I tend to be an excessive hugger. Ever since Maddie died I’ve definitely been more of a toucher…I show affection when I feel it because life is short. I do try to rein it in around most people, but my kids? They get the full-on affection-machine. I hug and kiss them like crazy, James especially because he can’t get away.
Annie has started spontaneously hugging and it just melts me. I want her to be free with her affection. I especially love it when she hugs and kisses her brother and Rigby. I think Annie has finally mastered the art of petting gently because Rigby doesn’t run away anymore.
I was talking with Annie yesterday and she said something particularly clever. I smiled and then said, “Annie, you know I love you, right?”
She rolled her eyes ever-so-slightly and said, “Yeaaaaah…you say it every day, all the time.” Her tone was one of teenaged impatience, but she was smiling.
“I’ll say it every day for as long as I live. I love you sooooooo much.”
“I love you too, Mommy! I’ll say it every day, too.”
I know that’s probably not going to happen (hello teenage years) but I’ll enjoy the hugs and I Love Yous whenever I get them. Life is short.
Katrina says:
I grew up in a family that didn’t hug. Affection was a kiss on the cheek. Looking waaaay back into my childhood, I swear I cannot remember my mom hugging me. Oh, she loved me. I knew that. But hugs just weren’t the way she showed it. In high school my two best friends had a talk with me. They told me that whenever they hugged me, I would stiffen up. They said, in so many words, that I SUCKED at hugging. So they spent some time hugging me and showing me how to hug in return. It was strange but very necessary. Anyway, now that I’m a mom I am very affectionate with my kids but honestly I have to remind myself to hug them. When they are babies I am ALL OVER THEM with kisses and squeezes and hugs, but as they age it gets less and less. I’m aware of this and I try, I really do. But it’s still not natural to me. But when I do remember to hug the older ones, I give the BEST hugs … thanks to my two best friends who took the time to hug me way back in high school 🙂
Jordan says:
my family is the same way, Katrina. I lived with my Nana growing up, and she was definitely not the maternal/affectionate type. I always wanted that kind of affection, but never got it growing up. She just wasn’t a hugger or an “I love you” type of person. Growing up I thought it was because of me, and it made me doubt myself- now I know it’s just not her “way” of showing love, and is her personality. It took me literally years to understand this about her, and to realize it had nothing to do with me.
Because of this, I overcompensate now. Like Heather, I’m a constant hugger/ hand holder/ touchy kind of person, especially with the people I love the most. I want people to always know how much I love them, so they never have to question it like I did growing up. 🙂
Karen says:
I was like Katrina, I grew up with parents who didnt hug. But my grandparents did!
Both my kids have grown up being hugged and kissed and snuggled. The eldest is 18 and will always say ‘love you’ when ending a phone conversation, still allows his mum a hug in public (in front of his mates!).
The youngest is 10 and still very snugly. She cant go to bed without being cuddled for at least 10 minutes and often sneaks into our bed for cuddles part way through the night or if she doesnt feel well. When shes asleep and I whisper I love you she even answers in her sleep :-).
I dont believe you can EVER give your kids too many cuddles and kisses and hugs and snuggles.
April says:
Keep the faith, Mommy. Our very teen-agery 16 year old still gives me hugs and kisses every day. Well, not in public, of course, but still. She even tells me she loves me, too. I just had to accustom myself to a budget of one guaranteed I love you/kiss/hug every day, plus the occasional hugs as needed. That’s good enough, I guess.
Our 9 year old, however, is still happy with all the hugs she can get – bless her.
alimartell says:
Love this.
I come from a family of basically non-touchers. I wasn’t hugged a lot and it’s still super awkward when my dad hugs me when he picks me up at the airport.
My kids are exactly the opposite—hugging ALL THE TIME and we overthrow the L-word around all the time. Emily is almost 13 (OMG) and still cuddles and snuggles and kisses and hugs (So there’s hope for Annie!). And sometimes when I feel like she’s suffocating…I stop, because I know THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER.
Jenn says:
I’m with April! My kids are 16, 14 & 10 and not only do I smoother them with hugs, kisses and I love you’s but they do same to me in return….at this point ESPECIALLY my teenagers!! I think that’s when they need your love and affection the most since they are loosing their minds with all the hormone changes!! Ha ha I bet your kids will grow up being very affectionate since you and Mike are with them. I also tell my kids for every 1 put down they say to each other, they have to say at least 2 “pull ups” (compliments). At first they were where like “WWHHAATT”??? But, now they are really good about it especially when I explained how damaging and hurtful words can be…even from your brothers and/or sister. Your kids are awesome and I know they’re going to grow up being creative, loving, awesome teenagers…How can they NOT with parents like you two!?!?!
Lori says:
My 4yr old boy has always loved seeing pictures and videos of Annie and today he is begging me to let him meet her!!
I do this with my boys too. This year my 3rd grader has started pulling away from hugs in public quickly, but that won’t stop me from giving them!
Lanie says:
I am with you Heather – I kiss, hug and tell our twins I love you all day long. Life is short and I did not get to give Jake or Sawyer enough kisses, hugs and I love yous.
We do have an issue now in 1st grade because Alyssa is always trying to kiss and hug her classmates. Her teacher spoke to us about it and said it is not a big deal in 1st grade but she needs to learn to respect other people’s personal space. . . So now we are working on kissing and hugging family members and friends who want to be hugged and kissed.
I plan to keep hugging, kissing and telling the twins I love them forever. xo 🙂
Leah says:
I’m the same, kisses and hugs all the time, although I try to be sensitive to when my kids (2.5 and 4.5) are letting me know they would prefer a little space. Happily my husband enjoys kisses and hugs too and I don’t have to hold back with him.
My whole parenting style, in this as in other things, has been influenced by your blog–just trying to remember that each moment with my kids is precious.
Amanda says:
Yes.
So much more to say, but mostly yes and love to this post.
KathyL says:
Both my kids (30 and 25) have never once stopped saying “love you” or hugging–no matter who was around. And when the girl was in her last year of high school she declared “I need to go with you on your Friday date night”…so our parental alone time became date night with my husband +1 and that was just fine with us.
Glenda says:
Love that KathyL! Both my kids…grown ups… hug and kiss and I love you no matter what…even in public…even son to hubby! I love it! Growing up my parents were very kissy huggy I love you type of parents and I am too.
Amy Lee says:
My parents were always very affectionate, lots of hugs and kisses and “I love you” every day and even when I was in the throes of teenage angst I kissed my Dad good-bye when he dropped me off at school and always said I love you when I walked out the door with friends, so there’s hope Annie will do the same 😉
Pattie says:
I grew up with huggers who constantly told me and my sisters they loved us, so I can definitely relate. I’m constantly telling Coraline how much I love her, and she in turn is very affectionate and open with all of our family.
Midlifenatalie says:
Hugging is the greatest form of affection ever! It can be given to friends and strangers, alike. I love hugs! (Mostly from friends…strangers sometimes make me feel icky!)
Michelle says:
I constantly hug and kiss my kids and tell them that I love them. My four year old will sometimes say “mom, stop saying that.” But, the fact that he now comes up and gives me an unsolicited “I love you mom” and a hug makes me so happy. My one year old can’t verbalize things yet, but he gives the best hugs!
Jordan says:
1. that picture of Annie is frame-worthy.
2. Like I mentioned above, I’m a hugger. I grew up in a non-lovey dovey family, and it scarred me. I’m an emotional person and have always felt the need for affection, so growing up without made me want to give it more, all the while struggling to accept it myself.
Love that you’re raising your babies to be affectionate and loving- it makes all the difference in the world, trust me! Those hugs and words of affection mean to world to some people.
ella says:
My mom was never big on the “i love yous” so I cannot wait to have my own little ones to smother!!
JustAMom says:
I am a super hugger too, and I am SO lucky my daughter is as well. We must tell each other we love each other at least 50 times a day. My mom was the total opposite….. and now she loves to tell me how much I am “spoiling” my daughter and making her too dependent on me… (hello, single mom here, no money to “spoil” with – but hugs – I have LOTS of those!!) – it KILLS me when she says that because I really think she is envious of the relationship I have with my daughter. I don’t think you can ever, EVER, hug or kiss or say I love you enough to your child. I think of your Maddie often when I’m hugging my girl, remembering just how lucky I am for each day with her, and making sure she knows it. Even when we argue, even when she’s naughty, even when she’s refusing to do homework….. I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her and I am so happy to be her mommy.
Kathy V. says:
Your mom sounds like mine. I am also a single mom, so my daughter gets my undivided attention at home. I’ve always hugged and kissed her a lot and one day when she was a toddler, my mom said, “you kiss her way too much.” What?! How can you possibly kiss your child too much?! My daughter loved it (she’s a bit more selective with her affectionate moments now as a new teen but I can tell she still loves it)! I still wonder if my mom was just jealous of how close we were.
Jeanie says:
That is so sweet.
Paula says:
My mother would say it too…and then tell you how fat or ugly or stupid you were right after. If my mom had acted like you I would have believed every word. Thank you for teaching your children honest love.
Karen says:
I hug and kiss the heck out of my boys and they (still at 7) come up and hug me all of the time. I agree that the teenage years may change things – but even at this age my son hugs me around his friends. When I told him one day that his friends may tease him for hugging me, he says, “I don’t care. I love you and they can deal with it”.
So there. 🙂