Mike and I had been dating for almost a year when I started hearing rumblings about restructuring in my company. I remember being out to dinner at an Italian restaurant when I told him the rumors.
Mike: Well, you’ve been with the company in one shape or form for three years. You shouldn’t have a problem getting another job.
Me: Yes. Well, if I don’t get laid off, I’m going to get transferred.
Mike: …well…we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
About a month later I was transferred…to New York City. I was so torn. I’d applied for dozens of jobs in NYC upon graduation. Living there would be a dream come true. But, I loved the way my life was. I had two awesome roommates, a fantastic apartment with an ocean view, and a boyfriend I loved. I didn’t know what to do. I talked to my family, I talked to my roommates Jackie! and Bella, and I talked to Mike. Everyone told me to go to New York. So I went.
I moved there the weekend after Thanksgiving in 2003. I got a tiny apartment on the upper east side that fit me perfectly. But man…it was small.
I had to climb over the bed to get into the bathroom. The building was a six story walk up, and I lived on the fifth floor. The building was so old that it was literally an historical landmark. Which meant that the pipes were also really freaking old…which meant I spent a lot of time in the bathroom at the Barnes & Noble eight blocks away. Heh.
Anyway. I knew I would love life in New York City, and I did. I made tons of friends, had amazing adventures (some good, some bad), and learned how to be independent. I lived on my own, and while I had plenty of friends to call in time of need, I also had to take care of myself. Jackie! wasn’t there to kill spiders for me (I used to wake her at 3am to kill them. Seriously.), Bella wasn’t there to make me eat dinner, and my mom was much too far away to do my laundry. Living alone was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Of course, there were things that were not great about New York. The first was that I made pennies. I lived on my credit cards. Do I regret that? Not anymore. It took me two and a half years to pay off my debt (and uh…it was a lot. A VERY HIGH NUMBER.) but I wouldn’t give up any of the experiences that put me in the red (or the clothes and shoes, HELLO it was New York, a girl has to look GOOD).
The second thing was my job. I loved it at first. I was working for a record label, and I was out at concerts all the time. It was fun looking for new talent, spending company money, and being out until 3 am most nights a week – for work. But it got tiring. The label had its hands tied by the parent company, so we couldn’t take risks on new acts, which was frustrating for me. Because of that, my job started to change shape into something that, quite frankly, I never would have uprooted my California life for.
The third, and biggest strike against NYC wasn’t what was in the city, but what wasn’t. Mike was still in California. He had a job, and a condo, and a life in LA, and even though I desperately wanted him to move to New York, I didn’t want him to move just for me. We did everything we could to make it work. We would talk on the phone multiple times a day. We would Instant Message throughout the day. The best part was Mike’s job was very flexible. He was able to come visit me every other month for a couple weeks at a time. The other months usually found me traveling back to California for work or other obligations. We were lucky that we could see each other every month. And, I honestly think having a relationship that relied almost exclusively on verbal communication was great for us. We talked – really talked – a lot. That’s not to say having a long distance relationship was easy. It was INCREDIBLY hard.
When I’d been in the city for a year, I went to my bosses and asked for a raise. I told them that I was almost maxed out on my credit cards, and if I didn’t get more money, I was going to have to quit. I’d been going on interviews, so I figured I would either a) get more money and stay in my job; b) get a new job that paid more money; or c) have no job and move back to California. After dicking me around for two weeks, my bosses basically told me that they loved me but had no more money to give. But since they’d been total jerks by making me wait for two weeks, I’d already decided it was time to move back. I gave notice, packed up my stuff, sold the rest, and made another cross-country move.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed – my own personal “sliding door.” I wonder what career path I would have gone down, if I would have stayed in my tiny apartment, etc. This is all purely out of curiosity. I am MORE than happy with the way things turned out. If I’d stayed in New York, who knows if I would have this now?
No, definitely not wishful thinking – I have everything I could have wished for.
Middle-Aged-Woman says:
Is that girl firing lasers from her eyes???
Middle-Aged-Womans last blog post..Sunday Jobs
natalie says:
beautifully written. i know that there are life choices that i made way back when that i wonder about now too. i just know that when i look at my kids i can’t imagine them not being here. and i love the movie sliding doors. seems like a nice dose of reality when i think about how great that other life would have been!
natalies last blog post..A well-refined French experience…again.
moosh in indy. says:
My kid looks most like her dad when they’re watching TV too. I’m only assuming that’s what they’re doing. I’ll have to live vicariously through your New York life, because it will never happen for me. Boo.
moosh in indy.s last blog post..Attitude Shmattitude
maya says:
Living that new york scene is def not for the married. I never had that type of life because I lived with my parents and then got married. So many of my friends are young, single, living in the city, partying, dinner, bars…. and I never had that. You could say that I was the mature friend of the bunch- the one who got serious so early in a realtionship that the side of me never came out to play. I often wonder how my life would have been different if me and my husband had broken up when we were doing our long distance thing (of course our long distance was Israel- New York). There were many time we wer eon the cusp of breaking up- like when he was backpacking through india and I was college… but I couldnt imagine my life without him.
So- yeah, I will never have the experience of living in a 2 by 2 apt- eating noddles for dinner and wearing insanley expensive shoes- but I will know that I married young and had children young- so that way I can spend the rest of my life with the family that I created.
mayas last blog post..This is what happens when you’re bored on a rainy day.
Jennifer says:
You definitely made the right decision! I like visiting NYC–but I did not enjoy living there. My apt. had a Murphy bed and a hot plate–ugh!!
Jennifers last blog post..The Neurotic Post
Maria says:
Aww, man. I love that you had that long awesome adventure. I’ve only been to NYC twice and I adored it both times, to the extent that I know some alternate universe me is living some sort of mostly-uncomfortable bohemian life there freaking out that she’s pushing 30.
I can actually think of a few decisions that directly affected where I am today and the existence of my little boy. When I have moments of “man we could have…” I always zero right back onto him. Exactly who he is. The fact that he’s a one in a bajillion chance sperm/egg combo that we made. Cool stuff.
As always, Maddie defies reality with her cute-levels.
Marias last blog post..step by step, ooo baby
Willow says:
I’ve been doing my own ‘what if’ thinking lately and I definitely think that everything happens for a reason. If you hadn’t left your job when you did, some other quirk of fate would have put you back in the same city as Mike – because you were meant to have that baby.
Insta-Mom says:
I have those what-if moments all the time. But for me, it’s the NY or San Francisco I didn’t move to because I met and fell in love with The Hubs. You’re right, though…everything is as it should be.
Insta-Moms last blog post..It’s contagious
Issa says:
Were they losing or something? Sheesh.
I think that making a choice like you did is awesome…but even better that you knew when to call it quits.
Issas last blog post..Random thoughts #2: Ignorning the elephant in the room
Kristin says:
I have those moments, wondering what life would have been like if I hadn’t gone to law school. But, I try not to think too much about it and I do love what I have now. It’s amazing how we look back on things with either regret or relief.
Kristins last blog post..Is that Fall I smell?
mandy says:
wow! guess i should stop bitching about the size of my apt. asap!
Cara says:
Good for you for having that year. I’ve always kicked myself for not following my dream and going to live in NYC. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything, but I’ve always wondered. I loved that movie, btw!
Caras last blog post..Wakenings
Headless Mom says:
Isn’t it wonderful to realize that you are right where you are supposed to be? I, too, am in the perfect place for me, with the perfect man for me. I could do a post like this, too!
Headless Moms last blog post..WOMM-Book By and For Bloggers and Moms
HeatherPride says:
Awwww, VERY sweet! Amazing how life turns out, isn’t it? You got the good end of the deal!
HeatherPrides last blog post..It’s Not Easy Being Green
Zellmer says:
Holy crap, Sliding Doors is my favorite movie, because I love the concept of parallel lives and what would have happened if just one thing had been different. Would it have changed everything?
Great post.
It also made me nostalgic for my own past struggles in NY.
Zellmers last blog post..Life, work and Sarah Palin
Becky says:
I do the sliding doors thing every now and again. I wonder what my life would have been like had I not had a baby at 21 and gotten married at 25.
Probably a hell of a lot less fulfilling.
AMomTwoBoys says:
Dude. Did you just reference Sliding Doors? I think I love you even more right now than I did two minutes ago.
And I’m glad you didn’t stay in New York. Although if you HAD, and I’d moved back like I planned, we totally could have met there and become friends. Weird, right?
Joe says:
Sarah and I have an insanely strong relationship, but I could NEVER move (or have her move) across the country. I can’t even fathom it. That’s awesome that you got to “live that life” though.
Joes last blog post..I was robbed yesterday!
Z says:
Such a great post, and LOVE Sliding Doors
Zs last blog post..From bad to worse
Anissa@Hope4Peyton says:
I loved that movie, Sliding Doors, it’s a thought provoker.
And I loved this post, about your chance to live independently and the choice to leave that behind for the life you have now. How could you wish for anything but those eyes?
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..I can almost hear the Metropolitan Museum of Art calling
Alex says:
All is as it should be. I left the big city life for suburbia and have never looked back. The experience was great and I’m glad I had it, but wouldn’t trade my beautiful wife and son for anything in the world. You made the right choice!
Alexs last blog post..Baffled
Rebecca says:
nice blog. it’s good to think back on some of the choices we’ve made and why they are right or wrong for us.
laurie of the seven stories says:
Sounds like a story that could have been told on the set of When Harry Met Sally. You know when the couples sit on the couch and tell how they met and fell in love and ended up together. All the stories were different, but all shared the common theme of finding love and happiness. Your story would fit very well. You should be very happy.
Kristabella says:
I lived on my own for 10 years from the time I graduated college. It was the best experience in my life. I don’t think I could have turned into the person I am today without growing so much on my own. I have 3 younger half-sisters and I always tell them that they have to go away to college. Really move away from home and be on your own. It’s the best learning experience!
And I think your experience ended very happily and everything definitely happens for a reason.
Kristabellas last blog post..Bacon Crashes My Pity Party
sam {temptingmama} says:
Beautiful post Heather!
Great picture! Mike and Maddie watching baseball no doubt!? She’s a girl after her daddy’s heart! LOL
dating parents says:
i\’ve enjoyed some of the readings on this site keep it up
kathy says:
lol that pictures precious