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures (yeah!) and decided to create a sewer where they could all live. Instead of running down to the woods and water nearby to use that as a backdrop, we created some contraption using dirt/mud, empty trash cans, the garden hose, grass, etc.
Our parents did a double-take when they discovered that we’d covered the garage floor with mud and rocks and were using the garage trash cans as toys.
And never underestimate the power of old flower girl dresses! I was a FG twice and wore those dresses to rags during dress-up games.
My mom made every Halloween costume for us until we hit middle school, so between my brother and I we had superheroes, a black cat, Snow White, a bunny rabbit, a soldier, a witch…the list goes on. Never a dull moment in our house!
My husband has two wigs – a mullet wig and Ron Burgundy-esque wig – from old Halloween costumes. Putting them on our daughter guarantees a good laugh from all 3 of us.
Katrina says:
My kids love to make “forts” and “tents” in the house by using all of the blankets and sheets and large beach towels that they can find. They hook them to chairs and tables and whatever else they can find to hold them in place. Then they turn off all the lights and get their flashlights out, and that’s where they will sleep for the night. My linen closets and cupboards will be emptied, and even though they “promise” to fold them all up and put them back neatly the way found them, they never really are folded and put back neatly the way they found them, lol. But that’s okay. It’s fun for them, and as a kid I used to do the same exact thing. Except I always used my mom’s knitted afgan blanket with all the holes in it, and when it fell on me during the night I would wake up thinking I was caught in a giant spider web!
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Mother-Daughter Weekend, Mother’s Day, and #10 =-.
Kate says:
I was that kid, too. Even to this day, I make up stories in my head based on what I’m doing at the time, even though I know that, as an adult, it’s probably time for me to stop talking to people who aren’t there and acting out wild dramas as I do the dishes, or the laundry, or get ready for work.
I think the most inspiring thing my parents did to this end, for me, is that they let me be. They never tried to over-organize or over-analyze my behavior (at least, not until I was in middle school and they thought my quirks were more serious than just an over-active imagination); they just let me have my games. If it meant that I sat in the playroom by myself for hours while my sister and brother watched TV, they let me. If it meant that I stayed up three hours too late, reading under the covers, they let me. They never tried to over-structure the crazy things I created, even when I would pull half the green tomatoes off the vines in the garden to make “stew” for friends who were only in my head, or took over the living room in creating an enormous Lego neighborhood.
I think it’s harder, in a way, to foster these values in kids today because they are the video game generation. There’s a lot of shiny electronic alternatives for the games I used to play as kids. I mean, little ones grow up reading Leapsters and whatnot today, not learning the joy of reading a physical book. I teach middle school, and it is amazing to me how different my experience is from a 13-year-old’s, simply because I was not allowed to play Nintendo all day long, or watch TV endlessly. My video game time, computer time, and TV time was closely monitored until I was well into high school, and by then, I was an avid reader and dreamer.
I hope someday, when I have kids, I will be able to resist the siren call of plopping them in front of some bleeping, music-playing invention for hours and actually let them play. It scares me how many people don’t do that.
(And I, too, did the “watched TV but picked up after the story”, but I think that was also a product of the fact that I didn’t get to watch constantly. I think if I’d been allowed to just watch show after show with no pause, I wouldn’t have had that experience; instead, we watched Carebears and then had to play after it, and it was the natural conclusion.
Huh.
Explains why I write fanfiction, too, then, doesn’t it?)
Rebecca says:
Oh yeah, there were times when mom would throw one of her queen sized quilts over the kitchen table and we’d all ‘camp’. I’m pretty sure I remember a cigarette lighter and marshmallows under that ‘tent’, but I could be wrong…….
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..The Lobster of My Dreams =-.
mama2addie says:
Man, I would torment my little brother all of the time by dressing him up and making him be my “baby.” Ha! Good times!
I’m all about playing dress up. My SILs both gifted my Addie a bunch of fun dress up clothes, jewelry, hats, etc. for her birthday. She’s way into and I am willing to do anything to foster her creativity. We don’t have wigs, but maybe I need to change that! LOL
CarrieB says:
I so agree about the importance of the imagination in growing up. TV is fine as long as it stimulates that.
We had a dressing up box which contained my mother’s cocktail gowns and stilettos from the 60’s, plus – to our delight – my mother’s wedding veil. My dad made a big wppden dressing up box for my kids when they were small, and when they outgrew it I passed it on to my niece. Including the blonde Barbie wig I wore to a party (love the look of wigs, hate how they feel)
I’m sure Annie and her future siblings will benefit from plenty of dressing up. Go crazy Heather.
.-= CarrieB´s last blog ..Handbags and gladrags =-.
Megan (Best of Fates) says:
When I was little my mom gave me the best Christmas present ever – a huge box filled with dress-up clothes. She’d asked every female relative she could find for old clothes they were no longer using, and had gotten a huge haul, mostly fancy dressed from my cousin’s sorority days and old fashioned lacy nightgowns from my aunt. I spent countless days with my friends, dressing up and playing – it was definitely one of the best aspects of childhood.
Tauni says:
Always! I had a HUGE imagination…I had “blue friends” (yes I grew up with the smurfs) and my parents had to set places at the dinner table for them!!! My sister still talks about how she hated having to set the extra places when it was her turn to set the table!
I watch my girls do similar things and I love it! I think that the right amount of TV and books is a GREAT way to foster imagination!!!
.-= Tauni´s last blog ..Washington D.C. (I am sure there will be many parts to this…so I will call this part 1 but if not then this wasn’t needed I guess =-.
Mellisa-M says:
personally I love those wigs I especially like the one that looks like Pocahontas. I have a couple wigs myself but I only wear them on Halloween. Maybe I should build up the courage pull them out for everyday use.
.-= Mellisa-M´s last blog ..Garage Divider Curtains =-.
Tricia says:
Love it! You’re my favorite I’ve been nuying Bella hats and fun shaped sunglasses at Target in the dollar section, she LOVES them.
Tricia says:
*buying* one day I will learn how to type, sheesh.
Skye says:
Imagination is wonderful!! I grew up an only child and I used my imagination all day long to play with my stuffed animals like they were people. (That might sound sad to people with siblings, but it was tons of fun. Plus I did get to play with cousins my age.) People used to tell me how sad it was that grown-ups didn’t have as much imagination and I couldn’t imagine that- but now I see what they were talking about. I miss being a kid! Annie is going to have such a fun childhood!
Sheryl says:
It is great for kids to have ready made costumes, but it is also amazing what they come up with if you just give them old clothes! My girls have a large trunk with a few proper costumes and then lots of bits and pieces of shiny material, clothes that no longer fit or have gone out of fashion, just about anything. They spend hours dressing up alone or with friends and dreaming up great adventures. What I find amazing is that they very rarely use the ready made costumes, they prefer to make up their own by mixing and matching all the old clothes!
Ray says:
TV is AWESOME! I don’t care what anyone says.
When I was younger I used to play this game called, “Orphanage” with my little sister and my cousin. It was basically just that, pretending that we were orphans and one of us had to be the adult who took care of us. We would get the whole room set up, to play with pretend food, and get our beds set up, and a place where we had to register into the orphanage. We also used to sing as well. Songs from Annie, such as the infamous, “Tomorrow” song! I guess I have to credit our make-believe towards the movie, that we all were in love with.
Yet, to this day, I still don’t own the dvd. I must add it to my collection. As childhood nostalgia. Also: It is a cute movie. ;o)
I love that you encourage your daughters to put on wigs and use their imaginations. Annabel will love you for that.
P.S. Love that collage of you rocking out the wigs. Now I see where Annabel gets her photogenic nature from. =D
mythoughtsonthat says:
My childhood was a little rough, a little sad. But I loved reading a little about yours and the things you hope for your girl.
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..I Laugh Nearly Every Day =-.
ThePeachy1 says:
Heather. I love this post, I love the wigs, I love the pics of Maddie with her groove on. I can’t wait to see Annie do all the same.. Keep up the awesomeness that you are, and don’t stifle the imagination, due to lame comments… You clearly ROCK !
K. says:
LOVE wigs. I have so many. I’m a costume girl for any fun occasion!
I think it is kind of amazing how extreme some of these comments got. lol. Everybody calm down.
Lisa says:
I love that you have those memories from childhood! You and your brother are hilarious and I can only imagine how much fun your house was when you were young! I think it’s fantastic that you did this with Maddie and continue with Annie. Children need creativity in their lives from a young age – if you don’t learn to dream when you’re little, when will you? Certainly not as an adult when you have too many commitments and life is too complicated! I hope one day that I might be half the mother that you are!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Things Are Looking Up =-.
L says:
i had the wildest imagination growing up. for me it wasn’t just the costumes– it was the props i had too. My mom and me would spend hours in antique stores finding old books, cups, chairs. really anything that I could play with. that’s what expanded my imagination. Don’t be afraid to move beyond costumes and wigs, but into real items that allow an imagination to be endless. I’m so thankful to my mom for that. I had the ability to be whatever I wanted.
an imagination for a child is better than anything you can buy them.
Amy says:
Now I’ve got an itch to run out and buy my boys some more costumes!! You are awesome Heather and reading all these comments about how their imagination was put to use are inspiring!
And Jensmom, wow. You are just cruel and heartless. While something MAY not have been PC, for you to turn around and and make such a hurtful personal attack is utterly disgusting and speaks highly of your character, or lack there of.
Allyson says:
I love this. I have a dress up box for my boys. They are particularly fond of the capes, even though only the oldest has ever seen a superhero movie. They are their own caped crusaders, rescuers of moms in distress (sort of), and heroes. There is so much to be said for raising kids with a healthy imagination.
.-= Allyson´s last blog ..Relief =-.
Dina says:
Heather,
Love the wig blog. My daughter is exactly ONE day older than Annie and I so enjoy seeing the similarities between our girls as they grow.
I have to give you props to how you handled the situation of being insulted. You took the upperhand and with grace. I bow to you for keeping your wits about you. I would have been appalled and deleted her comments. Keep being true and sweet and show your baby girl the fun of being silly.
Kristine says:
Agreed. You’re an awesome mama. We grew up in the middle of the country and had prairie girl bonnets and used to play prairie girls. It was pretty super cute. I’ve looked everywhere for those little bonnets to buy for my kids.
.-= Kristine´s last blog ..Come back. =-.
Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me says:
Heather,
I have fun dressing up my son for holidays too. He was the cutest Leprechaun on St Patrick’s Day (and we’re not Irish) Geez, I hope no one is “offended” by that.
For someone to relate a race or ethnic issue to an Angel baby is just wrong. If anyone ever made fun of my son’s face, his missing ears, trach or or feeding tube I would be mortified and offended too. How dare she!!
.-= Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me´s last blog ..Mesmerized – Wordless Wednesday =-.
Issa says:
Going back to your post and question, H? My absolute favorite game as a kid was hot lava monster.
My mom would, on rainy days, throw every single pillow we owned on the ground in various areas. The carpet seemed to be infected with lava monsters all of the sudden.
We’d wake up to it. She’d wait for one of us to get up and then she’d come running in, don’t touch the floor, don’t touch the floor, the monsters may get you.
My mom was awesome. Still is.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
Jessica says:
My Little Grandma had a box of dress-up clothes when we were kids, and it was the most awesome thing we’d ever seen. She had been the costume designer for our local musical theater and had lots of stuff left over. I used to wear the Cleopatra-style snake headdress all the time, or dance around in bloomers. Now my mom has that box of stuff, and what I wouldn’t do to run off with it again!
.-= Jessica ´s last blog ..PRIDE OF THE YANKEES =-.
avasmommy says:
I’m sorry, but I’m about to fall over laughing here at the comparison that dressing up as an “Indian” is the same as wearing black face.
I come from a long line of proud Cherokee people. Granted, I’m a bit watered down, but I still take pride in being part Indian. Yes, INDIAN.
I don’t care what you call it, or me. As long as you treat me with respect. Jennsboys, that is something you seem to be asking for, but are not willing to give. Maybe you should go think about that.
.-= avasmommy´s last blog ..Contest Winners! =-.
Carrie says:
We ALWAYS had dress up clothes as kids – thanks to an awesomely stocke dress up trunk in my parents basement! And (this will probably offend someone but they will just need to lighten up) we played “Ho-bo,” in which we’d tie bandanas onto the ends of sticks, raid the pantry for snacks and take off into the woods to pretend to be homeless.
I know, so wrong…and yet, so right.
You’re doing an awesome job mama!
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Smashing Rubbish =-.
Carrie says:
PS – I dressed up as a Native American when I was in KINDERGARTEN! It was the cutest costume…EVER!
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Smashing Rubbish =-.
Tricia (irishsamom) says:
Heather, your pictures are adorable – both of yourself and your gorgeous little angel. I know that you will be the kind of Mom that every kid wants to come over to “her house” for a sleepover! The cool, fun Mom. I had four siblings and we managed to come up with every form of imaginative play possible, but my Mom was pretty much a bit of a perfectionist, so we didn’t always have free rein with the messy bit. But we grew up with no computers,no TV (shock there – we only got tv in 1979 when we lived in SA) and generally even going to a movie was a huge treat. So we had fairy gardens made with bottle tops, where we made fairy rings and put raisins and nuts into the bottle tops for their parties. We had midnight feasts together in summer and treehouses and hours and hours of plain childhood fun.
My children seem to be on the same path. I limit TV and computers as much as I can in our times and they are both avid readers – which creates hours of fun and imagination for them. When they are by themselves they create restaurants, clubhouses (under our basement), they dress up (a neighbor passed on an entire dress up box when M was 2 and they still use it). The have dog shows with our poor dog Benji being the only contestant, they have plays (which I have to watch and clap and enjoy lol). They play hairdressers, cops, soldiers, house, flight attendants, you name it. It’s my favourite thing to listen to them while I’m cooking or on the computer, playing away oblivious to the world around them. You are providing a gift to that angel by firstly dressing up yourself to show that you have a great sense of humour and to allow her to explore other worlds through imagination. The only toy that we own that I would truly recomend to other parents was a dolls house – M got it when she was 2 and they still have intricate scenarios with each other and friends when they come over. Interestingly, it has been by far the favourite toy chosen by my son’s friends (mostly boys) since he’s been about three. I think I’ll keep it form my grandchildren one day.
Love your sense of fun and enjoyment of life – my house is always full of kids that aren’t mine, it’s messy, noisy and I hope a fun place to be. You are a wonderful mother.
Love and hugs,
Tricia
.-= Tricia (irishsamom)´s last blog ..Perspective =-.
Katie says:
So I clicked back and read the post about the blonde afro and at the end you asked about our best gift ever. I know it’s late but I have to share.
I have been a stepmom for almost 14 years. They’re now 19, 21, and 23 (the oldest of whom is daddy to baby Spencer born in April 7 weeks preemie and is now home and THRIVING!)
Anyway, no the best present isn’t my grandson. Although, he is pretty great.
This past Mother’s Day, my middle stepson and his girlfriend bought me an old fashioned candy jar, you know the one with the metal lid on the side? And filled it with ‘Mommy Candy.” No, nothing perverted. They filled it with little bottles of Vodka and Capt. Morgan Spiced Rum. How freaking awesome is that?!? And thoughtful? These kids, I helped raise them right when I wasn’t busy screwing them up.
My stepdaughter was thoughtful enough to point out that they’re conviently purse-sized for all those stressful parenting moments.
Yeah, because I toss back shots on a regular basis whilst out and about with my other five kidlings.
(Really, I don’t. Though I’ve had moments when I wish I could.)
Anyway, I’m still reeling from the shock of getting a present from them on Mother’s Day AND the awesomeness of that present. Had to share my joy!
Cheryl says:
Heather, please don’t let one persons comments change anything about how you do this blog or anything about yourself! I read your blog first thing every morning and really got a kick out of it this morning. You can’t worry about offending somebody when you write your blog, some people are going to look for something to be bugged about, no matter what!
Erin Dedrick says:
Hi Heather!
I was reading your blog and you asked for ideas or things we did growing up. Many of my favorite memories centered around my dad’s famous “mystery trips!” As kids we NEVER knew when they were coming or where we were going. When we all were in the car driving, my dad would shout our MYSTERY TRIP and we knew we were going somewhere fun. The trips were simple, some were close by, others were going on a vacation. They trips would be something as simple as going to have ice cream at the Thrifty Ice Cream store to trips Disneyland or Sea World. I can still remember the fun and laughter we had on those trips. I know that I will carry on the tradition of the Dedrick’s Famous Mystery Trips!
jen says:
Oh crap! I typed a long post about my awesomely imaginative childhood and the fun stuff my kids do now and then I pushed the wrong button on my phone and lost it. So I’ll leave it at fostering imagination is awesome, and you are a great mom.
As for Jenboys, I am amazed at what she said. I am not Native American, although I always wanted to be (I used to ask my parents if they were 100 percent sure there wasn’t any Native American blood in our family). My grandparents lived in New Mexico and used to take us to all sorts of Native American events, which I loved. If I were to dress up as a Native American for Halloween, it would be because that’s as close as I could get to being one. It would be as a show of admiration and respect, not to make fun of. Just like when I was a kid and went trick or treating as Laura Ingalls. It was because I loved the books, the tv show, and dressing up for Halloween was as close as I was ever going to get to being a person living in the 1800s. Jenboys needs to get over herself, raise her kids to be proud of their heritage and that everyone is not out to get them, so to speak. Wow. Just wow.
Keep kicking ass, Heather.
cerahsee says:
I’m part Native as well as part Irish, you don’t offend me in the least.
I love the fact that you shared dress up/story time with your child.
I hate the fact that some slightly crazy acting person had to take something wonderful and try to make something so ugly out of it. ….oops, i said “crazy” I hope I didn’t offend anyone. *insert eye roll here*
To me, the sad thing is that people take the idea of political correctness to such extreme levels. Maybe people should stop talking all together? Then we would never have to worry about offending ANYONE…EVER.
Cindi In Boston says:
I think it’s ridiculous that such an ignorant person is trying to “educate” others. Someone before me has already said this, and I whole heartedly agree. Jensboys is only teaching her children to have a chip on their shoulder.
Heather, your childhood sounds lovely! I’m so sure Annie will one day look back on her childhood memories as fondly as you do today.
g~ says:
So tell me…would it be offensive for me (as an Indian/Native American/First Person/whatever the hell we are calling ourselves, wait let me check the National Register of Politically Incorrect things we get offended about) to dress up or dress my daughter up as an Indian/Whateverthehell? Just asking because I would HATE to offend myself. I am so damn touchy these days.
.-= g~´s last blog ..Pink, Sparkly Magic =-.
Kat says:
I didn’t have a lot of backyard evenings or things like that. We did have several huge boxes of dress-up clothes that my sister and I used almost constantly. In addition, my parents took us to Renaissance Faires every year. Well, they brought us with them and we “worked at them”, dressed and pretending to be little ladies with characters and histories and everything. It taught us about history, acting, imagination, and – because it was such a diverse place to grow up – different kinds of people. It was very enriching. Ive gone on to study renaissance literature and medieval history and my sister is an awesome actress and singer. I think the fact that you’re already opening creative doors for Annie-b is just awesome, and from what I can tell you don’t need too much help
.-= Kat´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Teachers I have Loved (Too Much?) =-.
Mary Ann says:
I played dress up all the time when I was a kid. I didn’t have fancy wigs and costumes though just my mom’s and aunts old clothes. I remember my favorite outfit was the bride I created out of a box of old lace cutains in the basement. I could wrap and tie those things around my body to create the most gorgeous gowns. My father made me a playroom in my basement – it was a complete school with a chalkboard, bulletin board, 2 desks and tons of office supplies – I loved playing school and grew up to be a kindergarten teacher so I guess it was in my blood so to speak. Good for you to encourage Annie’s imagination – can I suggest a tire swing when she gets bigger – every kid needs a tire swing hanging from a huge tree in their backyard. Mine was an airplane that flew us all over the world, thanks for reminding me of all those nice memories when time was so much simpler. I miss those days.
Jen says:
Love the wigs. All of them. I think dressing as different cultures is a way to embrace them – you know, done in the right way, AS YOU DID. You look gorgeous.
When I saw the post title about wigs, I immediately thought of the post you wrote quite a while ago with Maddie in a … green wig I think it was? I can’t exactly remember.
Your daughters definitely got your beauty.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..it’s a good thing yesterday was yesterday =-.
Colleen says:
PEOPLE ARE RIDICULOUS! I can’t even take it! I went to register to be a Bone Marrow donor today, and it asked me my ethnicity. I went to White, there were about 10 options underneath that. I joked about wanting to be Carribean White to the lady sitting across from me. She was Australian and told me boring North American was good for her! GAH! I was JOKING! Get a life peopel!
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..How to Delay Post Your Post! =-.
Quart says:
When I was in college I dated a Navajo Indian. At least, that’s what he called himself. And do you know what he made me do? Memorize the Washington Redskins fight song. Because he was a huge fan of the Redskins. At the time I was only offended by that because I was a football fan. Now I apparently need to track him down to let him know that he needs to stop calling himself a Navajo Indian. I always knew that guy was an ass.
Anjie says:
I think I’m going to dress as an Indian for Halloween just to spite this ‘jensboys’ @$$hole.
Don’t mind her Heather. You are awesome and inspiring and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Rylee says:
You know, some of these comments sucked today. But at the end of it all you can look over and see the smiling face of your beautiful Annabel, and that, is what matters.
.-= Rylee´s last blog ..When I Was Away =-.
Haley says:
Growing we had a huge box of dress up clothes in our playroom.
Your post reminded me of how I used to put on big frilly dress up dresses and then go out and play in our cardboard box fort in the backyard.
These memories of your childhood are very sweet, and I’m glad you shared them.
As for Jensboys, that whole thing is just ridiculous. My great great grandmother was full blood Coushatta and growing up I was taught that I had “Indian” heritage. Being PC aside, I cannot believe the audacity of anyone comparing an innocent Halloween Costume to the sadness and loss you have experienced as the result of Maddie’s prematurity. You know Jackson was a preemie as well, and her words stung me as well. I’m so sorry that one of your most innocent and light-hearted posts had to be the target of such a malicious person. I love you, your family and your blog and did not find the use of the word “Indian” offensive in the least.
As far as I’m concerned Jensboys can stick it.
(((Hugs to you)))
.-= Haley´s last blog ..Trek Across Texas 2010 =-.
Jessica says:
Wow. Some people are pretty tightly wound. I am a very infrequent commenter but loyal reader (ever since Maddie died I have been reading) but I wanted to be sure to comment here with my support. You do a good thing with this blog… for you and for others. Don’t let her hang ups upset you. She doesn’t deserve to be able to take your happiness.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..City Slicker =-.
Jenni Williams says:
I just caught on to this whole craptastrophy. I don’t even know where to begin. As the mother of biracial children, one of which is special needs, your lack of any sense of tact makes me ill.
This isn’t even a real issue.
You chose the wrong blogger to pic a fight with Jen. You are not going to find a single person to back you here.
.-= Jenni Williams´s last blog ..Limbo…a little longer =-.
Brittany says:
This is awkward.
Um, I am a card carrying member of the Cher fan club, and, I took offense to like, THREE of those super offensive wigs.
Exhibit A (Everyone knows Cher loves beads, it’s like you are begging to be the most offensive person on Earth): http://narfna.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/cher.jpg
Exhibit B (Come on. Cher is the most Native of ALL Americans. She is on a STAMP for Christ sakes!): http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/MMPH/259326.jpg
Exhibit C (Yes, even the afro wig is a slap in the face. Cher has big and unmanageable fake hair, Heather.) : http://www.mannythemovieguy.com/images/oscars_cher.jpg
I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.
Maybe this Halloween, you could dress up as Compassion.
PS. Love you more than life. Next time I come to LA I am bringing my drunk Irish mom’s favorite wine and a special gift for Rigby. (hint hint: http://www.alexoid.com/racially-insensitive-halloween-pet-costumes )
.-= Brittany´s last blog ..Still horizontal. Pasta is dead to me. =-.
Angelique says:
You amaze me, Brittany. This is priceless.
Lori says:
Hi Heather I read your post daily and either laugh out loud at what you write or cling to my boys and cry. I can’t believe that someone could be that mean and nasty to you on your blog. You really took the high road with your comments. Your blog friends have your back. I can only hope she listens to you and quits reading your blogs. Your daughters are both beautiful. I have two 5 year olds who are into dressing up as pirates these days as we run errands. It is priceless! Have a wonderful afternoon and please don’t let that Nasty Lady get you down.
Wanda says:
My Grand daughter is just over a year and already we have play clothes and jewelery for her to play with. She loves it! We add to it all the time. Even at her age you can see the imagination!
I just wanted to add that I have read your blog for quite a long time Heather, I have never commented before(too shy) and I wanted to tell you that I love your blog. I admire your strength and your truthfulness. You share your whole life- the good, the bad and the ugly. Thanks for that…:)
.-= Wanda´s last blog ..Big Hair & Tutu’s =-.
Megan says:
You sold me. I need to buy some wigs they look like fun. Now to find a wig store.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Tom Brady talks =-.
Tara says:
Wow, Heather. I bet you never thought your nice little post about WIGS would lead to this!
First, I love the wig pics. I’m sort of relieved you don’t have a clown wig. Because you look a tad menacing in those pictures. Beautiful, but scary as shit!
Second, you’re an awesome mom. Not like that’s news to you.
Third, why no hate for your friend in the sombrero? If Jensboys was so concerned about making the world so compassionate, wouldn’t she have pointed out your friend’s obvious ignorance and hate for Mexicans? (I’m not sure what group your other friend is saying she hates, but she wore a costume so CLEARLY she hates one race or another.) Or is Jensboys only concerned about racism that affects her children? I mean, she seems pretty prejudice about racism.
Fourth, I want to talk about my tragedy of a life. You see, I’m part Korean. I’m ok with the Korean part. What is super hurtful is when all you women run around flaunting your curly and wavy hair in my face. You inconsiderate, hateful bitches. Do you know how many hours I’ve wasted trying to put body into my hair?! Or how much money I’ve spent on the latest product that promises to hold curls in my heavy, thick, straight hair?! Well… it’s been a lot! But I get out of bed every morning because I have to keep going. I try hard to make the limp, thick, straight hair the hottest trend ever by telling everyone I know that I own a high end hair salon and if your hair isn’t straight like mine, you suck. Seriously, can I get a holiday or parade or something? Oooh, I know! Maybe I’ll just get a wig. Thanks Heather!
Tara says:
Also, wanted to point out that Jenboys is totally right about this. Last Halloween, my nephew wore one of those M&M costumes. You should hear the shit he talks about those dirty little candies. He’s a long time M&Mist.
AmazingGreis says:
LMAO! Those M&M’s they’ll get you every time!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
Angela says:
Hahahaha That was very good.
angela says:
The beaded “doodad” is very “Donna Summer-ish” but the blonde afro is stunning!
Ashley Hast says:
I used to dress up my brother in my Strawberry Shortcake nightgown, put bows in his hair, and make him sing some song called “Bimbo”. Lol.
.-= Ashley Hast´s last blog ..Lame-o Chick I will *so* not like for *forever* =-.
AmazingGreis says:
I’ve posted here a LOT today, I’ve realized one more thing while reading the post. I think you should maybe delete the photo of you and your friends at a Halloween party (8+ years ago) completely. Not only is the whole Indian/Native American thing so WRONG, but your friend wearing the sombrero may offend the Mexicans and Jackie’s wearing a Cleopatra costume and that may clearly offend the Egyptians. So, the whole picture must go!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
Kel says:
I was more offended by Jackie in the Cleopatra costume then anything else.
.-= Kel´s last blog ..Monday Night Movies =-.
Issa says:
Does that mean, I need to stop singing Walk like an Egyptian, which I’ve been singing for the past four hours in my head?
Wouldn’t want to offend the Egyptians by trying to walk like them. They do walk like that right???
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
AmazingGreis says:
Yes, stop singing! The Egyptians are definitely offended by that song. They told me so!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
Issa says:
All the school kids so sick of books
They like the punk and the metal band
When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh)
They’re walking like an Egyptian
All the kids in the marketplace say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian
Slide your feet up the street bend your back
Shift your arm then you pull it back
Life is hard you know (oh whey oh)
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
Danny says:
Not to belabor the point, but that woman, as my Texas grandmother-in-law would have said, missed a great opportunity to hush. It’s that kind of ridiculous PC crap that puts straitjackets on all of us to the point of being absolutely ridiculous. Part of me thinks she just enjoys the role of provocateur. I hope she doesn’t lay her heavy fears of shame and ridicule onto her multi-racial children, that won’t be doing them any favors. And incidentally, I once did some work with this organization that was sort of a Native American Anti-Defamation League and every Native American person there just laughed at the crazy PC-stuff regarding the word “Indian.” They ALL called THEMSELVES Indian. They were a bit older so maybe it’s a generational thing but come on. If she really wants to go nuts, here’s an old post of mine that shows my family members in full Indian regalia AND blackface. Oy…
http://dannymiller.typepad.com/blog/2006/07/camping_it_up.html
.-= Danny´s last blog ..The Judy Miller Show (Season Finale) =-.
Elaine says:
We had a “Theater” that my dad/grandpa made — just four wide boards attached together so they could stand up in a W-shape — with a drop-down panel/window thing. One side of the boards was black and soft, like a blackboard, and we had chalks to draw on them with. We played store, we had puppet shows (making the puppets ourselves first), we had dramas acted out with our stuffed animals. We always had pads of paper, and later we’d draw comics. My brother is now a children’s book illustrator!
Another thing we did would be to listen to a piece of classical music and then draw what it made us think of. This was great fun and educated us is both music and drawing at the same time it was just a game.
Jenny, Bloggess says:
Wearing wigs is so weird. What is wrong with you?
*cough*
PS. Is it offensive to dress up as a pilgrim? I don’t know what the rules are anymore.
PPS. When I was little our favorite game was Bovine-Persons and First-Nationers. We didn’t call it that though. I thing I get a pass though because I’m part First-National. Fuck. That makes me sound like a bank. I’m going back to being offensive. This is too confusing.
.-= Jenny, Bloggess´s last blog ..Adventures with Ebay =-.
Issa says:
And the winner of greatest comment of the day, goes to The Bloggess.
What does she win folks?
Maybe an Oompa Loompa wig?
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
AmazingGreis says:
I LOVE The Bloggess and her offensive use of the word FUCK.
XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Bucket list… =-.
AJ says:
Heather,
I know it’s no compensation for an insensitive comment like the ones made earlier, but remember:
you GET to be you, she HAS to be her.
I try to tell myself that in situations that just make no sense. Hope it helps you, if even just a smidge.
I also found her blog and left a comment….politely. We’ll see if it passes her comment moderation or not.
Gina says:
My sisters and I used to dress up all the time! When we weren’t running around outside, we were playing dress up, making forts, and using the Camcorder to record our own Madonna and Debbie Gibson music videos!! (Amazing…) I still love a good costume party- I mean, Invites were one of the best things about College!
My daughter is WAY into Disney princesses and dress up right now. What I did, is right after Halloween, I started buying up costumes online at close-out prices- Princess dresses, tiaras, feather boas, Little Red Ridinghood, Cowgirl, Flapper, Pirate costumes, etc… (No offense meant towards people related to Pirates, Wearwolf Grandmothers, and Tinkerbell, of course…). I gave my daughter an awesome dress-up chest for Christmas! Of course, it’s all strewn around the house by the end of the day, but she is having a ball!!
Greta says:
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! I commented early this morning(bc I am on East Coat time). I have never responded to ANY blog before, But like all the people that commented early, it brought back such good memories of their kids or themselves dressing up as kids. Jennsboys issues were never mentioned by anyone. Imagine my suprise when I got home tonight and had over 100 messages in my e-mail!!
I guess I should be ashamed I let my son dress up as a swashbuckeling pirate.
My 10 year old will be devastated when I tell him tomorrow he can no longer play Little League. As a southerner I should be ashamed to have him be a Yankee and tonight they played that Cleveland team I dare not name!!!
Tomorrow we have Pioneer Day at school and I guess that is offensive to celebrate their way of life also.
Kristy H says:
Growing up, my 2 little sisters were always my source of entertainment at night! I would dress them up, and then we’d have fashion shows and photo shoots for our parents. We had SO much fun playing, and now 20 something years later we still talk about how fun it was, and I’ve got the pics to show my daughter!
Now my youngest sis, who is 14, loves to do the same thing with my own daughter, I love looking at the then and now pics of our photo shoots!
jenn says:
Kinda gotta say, even though this is completely irrelevant to the response that you were seeking Heather. But if ever you had to live with green hair; I think you may just be the only person on the entire planet who could pull it off.
And Annie is adorable! Thinking of your family always!
Natalie says:
I feel sorry for jensboys. You just know she genuinely thought she was going to school you on this matter, and you were supposed to be grateful and contrite and we would all say, “Oh thank you, jensboys! Thank you for teaching us the errors of our ways!”
But jensboys, if you’re still around, I hope you will focus on the points where possibly you are teaching your children that their race is a cross to bear, rather than just another part of what makes them wonderful.
Unfortunately, I rather think you are sitting at home at a complete loss as to why no one embraced your point of view.
As my daddy says, talking to people like that is like teaching a pig to sing. You waste your time and just piss off the pig.
Heather – I love her fat little cheeks under each and every ridiculous wig. I am jealous of baby fat. My twins – preemies – are still barely in the 5th percentile, but gloriously healthy, so I’ll take it.
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..five for ten: happiness =-.
Natalie says:
And I mean I love Annabel’s fat cheeks, not jensboys.
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..five for ten: happiness =-.
MelissaG says:
Does she have any play silks? Just for a quick example (I am not familiar w/ these sites just googled them) http://www.sarahssilks.com/ http://ww.blueberryforest.com/play_silks_costumes/play_silks_costumes.htm
My 4 yr old wore one as a cape today…during lunch, walking through our downtown area, to our local history museum. He Loves his cape. You can use them for many things…a puddle of water, a doll sling, head scarf. We have long ones, small kerchief size ones. We actually buy plain white ones from here http://www.dharmatrading.com/html/eng/1741-AA.shtml?lnav=scarves_silk.html and color them with kool-aid….that makes them “safe” for babies to chew on (considering that kool-aid uses food-safe dyes But I would never actually let my kids put these kinds of dyes their mouths on a regular basis.) They actually think kool-aid IS dye. lol Anyways, it’s fun, super easy. I give them for gifts, color them solid, tie-dye them. I found most of my directions on the Mothering.com forums. Hope this helps a bit!
Em says:
Wow… Ok so I just wanted to tell you that I thought this was a great post about wher the heck all your wigs came from. I tried to read all the comments (I am on my phone so it’s hard) so I am just going to say this :
1- love the wigs 2- Annie and Maddie have the best mommy 3- that woman took it WAY TOO FAR.
– em
.-= Em´s last blog ..Bloggin’ =-.
Dawn says:
I *LOVE* that you have all of these wigs and you dress your girls up (despite what ANYONE else says) This will SO foster Annie’s imagination! ..and isn’t that what it is all about??? Being a great mom to a great kid?
Kuddos to you Heather! Keep on doing what you do best, being the best mom a little girl could ask for!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..All that.. and a bunch of receipts =-.
Jamie says:
So, I’m thinking a quote from the quintessential cowboy (or “bovine-person”) sums up Jensboys comments for the day pretty well…bless her heart (which for all the Yankees, is Southern for “bite me”–ooops, there’s another racial/ethnic/geographic profile)
“Life is tough, but it’s a lot tougher if you’re STUPID!”- John Wayne
Missy says:
Billy Bob teeth hurt my feelings. I mean some of my families teeth actually look like that. I think that Crappy Pants should be more offended by treasure trolls and how they are making fun of her.
Marti from Michigan says:
I still like the Stevie Wonder look, i.e., the beads! That is a great wig! I’m going to look for something similar around here and freak my family out! I am officially 59 years old today (05/14).
Bec says:
I *really* need to get a dress up box together for Erin!
I also love your first wig – very art..nouveau or deco?? Something like that lol.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..High risk pregnancy =-.
laura says:
wow…I am amazed at the drama that one wig drew and words from Jensboys that were spit at Heather & Co. So as I briefly passed by, I had to smile at the picture.
Here’s another perspective, I’m from Eugene, OR , where one friend mentioned hippies like to come and retire (wait can they retire?! I don’t even notice until peeps visit and comment on the number of VW’s in town) The black wig with braids, with rainbow bands? Really? Does anyone not see the nice hippie gal wig? But then again maybe I’m stereotyping against hippies? Dang! That’s what my I believe my coworkers think I am…
.-= laura´s last blog ..Morning ducks =-.
Kristine P. says:
A good blog tracking the prevalence of Native cultural appropriation:
http://nativeappropriations.blogspot.com/
Particularly this post: http://nativeappropriations.blogspot.com/2010/04/but-why-cant-i-wear-hipster-headdress.html (related to Hipsters wearing headdresses, but applies to all native costume)
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about the issue, so lets try not to attack those who have deep connections to their culture and find it offensive if those not belonging to that culture dress up like them for fun. Some people may be hurt by it and some may not.
Just my two cents.
Heather says:
I am not attacking her for her beliefs. It’s the fact that she thought her comment was deleted, and immediately went into a very vicious attack.
Kristine P. says:
Sorry, this comment wasn’t directed toward you, just toward the more general comments made by others.
Katy says:
I guess when you are born with white privilege, it is easy to dismiss the systematic, GOVERNMENT oppression, victimization, segregation and robbery of an entire race of people.
Though I don’t mean to minimize the pain a parent goes through after losing a child, I think it would serve many of you to visit a reservation, or re-educate yourselves about the “Trail of Tears.”
It’s too bad that Jensboy made that terrible comparison, because her argument was very valid. It’s incredibly tacky, insensitive and ignorant to play “indians” anymore.
It’s also incredibly stupid to compare being a hippy to being born a Sioux, Cherokee, etc. If I have to explain it to you, you are better off hitting yourself in the face with a hammer.
.-= Katy ´s last blog ..Mike: Doing What Mike Did Best. =-.
Heather says:
Katy, the problem here has nothing to do with her point, which is valid, and EVERYTHING to do with how she made it. Don’t make it anything but that.
Katy says:
She made her point in a way that was ignorant and insensitive.
She did have a point, despite her lack of tact, that is valid and should be addressed.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Mike: Doing What Mike Did Best. =-.
ThePeachy1 says:
what if your born white but without privilege, is it the privilege part that gets under your skin or the white? just asking cause what if your born of color and privilege does that make you automatically less oppressive? I am just asking because clearly, there are some really smart people on here that just know Everything and I am trying to figure out how exactly it works, and by the way, NO ONE MADE ANYONE READ THIS BLOG, if you came here, and don’t like or find it offensive or oppressive, easy solve, don’t read it.
Katy says:
I’m not trying to sound snarky……. well oka, maybe I am… class and economics have zero to do with white privilege. ZERO. The first thing people notice about one another is the color of our skin and appearances. People who are in the majority, who look like they are the majority, are treated preferentially.
It’s not a new concept and seeing that you are able to access the internet, here is your chance to let your fingers do the walking and learn something.
Also, I find it really ironic when people who participate on a public blog make the “don’t like it, don’t read it” argument…. Not that it is invalid.. It is a valid point…. However, the counterpoint is this: If you don’t wish the public to comment on your blog posts, either don’t blog, or don’t open up the comments to the public.
I think many of you are missing the point, which is easy to do when someone makes a very tasteless and poor correlation between race relations and the author’s recently deceased child. I get it.
However, you may be just as sensitive when you watch many of your family members live in forced squalor, dying of alcoholism and poverty due to government oppression.
It’s all a sensitive topic, so instead of unleashing the internet manic mobs, maybe try to understand both sides?
It’s not cool to dress up as a racial minority stereotype.
It is equally gross to reference someone’s deceased child when trying to make a point.
Jensboy, you missed a chance to make a valid point and spread some knowledge. Everyone else, coming to the defense of your friend is honorable, but that doesn’t mean said offender didn’t have a point.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Mike: Doing What Mike Did Best. =-.
April says:
Ok obviously you have never been to Southern California. I’m white, but I’m a minority here. I can easily say that I’m looked down upon because I don’t know Spanish. Does that mean that if a Hispanic person dresses up like a redneck, or white trash, or a yuppy, or any other stereotypical “white person” that they are being disrespectful?? Or is it ok because somewhere in their heritage white people may or may not have been mean to their race? Just because someone is white, it doesn’t automatically make them better off. When I was trying to find ways to finance my college education, there weren’t as many grants available to me because I am white. My parents have worked hard their entire lives, they’ve gotten no breaks because of their “white privlege”. And isn’t saying that white people have this “white privlege” thing you speak of a little racist too? Or is it now socially acceptable to make fun of white people?
As for Jensboys point, she made one and Heather did appoligize. She even said that she would immediately change what she wrote in her blog. Heather did get the point and she made it right. Jensboys, however, did not. Instead, she continued on her rampage by taking the most painful incident in Heather’s life and mocked it. She preyed on a mothers pain, and I don’t care what the reason, that will NEVER be ok.
Peyton says:
Katy,
I think your point about those who look like the majority is right on point. It is those who look like the majority- in dress demeanor, etc. Not merely skin color, I think we’ve made great strides in this area. I think the White crackhead that enters my pharmacy has just as little respect from all those around him as any other ethnicity of crackhead. I’d like to think that it is the same for the businessperson who enters, though unfortunately this isn’t always true. In other words, it’s mainly a class thing, not a racial priviledge as much.
And I think this discussion has been a learning point for everyone, but it always comes across better when well thought opinions are shared (such as one in the American Indian blog shared in the comments earlier) rather than opinions that are attacking and have violent references to other commenters as you’ve also pointed out.
Also your comment concerning, “when you watch many of your family members live in forced squalor, dying of alcoholism and poverty due to government oppression.” Is unfortunate for many reasons. It’s vague as to why they are in forced squalor. It’s unfortunate and a true crime what happened to the natives of our land. This crime cannot be changed at this point and to be frank the Native Americans are no longer forced to live in poverty or in government oppression. They have freedoms and opportunities that I do not have as a WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant). There are many more scholarship and assistance programs for native persons that for myself. It is also unfortunate that alcoholism is rampant among these peoples, but I can hardly see it ok to blame the current government for this. And as far as poverty. In Mississippi the natives on reservations have great income from casino’s that they are allowed to have due to separate laws that govern their nation, and as a result have a higher income than surrounding areas.
We should respect tribal traditions more, but we should also get perspective on the current situation and not continually blame the government.
Lindsey says:
White Privilege is a term describing the “privileged” you get just from being born white, no matter how poor or wealthy you may be. It has nothing to do with your socio-economic class.
Last Girl Standing says:
I’m with ThePeachy… it’s equally hypocritical to assume someone has been ‘born into privelege’. You don’t know a white person’s struggles any better than they know yours.
And no one is comparing a hippie to a First Nations… they are saying the wig is a hippie wig. Amazing how you read into that statement what you wanted to. But did you really tell someone to hit themselves in the face with a hammer? Wow… you’re right… you ARE awesome. Funny… none of us ‘white’ people have told anyone to hit themselves, watch a video, read a book, etc. And, again, you’re making assumptioms… I wonder how many people who have come to Heather’s defense, not as a ‘white’ person but as a ‘human’ person are actually ‘white’? I’m not. And I’m still horribly bothered by all of this. And by you.
.-= Last Girl Standing´s last blog ..Aging Gracefully (or at least trying to) =-.
Katy says:
Good lord, ladies. LGS, it’s not about white privilege peoples personal struggles…. Look it up. Read. Think. Knock it off with the histrionics.
Actually, yes, Peaches was making that comparison.
Also, I’m glad I bother you, as I certainly don’t care what you think about me. Trying to make a connection between a style of clothing people wear and ethnicity is just as grossly ignorant as making references to someone’s dead child.
It’s not that subtle, yet you can’t seem to grasp that in the face of your OMG OUTRAGE!
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Mike: Doing What Mike Did Best. =-.
Ania says:
Katy,
My daughter dressed up as Pocahontas last year. We watched the movie together some time ago, and afterwards she announced that she was going to be Pocahontas for Halloween. When I asked “Why?”, her reponse was “Because she’s pretty, and strong, and brave”.
This was a comment made out of RESPECT. She thought Pocahontas was a wonderful person, worthy of being emulated. Now, if I went and told her that well, I understand why you want to dress like Pocahontas, but you shouldn’t because of ….I guarantee you she’d come back and say “Well, that’s a stupid reason. ”
Because you know what? It is stupid. Why can’t a Native American, in their native attire, be seen as a beautiful, fascinating person, that once lived very differently than we do now, and has an amazing history, with colorful stories, created so that we may never forget them? Why can’t my daughter dress like those in our history, and pretend that she’s in another world? It’s called a LEARNING experience, and I, for one, will not taint my daughter’s beautiful, imaginative, INNOCENT mind with the exact opposite of what you claim you want to avoid..and color it any way you want, but it’s the idea of racism.
Katy, you can be passionate about this subject, but how you and Jensboy are going about it is doing way more harm than good. We should embrace our differences, yet want to learn and appreciate other’s heritages and differences. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, so please, please stop making it such a terrible thing!
Katy says:
Ania,
Powhatan tribe disagrees.
http://www.powhatan.org/pocc.html
I have not gone about my argument in any wrong way, what so ever. I don’t tolerate racism and willful ignorance. I do not tolerate straw man arguments to deflect ignorant and insensitive comments. I don’t think it is okay to minimize the oppression of a group of people and compare them to middle class, white children who take part in a counter culture.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..You Just Might Be a Moron If……. =-.
Ania says:
Yes, the real story is tragic, yet you choose to see my child’s innocence and delight in a person so different from herself, an oppressive act.
That, in itself, is very tragic, indeed.
Katy says:
Actually, there are plenty of factual stories you can find to provide your child with the same feeling without lying to her and rewriting history to deflect the truth.
Also, I am the last person you want have a “It’s for the children” sanctimonious, hyperbole fest. I don’t give a shit. You’re lying to your child and propagating a falsehood that victimizes not one, but a group of people, including: CHILDREN.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..You Just Might Be a Moron If……. =-.
Ania says:
You are totally missing the point. Even if I told her the “real” story, it wouldn’t displace her admiration, and wanting to “pretend” to be a beautiful, courageous person that’s culturally different from herself. And I find nothing wrong with that
So go ahead, flame me and my “propagating” ways, but I stand my belief that your argument is misleading, and is only succeeding in bringing more hate into this world. So, I’ll choose to end it this conversation that is going absolutely nowhere.
Katy says:
Actually, I’m not missing your point. I get it.
However, I still think that this “joy” bestowed upon your daughter is a big bunch of lies that were put into our culture to make the English settlers not look like the big bunch of assholes that they were.
Lies like Sant and the Tooth Fairy, don’t hurt a culture of people, yet they are able to bring joy to children as well. Pocahantas rewrites history at an angle that is completely inaccurate and hurtful to a group of people…. People who exist.
So, in essence, it is you who have missed the point. Also, you flamed me, dear. Don’t dish it if you can’t handle it.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..You Just Might Be a Moron If……. =-.
Rach L in Vancouver says:
dear lord.
Also a Canadian from British Columbia. We’re not all asshats Heather, I promise! I rocked my Pocahontas costume too, and Annie will deeply appreciate the way that you nurture and foster her creativity when she is old enough to understand the doors that being creative will open for her for the rest of her life.
Heather, you are fantastic, as are the many supporters of this blog. I suggest the naysayers take a long swim in the chilly Northern Pacific, as it seems they’re in close proximity.
Lots of Love from Canada to counteract the hate.
.-= Rach L in Vancouver´s last blog ..Three Ring Big Top Status =-.
sarah says:
You know, ACTUALLY, the correct term for “Indians” these days is American Indian/Alaska Native. That’s the category on the US Census, and, at least here in Washington State, where there are many AI/ANs, that’s the preferred phrase to describe the population. So technially, TECHNICALLY, Healther wasn’t that far off – and this just proves that even people who count themselves as members of the race in question (or parents of those, in this case) can’t keep up with the terminology either. Everyone has a preference for what they want to be called, and I think most people assume that everyone is well-meaning and don’t mean to offend if they don’t use the correct terminology (unless it’s just outright offensive, like the n word, or blatantly making a caricature of a race – greeting an American Indian/Native American/whatever you wish with “how,” for example). Kudos to you Heather – you proved that you were well-meaning when you quickly apologized for offending and changed your wording to what you thought was more politically correct/acceptable. And I think that’s all that we can ask from people – not to automatically know the correct terminology, but to be open to changing what they say once they learn that what they were using isn’t the best choice any more.
Patti B. says:
Hooooooooly moly people are crazy.
Maddie is beautiful…Annie is beautiful…Heather and Mike are amazing.
And trying hard to live happily ever after.
THE END.
Hope you have a good weekend
MelissaG says:
While I can understand being upset by something I cannot understand the hatred that followed when she thought she wasn’t “being heard” Wow…that scares me that someone like that is raising that many children. God help us all.
Amanda M. says:
Most of the wigs in my house are 80s rocker wigs. My husband dreams of being a hair metal band.
Jean says:
Jensboys says “Indian costumes/comments are hurtful to my daughters and my family” You need to teach your kids to be proud of who they are and where they came from. I’m Italian American. If someone made a derogatory comment about Italians, my kids would laugh in their face and tell them that they wished they were Italian.
If I were Indian, and someone dressed in an Indian costume, I would think that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. This is because the sense of pride over my heritage was drummed in my head since birth.
We’ve got commercials for food where people are portrayed as Italian, movies where non Italians play Italian roles (think Cher the Indian in Moonstruck), and everyone knows that Italian connotates Mafia in movies. Doesn’t bother me or anyone I know. We get a kick out of it.
It all boils down to raising kids with pride so they don’t get offended over something as silly and fun as a costume.
Molly says:
That’s awesome! Now I know why I always wished for a twin growing up. What fun!
kristen says:
I’ll let Lewis C.K. speak for me on this matter.
S says:
Hi Heather (and Heather’s readership),
I’m a longtime reader, first time poster. While I’m not on board with the comparison that jensboys made, I am absolutely on board with her wider argument. You’ve already said (to Katy, whose words here I admire as well) that you are criticizing jensboys’s way of making her point, not the point itself. Fair enough.
You haven’t, however, stepped in where other people are making deeply troubling statements. jensboys and Katy are giving you (and your readers) a gift here–they are letting you know that what you have done is not ok. They’ve explained their arguments, and have pointed you to resources that will be useful to you if you decide to pursue an interrogation of your privilege. I would encourage you and everyone who reads this blog to do so (myself included). It is your responsibility to moderate the comments that are left here, and, I think to step in when people are making disrespectful comments (Her Bad Mother does this really well when topics get heated, so perhaps check her out if you don’t already follow her). When people started inappropriately attacking jensboys and (to a lesser degree) Katy, you remained silent about these attacks. They were very generous in saying that they know you didn’t mean any harm. The fact is that harm was done whether you meant to or not. (And for the record, healthy debate is fair. Asking questions is fair. In fact, both of these things are imperative for an anti-racist work to move forward.)
I know I’m coming to this conversation when it is largely over already, but please take some time to think more about these issues and read the resources that have been recommended. There are plenty of anti-racist websites, blogs, and many other resources out there. At it’s core, I think that if someone raises this kind of issue, you have a responsibility to take it seriously and to consider the possibility that rectifying any mistakes that you have made will take more than changing some of the language you have used (though this is most certainly an important step). We are all fallible, but as jensboys said (and I’m paraphrasing here), once you have been told of your mistakes, you are choosing to continue to make them if you do not take action to understand them.
Sincerely,
S
Mike says:
Hi S,
Regarding the statements you found deeply troubling, it should be noted that the entire debate was started by a deeply troubling statement made by Jensboys. Since Heather allowed Jensboys’ comment through, she also allowed her readers’ responses as well. Each site deals with the moderation of comments in their own way. Heather’s philosophy is to not censor any of them. Some of the responses may have crossed the line, yes, but so did the initial comment. Heather could have deleted all of them as other sites would have. Instead, she allowed them all to appear as submitted. By doing so a great deal of attention was brought to the issues discussed above.This allowed for a healthy debate where many questions were asked, something Heather didn’t need to be alerted to the importance of.
As to your suggestion that Heather “pursue an interrogation of her privilege,” what makes you so sure she hasn’t visited all of the sites linked to above? She has, as did many, many of Heather’s readers (something we know by looking at Heather’s WordPress stats). Heather’s readers have proven to be very thoughtful, compassionate, and intelligent, and are not ignorant elitists reveling in their privilege, as your comment seems to suggest.
Lastly, as you are asking for Heather to contemplate the depth of offense she made, I would ask for you to contemplate the depth of offense Jensboys made. Jenboys’ use of a preemie costume as an analogy would have been inappropriate enough even if she hadn’t described the costume as having “wires, and tubes, bugged out eyes, torn skin.” Heather’s costume, inappropriate as it may have been for a white woman to wear, was meant to be beautiful. It wasn’t a grotesque caricature of Native American culture as Jensboys’ preemie costume was of preemies. I’m sure you could imagine how off the chart offensive a Native American costume analogous to Jenboys’ preemie costume would be.
From looking at Jenboys site I see that she had some hardships in the past. Fortunately for her, they turned out okay. If she hadn’t been so lucky, I’m sure she would have a deeper understanding of loss and the horror that people who have experienced true loss go through. If she had watched her child die in front of her, and then had someone come to her site and disrespect that child in such an egregious manner, I doubt she would have handled the whole situation as gracefully as Heather did.
Best,
Mike
jens boys says:
Mike – honestly I can’t handle reading the racism and attacks on here, and haven’t for the most part. I have apoligized for the offense my comment caused about the costume – and my point was in fact to show how offensive that would be (someone should never, ever make a premie costume, although if you google it you will see if fact they do ) in the same way mocking someone else’s history (cutlural or ethnic) through costume or wig is ALSO disrespectful.
When you are in a position of power it is never appropriate to use that power to humiliate and appropriate. Undoubtedly, in American and Canada today, there is very, very little understanding of the Native American struggles and the real history between whites and the First Nations. Whites wearing costumes of First Nations is in the same ball park as Germans wearing costumes of Hassidic Jews or Concentration Camp Survivors. Its simply offensive and wrong – and I thought, should be, a matter of common sense and respect. What I saw in some comments was simply a horrifying racist response to even the suggestion that respect of other cultures is appropriate. Neither you nor Heather did anything to suggest that that blatent racism (all in your defense of course and attack of me) was completely wrong. And so those comments stand … as the “other side” and that is so sad. So sad for my girls who will have to grow up in a world where people hold them, their history and their cutlure with some disregard.
To be clear – and I know it does not seem possible – and it is totally my own fault and insensitivity, I was NOT thinking of Maddie when I wrote my comments AT ALL. A very dear child in my life was a micro-premie and today struggles with many, many special needs. I was thinking of HIM when I wrote his description because how HORRIFIED his parents would be if someone ever mocked HIS experience. I am so very, very sorry AGAIN for any hurt my comments caused and I meant no disrespect to your loss, or to Maddie’s memory. Again, I was not making the connection and that is my own stupidity (and busyness trying to comment and deal with 6 kids!)
As far as my own loss, I see that you read a few of the blog posts but you have NO IDEA what I have been through. I too lost a daughter at 13 months old. To different circumstances – to horrible circumstances – but I also lost a daughter. My boys lost a sister. I am just 4 years after that loss and chosing life – after facing a year that bought me cancer, job loss, death and tragedy. I get pain and grief – and I get reacting from that place but I challenge you to please consider the heart of this discussion before I managed to royally side track it – was about respect for history, cultures and that white privilege is often shocking when we get our first glance at our own. But PLEASE – Heather holds a position of great influence on her blog – and racism, of any sort, should no longer be tolerated by society. I am again, so sorry that my original point was lost in my very poor use of an example. I think I have apoligized 12 times now – I hope you can accept it.
.-= jens boys´s last blog ..Openness in Foster Care: Part 4 =-.
Michelle W says:
From my point of view after reading all of your comments and responses your “apology” doesn’t come off very sincere. When you say you are sorry for anyone who took offense while in the same breath saying that was your intent you don’t sound remotely sorry. Your comment was crass, insensitive and completely out of line. Heather’s costume and the word Indian were not intended to cause any harm but you chose to make it personal and in your quest to make a point you chose the one thing you knew would cause Heather the most hurt. And then you plainly refuse to fully accept blame for your behavior when Heather has gone above and beyond to be mature in her responses and recognize why the terminology might cause some people offense. My position is that Heather did nothing, Indian might be inaccurate but I don’t really see why it is insensitive.
The costumes are great by the way. My daughter loves dressing up and playing pretend. When my friends Grandmother had terminal cancer my friend brought her costume box out and everyone got in the spirit. There was so much light and laughter surrounding her Grandma and those costumes played a big part in that.
SJ says:
Haven’t been on the blog in a while and just catchng up with all this madnss. I am Canadian, and grew up in a small place with a large aboriginal population (the term aboriginal is used frequently here, and as far as I’m aware is not offensive!). Anyway, I was raised to understand both the beauty and strength of the Native culture, and also the history of oppression (ex. horrible residential schools, etc). Perhaps I am completely ignorant, but I would never have thought dressing in Native American costume could cause this level of anger as it has in Jennsboys. Wearing costumes is about using your imagination and being someone else, perhaps someone who you think is interesting or attractive. It is not always meant as an insult. I feel that by reacting the way she has (in her original post) she is teaching her children to go through the world in a very vulnerable and compromising way, taking insult where none was intended. Oh, and her second post was just so offside that it almost brought tears to my eyes, particularly given that she was writing this on Heather’s blog….Heather who has to live without her beautiful daughter everyday. It is too bad there is no way to block her from reading/commenting on this blog in the future.
Oh, and to answer the original question on this blog…I grew up with a huge trunk of costumes and outfits that all throughout the year me and my brothers would dress up in, having parades with the neighbourhood kids down the street in the summer. It was a wonderful way to spend my childhood, and I’m so grateful that my Mom encouraged us to use our imaginations. Oh, and one of my outfits was from a little girl I was friends with from India. It was a sari and I was THRILLED that she gave it to me. By wearing it I was not making fun of her, in fact it was if anything a complement. Get a grip Jennsboys…
Sidnie says:
I hope to have a box full of costumes for my boys.
And honestly, it will include cowboys and Indians/Native Americans/First Nations. It will include authentic lederhosen, because we live in Germany right now. I’m sure there will be Disney costumes thrown in there, and even a Rodeo clown.
We have puppy dog outfits, and monsters, and monkeys.
I hope there’s a karate outfit, and of course, an ACU uniform (because Daddy is a soldier), and you know… there will be firefighters and plumbers and pirates and maybe even suspenders and a bow tie.
And even though, I have BOYS. I can almost guarantee you, that there will a Tinkerbell outfit, and probably some other girly outfits too. My oldest loves him some “firefly” (Tink).
If there’s racism in that, in allowing a child to use their imagination and to explore our history, the world’s history, to learn through role play… Then baby, call me a racist.
It’s a costume.
It’s fun.
It’s educational.
It will spark questions that I will be there to answer. It will teacht hem play on their own, and to make up stories.
Courtney says:
Who gives a crap? Indian, Asian, Canadian.. blah blah blah who cares?!?!? People are people, who cares about race, ethnicity, or whatever damn wig they wear? Who decided that everyone has to have a PC term for everything? It is literally impossible to tell a story anymore without someone saying “oh that isn’t the right term anymore, blah blah” WHO CARES. Drop it, jesus christ!
Ps. I love this blog, Heather! The pics in the wigs were hilarious. You made a pretty Indian girl (YEAH, I said it. Deal with it.)
Jen says:
I just had to throw in that as a foster family who currently, and for the last 8 years, has fostered a sibling group of 4 (now 3, long story,) of native children, I think you are being ridiculous. Our children have NEVER been hurt by their peers, family members due to their race. They are all chocolate brown, black, stick straight hair, and 100% native. The ONLY people who have hurt these kids are the NATIVE ministry that holds their guardianship. People like you put so much emphasis on “Native rights,” that innocent kids are being hurt in the process. The 4th child was ripped from his siblings and tossed aside. There is a 5th sibling that ours do not know, because the native ministry feels that his right to live on reservation (with a white family…) is more important than having a relationhip with his siblings.
Take her costume for what it was, a costume, and quit perpetuating the racism towards “white people.” EVERY race, every culture has faced some adversity. Life sucks. Get a helmet.
Jen says:
I meant to say “hurt by their peers, family members, or anyone we’ve run across while out and about in town.
Jen says:
They threaten to take these kids away all the time because “they have a right to their culture.” Yet they do nothing to show it to them. They attend pow-wows with me and my mother, we take them to all of the cultural events they are invited to. Heck, both of my white children have been sashed, alongside our native children. We do not use white/native to seperate our children. They know they have different colored skin, but to our children, it’s completely irrelevant. Ok, done now, lol. This is what happens when you are trying to nurse a baby (2 weeks younger than your Annie ) and type an angry reply, lol.
wendi says:
Jensboys,
I have to say that I have indian blood running through my veins. Proud of it. But i am as “white” as they come. (My skin that is)
Yes you made the post about premie’s to get the reaction you did, even if it backfired, I understand where you are comign from. I really do. I too, know how to get a reaction out of people. You are what I call a “whatacunt”. Highly offinsive, I know!!!!! The word….ooohhh that word… so harsh and nasty, just typing it makes me go blahhhhh. But I must and I say this with pride my whatacunt friend, if you don’t like it, move on……. Simple, easy, the Texas way (I’m from Texas), the hip way, the right way. You have unleashed 250 fellow bloggers to voice their opinion on something that was so innocent and in this day and time, enlightening to other mothers. Heather, be proud of your wigs, be proud of your parenting, be proud of being who you are. This is your blog, your words, your delight. We are here to enjoy it with you. Your life, your parenting, your yummy Mike (well you enjoy that but you get my point).
So the next time you are reading something that you just down right find utterly dumbfounding and can’t believe for one minute you are reading it on your blog that was created for solice, happyness, sadness, to vent, to raise awareness and everything else you love. Remember to type of say “WHATACUNT” One word, gets it out easy and painless. Terrible word I know, but I feel better and I have a wonderful wig I’m wearing to prove it!
Jenn says:
Jennboys…..you need to just lighten up! Heather has a brillant sense of humour. Can’t you see that?? She was playing with her baby! PLEASE…let us NOT make this something that it’s just NOT!!! I met Heather on line a while ago, She has no idea of my race, my religion, my beliefs, ect. She accepted my children just as much as we have a accepted hers…..in a silly wig or not!
This is a personal Blog about a mother who has somehow lived through the worse thing that a parent can …the sudden passing of her baby. We choose to come to grief with her and at the same time, celebrate Maddie’s life as well. This is a Blog of love, celebration, and even tears and horror at times. Now Annie is here and Heather and Mike have so gracefully allowed us to meet her and watch her grow. I for one thank them for that.
I mourn the passing of Maddie and always will and celebrate Annie’s birth and all of her milestones. I’m soooo happy when Heather does do “Light:” topics like the wigs b/c JUST MAYBE it means that she is having a good day and MAYBE after all of her hurt and sorrow MAYBE she’s smiling and giggling with us b/c afterall Jensboys….I for one think Heather and Mike deserve it. like many other people do. If you don’t well? Perhaps this just isn’t the BLOG for you!?!?!?!
Fiorella says:
Heather, I don’t know if you will read this but i sure hope you do. You are a beautiful woman, who did not deserve the rudeness the jensboys believed was alright.. Now i understand that i am 16 and my opinion may not be as completely thought out as many people here but i have recently found your blog and check up on it everyday. Maddie was absolutely BEAUTIFUL, and she clearly loved you very much. Her smile.. contagious. Her curls.. fantastic. You are an amazing mother and were 22 when you wore that costume.. and for the record i was an indian for halloween when I was 6, a pilgrim at 7, Disney’s Mulan when I was 9 and did it each and everytime because i thought the outfits were PRETTY so clearly you were not offending anyone and for her to take it out of context and blatantly take a stab at the fact that you lost your BABY to prematurity is utterly and completely wrong.. I am Hispanic and when looking at me some say i look it and others don’t i find it offensive when people ignorantly ask if i speak mexican but nothing offensive enough to pour salt on an open wound. She is a heartless, classless, person and i hope that if ever put in any situation resembling any of the situations life has set forth for you i can take them and deal with them with as much dignity and class as you have. She is ignorant and it is people like her who make me ashamedof this country.. You are a beautiful & fabulous person inside and out and so is annie and you are absolutely hilarious.. i wish you all the best!
Always remember one thing: I’m rubber you’re glue whatever you say to me bounces off me and sticks on you..
now SHE looks like the fool.
btw your blog is amazingg like i said read it daily.. my friends make fun of me but i think you are an awesome mom and really funny
Fiorella says:
Oh & I would like to add the My Sister, also hispanic is marrying , an Indian/Irish/philippino man.. so oh boy for those kids if my sister doesn’t raise them to be proud of who they are.
Lesley O says:
We dressed my then 3 month old son (a preemie) up as Braveheart for halloween. Complete with kilt and long red haired wig. Thank goodness none of my scottish heritage in-laws or red-headed in-laws took offence and were able to laugh at what it was…a cute halloween costume, and nothing more.