If it wasn’t already clear that Annabel is Mike on the outside but me on the inside, you can add “loves parties” to the “Heather” column. She’s always throwing different parties for her dolls with elaborate themes and accessories. Sometimes she asks me if a friend can come over for one of the parties, but for the most part she’s content with her dolls, James, Rigby, and me as the guests. Or so I thought.
On Thursday I picked Annie up from school and was trying to hustle her back home because we had a full afternoon ahead of us. Annie had other plans and gave long, hug-filled goodbyes to all of her friends. I couldn’t get mad because I want her to make friends and build relationships. Once she’d finally completed her goodbyes we started walking to the car. I noticed a girl a few steps ahead of us pointing at Annie while tugging on the arm of the person next to her. I recognized her as Beth, a girl Annie has identified as one of her “bestest friends at school.”
Beth and the person she was walking with stopped and turned, obviously waiting for us to catch up. Internally I was super-anxious, but I forced myself to be breezy. We introduced ourselves and I was ready to arrange a playdate and exchange numbers and do the whole mom thing, but then I heard Beth say, “Ask Annabel’s mommy if I can come to the party!” And I was like, “Ohhhhh crap.”
Beth’s Caregiver: Beth has been telling us all about the party your daughter is having!
Me: Oh no. Annie, are you telling people we’re having a party?
Annie: We ARE having a party.
Me: *shaking my head* We’re not having a party. Annie likes to throw parties for her dolls and I think she’s exaggerating it at school.
Annie: I am NOT ex-gag-er-ating it! We ARE having a party!
Beth’s Caregiver: *raised eyebrows*
Me: *voice getting higher-pitched* No we’re not, honey! We’re not having any parties until your brother’s birthday!
Annie: Mooooommmmmy, you said I could invite friends to my party!
Me: *literally sweating profusely* Honey, why don’t we invite Beth over for a playdate! *Turning to Beth’s Caregiver* We’d love to have Beth over sometime!
Beth’s Caregiver: *walking away* Oh okay… yes…that would be nice. Have a good weekend!
Annie: Mommy, don’t forget we have to stop and get the cake for my party.
Me: *Basically passed out*
When we got in the car I said, “Annie, who did you tell we’re having a party?” and she replied, “All the kids. I told them the party was tomorrow on *our street name* and that we were having a bounce house and costumes and so much candy.”
Soooo, not only does Beth’s Caregiver think I’m making excuses, but the whole school might think so, too? Super-excited to bring her back to school on Tuesday!
And the cake will be this tall!
K.B says:
Hilarious
K.B says:
hilarious that kid.
Katrina says:
Well. It seems Annie is busy making new friends and doing her best to make sure that you …. don’t.
roshan says:
She just needs to make like 6 cake-in-a-cup cakes and stack them to make it that tall. So after doing the math we can conclude that five of her friends can come to her “party”.
Auntie_M says:
Oh me! Oh my! Don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you!!!
Guess you will have to discuss with your Mini-Me-Partier that she needs parental approval prior to inviting 15-20 kids over for a super cool “just for the heck of it” party! LOL
And send an apology note to each kid/parent at school explaining that while the party was AWESOME, it was also INVISIBLE and solely seen in sweet Annie’s wonderful imagination.
#dontenvyyou
PS– what kind of bounce house was it? (Was it a castle, did it have a slide, could grownups enter, what color was it?)
PPS–Annie’s parties sound as fun as yours! And I think Claim Jumpers has cakes that big.
Mijke says:
How good are you at organising last minute parties? There might just be a whole bunch of kids at your doorstep tomorrow, expecting a bounce house and cake… LOL
MommaLionessMichele says:
I was thinking exactly the same thing!
Jenny says:
Time to start cleaning!
Emily says:
I hope that you aren’t stressed about this incident. As a first grade teacher I can tell you that this happens ALL THE TIME. Children plan elaborate parties, trips, etc believing that they are actually happening, and most of the time getting me to believe it’ll happen. I’m left asking questions to a confused parent. I’ve had students tell me that they are being picked up early because they’re going to visit Grandpa (“he doesn’t even have a grandpa!”), or that they are going home with Sammy because “we are opening a store” (not even a playdate has been arranged, let alone a joint business venture), or that they won’t be school next week or ever because they’re moving to Maryland (definitely not happening.) I’ve had to call parents many times for clarification (“hi, just wondering what time you’ll be here with Sarah’s cupcakes…???”) and I can tell you, most parents just laugh and say “kids!” Don’t worry about it, really..and let her keep planning, and inviting everyone under the moon. No one will believe the child and second guess you. Just work on your laugh-it-off face, wink, and “kids!” smile.
Jen says:
My middle daughter used to do that ALL THE TIME! She’s in 5th grade now, and still the most sociable person on the planet ;).
I feel like Beth’s caregiver needs to relax. Every preschooler does this, and like I always tell my kids, “it’s not official until I see an invitation or talk to a parent.”
I wouldn’t stress it!
Casey says:
Yep, that’s my take as well. My 5 year old is always saying that “so and so” is having a party or that she’s invited to their house. And my response is always “not official until I see an invite or the parent has sent me an email.” So funny (and nerve wracking!) that kids do this!
Kristin says:
I totally tell that to my kids too!! Nothing is official until I see an invite or actually speak to the parent. Annie is just being a wonderful social butterfly. Maybe just talk to her about asking your permission first before inviting school friends.
Andrea says:
That only works until the kids are old enough to actually create invitations! My son got one in the 3rd grade. It was missing a time though and I knew the mom so I called her to make sure it was legit. It wasn’t (naturally). My youngest son thinks he’s going to Florida with his friends from school as a birthday present. How generous their family is!
Jill says:
If I were Beth’s caregiver I would not be upset or think you’re bad. Kids do this kind of stuff all the time. Without a legit actual invitation you can’t really trust that your child has been invited to a real party. I’m guessing most of the kids in the class may have believed it, but the parents maybe not so much.
Michelle says:
Oh no! I agree with what others have said — most parents don’t take the word of preschoolers literally. You could casually mention the situation to the teacher if you’re worried. I bet she would reassure you.
Barbi Emel says:
Yep, you’re the party house, wait until she’s a teenager, lol.
Karen says:
I am sure Beth’s caregiver was embarrassed for believing the children’s story. Hopefully, you will all laugh about it one day soon…you know…when her daughter tells everyone about an imaginary friend, pet or party.
Paige says:
We had the reverse of this happen. My son kept coming home from preK talking about Gavin’s Halloween Party and all of the gazillion cool things that were happening and WE WERE INVITED, CAN WE GO? We totally toed the “until we see an invite, we are convinced you and Gavin have invented this in Drama Center” line. Then, 2 days before the party, we got a breathless apologetic email from Gavin’s mom, explaining that she had sent our invite for their GIANT PARTY to the wrong Paige Casey on gmail (who was kind enough (!) to say “this is not the paige casey you’re looking for) and could we come, please? Gavin specifically wanted my son there. Too funny! The only conclusion? You can’t win.
Steph says:
Please don’t worry about this. It is very common– although the first time is usually awkward. My daughter’s pre-K teacher whispered to me that my daughter told her she was going to be a big sis and asked me if it was true. Clearly, the teacher was used to the preschoolers’ active imaginations.
Steph says:
It later occurred to me that small children (at least the first one) embarass the parents because we are not used to each new stage of development and don’t realize that this is normal toddler/elementary school etc behavior. However, the tables are turned when they are teen-agers. It is so awesome and easy to embarass them *evil laughter*
Jane says:
Don’t feel bad. My son in second grade told everyone his mommy was having a baby. He failed to mention it was his PRETEND imagary family he made up. I got red faced when they said congrats on the new baby. Does not help I am not skinny LOL
Ellen says:
Haha It’s happened here, too. And one time, in kindergarten, my oldest daughter actually brought a friend home from school, on the bus with her unexpectedly. She had told her friend, Rachel, that Rachel’s parents went on a trip and that she was staying with us for a few days!! And the bus driver let her off at our bus stop with no note… not sure if that was Rachel’s usual bus… So I had to RACE home with the two girls plus my toddler to call Rachel’s parents so they wouldn’t panic when their daughter didn’t get off at her stop. Ugghhh… so embarrassing AND the bus driver got in a good talking to!
Ellen says:
Oh, just wanted to add that my daughter is now a college student and all of her tall tales are faint and funny memories…
Amanda says:
She’ll make a great fisher
RzDrms says:
This made me laugh! Cute, Amanda!
Lisa F. says:
You’re not a jerk. This is just a good teaching opportunity to explain to Annie how some parties are just for her dolls and the family, and some parties are for her or James’ friends.
Mary says:
I got a call last year from one of my daughters friends moms wanting to rsvp for our “weekend campout” in our backyard. We definitely were NOT having a campout!! Apparently all of the girls in her class were invited and parents were told. Kids and their imaginations!!!
Caroline says:
Sounds like a fabulous party!!! I guess my invitation got lost in the mail……..;)
ldoo says:
Oh by the way, when my daughter was 4, there were many lies, er, exaggerations for a period. Such a FUN phase! Ugh. (Not that I’m saying Annie was lying, just that the exaggerations often seem like lies to others.) I’d be arguing with someone over a perceived issue that did not actually happen. My daughter just told everyone it did.
Jena Healy says:
We had a great time at the party Saturday!! Annie was right – it was so much fun!!! HA! JK, the good news is she is not the only one her age with a great imagination!!! This too shall pass.
Lisa says:
This sounds just like in one of the Ramona books (by Beverly Cleary) – Ramona invites her whole class over for a party, only her mother didn’t know about it literally until the kids started showing up! You should feel lucky you at least had some advance notice! LOL
moll says:
My older brother did this in kindergarten! SO common. Either the other mom was playing it really cool, or this is her first rodeo.
I don’t think it’s even LYING at this age – although don’t get me wrong, preschoolers can and do lie. A lot. It’s more like they have no concept of how parties work and think they can just decide it’s happening, and it will happen.
Meoskop says:
One of my kid’s friends had heard “Invitations or it’s not happening” so often that she went on the computer and printed invitations. She put them in envelopes, passed them out at school and directed the RSVP’s be by email only (her account). The mother found out when the guests began arriving.
She was 8.
Mary says:
I’m sorry as I know that it’s difficult but I just have to say that is hilarious! Raising her is an adventure! Love it though-especially since she was really selling it-lots of candy! Ha!
Lisa says:
I was having a party for my son, Ben, when he was turning 7. I gave him 6 invitations to pass out to his classmates (private school = small classrooms). He passed out those invitations and told those kids that their siblings were invited as well. Then he verbally invited all the kids in his Sunday school class and their siblings. THEN he invited any and all neighborhood kids and THEIR siblings. The day of the party, my doorbell never stopped ringing. We ended up with over 30 kids. Except for the fact that I had a small, round cake (remember, 6 kids) that I had to slice very very thin, it actually worked out ok. Thank goodness the weather was nice. I quickly organized relay races, etc. I did have a brief talk with the birthday boy that night, who is now going on 28. I remind him of this story every year his birthday comes around.
LaDonna O says:
My daughter did that once, only she told people it would be on a Saturday. We were supposed to be out of town that weekend. When I told her she started crying, her best friends started crying. I caved and we had a doll and stuffed animal party at the park.
Jeanie says:
Oh, good grief!
Kylene says:
This happened to me in first grade when my friend told me all about the horses she had and how we would ride them during our upcoming play date. I remember my Mom’s hesitation about having me go to a new friend’s house to ride horses at such a young age, but when my Mom called her Mom to get the details on appropriate clothing/gear/whatever, they both had a good laugh since they didn’t own any horses!
Terri says:
Wow, suddenly I don’t feel so bad about the things my daughter has told! Thanks for the giggle. Kalie once told a woman we did not know that she went to the beach and the woman asked her if she had fun and she said no, a shark bit my brothers leg off. That poor woman was horrified, and I was speechless. The only beach she had been to at that point was the lake and I have no idea where that comment came from.
Amy says:
I went to my daughter’s 1st grade parent/teacher conference, and the teacher started the meeting by saying she had heard we had a lot of animal deaths recently, and she was sorry. I was like, Huh?? Evidently my daugther had said we lost a couple of cats, guinea pigs, and other creatures. She told the teacher we had many animals, including a goat and rabbits. At the time, we lived in a 3rd floor 1000 square foot condo in a nice suburb of Chicago. We had exactly one cat. I was mortified that the teacher must have thought we were the Beverly Hillbillies come to life!! First year teacher, and she bought many stories hook, line and sinker. My daughter is now 15 and we still have to sift through her stories to figure out what is really going on! She has quite the gift of Blarney!
Paula says:
My pre school Mums have become some of my best friends. I hate the thought that you are so anxious about befriending the parents of Annie’s friends. It’s not the same, but my grief was never being able to have a child. We lost two pregnancies over 7 years before finally Grace was born when I was almost 43. At times her daycare and pre school teachers and other mums have said “so when are you having another baby?” and I have to quietly explain that is not an option for me.
The first few times – so hard. Now, I talk about infertility and miscarriage and IVF when the question comes up. And the more I do, the easier it is. And because a lot of folk won’t talk about those things, I am constantly surprised discovering just how many women have their own grief.
Blah I am not the writer you are – I just wanted to assure you that you don’t need to be anxious. I know April is coming which might be making you feel a little more sensitive, but I am sure Beth’s carer understood.
Kids do this stuff all the time!
By the way – my record for TRYING to get Grace to leave pre school – 45 minutes. Yup.
Paula says:
Annie – Party Planner Extraordinaire!
My advice? Tell Annie how sad it will be for her friends that there won’t be a party. Then tell her that the rule of the house is that invites are by paper only. Telling someone there is a party will cancel any planned parties. Tell her that you want her to be able to design those invites so that mommies and daddies will know who to contact for the time, place, and date.
Good luck!
Stephanie says:
My 4 year old does similar things – she tells me that so and so is coming over for a sleepover or playdate. And first I’m like, “What?” Then I say, I need to talk to her mommy first. This happens all the time. Don’t worry!
Alexandra :) says:
Ooh Annie! I’m sorry but I”m laughing so hard right now. You’d BETTER tell us what happens!