On Saturday I flew to Washington, D.C. for a couple days of meetings. I had Saturday night free, so I made plans to meet up with a dear friend for dinner. It was Pride Weekend in DC and the streets were jammed with people, so I felt lucky that I managed to get a taxi. We went to a restaurant that was on the route of the Capital Pride Parade. We’d missed the parade but there were plenty of revelers still out, joyfully celebrating love.
I woke up on Sunday morning in my hotel room, disoriented and jet-lagged. I grabbed my phone to look at the time and that’s when I saw them…dozens of breaking news alerts:
As I scrolled through them, they got worse…
…and worse:
Because of the time difference, I waited as long as I could to text my brother and his boyfriend (about 30 seconds, sorry guys). I watched the news and tried not to throw up. Then I put myself together and went to my meetings, but my heart was with Orlando and my family.
When my brother first came out, the fear that someone would hurt him because he was gay overwhelmed me. It was only a year after the death of Matthew Shepard, and even though we lived in a supposedly more tolerant city I still worried all the time. It’s subsided as we’ve grown older, but on Sunday that anxiety roared back.
I don’t mean to make this about me – the fear I have is nothing compared to my LGTBQIA friends. I am a straight, white woman. No one spits at me or calls out slurs when I walk down the street holding my husband’s hand. No one thinks I should be dead because of who I love, or how I identify, or who I know I am inside.
I was watching the morning news yesterday and a picture of the murderer came on the screen. Annabel asked, “Who’s that guy?” I told her that he was a bad guy who’d shot and killed a lot of people. “Again?” she said.
What is happening to this country? Why do people get more fired up about the death of a gorilla than the deaths of children, of black people, of LGTBQIA people? Why do people care more about their right to own something instead of someone’s right to live?
I’m so tired of being afraid that the next time this happens, someone I love will die. I’m so tired of writing the words, “THE NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS.” This isn’t the world I want for my children. Why can’t we stop this?
After my meetings on Sunday, I went to the Capital Pride Festival to make a donation to help the victims in Orlando. I expected to encounter a somber scene, but instead I saw people hugging, dancing, and defiantly celebrating who they are. Who they love.
I know that love will win…I just wish it wasn’t taking so long.
DefendUSA says:
I would like to make one distinction. This is not a hate crime or a homophobic act. This was a radical terrorist attack against gay people. They are not the only soft targets of the Muslims who would prefer that all “non-believers” or “infidels” should die. We are ALL in their sites. Do we have haters and intolerant people? Yes. But the majority of Americans don’t act out on what they do not agree with, do they? And even people who find it hard to accept alternate lifestyles don’t stand outside of particular clubs to call people names or attack them and if they do, shame on them. A group of 19 Christians didn’t get together in a coordinated attempt to blow up 3 airplanes and kill almost 3000 people, did they? Nor did a group of atheists get together to throw gay people off of the rooftops for their choices. What *I* am tired of is people ignoring that we are the best place in the world to be different. Nothing is perfect. But this is Terrorism and it’s not going to change.
It would appear to me of late that the same people who deny terrorism exists are now calling me an Islamophobe, and calling for more gun control when clearly the issue is Terrorism. Milo Yiannopolas is correct. The more people deny this, the more people will die no matter what choice they make because they are the non-believers and the infidels to the radicals. Radicals don’t care about the sanctity of human life. Then end for them is a caliphate.
I am no less fed up than anyone who cares about the loss of life that occurred in Orlando, San Bernardino, Paris. I do not have any gay relatives that I know of, but I grew up with my mother’s friends who were. I learned not to judge until I could walk that same line. So, the best I can offer is that we all stand together because we all matter.
Bobbi says:
Oh. You couldn’t be more wrong. This was both. This was a case of radical terrorism and a Hate Crime. He targeted this club because it was a Gay Club. Open your eyes.
Tina says:
The problem is RADICAL MUSLIMS! They will kill anyone who does not pledge allegiance to Allah! They persecute people every day in the Middle East, Gays, Christians, Women, Children. ALL INFIDELS to them! Infidel: a person who does not believe in religion or who adheres to a religion other than one’s own. Like it or not the threat is real and “LOVE” will not change their ideology.
Stephanie says:
I would accept this argument if were just radical muslims committing these crimes. But it’s not. Radical muslims are a problem, but they’re not the only problem. This country needs stricter gun laws. NO civilian needs an assault rifle.
Katrina says:
No civilian needs an assault rifle. I most definitely agree with that. The ones who want to carry out attacks like this, however, will find a way to get an assault rifle. Just like illegal drugs, these types of weapons will be bought illegally through black markets and such. They will be smuggled into our country and sold to people like this radical Muslim who shot up that night club. While I’m not against stricter gun laws, I just wonder if having one in place would prevent attacks like this. The radical Muslims who carried out 9/11 didn’t have assault rifles on those planes. Evil finds a way to destroy.
Stacey says:
Agreed. What did Newton have to do with radical muslims? Please tell me what RADICAL ISLAM had to do with those babies deaths? The only common denominator in these mass shootings is the weapons.
Heather Sharp says:
I think the point is in the USA, Guns are far too easy to get. Separate from the motive for this action, which was obviously terrorism, gun deaths are so very high. Almost every person I ever speak to in America insists that”people kill people, not guns, we need guns” – But is your right to bear arms really worth all these deaths – including children? I don’t believe it is. Here in my country shootings just don’t happen. Guns aren’t legal here. The facts speak for themselves. Even if regulating your guns saves ONE life, then its for the better, surely?
What concerns me the most is that with terrorism, so many people assume muslims are at fault. Real, genuine, Muslims find this behaviour as abhorrent as we do. Their religion is peaceful. These extremist, radical, terrorists, are not one and the same.
Leslie says:
I really wish people would stop referring to terrorists like this (if he even was one) as MUSLIM. This is not what Muslim people believe, any more than the KKK is what Christian people believe. Giving credence to these peoples’ beliefs is like saying the “ministers” who have been preaching that these innocent victims deserved to die because they are gay is actually a Christian thought. But you don’t see the media saying that: you see them being decried as “not Christian” and people saying that what they are saying is not in line with Christianity. Why don’t we offer people of Muslim faith the same respect?
I, for one, am glad that President Obama refused to stoop to using that language. We need to start separating out the beliefs of terrorists from the actual teachings of religion, even when that religion is Islam and no Christianity.
And yes, this was most CERTAINLY a hate crime. A hate crime against the Latinx and LGBTQIA communities.
Mel G says:
The best thing to happen in Australia was the compulsory buy-back of firearms after the Port Phillip massacre. Owning a firearm should be a regulated privelege, not a right.
My heart goes out to those affected by yet another senseless massacre, and I hope your family is always safe, Heather.
Stephanie says:
YES to all of this.
Sue says:
Bless your brother, Kyle, and his boyfriend, Heather. They deserve to have every single right and privilege that the rest of us have. May they always continue to be safe. Much love to both of them
Judy Moticka says:
Thank you for saying so beautifully what has been in my heart.
me says:
“Why do people care more about their right to own something instead of someone’s right to live?”
Really? It’s not about the right to own something. It is about a bad person doing a really bad thing. End of story. So sick of people making this about guns, rather than what it’s about… horrible, horrible human beings finding a way to do horrible, horrible things to others. No gun laws will stop that.
Heather Sharp says:
But it is about that. This is just not true. Look at other countries. Open your eyes! There is a reason this happens in the USA all the time and not elsewhere. If Guns were not easy to get, this would NOT happen. You only have to look at the statistics from other countries gun deaths to see that. At the end of the day, you are less likely to have a massacre on your hands if some crazy person walks around with a knife. A gun, will easily do more damage to more people. It’s just a fact. Why is everyone so determined to keep their guns? What do you need them for? ‘protection?’ – from what? OTHER guns?! The threat wouldn’t exist if no guns were around….I feel a damn sight safer walking down my street than i would one in the USA. I can send my kids to school without worrying that they won’t come home because of a mass shooting at their school. WHY are guns more important than people’s lives. Seriously.
Stephanie says:
Thank you for this.
Melissa says:
I think if guns were more difficult to get sadly things like this would still happen. However, hopefully they would happen a lot less. It happened in France where there are much, much stricter laws. It happened with pressure cooker bombs and box cutters. People who obviously have mental health issues and are hellbent on causing harm to others will figure out a way to. But I think there needs to be much stricter legislation on who can get guns. If you’re not able to fly because you are deemed a threat you shouldn’t be able to buy a gun. I also think that people need to wake up and get their noses out of their cell phones and pay attention to what is going on around you. If you see something weird or someone acting suspicious REPORT IT. I did that 15 years ago at my high school after someone threatened to bring a gun. The police came and took him out of class and searched him. Thankfully he didn’t have anything but people have got to speak up.
roshan says:
“It happened in France where there are much, much stricter laws.”
Got to ask you, do you think France will be much safer if everyone is allowed to get a gun? Sincere question.
Val says:
You are incredibly, undeniably wrong. Gun laws all across the world have mostly prevented massacres like this. Australia hasn’t had a mass shooting since they enacted radical gun laws in 1996. You think they don’t work?
http://www.latimes.com/world/europe/la-fg-germany-gun-control-20160615-snap-story.html
“The crackdown on guns also contributed to a 25% reduction in the number of crimes committed with guns from 2010 to 2015, the country’s crime office said.”
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/6-things-americans-should-know-about-mass-shootings/
“The type of gun law adopted has important impacts. Countries with more restrictive gun licensing laws show fewer deaths by firearms and a lower gun ownership rate.”
http://www.pri.org/stories/2016-06-13/do-gun-control-debates-ever-change-anything-these-countries-they-did
“CNN noted that while the ban initially seemed to have little impact, the number of crimes involving guns have dropped in recent years. In 2010/2011, there were 11,227 offenses, 53 percent below the peak number. Crimes involving handguns also dropped 44 percent between 2002/2003 and 2010/2011.”
Do your research and stop repeating whatever the hell Fox News tells you to.
Graygirl says:
But it is about absurdly easy access to firearms, especially those with the ability to take out dozens of people in moments. I have nothing in my “record” beyond a $3 ticket for an expired meter in a small Midwestern town. What happens if I were to be consumed by some dark, twisted ideology that sent me to lurk outside of family planning locations or houses of worship? I could openly walk into a gun store and purchase in less than ten minutes something that could turn one person’s demented hate into death for countless other people. That is appalling and has nothing to do with a right to ownership. The righs to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness override all others.
AuntieMip says:
I respectfully disagree.
There is a meme going around right now. In short, it says that Timothy McVeigh blew up the Federal Building with a fertilizer bomb. 9/11 was perpetrated with box cutters and planes. The Nazi’sused cyanite gas. Basically bad people will find a way to do bad things even without a gun. But, after the bombimg of the Federal a building in Oklahoma fertilizer became regulated. After 9/11 you cannot bring so much as a tooth pick on a plane. The liquids issue arose after a credible threat in August of 2008. Boom, no more liquids greater than 3 ounces in a one quart bag allowed. When was the last time anyone was able to purchase cyanide. And one more thing, really horrible people are told they cannot own guns all the time. Persons on parole are legally not allowed to own a gun. Now I get it they do, but that is because of all of the loop holes and short comings in current background check processes. There should be safe guards to prevent it. If you want a gun, what does a 72 hour waiting period do to your right to own it if it catches one of the “horrible, horrible people” and prevents them from doing something horrible with a gun? We have made changes after all the other atrocities peroetrated against our citizens, yet we let20 six year olds die and did nothing. Why would we not at least start a conversation? I genuinely want to understand,
Karen says:
I watched this analysis this morning. I found it at least thought-provoking.
Margie says:
Well said, Heather.
Heather Sharp says:
Love this post, Heather!! Finally someone with sense.
Julia says:
We have to keep living and reliving the same horrible and tragic story and the reason is shown in this thread. Half of these comments are the same opinion that translates to votes for Congressmen/women with the same defensive/inaccurate opinions which translates to inaction and dedication to the NRA. It just is. Until that changes, this is the sad, horrible reality.
Stephanie B. says:
I’m so tired of it too.
I’ve been so angry by the inaction the past 3 1/2 years since 20 first graders were killed. That was the event that really made me say no more.
There is no reason to own an assault rifle capable of killing 49 people by ONE person. No reason. And yes, evil people will always find away, but we can at least TRY to make it harder? Right now, it’s just way too easy. And it has to be a federal law because here in California, where we’ve implemented strict guns, we’re next to Nevada where it’s incredibly easy to purchase guns. I’m done. #enough
Katie says:
Stephanie,
You took the words out of my mouth. I’d almost lost all hope of furthering federal gun regulations and limitations after Sandy Hook. NEVER did I think that NOTHING would be done after those 20 precious children were murdered. But this tragedy at Pulse has reignited a flame to do everything I can to elect people to Congree who care more about our lives than lobbyists.
And to anyone who says “bad people will find a way.” Yes, you’re right. But why not make it just a little bit harder? What will honest, well-intentioned people lose by banning a weapon whose only purpose is to end as many lives as possible, as quickly as possible?
Susan says:
It’s the same horrible thing over and over, with the same agonizing script.
Another shooting happens, one side rages that we need stricter gun control, the other side rages that guns aren’t the issue here, people are. Then it’s the ‘make *some* of them more difficult to obtain so this kind of thing isn’t so common’, countered with ‘homicidal people will always get access because they are already willing to kill people, we’ll only limit law abiding people’. This is usually in addition to how much can rights to own this kind of gun trump human lives lost, with the other saying that if *more* people were armed, these things would be stopped quicker/result in fewer fatalities. And the same old, tired stalemate continues until we grow tired again.
Newtown showed me that nothing will change. I don’t think it ever will, to be honest, because we can’t even really agree what should change in anything resembling a unified direction. We’re so completely opposed to where even compromise is, if not outright so, nearly impossible. Each shooting just makes the other one more resolute in their own direction.
LaFawne says:
The fact that your young daughter said “again?” upon hearing the news, is one of the most heartbreaking things I have read. I have no answers, only sadness.
twingles says:
Totally agree. And she will grow up thinking nothing of “intruder drills”. Ugh.
Glenda says:
Great post Heather! Kyle and his BF deserve to have every privilege that the rest of us have. #LoveIsLove May they always continue to be safe.
LD's Mom says:
I know that love will win…I just wish it wasn’t taking so long too.
Lynn says:
Right on, Heather, right on.
twingles says:
The worst part is raising kids in a world where this all seems normal. I hate that for them.
Lindsay says:
At a staff meeting this week, my boss sobbed because she is terrified to send her child to public school. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with our country that such a breakdown is ENTIRELY valid and based in fact, not just fear.
Lindsay says:
I should clarify, terrified to send her child to school. It just happens to be a public school. This happens everywhere …
AuntieMip says:
My nephew, also gay, posted on FB Monday. He wrote an impassioned plea to write congress persons and senators asking, DEMANDING sensible gun control. He is a recent MFA graduate from Carengie Mellon and I am so incredibly proud of him. His post started with three defining words, “I am afraid.” And with that my heart broke in a thousand tiny pieces.
My boy is beautiful and smart and wise. He is engaging, loving, tolerant, contemplative. He is 1/8 of my heart. And he is afraid and it makes me so damn mad!
I had a conversation today with a work colleague who is a die hard Republican. We have a very measured, intense and real conversation on gun control. We see things very differently. And yet, after and hour of point-counter point we both agreed that there has to be a place to start the conversation. As much as the shootings in Orlando affected the LGTBQIA community, in some ways that fact is irrelevant. This is an issue of humanity. When we become comfortable with a gunman walking into a classroom and slaughtering 20 6 year olds we become comfortable with everything. My very hard core Republican friend finally relented and agreed. There is no place on the streets of America where weapons of war, and make no mistake that is what an AR-15 is, there is no place, no reason for every day citizens to posses weapons of war. We agreed!
Some one has to say Uncle. Someone in a position of leadership has to say ENOUGH. Someone has to be as reasonable and my buddy Dave and I were today. We understand each other better. There are more Dave’s and Me’s in the world than we think. We just all have to be willing to stand up and be counted.
Write or call your state and national senators and congress persons. It has to be done.
Heather, your Kyle is and has been in my prayers for a safe life where he can love just as he was intended to. Just like my boy!
Paula says:
Great post Heather. Annie saying “again?” summed it up for me. I read a couple of days ago that there had been 133 mass shootings in the US – 164 days into the year. Seriously. I watch my American friends argue for and against gun control. I hear the specious justifications and quite frankly it makes me sick. How many more? Google Australia after the Port Arthur massacre. They took action. How many lives were saved we will never know. Something has to change guys – but if Sandy Hook wasn’t a big enough impetus I don’t think Pulse in Orlando will be either. Love to all those who have lost a loved one.
Jess says:
Well said as always Heather. Love is stronger than hate.
Shea says:
Pretty much everyone who knew the shooter says he was nuts and possibly a closeted gay man. That was not his first time at that club. But of course he has brown skin and is Muslim, so of course it’s about radical Islam rather than homophobia and mental health. And of course if he were Christian with the same characteristics, he would be one crazy “lone wolf.” But any Muslim who does anything wrong is representative of an entire group of millions rather than only himself. And of course Donald Trump waited about five minutes to gloat about this and about how he was right.
Of course people are saying we don’t need to do anything about guns. Of course the NRA has already sent out email propaganda warning against “anti-gun research” i.e. letting the CDC research gun data in general, which hasn’t happened thus far because Congress won’t let it, because so many of them take money hand over fist from the NRA. Of course those same Congressmen tweet out their “thoughts and prayers” to the victims like they always do, while being perfectly happy to run their campaigns on the thousands they get to ensure the continued easy access to guns like AR-15s, which have been used in more than half of mass shootings. For which there is no waiting period in Florida, and when you buy one, you can add a magazine to it that carries 50 bullets, that costs less than $50. And of course here we are again, arguing semantics: What is an “assault weapon,” really? What is automatic vs. semi-automatic? What is “the “gun-show loophole”? “Timothy McVeigh killed with a bomb” (and how many McVeighs have there been vs. Roofs, and Lanzas, and Holmes, and Mateens, and, and, and…), “criminals will always buy guns” (in that case, why have any laws? Do other laws require 100 percent compliance to be effective?)
I’m not saying ban all guns. No one reasonable is saying that. But we need to do SOMETHING. Universal background checks, get rid of the gun-show loophole, which is really a larger private sales loophole, restrict high-capacity magazines. Of course, we’ll filibuster and we’ll talk about it. The NRA will campaign and throw around cash. It’ll die down, nothing will change. And then the next one will happen, while we just continue like sitting ducks and the rest of the developed world watches baffled. And I’m so, so tired and so sad.
amourningmom says:
I am with you Heather – love has to win and I hope it is soon. Hugs to you, your brother, his boyfriend and to Orlando. xo
Lisa says:
Much love to you and your brother. I am so sad that some of the nicest, most kind people I know have to live in such fear for their love. I have no answers….only love.
Meg says:
I’m late catching up to posts, but I’m so glad you came to our Capital Pride Festival that day. It was unlike any Pride I’ve been to before and I’ve never hugged so many strangers as I did that day. As usual, I brought my dog with me (she looooooves festivals) and it seemed like we couldn’t go five feet without someone stopping to ask if they could say hi to her because they “need some puppy love right now.”
Pride parades and festivals started as acts of protest and defiance. I had only ever known them as celebrations.