When I became pregnant with Madeline I didn’t have an obstetrician. At that point, Dr. Looove had been doing all my girlie things so I hadn’t needed a Lady Business doctor. She suggested a few OBs, but I decided against them because they delivered their patients at the old, rundown UCLA hospital. That wasn’t appealing to me. I wanted what the stars had! This is LA, after all. So I found me a doctor that delivered at St. John’s Health Center in Santa Monica. You may remember that hospital from such notable births as Katie Holmes’ daughter, Brooke Shield’s daughter, and Tom Brady’s kid that he didn’t have with Giselle. I knew if it was good enough for these celebrities, it would be good enough for me. (I hate that I cared more about what celebrities had given birth at the hospital than what level NICU the hospital had. I was just clueless. St. John’s is a great hospital but it wasn’t great for our situation. ANYWAY.) While I was there on bed rest, Dennis Quaid’s twins were born down the hall in a fancy birthing suite. Dennis was seen by tons of my friends and family, walking the halls and riding in the elevator like a regular dad. He even spoke to some of them. GASP!

I’m telling you all this not to brag of my fanciness (I think it is well-established that I am not fancy), but to say that I have some experience in the whole “celebrity birth stories” realm. Dennis Quaid is definitely not in the same stratosphere of fame as Beyonce and Jay-Z, but the hospital DID up their game when he and his children were on the maternity floor. Mike and my other visitors said there were paparazzi outside of the hospital when the twins were born, but the hospital’s security kept them far enough from the entrance to the hospital that they didn’t bother anybody. Every visitor had to check in with security in the lobby, and then again when they reached the maternity ward. There were extra security guards patrolling the floor. It was a tight-ship, but it was all done without disrupting any other patient or patient family.

There are tons of rumors flying around about the birth of Babyonce: They rented out an entire wing of the hospital, they put tape over the security cameras, they renovated an entire suite for their personal use. And don’t even get me started on the rumors that Beyonce was faking the pregnancy and actually had a surrogate. The story that’s getting the most traction involves a family that claims security guards allegedly prevented from seeing their premature infants in the NICU (I say allegedly because the hospital denies this claim).

Now then. I AM fancy when it comes it NICU experience. I actually have been prevented from seeing my child in the NICU – four times, to be exact. Every time it was because there was a dire medical emergency going on in the NICU and NO parents were allowed in. The night Maddie arrived in the NICU, no other parents were allowed in for THREE HOURS.  When you want to see your very sick baby and you can’t, it’s upsetting, even when you know it’s for an extremely important reason. If what the NICU parents at Lennox Hill are saying is true, they have every right to be LIVID. If it had been me, the scene I’d have caused would be the stuff of legend. Jay-Z would be rapping about a crazy lady taking down security guards with her bare hands.

Here is my biggest problem with this whole rumor-laden fiasco – the hospital blew it. They lost control of what was happening on their maternity floor. The hospital has confirmed that Beyonce and Jay-Z had their own security detail. I don’t think that should have been allowed. It’s a bunch of guards completely unfamiliar with how Lennox Hill’s maternity floor operates. These private guards were only there to protect the interests of ONE family, at the expense of all the others. Lennox Hill should have been like, “Yo Hov, we got this. We’ll provide our own security guards who understand this joint, and we’ll add it to your hospital bills bills bills.” Experienced Lennox Hill security staffers would never have prevented family members from seeing other patients. They would have known better.

I hope that Beyonce and Jay-Z are mortified by these claims, and do their best to apologize for any inconveniences others may have faced due to their presence – rumored or not. And I really, really hope Lennox Hill learns from this and does it better the next time a mega-famous family delivers a child in their hospital. Regular non-famous parents deserve better.