Whenever Mike and I talk about vacations we want to go on, Mike always says he wants to go on a cruise. I have been on a cruise once in my life. When I was 21 and a senior in college, one of my friends got the idea that a cruise would be a great way to spend spring break. It caught on like wildfire, and suddenly everyone I knew was going. Well, OK not EVERYONE I knew, but there were twenty three other people going. I begged my parents for the money to go, (IT WILL BE OUR LAST TIME TOGETHER! WE’RE SENIORS! WHY DON’T YOU LOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEE?!), and I soon found myself on a cruise ship to Mexico.
I get insane motion sickness – cars, planes, boats, you name it, I get sick. Before I left for the cruise, my doctor wrote me a prescription for a seasickness patch that went right behind my earlobe. It was AMAZING. I was never sick, even when the seas were crazy and all my friends had their heads in buckets. I felt invincible.
You know what made me feel even MORE invincible? Alcohol. I didn’t know it at the time, but the sea sickness patch…enhanced…the effects of alcohol. They should probably put that on the label…actually, I bet they do. After two drinks, I was good to go. Of course, being 21 years old, I never stopped at two. That would have been RESPONSIBLE.
On one of the first nights, I had a few glasses of champagne, and I suddenly had a moment of clarity: I was related to George W. Bush! I started to tell all my friends. “You guys…I have to tell you that he’s my uncle. It’s awkward sometimes because we differ politically, but he’s family and I am suuuuuper close with the twins.” I told strangers. I told the wait staff. I also told everyone that the Bush twins were on the cruise with us, but they had to hide because of security reasons. I pretty much convinced everyone I was related to the president. And by convinced everyone, I mean I became notorious as a total drunk whack job.
Another night, I enjoyed a few more glasses of bubbly, then went dancing. After we left the boat’s club, we went up to the late-night buffet. While we waiting for our drinks to arrive, I became completely parched. So I reached for the water on the table and brought it up to my mouth. My friend Catherine screamed “Heather noooooooooo” and knocked the glass out of my hand (all in slow motion, of course). Turns out the water on the table was actually a vase of flowers.
Our group was notorious on the ship. One night, my friend Leigh had a pretty serious asthma attack in her room. Her roommates called the infirmary, who said they’d send someone to check on her right away. A few minutes later, one of her cabin-mates (Bella) called the room service number and ordered fries. “Um, aren’t you the girls that just called about someone having an asthma attack?” Apparently after a certain time, all phone calls were routed to the same place. “Yes!” Bella said. “Can the doctor bring fries, too?” By the way, the fries were delicious. Oh, and Leigh was fine.
Annabel is never going on a cruise. And mom and dad…I’ll pay you back. Promise.