There have been a few times in my life when I really wanted to look my best. My wedding, my honeymoon, and this week when I am on TV in my bathing suit. And so far, two out of those three times, mosquitoes have done their best to sabotage me.
On my honeymoon in Fiji I was eaten alive by mosquitoes. My left arm, hand, leg, and FACE (yes, you can see pictures here) were a delicious snacking ground for a very hungry mosquito. I was, in a word, sexy.
I can’t just get itchy red bumps like a normal person – my body reacts by completely FREAKING THE FREAK OUT. The bites get swollen and infected looking. Sometimes they get bruised, sometimes they get bloody, and sometimes I get really lucky and get the swollen/bruised/bloody trifecta.
So here I am, in my hotel room in NYC, trying not to itch my entire left leg, as I have been the victim of another vicious mosquito attack. My left foot is very swollen. I am going to post a picture of it now…I apologize in advance for this, since as you all know, I hate feet.
Gag. So many gross things in that picture. You can’t really see the redness thanks to the flash and spray tan I received, but ooooooh man is my foot big. I had to wear flip flops as my other shoes were too tight.
But the other place that the bites are really bad….I can’t show you a picture. Because somehow, a mosquito got all up in my badonkadonk. This freaking bug went to town, biting me eight times. My left butt cheek is the trifecta. It is swollen, bruised, and just totally disgusting. And if you were here in person, I would show it to you because that’s the kinda pal I am. But if I put a picture of my ass on the internet, my husband and dad would kill me.
Luckily, you can’t see the mosquito bites on my butt when I’m wearing a swim suit. Although, just to be on the safe side, Lands’ End put me in a different suit yesterday at my fitting – it’s a cute swim skirt, but it also has a double layer of fabric covering my rear.
Fingers crossed there aren’t bed bugs in my hotel, or I am screwed.
P.S. If you live in the Connecticut area, I’ll be on Connecticut Style this morning. Watch for our swim suit segment!