Ask anyone and they’ll tell you parenting is painful. Watching your children fall, or fail at something, or cry will break your heart. But no one tells you that parenting is LITERALLY PAINFUL. Annabel has been causing me physical pain since before she was born.
It started with the regular kicks, but then she progressed to kicking my cervix. I had never felt anything like that before – Madeline never kicked me there. If you’ve never been kicked in the cervix, it feels like…slamming into the support bar of a bicycle. I was pretty sure she was trying to break out.
Little babies have all these herky jerky spazzy movements, since they can’t really control their limbs. Like a baby deer, or a contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Maddie and Annie punched me in the face or scratched my chest countless times. I photoshopped many a tiny baby scratch and bruise off pics of me and the girls.
But lately…besides the fact that Annie is now hitting (although we’ve done a good job of curtailing it thanks to all of your advice), she head-butts me all the time. Usually I can see it coming.
She swaggers toward me:
And she has this look on her face:
Am I going to pick up the kid attached to that face? HELLLLLLL NO.
But then she tricks me. She comes over all happy, and says, “Uppa mama!” and reaches for me. So I oblige. We giggle and play, and then *WHAM*.
Head butt. Annie thinks they are HILARIOUS. Seriously, she laughs and laughs. Her giant Spohrhead feels no pain.
She has given me two bloody noses in ten days.
Yeah, my eyes are puffy from the massive amounts of sneezing and, um…crying…that I did with this head butt. It HURT.
(And lest you think I am the only one getting injured, Annie has an uncanny ability to punish Mike. When he’s laying on the ground playing with her, she always manages to fall or step right on the family jewels.)
I have no idea how to stop the head butting, but I am going out to buy protective gear and cover-up makeup ASAP. I suggest all new parents do the same.
Mijke says:
Oh yes. I have two of those… The oldest is three and I STILL haven’t found a way to stop the head-butting. It doesn’t help that his dad thinks it’s hilarious and will actually play ‘head-butting’ games with him… *sigh*
My smallest head butter is almost 13 months and if anyone knows how to ‘fix’ him, I’m listening!
Lisa says:
Yikes, head butts, that sounds painful. No idea how to stop that. I think you are smart to get protective gear and lots of tylenol. Or, you could wrap Annie’s head in bubble wrap so it doesn’t hurt as much when she inevitably head butts you again.
Kathryn says:
LOL…I was thinking bubblewrap too!! Make her a bubble wrap hat/helmet!
Katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
Oh, no! The head-butting thing? So not fun! While I’ve never had any of my babies purposely do this to me and think it was funny ( Um, Annie…we need to have a little talk) I have been slammed in the nose plenty of times due to baby suddenly throwing his/her head back while we are lying down on the couch or bed. In fact, that happened tonight…my two year old was a wiggle worm as I attempted to cuddle with her in my bed, and all of a sudden she threw her head back…straight onto the bridge of my nose, and I swear I heard a crunch and saw stars. It’s been hours now and still my nose hurts to the touch, and it’s a bit swollen. That photo of you really trips me out because that is exactly how I’m feeling right now. And I’m thinking I might be looking a bit like Marcia Brady after the football incident…
Veronika says:
My oldest was the worst with head butting me. He once hit me so hard on the mouth that I checked if my front teeth were still there. Painful. He outgrew it eventually. Newest daughter (going on 15 months) just started with the head butting, usually in the throws of a tantrum. I tell ya, I cannot wait for this stage to pass.
Jenn says:
Hi Heather,
Follow the same advice as the hitting. When she does it, immediately give her a firm and harsh “NO ANNIE”, put her into time out immediately without even looking or talking to her (you don’t want to give her ANY reinforcements) for 1 minute. After a minute, get down to her level, and say “No hurting mommy with your head Annie” – if she can say sorry, encourage that then, take her hand and gently rub it on your head and say ” Gentle Annie, good girl”, Repeat as many times as she does it. If you take her down immediately and not reinforce the behaviour, she’ll get the picture.
However, as with all behaviour….before it gets better, it sometimes gets worse. This is called “Extinction”. It’s while a person increases their negative behaviour in order to get the same response they once did”. When your actions are the exact same every time, eventually, she’ll stop and should either totally stop the behaviour or it will (or should) at least get better.
Also, when she does come up to you and is gentle, REALLY praise her for that nice behaviour. If you’re consistant and everyone around her is, she’ll stop the negative behaviour b/c she will want to be praised with the positive.
Heading banging DOES kill you! I use to work in a Developmental Centre with some of the most behavioural kids in the Province. Some of the staff had their noses broken by big kids doing this. Luckily, our behaviour plans were usually successful.
Good Luck My Friend ! I really hope my suggestions help. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to e-mail or twitter me.
amy says:
GREAT advice.
Heather says:
Wowza, neither of mine did that one on purpose.
Yesterday I got a nose full of the back of an 8 month’s head right after rescuing my fiancee after the little guy slammed his foot into Bill’s groin.
I’d always heard kids can be mean, I naturally assumed that meant on the playground.
AmazingGreis says:
So, what you’re saying is I should bring a helmet with me next month?!? What am I getting myself into? Oh, wait, don’t answer that!
Rumour Miller says:
Babies are evil that way! Mine always bounce on my lap and end up catching me under the chin. Time to put in the mouth guard.
Amanda says:
Have you tried crying? Like dramatic OMG I am going to die crying?
I worked with a kid who would head butt constantly. He didn’t respond to the punishing (probably because of his young age) but when we started crying at him each time he did it, he would try to sooth and be nice. It took a while but after a while it stopped.
Good luck
Kristin says:
Jenn gave some amazingly good advice. While that procedure almost always works, it doesn’t go quickly so don’t expect it to change overnight. Good luck hon.
Jenn says:
You’re exactly right Kristin. It is Definitely a work in progress and as I explained, usually when one tries to extinquish a behaviour, it becomes worse before it becomes better (exstinction). But, you’re right. It DOES work in time when the people involved all work together and are consistant.
suzanne says:
I seem to remember my daughter doing this a few times around the one year mark, when she was old/big enough to inflict some real damage but too young to grasp how much it hurt. I think we used the same correction as with the hitting (“No, don’t hit with your head,” plus a stern look plus a time out) only perhaps I was harsher in my demeanor (head butts hurt, dammit!) because I don’t remember it lasting very long — she got the memo within a few weeks. So sorry about the bloody nose. Ouch!
Kim says:
Looks like I need to send you all some protective gear Good thing she’s so cute huh?
Nia says:
My son was a head butter, but he only did it when he was angry and having a tantrum while we were attempting to calm him (he also had undiagnosed Celiac Disease, so the gluten was making him very aggressive…). Like, you, I knew when they were coming. If possible, I’d catch his forehead with my hand first and say sternly, “No hurting mommy!” and then turn him around on my lap (no eye contact). And if it was ever too late and he’d already head butted me, I turn him around IMMEDIATELY and then say “NO hurting Mommy.” He hated being turned around b/c I think they like eye contact prior to the head butt (maybe they like to watch your face twist in pain and agony?!) but it did lower the head butting incidents and once we got his diet under control it just went away. Since Annie seems to be doing it for fun and laughs, turning her around may help curb the desire to bust your nose!
Kelly says:
I have a friend who’s son does this. He recently head butted his ten year old sister so hard it split her front tooth in half. Root canal, and a cap on one of her front permanent teeth forever. Bad news.
Ashley says:
I don’t really have advice on how to make it stop because I don’t remember if we taught our kids to cut it out or if they just quit in their own. I do know that anytime it happened I’d put them down right away and tell them that I’d be happy to cuddle when they wanted to be nice but if they wanted to hurt Mommy I didn’t want to cuddle.
Hope it passes soon! And if not, at least you’ll have a champion UFC fighter on your hands in 20 years….or will need constructive surgery on your face. Let’s hope she stops
Elizabeth says:
All I can say is ouch…!
Colleen says:
When any of my kids did anything to me that really hurt, and was not incidental contact, I said OW very loudly and showed them I was in pain. That freaked them both out and they got the message that it was not funny. Show her that you are in pain, fake cry if you have to, but make sure she understands that it is not a game. It’s one thing if she does it to you, but it will be awful if she does it to a playmate. This is an important life lesson for sure!
Alison says:
Good ideas above. Showing them you’re in pain can maybe really help. We’d make a noise and then stick out our bottom lip, sometimes slightly fake cry, to make them understand that we were hurting. It worked usually, they’d give us a hug.
As for the family jewels – wait until her head is at perfect height and she runs up to Mike but slams her head into his stuff. All three of mine used to do this to my husband, father in law, brother in law.. LOL. The guys got really good at leaning forward to catch their heads in their hands, vs. letting them plow into their .. nether regions.
Lisa says:
My front teeth are slightly crooked from my son throwing himself backwards into my face. Not so much fun. I hope Annie stops making you bleed soon!
Also, on a side note, I just have to mention how much I hate the word Spaz. I know you don’t mean anything by it and you have every right to write whatever you want on your blog. The word spaz is derived from the word Spastic – a medical term to describe the tightness of muscles that occurs in a person with cerebral palsy. I don’t want to be the word police, but from Urban Dictinary: “Spaz – From spastic, the disability. Means a person that acts insane or mentally retarded.”
AngieM. says:
wow..umm, ouch!! i’m sorry you’re going through that, i have no advice. i hope she gets through this phase soon.
xoxo
christina says:
My youngest 2 did the headbutting and it was painful, till we did the “OUCH, that HURTS mommy” if you say the “OUCH” semi loud the first few times it will scare the crap out of her but she will soon learn the ouch means hurt, and she will stop, as for Mike jand the family jewels, I dont have any advise unless you invest in a cup or something.
Good luck, it wont happen over night but it will work
Christina
Sara says:
Ouch, my son did that to us too for awhile. There was a lot of, “No headbutts. That hurts Mama,” while I put him down & walked into another room. When he was older (the hitting, unfortunately, lasted awhile for us) and speaking well enough (~2 yrs old for him) this was accompanied by making him repeat the rule (“No hitting”), say ‘I’m sorry,’ and show us a gentle touch instead (hug, pat, whatever). Good luck!
Penbleth says:
Oh, poor you. I think the best thing is the firm clear, “no” and don’t let anyone laugh. If a child thinks something they are doing is funny they will just keep doing it. Make the stern face and set Annie away from you. She won’t like it so she will stop. Tell her it hurts Mummy, she really won’t want to do that once she realises it isn’t a joke.
Best wishes.
Lynn
Rebecca says:
She’s so gosh darn adorable I bet Mike is roughing you up. That Annie can do no harm.
Elizabeth says:
My Grandmother had to have a fake front tooth put in because she lost it to one of her children’s heads.
It is amazing how strong this little ones are. We are 5 times there weight and height and still we can hardly hold onto them without getting hurt!
BethRD says:
Be careful about your chin too. My son, when slightly older, decided to jump while I was leaning over to pick him up, and hit my chin from below, and I bit my tongue REALLY HARD. I won’t get graphic here but yuck.
EE says:
OMG, I thought this was only my kid! He head butts, body slams, etc. We call it a “love tackle”. Usually, he understands that he’s not supposed to do it because I’m usually in tears. It’s happened less often as he’s gotten older (he’s 2).
Kristina says:
Oh mine was a head-butter. I am sort of pretty sure that he didn’t mean to do it most times, he would just get excited and start bouncing around and then blam-o, head butt. I have had at least 3 big fat lips because of it.
Now he’s almost 2 and he doesn’t head butt as often, but when he does, its purposeful, so he gets a very stern “NO!” and a pretty lengthy time out, usually I let him out when I hear the “Soooooorrrryyy Maaaammmaaaaa” come out of his little mouth, generally 2-3 minutes. I’m a sap.
Expat Mom says:
Ugh, my youngest did that for a very long time (they do outgrow it eventually). He gave me two serious nose bleeds and a lot of bruises. He also thought it was funny!
Karen says:
I apparently did this to my mother too. >.> What delightful children! It’s probably just because Annie is too young to be moralistically choosing not to hurt her mother and she’s not really equating it with any kind of consequence for her if she does it. Harder to anticipate and more incapacitating than hitting, the same rules probably apply. (See above for excellent suggestions that don’t need repeating.) Also, one thing I do with the kids in my class is constantly try to catch them doing the right thing. If you lavish attention and praise on Annie when she doesn’t headbutt, that might help. Good luck!
Mommy says:
Whatever you do- do NOT laugh. As much as it hurt when my little monkey headbutted (is that a word?) me, I made the mistake of laughing at him laughing and then it was a game… it took months to break him of it. I got a cracked tooth out of the deal though. That was just awesome.
Hang in there!!!!
ps. You know what else hurts? Baby shoes! My son constantly stomps on my toes and it is NOT fun!
Jess says:
The one phase I do NOT miss from nannying. The headbutting-biting-hitting phase. Many a days I would come home looking like I fought a war. Bloody noses, black eyes, bite marks, scratches. Ugh.
I did get a chipped tooth out one head butt one time. Oww. I do not get why kids go through this phase and do not look forward to this phase when I finally have children of my own. I will be asking for advise when that happens that’s for sure!
Charlane says:
Oh I know that pain! My daughter head butted me and BROKE MY NOSE. Yup ER visit, ENT reset…the whole thing. Yeah I still love her, but my nose and its new bump have not yet forgiven her!
lilcg says:
not quite as bad, but my toddler loves to grab my hair and say ow!
Heather says:
My friend’s nose was just broken by her daughter doing this. Do not tolerate it at all. In fact, don’t wait for the action — you already know what precedes it, so warn her in advance. “No head hitting, Annie!” Be extremely stern about it. This would be a time when I would put my kid in the crib, close the door, and leave the room for two minutes. You’re talking guaranteed injuries here, so the consequence has to be higher.
amourningmom says:
Our twins come up from behind and bite. Hopefully this phase will be over soon for them and Annie. Take care.
claire says:
When I had to deal with the biting/ headbutting/ hair pulling/ pinching at the daycare I would immediately look at them in the eye tell them NO “whatever” offense, that hurts me! in a low serious tone. I would put the child down and walk away. Most of the time they looked very shocked and the behavior did not last long I think Annie is a bit young for time out but that is just my personal opinion
Dudge OH says:
Physical injuries are easy to come by in our house. My most frequent injury comes during my attempts to placate DS1 during one of his frequent meltdowns.