**Hey! My contest to win a new Kodak camera or printer ends this weekend! Don’t forget to enter!**
Maddie had a check-up/15-month appointment with Dr. Looove on Wednesday. The good news? Maddie is WAY advanced in her brainz. She’s like, wicked smaht. Her head also got bigger, and she grew longer. The bad news? She still weighs 14 lbs 15 oz, which means since her 12-month appointment she’s only gained one pound. But considering the barf-fest she put on this last week, I’m just glad she didn’t LOSE weight. Oh, the best news? Dr. Looove took Maddie off 24-hour oxygen. WOOOOOOOOOOO! We’re still putting her on it at night, but WOOOOOOOOO!
To celebrate our new-found freedom, Maddie and I went to the indoor mall a few miles from our house. Maddie LOVES people-watching and I was feeling frumpy and wanted a little pick-me-up. Whenever I feel like I could use a boost, I go to a make-up counter. I always go to MAC – they will do your make-up for free and talk you through what they’re doing so you can replicate it at home. If there is a male behind the counter, I always always always ask him for help. It’s just a thing I have. The male make-up artists have a knack for making me feel the prettiest.
Maddie and I rolled into the department store and headed straight toward the MAC counter – and they were jammed. The four workers were all doing make-up applications, and by the looks of it, they’d just started. Damn. I poked around the eye shadows, trying to decide if it was worth the wait. I looked down at Maddie in her stroller. It wasn’t worth the wait. So I went to the next counter.
The girl behind the counter could not have been older than sixteen. I seriously wanted to see her ID and ask her why she wasn’t in her US History class. But her makeup looked nice, so I decided to ask her if she’d pamper me a bit.
“Sure,” she chirped, “I have JUST the thing for the bags under your eyes.”
Such a salesman. I looked at Maddie, who was looking at the makeup girl with suspicion. If Maddie lost her cool, I would leave immediately. I climbed into the chair and the makeup girl stood in front of me, an assortment of creams and powders spread out on the counter next to her.
Makeup Girl: So, I can tell you’re not getting a lot of sleep. Your skin is really dry and the bags under your eyes are so dark!
Me:……well, no, I haven’t had much sleep in the last week or so, the baby has been sick.
We both glance at Madeline, who is now smiling up at us with an innocent look on her face. Such a traitor.
Makeup Girl starts rubbing cream under my eyes.
Makeup Girl: She’s real cute. My grandmother always said that we grandchildren were such a joy. She said we kept her young! But we didn’t see her that much.
Me: Oh, that’s too bad. I was lucky, I lived with my grandmother when I was growing up.
Makeup Girl: And now she does!
And then she gestured at Maddie.
Makeup Girl (with a brush clenched in her jaw): show dew you half udder manchillun?
Me (with growing confusion): I’m sorry, did you ask if I have any man children? Like, a boy?
Makeup Girl: NOOOOOOOOO! (laughing) I asked if you had any other grandchildren.
Me: ARE YOU KIDDING?
Makeup Girl: ……..(WIDE EYES)………
Me: HOLY SHIT! HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?! I’M TWENTY NINE! IN MY TWENTIES! THAT IS *MY* BABY! AS IN, FROM *MY* BELLY! OH MAI GAH!!!!!!!
Makeup Girl starts to freak. People are starting to look over at us.
Makeup Girl: Oh, gosh, I messed up, I didn’t mean grandchildren like, you know, like you’re old, I meant like, you know………
Me: NO! I DON’T KNOW!
Makeup Girl: (loooooooong pause)….the bags under your eyes are REALLY dark!
Me: Ok. I’m done. Thanks SO much.
I jumped out of the chair and started to push Maddie’s stroller away. Who knew I’d lose my cool before Maddie? We walked past the MAC counter and I looked wistfully at the skinny guy applying makeup on a red-head. I bet he didn’t call HER a grandma.
Between this and TWO! DIFFERENT! NURSES! last week asking me and my mom who was who (meaning, who is mom and who is grandma!!!!!!!!!!), I am starting to get a complex.